Journey From the Summit

by Lorraine Ereira

  Getting up I knocked on Dad’s door.

  “Dad, I am lost for words! I have told you everything about my time in India, and come clean with you. She is a selfish, crazy, twisted woman!” I said waving the letter angrily. “She is just trying to stop me having any financial interest in the house – of which I have absolutely none, it never even crossed my mind!”

  I proceeded to tell my dad about my visit to the house and why I gave Tadoo my ring and Daniel had given her a little money.

  “Florence, sit down,” he said calmly. I was standing, still wildly gesticulating in my anger. “I had a pretty good idea that very little of her letter was true, as for one, she never writes, unless she wants something, and secondly, because I know that she has lied – Tadoo is illiterate and cannot write, so she would not have written to Dorris! She has obviously got wind of the fact that you went there, and managed to twist the information she was given to try and turn me against you. But, dear Florence, I think I know my own daughter, and although I’m not going to pretend I’m happy with the situation as it is, this has nothing to do with her or even the house! I know you well enough to know that what she says is a pack of lies, to get me to make sure you leave that house alone. I wish I had never told you to go there, I should have known it would only start trouble.”

  “How dare she Dad! What a nasty horrible thing to do!”

  Mum had been sitting quietly listening, but now she joined in, “What makes me so angry is that she knows your dad has been unwell with his heart, and she knows how stressful the content of her letter would be, but does she care about that? Oh no! All she cares about is her inheritance – that’s what she’s like. She’s always been spoilt and selfish. So unlike Pattie.”

  “I’m going to write to her,” I said crossly. “I am not going to sit back and allow anyone to say such slanderous things about me, or to cause you that type of stress for her own personal gain! How could she!” I ranted.

  “Flossie! I think it’s best left alone. Don’t write, it will make things worse – she is from a generation where children are seen and not heard – she won’t take it kindly.”

  “Dad! I don’t care! She has been evil!! There is no way she should get away with saying such horrible things about me – she has never even met me!!”

  I couldn’t wait to put pen to paper and tell her exactly what I thought of her slanderous lies. I made sure I began by addressing her as ‘Dorris’ and not ‘Aunty Dorris’, in my letter; I knew this in itself would rile her, that I had been disrespectful enough not to address her properly. I told her that what she had done was unforgivable, when she had never even met me, to make up such horrible lies just to keep me from her precious house. Finally, I told her that she should never contact my dad again if she had any regard at all for his health, and that as far as I was concerned she was no aunt of mine!

  It was about three weeks after this that a letter arrived in the post from her – but not to me! She had written to my dad telling him how hurt she was that I had been so rude to her!! She said that not only was I all the things that she had told him, but a disrespectful cheeky madam as well. She added that no child of hers would ever be so discourteous to an elder, and she hoped my father could now see what type of child he had raised. It was ludicrous – she was clearly delusional. I was livid, I wanted to write to her again telling her what a crazy sick old woman she was, but this time Dad put his foot down saying that it was over, no good would come of it, and I wasn’t to reply to this at all. Fortunately my dad decided to stop all contact with her, and ignored her letter and any further correspondence. I felt sad for my father that he’d fallen out with his sister, but I don’t think it was much of a loss to him, as she had shown her true colours once and for all and he had no real feelings left for her. Nothing more was ever said about Valentino Villa – but I’m glad I got to see the home of my grandparents before it was crudely denied us all.

  I needed to repay my dad the money he had lent me, and was determined to do this as quickly as I could. Some of my friends were heading down to the Glastonbury festival, and I thought this would be a great place to sell the jewellery and trinkets I had bought on my travels. So I packed up my sleeping bag and my wellies and went off for the long weekend.

  It was so good to see my friends and I felt cheered by my reunion with them and the chance to have some time to relax and do something fun too. Although it was a wet weekend, the bands were good, the company made it enjoyable, and I managed to make a fair dent in my debt as my wares were very well received.

  When I returned from Glastonbury, I needed to knuckle down and find a job in order to pay off the rest of my debt, and also to save up to move out of my folks’ house.

  I was lucky to find a job in a local print shop. They needed someone who could start straight away, and offered me the job. It wasn’t exciting, and I didn’t envisage a long future with them, but it was a job, and it was local.

  One evening about a month after I’d come home, Jimmy arrived on my parents’ doorstep.

  “Hey Floss, I thought I would come and take you out for a drink!” he grinned.

  My friends had phoned and tried to get me out but I had been reluctant to go, so I guess he thought if he came round I couldn’t very well say no without appearing really rude. I hadn’t really seen him since I got back so this was an unexpected and lovely surprise. We went to the local pub and sat chattering the evening away. I told him all about my trip, pouring out the contents of my aching heart and, as I let the events unfold for him, I saw the worry etched on his brow.

  “Floss, I want to ask you something that you may not have allowed yourself to consider,” he began slowly. “What will you do if they convict him? If they actually sentence him? Have you thought about that?” he continued gently.

  I swallowed hard. In truth I had thought about it but only ever fleetingly. Every time the thought reared its ugly head I quickly pushed it to one side, not wanting to examine it further. But now Jimmy had made it resurface and was asking me to address it, I couldn’t ignore it.

  “If they convict him, Jimmy, he will get ten years. If he gets ten years, then I get ten years too,” I said quietly.

  “But Floss, you have a life, Saul wouldn’t want you to give up everything for him! He would want you to get on with your own life!”

