by Calinda B
Oh, this Cam was almost harder to take than the angry man I knew before, the man who had wild, scary outbursts. “I don’t know how to make you understand.”
“Try.”
I gulped. “You know I am the ka’kriyayaga, right?”
“So I’ve been told. So I’m discovering, yes.”
“And Kayden is my ka’kriyayago…you know that, right?”
“I heard you say that…I heard Mano say that, right. But I also heard you say he was out of the picture, and I was in the picture.”
“Well, I guess we’re sort of a package deal. You can’t get one without the other.”
Cam studied me. “What do you mean by that?”
I shrugged. “It means what it means. If you get me, you get Kayden too.”
“Get him how?”
“In all ways, Cam…Kayden is always with me. We’re a set, like bookends. He’s in my head, in my heart, all the time. Can’t have one without the other,” I repeated.
“Ouch,” Cam responded. “In your heart, huh? I thought that’s where I resided.” His eyes looked like a wounded puppy’s. “Does Kayden know about you and me?”
“Oh, yes, he doesn’t care. He just wants me to be happy. He knows everything about me…everything that I do, feel, and experience.”
“Everything?” Cam was frowning.
“Yup, everything. Kayden and I…well, we’re one and the same. I can’t experience a thing without Kayden knowing about it. He even experiences it.”
Now Cam’s face furrowed deeply. “What do you mean you can’t experience a thing without Kayden experiencing it?”
“Just that. He’s even there when you and I…when we…when we make love, Cam.”
Cam’s lip curled in disgust. He placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself backwards slightly. “Like some fucking three-way?” he snarled. “Like, you, me, and a guy??”
“Not exactly…”
“Then what exactly?”
I could tell Cam was getting agitated. My leg started working up and down. “I told you it’s hard to explain.”
“Well, I’m listening, Chér. I’m fucking listening. I should’ve known it was a lot to ask to have two smooth days in a row with you.”
“What’s that mean?” I retorted. Now, I was getting annoyed. It was game on, baby.
“It means life is a tornado with you, Chér. Weather, weather, and more weather...constant change…”
“Yeah and…” I was glaring at him now, all softness vanished. “…your point? Go ahead and bring it, Cam. Make your point.”
I watched him clench his teeth together. He sucked in air through his teeth. His eyes were shooting little spears my way. His voice became a low snarl. “It means, Cheerio, that I’m a human, remember? And you are, well, I don’t know what the hell you are. And there’s so many changes going on I can’t seem to keep up with them. And it doesn’t help things that you’ve been withholding this information from me: that Fabio’s back in the saddle.”
Now he stood up and started pacing. Uh oh, I thought. Here we go, here comes angry Cam. Cam stalked into the living room…paced back into the dining room…stalked back into the living room. As he paced, his hand was shoved in his pocket, and I could see the fingers working. He was probably fingering the cat’s eye. And then, out of nowhere, we heard that all too familiar growl, just outside the front door. We both froze.
“Well, shit,” spat Cam. “If life isn’t fucking complicated enough…” He turned to the door, furious. “Come and get me, fucker.”
“You don’t mean that, Cam.”
“Don’t I?” he shouted. “Don’t I?”
Loud scratching sounds came like the beast was digging through the front door. “I‘ll replace that door if I have to but I don’t want to lose you, Cam,” I yelled at Cam. “Don’t open the door.”
“Too late, babe,” Cam hissed, as he reached for the doorknob.
“Cam, wait,” I screeched.
The scratching turned into a growl as the beast apparently lunged at the door. The door shook on its hinges, and the tiny window that served as a peep hole shattered. A swirl of electric color burst through the opening as if the creature had stuck its paw through the window, trying to get to Cam. “Oh, for fuck sake,” Cam growled back at the dreamling, ready to turn the knob and face the snarling thing. “I’m so fucking tired of this shit.” Suddenly, he stopped and let his hand drop. He placed both palms against the wooden door and leaned his forehead against it. “Go away,” he whispered to the door. “We’re busy. We’re having a fight, but it will pass.” The growling and charging stopped.
