A Wicked Beginning

by Calinda B

  I began scrunching the corners of the pillow in my lap. I bunched the cushion into a wad and let it find its shape again. “Okay, Cam, I get that it was a difficult time…for both of us…so many changes.” I looked up at his expectant face. “But this Angela was weird, Cam. She was dressed all hot and sexy, and she smoked the same cigarettes like you’ve got in your glove box, and she had her lighter engraved with AMT. I think the ‘T’ stands for your last name – Tyson. When I asked her if she’d gotten married, she said ‘not yet, there have been complications in the plan.’ And she kept blowing smoke in my face, and when I told her that we were back together she said to tell you hi and that she’d be in touch.”

  Cam groaned and fell back on the couch. “Fuck,” he intoned.

  “Fuck is right, Cam. I think she intends to marry you.”

  “Not going to happen, Chérie. You’re the one for me, not her. After you told me back in the gym that day…you know when you took me down on the mat…?” He pulled a sarcastic face. “After you told me that, I had one last date with her the night Jill pulled that stunt, and you almost got gang raped.” He shuddered. “God, I thought I was going to lose my mind when I saw you lying there so still. I thought you were dead.” I watched him swipe his eyes. “So I never saw her again…and she kept calling me and texting me. I finally had to have her number blocked. I think she’s mental or something. She’s a bit deranged. Therapist, heal thyself,” he muttered darkly. He looked out at the window again and took another deep breath. Then he looked directly into my eyes. I felt like I was falling into the sea as I gazed at those blue, blue eyes. “So are we okay again, Chér? I don’t think I can endure being without you again. But if that’s what you want, tell me now so I can get out before I’m in any deeper.”

  “Yeah, we’re okay.” I bunched up the pillow again. “That wasn’t easy to hear.” My eyes filled with tears again.

  “I’ll bet. It wasn’t easy to say. I was such an ass.” He continued to sit and wait for me to make a move. “I could try one of those heartfelt kisses,” he said with a sweet smile. “We could kiss and make up.”

  “No. One more thing…” I watched his face fall. “She said… Angela, I mean…Angela said we might not make it. That you never knew what could happen.”

  Cam’s face clouded over with anger again. “Goddamn it, she’s such a bitch. Well, she is not in charge of us. She can’t call me, doesn’t know where I live…I think she’s just a crazy bitch. Fuck her and the ground she walks on.”

  I looked at him with a flat face, devoid of expression. “I don’t want to fuck her, and I hope you don’t either.”

  Cam looked exasperated. “It’s just a figure of speech, babe. Goddamn it.” He got up and started pacing around the room. “I’ll be right back,” he said through clenched teeth.

  “Where are you going?”

  “For a walk in the yard… I promise I’ll be right back.”

  I watched his back disappear out the front door, his hands clenched into fists. I grabbed the pillow and clamped it to my stomach.

  Kayden whispered in my head. This is a good thing, ma chère. He needs to cool down without harming him or you.

  “Why are you on his side?” I muttered.

  An annoyed whisper followed. I am not going to answer that, chère. I told you this answer. You’re on your own here.

  Okay, I deserved that. He had just said that when I wasn’t happy, he wasn’t happy. “Sorry,” I said to the air.

  The door knob turned, and Cam walked back inside. He walked over to me and held out his hand. “Come here,” he stated. I stood up. “Remember this?” He held the cat’s eye up to my heart. “I did…and do. You and I are in this small stone.”

  I smiled at him. “Did you use the cat’s eye to help you calm down?”

  “Duh…” He smiled warmly at me. “It’s got Essence of You in it. Works like a charm…”

  “Well, then…” I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes. “About that kiss…”

  Without another word, Cam reached over and kissed me long, deep, and oh, so tenderly. I could feel the love radiating from his chest. When he released me he declared, “Ta da! I’m getting pretty good at this.”

  “You are, Cam. You are indeed. I’m proud of you.”

  He beamed like he’d just received the best compliment in the world. Then he grabbed me and twirled me around in a circle. It was like we were children, just playing around on the school yard.

  “I like who you are becoming, Cam...”

  “That’s good because I love who you are becoming, Chérie. More, more, I say.”

