by Kailin Gow
Chapter 12
Leela
Training continues tonight, and I’m working with the Svenkos on a high flying act. The idea is that I swing from a long ribbon of cloth suspended from a chain, wrapping myself up in it and turning acrobatics in the air high over the floor of the big top. That’s hard enough, but then there’s Zachary too.
The Svenkos paired us up earlier, taking us off individually to get us dressed in costumes that we’ll wear in the actual performances. Mine is a shining white leotard with a short chiffon flirty skirt. Mrs. Svenko tied my hair up in a ribbon too, claiming that it would get in the way and saying that I look beautiful either way. She takes great care in doing it, like she was enjoying it, and I feel a maternal presence coming from her, as she does it. She doesn’t look old enough, but she’s slightly younger than my mother, and the Svenkos unfortunately could not have children of their own. “When you perform, even in training, you want to look and feel your best,” she says. “Do what would make your poor mother proud.” I nod, thinking about how Mrs. Svenko probably would have made a great mother herself.
Zachary comes out from the dressing room, and he’s bare-chested, in just long shorts. It’s hard not to be distracted by the definition of his tanned perfectly chiseled upper body as I wrap myself up in the long scarf falling from the chain, but I have to concentrate. Zachary is waiting for me up on the chain, and if I get this wrong, it’s a long drop to the safety net below. I need to focus, or we could both fall.
The idea is a simple one. I’m to hang from the scarf while Zachary gives the illusion of holding it. In reality, it’s tied off for this part. It’s the next part that’s the really dangerous one. Zachary starts to pull me up level with him, and I climb up onto the chain. I look at him. He’s ready.
We swing off the chain, holding onto the scarf so that there’s one of us on either end of it, balancing one another. We swing past once, then again, tying the scarf in place as we swing back and forth. This part looks like it’s for show, but if we get it wrong, it could be a disaster, given what I have to do next. We swing down again, and this time Zachary is upside down, just like we practiced on the trapeze. I swing close and there’s a moment where I have to let go completely, flying without support as my momentum carries me along, holding up my arms and just trusting that Zachary will catch me.
He does. His hands wrap around my wrists, the strength of them obvious as he catches me and we swing around. I turn, feeling the intensity of being so close to him, always touching him, and trying to remember the positions Mrs. Svenko wants me to get into while we swing, just to make it that bit more elegant as we move. We swing for several seconds longer, then spin down closer and closer to the net, so that I’m only a little way from it when we drop into it. Zachary lands on top of me briefly, his skin against mine, and it’s hard to ignore how good that feels, but then we’re climbing down, back to the floor to start again.
We rehearse it three or four more times, making sure that we can do it perfectly. Each time, it seems the air between us has gotten hotter and hotter, as sweat begins to form on my chest and his. By the end of it, my muscles are shaking, and I can only stare breathlessly at Zachary. He stares back. This act has been physically the hardest that I’ve worked on, but it’s been tough being that close to Zachary too, after spending time with him in his parents’ store. Something about the way he’s looking at me tells me that he feels the same…that every pore of his body wants mine.
We have to move away from the space we’ve been rehearsing in then, because Banford and Sandy are working on the same act. Sandy looks great in a tight red leotard that matches her hair, but the two of them glare at one another as they work their way into position, looking like they hate one another for every second of it. That’s enough to make me laugh, just at the thought that they can dislike one another so much, so soon, and I’m surprised to hear Zachary laughing along with me.
We head back to the changing rooms and I go into the one reserved for women to shower and change back into my street clothes. I come out to find Zachary just walking out of the male dressing room. He smiles as he sees me.
“Are you walking home alone?” he asks, and the offer there is obvious. Obvious, and awkward too.
“Thomas has been coming by after work at the restaurant to walk me home,” I say. “He’ll be along soon.”
Zachary frowns at that. “Are the two of you together? If I’d thought that you were, I wouldn’t have asked you to go with me to my graduation party.”
I shake my head. How can he think that there’s anything between Thomas and me? The thought of me having something with Thomas is… it’s just ludicrous. I’ve known Thomas practically forever, but it’s more like he’s a brother to me, although lately, with those kisses, I think Thomas wants more. I blushed remembering those kisses and how nice they were, but I’ve had this crush on Zachary for so long. “No,” I say at last, “we’re just friends.”
“Good.” Zachary steps closer, his hands going to wrap around my waist. “After that training session with you, I don’t think I’d like it if he were more.”
I find myself blinking. Did he really just say that? He leans in closer, until his forehead is touching mine. Is he about to kiss me? Oh, I hope so.
“Leela,” he whispers, “there’s something I have to tell you.”
Something catches my eye and I glance over to see Michael Nelson walking past. There’s something suspicious about the look he sends our way. Zachary reaches up to brush my cheek with his thumb, so tenderly. That gets a knowing smile from the knife thrower, before he walks off.
Zachary leans in close again. Please let him kiss me. He doesn’t, though. He starts whispering again instead.
“Leela, you have to be very careful here. You can’t afford to trust anyone.”