“What made you do that?” I asked.
“Who the hell knows? Followed a hunch, I guess.” Cam pressed his ear to the door. “I think it’s just sitting there,” he said to me.
I giggled nervously. “Are you sure?”
“No,” Cam replied, “but I don’t hear anything except a panting sound like a dog makes.” He spun around. “See what I mean? I have no normal life anymore. I get pissed, I do something stupid like light up a cigarette, I lust after you, and that fucker appears.” He thrust his thumb towards the door. “I whisper to it, and it calms down. My whole life is just surreal. Just when I make some sense of it, everything changes.” He raked his hair with his hands and walked over to the couch. Then, he just flopped into it, looking defeated. “Come here…”
“Are we friends again?” I asked, hopeful.
“We’re always friends; we’re not finished with this, however.”
I sighed, walked over and flopped beside him. “What do you mean, you light a cigarette and the beast appears?”
Cam let out a breath. “It means just that. I got freaked before the sweat lodge and had a smoke and the dreamling came out of the woods. That’s when he did all the shit I told you about.”
“You forgot the part about lighting up. Have you started smoking again? I don’t really like that, Cam.” I wrinkled up my nose in disgust.
“That’s for me to sort out, Chér, not you. It’s my addiction, not yours.”
“Yeah, but your behavior affects me, you know,” I shot out.
Cam’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “As does your behavior affect me. Is this really what you want to talk about? I’m making progress. I actually had kind of a breakthrough yesterday.”
“Doing what?” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I’ll tell you when we’re done with the ‘you, me, and Fabio’ topic. Now, try to explain.”
I explained the best I could all that Kayden had told me and my understanding, gleaned from my ecstatic experience flitting through the galaxy. I conveyed that Kayden was an essential part of me; not just metaphorically, but energetically. It was difficult to describe. I didn’t really understand it myself. Nothing was held back in my description of what I knew and what I had experienced recently with Kayden.
Cam just sat and listened, propping up his jaw with his hand. When I was done, Cam considered me, his eyes conveying his inner sense of injustice.
“Does that make any sense?” I asked.
“Not really,” he responded, looking away. “I’m going to have to sort this out. I’m not keen on sharing you with anyone, babe. I’m more of a monogamous guy when it comes to you and me. I’m not sure what to do with this new information.”
“Well, you can be the only Earth guy,” I said hopefully.
He turned and faced the living room window, placing his forearms on his knees. The thunk of a tiny bird crashing into the plate glass window caused him to look up and frown. “Yeah, that’s what I feel like,” he said to the window. “Zoom, fly…wham!” He smacked his palm against his forehead. We watched the little bird fly away. “He’ll probably have some headache,” Cam said to no one in particular.
“Want a pork chop or something?” I asked brightly. “A beer? I can manifest anything you want.”
He looked askance at me. “No, I don’t want a pork chop or a beer, but thanks though. I’m quite full.�
� His face was all serious and thoughtful. He stood up.
I stood up next to him. “You’re not leaving me are you? You’re not going to leave me again, right?” My eyes were beginning to fill with tears. “We’re not done yet; you know that, Cam, right? I was wrong last year when I said you and I weren’t meant to be together. We just weren’t meant to be together in that moment.” My stomach had bunched into knots. I was feeling desperate and afraid.
He took my face in his hands and kissed both of my eyelids. “I do know that, Chér. I don’t want to ever be done with you. But, here are the facts, ma’am: I have to go on a week-long outing with a bunch of teens in a few days. I have to prepare for that trip. I wanted to come over here and share a big transformation that occurred yesterday. Instead, I get a new head trip to wrap around. I’m so tired of all this change.” He put his arms around me.
“Yeah, it’s a lot, huh?” I said, hugging him tightly. “You must’ve signed up for the fast track to change, though, don’t you think?”
“I was probably drunk when I signed and don’t remember the signing. I don’t think that counts.”
I tipped my face upwards, and he willingly obliged with a loving, lip-smacking kiss.
When he’d released me, he pulled back and said, “So, I guess you’ll be doing all the cooking from now on, huh?”