  I had never seen such lightness in the man. Cam was growing young again. Or perhaps young for the first time ever…

  “Cam…” I began.

  “What?”

  “I feel like you and I are teenagers, falling in love for the first time ever.”

  He laughed. “Well, why the fuck not? We can rewrite our life stories, can’t we?”

  “Should I call you Romeo?”

  “Nooo…tragic ending. How about if you call me Cam, or baby, or lover, or something like that?” He gave an infectious grin. “Deal…?”

  “Deal,” I said. My face became serious again. “But what if she tries to break us up?”

  “We’re stronger than that, babe. I told you, she’s mental. We’ll deal with whatever she flings our way…if she flings anything. She could have just been in a sour mood seeing you. But if she comes around, we’ll deal with it together.”

  I put my side next to his. “Like this?”

  He chuckled. Then he pivoted around me like I had done to him the other evening. “And like this,” he said back to back, “…and like this,” he stated side to side, “…and like this.” He faced me and brought me close. “Especially like this.”

  “I remember…” I snuggled into his hard chest. “Okay, hot shot, I’ve got to get to the bank or a check will bounce. Want to come with me?”

  “I sure do, babe. I’ll drive you myself.”

  He put his arm out like a gentleman and proffered his elbow. I tucked my hand in his. “This is more fun than before, don’t you think?”

  “I couldn’t agree more, babe.” He opened the front door. “After you…” And then he followed me out into the cloudless day.

  Chapter 19 – Cam

  Two days later, Cam arrived at the sweat lodge location. He was feeling pretty good, having been the fire tender two nights in a row and having had that talk with Chérie the other night. Hell, that scene right out of ‘true confessions’ had been hard. But he had been honest about it, and Chérie had seemed to accept his story. He knew it cut her to the soul, but she dealt with it. She fucking dealt with it, and he had that much more love and respect for her as a result. In fact, he was stoked because they were growing together. They were evolving and changing together. He thought of the little movement they’d done – side to side, back to back, side to side, and front to front. He chuckled softly thinking about it.

  He pulled along the side of the road and got out. As he walked over, he waved to some of the men. “Hey, Charley….Andrew…” He turned to see the young man he’d met the other night – he was tall, slender, with the brightest smile he’d ever seen on a guy. The guy must’ve been 19, 20…and wore his straight black hair long. “Hey, Lightning Rod…” The young guy’s nick name was Lightning Rod. Cam shook his head. Whatever…He strode over to where the men who were sweating tonight had gathered. Some of them had undressed already, and they stood with blankets around their shoulders, shifting from foot to foot to stay warm in the cool night air. Others kept their clothes on until the very last minute. They nodded at Cam when he approached.

  The sweat lodge elder, a small, old man with a wrinkled face made for smiling, walked over to Cam. “You ready, son?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He couldn’t remember ever hearing the word ‘son’ said so warmly to him.

  “Just follow along, and you’ll be fine. The lodge has a l
ife of its own. I’ll go in first and bless and awaken the space. The others will follow. Move in the same direction as everyone else. Then, when the flap has closed, pray hard. Hard, but not long…you’ll want your prayers to fit through the eye of a needle.”

  “What’s that mean?” Cam inquired. He was starting to get edgy and amped. He really wanted a smoke right now. Maybe he’d have time to step back to the car.

  “It means, keep it short, keep it simple, and pray from your heart.”

  “Uh, I’m not big on the whole prayer thing to tell the truth.”

  “You need to ask for guidance. The star dreamling is very powerful. We have only heard of it in our mythology. Stories tell of a man who was marked by the dreamling, and he became very powerful. He faced three pathways. Two of them lead to his destruction and would destroy all that he loved. The third would not appear to him until he had chosen not to follow the two paths that seemed most appealing.”

  “Huh…” Cam said. He remembered the first experience after the star dreamling had ripped his leg open, and he passed out and dreamed of running and running and coming upon two paths. Both had appealed to him. In both the beast had looked like it was going to lunge at him. “And what did the guy do?”

  “That part of the story was never told. Perhaps it never happened…until now.”

  Cam made an involuntary shudder. “How much time do we have until we enter the lodge?”