“What?” I stare at him, trying to make sense of it.
“No, don’t pull back. If we talk normally, someone might hear us. This way, at least they’ll think that I’m just being romantic. Don’t trust the other recruits here. Don’t trust the trainers. The Circus of Curiosities is a very dangerous place.”
“I know that,” I say, slightly annoyed that Zachary is trying to talk me out of it like this. “I know what I’m getting into.”
“Really?” Zachary asks, his thumb still gently stroking my cheek. “Do you know exactly how dangerous it is here?”
“What are you saying?” I’m trying to concentrate on the seriousness of that, but it’s hard with him touching my face like that.
Zachary pauses, but not for long. “You want to know what happened with the boy who didn’t come back? His group was one where Dr. Dex was looking to eliminate someone. To get them out of the circus. Everyone there had done something to show the trainers that they couldn’t cut it. Everyone was someone Dr. Dex might have gotten rid of. The kid who didn’t come back was just the unlucky one.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Banford says that Dr. Dex gave them all a chance to leave, but none of them would. They all wanted another chance, so he set them a task, and the kid who didn’t come back… he was the one who didn’t make it.”
I step back this time. “You’re saying that Dex killed him?”
Zachary shakes his head. “Not directly. It was just such a dangerous task. They were diving in an area where there are the giant-sharks they bring up on the beach sometimes. Maybe he didn’t know that.”
He did. Of course he did. He’s from Sea Cliff. My hand goes to my mouth, and Zachary’s arms are around me again, pulling me closer.
“He set them up so one of them would be… eaten?”
“You see how dangerous it is here?” Zachary demands. “You see how bad it could get?”
He leads me further away from the big top, sitting me down away from it.
“No one helped him?” I ask
“No one dared. He was doing the task, the same as they had to. He was the weakest, so he had to dive first. If they’d helped him…
well, they’d have been diving in with the sharks too, but they’d also have been eliminated. They didn’t dare.”
“And Dr. Dex just let it happen?” I ask. “That’s… that’s just cruel.”
“Maybe,” Zachary says. He doesn’t sound convinced.
“What else could it be?” I demand.
“I think…” Zachary pauses. “I think he has another motive. Something more important. Something that means he has to do things like this. That’s not the important thing, Leela. The important thing is that I know how set you are on getting to the Center, so you need to be careful. It could be you next. It could be any of us.”
He brings his hand up to my face again, and this time, there isn’t one of the circus trainers watching.
“Including you?” I ask. “If you think all this is so dangerous, why are you still here, Zachary?”
His eyes seem to gleam in the evening light. “Because it’s my destiny. I’ve seen it.”
“Seen it?” I echo. “What do you mean?”
“I have… visions, I guess you could call them that. I’ve had them since I was Mason’s age. Small things coming true that I’ve seen in my dreams. Bigger things, sometimes. And I’ve seen Dr. Dex in them. I have to find something. I don’t know what, but I do know that I have to get to the Center. I have a message to deliver. One that will affect a lot of people.”
“What is it?”
Zachary just shakes his head.
“All right then,” I say. “Does Dr. Dex know about all this?”
Zachary shrugs. “I’m not sure. Maybe. I can’t read him the way I read most people.”
Something about the way he says that makes it sound like it’s more than just being good at paying attention to people. “Are you saying that you read minds?”
“More emotions, glimpses of things. It’s the same as the visions. It comes and goes. You don’t think all of this is insane?”
I stop, thinking, then shake my head. “There are all kinds of things in the world now. Why not this? Can you… do you know what I’m thinking?”
Zachary shakes his head. “There are people I have a hard time reading. You’re one of them, even though I want to know what you’re thinking more than most people.”
I feel myself starting to blush. “So, how did you get this… talent?”
“I don’t know,” Zachary admits. “That’s why I need to get to the Center. It feels like everything connects to there. Like if I just get there, I’ll understand. There’s so much I don’t understand…”
He sounds so vulnerable in that moment and I want to reach out to hold him. I want to touch his face and wrap my arms around him. I want to do more than that too…
“Leela, where are you?” Thomas’ voice cuts through the growing dark.
I stand up. “I’m over here, Thomas.”
“There you are,” Thomas says, walking into view. He smiles at me, at least until he looks over to Zachary. Then his expression is wary. “I’m late getting here because I was at your house. Your mother…”
That has my chest tightening. “What happened?”
“She’s fine now,” Thomas says.
“Tell me what happened,” I insist, taking a step towards him. “Thomas, I need to know.”
“She was in… I guess you could call it a kind of trance. She was talking to people who weren’t there. Walking around and doing things that didn’t make sense. Then she went upstairs and collapsed on the bed asleep. She’s fine now, but she doesn’t remember any of it.”
I turn to Zachary. “I have to see my mother. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” he asks. I didn’t expect that.
I shake my head. “We’ll be fine. We’re always fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Zachary says.
Thomas smiles, putting an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him as we walk off. I look back and see Zachary watching us go, a look of concern and worry clearly in his eyes.