“No way,” I responded. “It’s exhausting and makes my head hurt. Maybe it will get easier, but for now, how about if I do it once in a while…if we share the food prep responsibility?”
Cam gave me a warm smile. “Deal... And Spader’s deli is still at the top of my list for outings.”
“Yeah, mine, too.” I sat back down on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. “I hope I get more useful skills than cooking and having great sex. I’m starting to feel like I’m being groomed to be a concubine.” I stuck my lip out in a pout.
“Yes, but what a fine concubine you are,” Cam said, sitting beside me. He pushed my hair back with one of his strong hands. “What have you done to me? I love you so much, Chér. You’re in me deep. It’s a good thing, or I would be racing down the road right now, heading for the hills. I still don’t know what to do with all this stuff you just told me, but I am not, I repeat not, leaving.”
“I love you too,” I replied, lacing my fingers through his blond hair. “You’ll figure it out. I had to. I felt like I was betraying you at first. Now it just sort of makes sense as I remember who I am.” I picked up a strand of his hair and twirled it around my finger. Last year his hair was short; now it fell just below his jaw line. “I like your hair this length.”
“Anything for you, babe,” he replied softly.
Then I sighed. “But really…I want to do more than make meals and have sex. Like when I took down those goons last autumn…and taught Joe Dallas a lesson or two…and finally stood up for myself. That rocked.” I pursed my lips.
“Well, maybe,” Cam began, pulling me into his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. “Maybe your skills come in on an ‘as needed’ basis. And I really need to learn the things you are teaching me. In fact, I believe I need lots more practice.”
I could feel his hardness stirring beneath his jeans. “How much do you think you’ll need?” I murmured, feeling my wet and juicy response.
“Lots,” he said, untying the belt of my robe.
“What about telling me your story?” I said, unbuttoning his shirt.
“It can wait,” he responded, pushing himself up to standing with my legs clasped around his hips. “I think we have more urgent things to attend to right now. Like a shower. And then some more time on the bed, floor, wherever.” He planted his lips on mine.
A wave of sensation poured down my throat. My, my, what was happening to my Cam? He was getting really good at this heart-felt energy stuff. We began floating down a mind-altering stream together. When our lips separated, I asked him: “Ready to ride the rapids, lover?” I could feel the ka’kriyayaga stirring inside. “Then I could toss you around a bit…wrestle you to the floor…show you some of my other abilities. Show you I’m not just a good cook and a great lay.” My eyes were fervent with desire.
“I have a few things to show you, too,” Cam declared, walking up the stairs, holding me tightly against him. “Don’t think for a minute that you’ve seen my entire arsenal of love-making skills. A man of integrity always keeps a few surprises up his sleeve.”
“I can hardly wait, Cam,” I uttered, as he closed the bathroom door behind us. “Bring it on.”
It seemed like each new love-making session had its own flavor…its own uniqueness. This one seemed to have been cleansed by honesty. Now there were no more secrets between us. We had each revealed ourselves to one another, and we still responded to each other with want – not distancing. Still holding me, Cam cranked on the shower. Then he set me down and slipped my robe off of my shoulders, his hands caressing my skin. I crouched down and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them and his underwear over his bare feet. He stepped out of his pants and gestured to the shower door. “After you,” he said with a smile.
“Not yet,” I replied with a wicked gleam in my eye. “It seems like I need more practice too.” I cupped his jewels with one hand and grasped his hardness with the other. I moved my mouth up and down the length of him, sucking him, swirling my tongue around his hard erection.
“Oh, yeah.” Cam groaned. “Oh, yeah, babe. I think you do.” He grasped my hair and let his head fall back against the frosted glass of the shower. “Oh, yeah, Chér. Like that…just like that.”
I tasted the salty liquid leaking from him and lapped it up hungrily. “Essence of Cam,” I purred, glancing up at his erotic form.
“All for you, babe,” he replied, tugging at my hair. Then he moved his hands down to my shoulders. “Come up here…I don’t want to come…yet.” He lifted me up onto his hips and stepped into the shower. He pressed my back onto the cold tiles and looked into my eyes. “Remember how you told me that you and your rapids rider have to be in love?”