  “About 30…” the old guy replied.

  Just enough time, Cam thought. Another man walked up to the elder and asked him a question. Cam slipped away to his car.

  When he got there, he opened the glove box and removed a cig from the pack. Cupped his hands around the smoke and lit it. Felt a rush of pleasure as the nicotine hit his system. Leaning back against the car, he took some small measure of comfort in his addiction. And then he heard the snarl coming from the woods in front of him. He froze. He looked over to where the snarls came from. Saw the ghost-like eyes he’d seen behind the garage now peering at him through the brush. He took another drag off of the smoke. Felt his heart start to hammer…the fucking thing was between him and the lodge. How was he going to get back there? This whole event was being held for his benefit supposedly. How would that look if he never made it to the lodge? Shit. Shit, shit, and more shit.

  He put the cig between his lips and took a step. He heard a low menacing growl. “Easy…” he said softly. Took another step…another growl ensued, this one more menacing than the last. “Alright…” he uttered. “I need to get to the lodge here. I’m just going to move slowly through the woods and get back there, okay?” He must look like a fucking idiot talking to himself right now.

  The heat wave pushed through the bushes until it stood…if you could call it that…he couldn’t exactly see it…until it stood directly in front of him. Cam felt the hot breath from the beast puff against his stomach. He watched a long slither of shimmery saliva drip from the beast’s mouth onto his shoe, the moisture congealing on the leather in a slimy pile. His breathing became short and shallow. He brought his hand slowly to his lips and removed the cigarette. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea… I had to go and resume my addiction and now look. He dropped the smoke to the dirt. Cam cursed at himself and berated his stupidity. Fuck, fuck FUCK…what was I thinking? Goddamn it all to hell… “Okay, I’m an idiot,” he said to the apparition. The beast snarled as if in agreement. The snarling sounds pulsated through his pelvis causing a deep, agonizing ache. Cam moaned in agony.

  Next, the dreamling moved and placed two huge, invisible, incredibly heavy paws onto Cam’s shoulders and breathed in his face. Cam strained from the weight of the paws. How could this thing weigh so much? It didn’t seem to be that big…not that he could see it. The breath smelled fetid and rank. He thought he was going to gag, the smell was so foul. It felt like the beast’s muzzle was an inch from Cam’s face. The breath was coming in hot, putrid puffs. Bile came up in Cam’s mouth. He was so fucking freaked out right now he was panting, his mouth was dry, his heart was racing, and his mind was a kaleidoscope of rapidly flickering images. He smelled his own rank odor, the whiffs of bodily fear assaulting his nostrils, mixing with the odor of the beast. He wanted to lean over and vomit, but he dared not move. Instead, he swallowed and clenched as the saliva and bile pumped into his throat.

  Next the beast closed his mouth and began to sniff. Sniff, sniff, sniff… Sniff, sniff, sniff… Cam became aware of these creepy sensations in his heart, his gut, and his pelvis, like the cat was probing him with his mind or something. He’d feel pressure, then sensation like he’d never experienced. It was weird and invasive. His mind was racing around so frantically he was sure he was going to spin out and faint…any second now…it was just a matter of seconds. But then the fucker could do whatever it wanted to do with him. Cam willed himself to hold on to whatever shred of consciousness he could.

  “Hey, Cam…”

  Fucking A…it was Mano. “Over here, Mano.” His voice was all shaky and bizarre sounding.

  He saw Mano emerge from the woods. Then he stopped and stared at Cam. “Is that what I think it is, bro?”

  “I don’t know what you think it is, but yeah, probably.” Cam kept up his panicked wheezing. “I don’t know what to do, Mano. The fuckers got his paws on my shoulders, and he’s breathing in my face. I’m about to hurl, man. This is sick. So sick…it’s my own damn fault.”

  “Now’s not the time to figure out who did what, bro. Let me think here.”

  “Think, meditate, pray, chant, whatever; get me out of here, man. I’m fucking going to lose it big time in a second. I’m fucking going to lose it.”

  “Hang on, let me think.”