Chapter 13
I head home with Thomas, walking with him back through the town to my house. It’s good just walking with him like this. I always feel so safe when he’s around.
“What are you thinking?” Thomas asks.
“I’m just thinking about how much I like walking back with you.”
He looks like he doesn’t quite believe me. “I bet you’d rather walk with Zachary Niles though.”
I laugh at that. “Thomas, anyone would think that you’re jealous.”
He doesn’t answer as we head back. I try to hurry, because I want to get back to Mom. If she has been acting strangely then I want to get back there to make sure that she’s all right. It isn’t long before we’re back and I step back through the front door, looking for her. It isn’t my mother I see first though.
Dr. Dex is there. He must have left while I was still working on my performances with the trainers to get here. He’s standing in the middle of the living room, and he just looks so strange here in that strange long coat and those black leather riding boots of his. He’s taken off the top hat he wears for performances, and is holding it in one hand as he looks around the room. It doesn’t make him fit the place any better. In the middle of the Circus of Curiosities’ big top, he might look normal. Here, he just looks strange. Especially with my mother asleep on the couch.
“Hello, Leela,” Dr. Dex says. “Did you have a good day of training? I trust my assistants have been working you hard.”
I can’t help staring at him. “Why are you here?”
Dr. Dex shrugs. “Your family is your reason for being in my show. It seems only fair that I should come see them.” His voice grows softer as he continues. “Plus, Kinley was a close friend of mine when we were younger.”
He actually steps over to take my mother’s hand, raises it to his lips, and presses it against his cheek. My mouth is almost open in surprise. Just how close were they when they were younger? It’s kind of hard to think of my mother ever being my age, not because she’s particularly old, but just because she’s my mom. But she was once my age, and from what everyone says, look a lot like what I looked like now. The same thing kind of applies to Dr. Dex. He must have been just Dex once, young and excited, just enjoying life in Sea Cliff, but it’s kind of hard to imagine. Yet I find that I can imagine the two of them together if I try. Both of them, my age, holding hands like they are now.
I’m not here to think about the past though. I’m here to check on Mom. I go over to her. She’s asleep, but she looks peaceful, not as ill as she is sometimes. I look over at Thomas, who is standing at the entrance to the living room, looking back at me.
“Tell me what happened with her,” I say. “You said that she was acting strangely. What happened?”
“I don’t know what to say,” Thomas says. “It was like she was seeing something that wasn’t there and reacting to that. Like she was having some kind of hallucination.”
Mom doesn’t have hallucinations. At least, she’s never said anything about them if she does. This is new, and that makes small trembles of fear dance along my skin. I don’t know what’s happening to her, but whatever it is, it’s getting worse too quickly. I look at Dr. Dex, not because I think he’s really a medical doctor, but simply because I hope that he might have some idea of what’s going on.
“You say that you’ve known Mom a while. Have you any idea what’s happening to her? Has she ever seen things before?”
He shrugs, not looking entirely comfortable. “I have theories, but nothing solid. I’m as curious as you are about what’s happening to your mother.”
“I’m not curious,” I snap back. “I just want to make her better.”
Dr. Dex shakes his head. “I know, Leela, and I’m sorry I can’t help. This is the first time I’ve seen Kinley in years, remember. I’m more than a little surprised it turned out like this, but I don’t know what it means. Not yet.”
Not yet? What does he mean by that? What game is he playin
g? What does he know? There are so many questions I want to ask him, but Dr. Dex puts a hand to his head like he has a headache.
“I need to get back to the circus, Leela. I’ll see you again tomorrow. It was good seeing Kinley again, and meeting your brother.”
He starts for the door, but I move to cut him off. I can’t let him leave that easily. “Wait,” I say, knowing that he has to know more than he’s letting on, but not knowing how I know that. Maybe it’s just that Dr. Dex gives me the impression of keeping secrets about so many things. Maybe it’s the way that he seems to almost see through people, reading them the way Zachary says he can. “Do you know what’s going on with Mom? Please, if you do know, you have to tell me. You can read people, can’t you? So can you read Mom to find out what’s happening? None of the local doctors can figure it out, so if you know anything…”
“I’m sorry, Leela.” Dr. Dex smiles sadly and moves me aside. “I can’t tell you what you want to know. I’m not really a doctor, not the way you’re thinking. And yes, I can see more in people than most, but all I see right now is that you need to spend some time with your mother, your brother, and your friend here.” He puts on his hat as he leaves, looking back at me strangely as he does it, almost wistfully. “Cherish the time you have with them, Leela. With the circus, we never know how much time that will be.”
He goes then, and I look around, not knowing what to do. Thomas takes me in his arms, folding me into a hug that shouldn’t do anything, but somehow manages to make things feel better anyway.
“What’s this for?” I ask.
“Because you look like you need it. And this is because I need it.”
He kisses me suddenly, quickly, but still tenderly, his lips moving gently against mine. I kiss him back without thinking, and because at that moment, I needed it. It’s the kind of kiss that can only happen when two people have known each other as long as we have. It feels… natural.