“Uh, huh,” I replied, looking into his eyes.
“I want to be very clear about something, babe.”
“What?” I breathed, falling into his lucid gaze.
“That when I put this inside of you…” He slowly lowered me down onto his hardness. “When you feel this inside of you, I want you to know that I’m sharing my heart with you…that my heart pours out of me into you here…” He gently thrust into me. “And here…” Another thrust. “And here…”
I kept my eyes locked with his as pleasure began to build. My mouth parted invitingly.
He looked down at me and a sensuous smile curved his lips. “And when my mouth touches you…” He gave me a kiss with his sumptuous lips that was so stimulating I started to quiver all over. Then he moved his mouth down my neck and throat. “When my mouth touches you, it’s me caressing you with my heart.” Then he swept his hands up and down my back. “In fact, when any part of me touches any part of you, I want you to feel the depth of love and passion I feel for you, babe.” He grabbed a bar of soap with one hand and slicked my body with lather. “Got it? There’s not a part of me that doesn’t love you. And this...” He pushed into me again. “This is one of the ways I get to express it with you.”
“Is this how a man of integrity shares his love?” I asked him sweetly. My heart was just about to burst with joy as a fountain of shuddering bliss was building.
“Why, yes, I believe it is,” he responded, a look of mirth coloring his handsome features.
I turned my eyes, heavy with desire, towards his. I could feel exactly what he was talking about. Every inch of his heart was inside of me. I was filled with his love, embraced by his love, immersed in his love. “I hope you feel the same about me, Cam. I’m wrapped around you, pulling you into the ocean of love I have for you.”
Cam had the most innocent smile on his face as he responded to me. “Yeah, I feel you, babe, loud and clear.” He slowly twirled us both under the shower spr
ay, rinsing the lather on my back down the drain. Then he reached back and turned the water off and eased us both out of the shower. “I need room to move here, babe. I’ve got a whole lot of passion wanting to come out and shower you with more than just water.”
“Yeah, Cam, me, too...”
We took our love-making into the bedroom, pouring ourselves into one another without holding back. It was tender, it was rough, and it was wild. Through every gesture, every pull, every push, every kiss, and every caress, I could feel our hearts entwined. It seemed like the room filled with the energetic love we shared and then burst out into the heavens. And somewhere in the midst of all this passion, I had this awareness that love was not a commodity that we traded with one another, like ‘I’ll give you some of mine if you give me some of yours, but only if you promise to do this and this and this.’ It was more like a gift which we could open to in ourselves and share with the ones we love when we were brave enough to be honest and willing to be vulnerable. The act of loving was the act of opening to something far greater than our personal wants and needs. It was a selfless act of baring our hearts to each other. It felt like shouting “Yes!” to the universe with abandon. It was a communion with the galaxy; an agreement of sorts with the great mystery of existence to allow ourselves to be magnificent for at least a moment or two. I mean, why else come to planet Earth? It could be a hard place, full of suffering, drudgery, and heartache. At least let us tap into mystery and wonder from time to time and keep the beat of love alive.
As Cam and I lay in one another’s arms, full of bliss, these thoughts swirled through my head. I was ecstatic with the love I felt for Cam pulsing though my veins and somewhere, far off in the galaxies, I heard Kayden laugh with delight and joy.
Chapter 31 – Cam
Cam exploded awake like he was shot from a cannon. He was clutching the covers and his jaw ached like he’d been clenching it for hours. Goddamn it, he’d had another one of those dreams…another one of those fucking God awful dreams. They were getting worse. It was like the more deeply he connected with Cheerio, the worse the dreams became. This time the black gooey bat-like things had been attached to his back, and the pink finger-nailed woman had a cat’s head. The bats had red, sinister vacant holes where the eyes should be. As usual, he’d been running like hell, only this time he could leap over boulders and grab branches like he was Tarzan or something. But that fucking woman with the cat face just kept after him. Was she the star dreamling? He didn’t think so, but who knew? He sure didn’t. Goddamn it all, anyway.