  Cam watched Mano walk over slowly in his general direction. He looked to the side of where Cam stood. He paused and looked towards the woods. Then he took a couple more steps, never looking towards Cam. Cam knew a woman named Jenn who could track animals that way. She could get real close to them by using this technique.

  The beast seemed to be mindful of Mano as its breath left Cam’s face. He felt the heavy paws leave his shoulders and heard the dreamling drop down to the ground with a soft thud. Cam’s legs buckled and he dropped to all fours and pitched the contents of his stomach onto the dirt. After his gut had been emptied, his heaving continued, unrelenting. He was like a sick trembling dog, retching and retching and retching. Sweat dripped off his forehead and neck falling in droplets onto the dirt, mixing in with the vomit. Snot slid from his nose. Stew of the dog, Cam thought in the back of his mind. An answering thought followed: What a strange image. I’m losing my mind.

  Meanwhile, Mano kept making slow, steady progression in Cam’s direction. At least it was keeping the beast distracted. Cam heard another sound pushing through the woods. Lightning Rod, the youth Cam had greeted earlier, popped out of the woods. “Hey, Mano, Cam… get back here.” The dreamling bolted away from Cam and disappeared into the woods.

  Cam lurched to his feet and grasped Mano’s shoulder. “Shit…shit, shit, shit…” He felt all weak and shaky. Stepping back from the pool of vomit, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Come on, brother; let’s get you out of here.”

  “What’s the matter with him?” Lightning Rod asked.” He looks like he’s seen a ghost.”

  “He has, man. It’s the dreamling.”

  The young man’s face blanched, and he quickly walked around to the other side of Cam and put his arm underneath Cam’s arm for support.

  “I’m okay,” Cam protested.

  “No, you’re not,” Mano stated flatly. He and Lightning Rod walked Cam over to Mano’s truck. They propped him against the side and Mano reached in the cab for some water. “Here, drink this.”

  Cam swished some water in his mouth and spit it out. He had to get rid of the foul taste. He rinsed and spit two more times. Then he chugged the rest of the bottle down. He took a couple of slow breaths to calm himself down. “Thanks, man. Really…I’m alright.
I’m better.”

  Mano eyed him. “This might not be a good idea to sweat. You really took a hit there. You’re weak and dehydrated.”

  Cam’s face became hard. “Give me another water…give me two. I’m going to do this thing tonight. You can’t keep me out.”

  “Okay, man,” Mano said, shaking his head. He pulled a couple bottles out of the car and handed them to Cam.

  Cam chugged the bottles of water down in succession. He nodded to Mano. “Let’s go.”

  Cam, Mano, and Lightning Rod stripped and stood in the back of the line of men entering the blanket covered dome. The cool air brought goose bumps to Cam’s flesh, and his cock and balls did the ‘shrivel and shrink’ dance. Whatever…this was sure no time to impress anyone. Lightning Rod stood in front of Cam; Mano was behind him. When they reached the dome, Lightning Rod crouched down and entered, uttering “Mitakuye Oyasin.” Cam entered mumbling something unintelligible. Mano came in last. The flap was lowered and darkness surrounded them, immersing them in the fragrance of dirt, sage, and sweat.

  Cam observed the glowing rocks in the pit. He thought he saw the rock he had picked up on the first night. Now it seemed to be leering at him. Get a grip. The heat was extreme. His mind began to race.

  The elder picked up a prayer pipe. He prayed to some entity and fit the pieces together. He placed tobacco in the bowl and tamped it down with his thumb. Picking up a long piece of dried straw, he lit the end from the hot rocks and brought the tiny torch to the pipe. Puffing on the tobacco, he blew the smoke towards the roof of the dome. Then he handed it to the fellow next to him. “Send your prayers out with the smoke. The smoke will unfurl into the Universe and touch the ears of the Wakan Tanka. All prayers will be heard and answered.”

  Cam sat with his legs bent, his arms leaning over his knees, one hand resting on the other. The heat was starting to build, lighting up his genitals. He tried to tuck his feet closer to protect them.

  Mano gave him a bump and handed him the pipe. He leaned close and said, “Take small puffs, pray with your heart, and exhale to the spirits. Don’t suck it up. If you don’t want to smoke, you can just hold the pipe to your heart.”