  “Jimmy, he is my life! I know he is my soulmate. If I can’t be with him, I never want to be with anyone else, so what choice would I have?”

  “Ok Floss I understand that, but practically, how would you do it? You can’t afford to live in India for ten years!” he said.

  I looked at him, so full of concern for me, and felt my heart contract with love for him.

  “I would find a way Jim! I would have to. I would spend six months there every year and then come back here and work for six months, so I could go back again. Somehow, I would do it. I would make it work!”

  “And do you really think, Floss, that after spending ten years in an Indian prison, that he would come out as the same man you loved? Do you not think that he would be just become a shadow of the man he is now?”

  I hadn’t thought of this, but still in my heart I already knew the answer.

  “Even a shadow of who he is would be better for me than not having him in my life Jimmy. I cannot live without him. He is everything to me now Jimmy, whatever that may be.”

  Jimmy enveloped me in a warm hug. Although he didn’t want to see this happen to me, I knew he understood that my mind and heart were already made up.

  The next few weeks dragged slowly, with only my letters from Saul lifting me, temporarily, when they arrived. He wrote to me as often as he could, and his letters were always filled with testimonies of his love. Every time one arrived I would take it into my room and savour it for long moments before opening it. Then I would read each word slowly, making it last as long as I could. I would then re-read, time and time again, absorbing every word until I knew them off by heart. I wrote back almost every day, someti
mes postcards, sometimes letters. I knew it could be weeks before he received them, and they would always be read by the guards first, but it was important to just keep sending them. I knew how much my letters meant to him and how they helped to keep his spirits up.

  Every fortnight his parents would call, usually at my place of work because of the time difference, to tell us that his case had been adjourned again. The witnesses we had bribed were still being paid not to show up in court, and this meant it would just keep being postponed over and over again. We had no idea how long it would take, or whether they would manage to conjure up new evidence – anything was possible. We hoped every day that our bribery would have the effect of exhausting the system, but every time it went to court it was the same story. We all lived in hope but also in dread. I couldn’t begin to imagine how Saul was coping with the stress, I only knew it must be a hundred times worse than my own.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It was the day before my birthday. Sal had called to see if I fancied going out for a few drinks to celebrate, but I just wasn’t feeling like it at all. I knew it would probably do me good, but I didn’t have the energy to try and have a good time so I declined.

  I suppose no matter how good your friends are there are only so many ways they can try and bring you out of the depths of your despair. Eventually, even your best friends have to get on with their lives and leave you to your gloom. I must have been dreadful company too: after all, did anyone, with the best will in the world, want to hear you go on about the same thing all the time? And it was so hard to talk about anything else, as my mind had only one focus. They would talk of other friends, the next party, what they did last weekend. How had I spent my weekend? Sitting in and reading Saul’s letters, feeling sorry for myself! I knew I risked losing my friends if I didn’t make an effort, but I didn’t have the desire to do anything about it.

  I was expecting a phone call from Saul’s mum to tell me how they had got on in court the day before. Although I knew the chance of any change was very slight, I still sent out prayers of hope to any god that may hear me. Saul had spent eight long months in prison, it felt as if he was never going to come home.

  My expected call came at the same time as always – early morning for them and lunchtime for us. My boss had answered but handed it straight to me, telling me it was an international call. I took the receiver waiting to hear Saul’s mum’s voice, wondering if maybe she had any different news for me. I couldn’t help but always hope.

  But the voice I heard down the line was not Saul’s mum’s!

  “Flossie! Flossie, it’s me! I’m coming home to you!” cried Saul excitedly down the phone. I could barely believe my ears! I was so shocked I could hardly make out what he was telling me. He was free! His case had been acquitted, thrown out of court due to insufficient evidence; they were letting him come home. Finally the process had exhausted itself and the judge had declared the case over.

  “Book the church, Floss,” Saul laughed, “I’m coming home to marry you!”

  I felt my legs give way beneath me and fell to the floor as a wash of emotion flooded over me like a tidal wave. All the pain, all the stress of the last eight months left me as wave after wave of euphoria hit me. When I could finally feel my legs again I danced around the office, jumping for joy. My boss knew without a word from me what had happened, and gave me the rest of the afternoon off, knowing I would be pretty useless to him that day!!

  I rang Sal. Suddenly I was in the mood to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all!! She shrieked down the phone almost perforating my ear drum when I told her the reason for my change of heart!

  What a celebration we had! Sal had got quite a few friends together in the local pub, telling them the good news, so everyone was on a high – but no one more than me. For the very first time in months I could feel happiness running through my veins, like a river flowing through a desert following a much longed for rainfall.

  The next few days passed in a whirlwind. I had been promised the best birthday present I could have wished for and now couldn’t wait to receive it. I was the most excited I had ever been in my whole life. Saul was coming home in just under a week and I needed to find us somewhere to live. I wanted him to be able to come home and for us to live together immediately. We had been apart for so long, that I knew that the moment he returned we would not be able to endure being separated again. I hunted and searched all the papers and finally found a room in a shared flat that was just big enough for both of us. I didn’t care if it was a cardboard box, as long as we could be together. To me that room would be a palace, as it would be our home.

  I floated through the next few days smiling at everyone I saw, and feeling as though I had returned to my life after being shut in the dark for so long. If I felt like I had come back into the sunlight, imagine how Saul must be feeling!! Walking free, not having to answer to anyone; being able to wake up when he wanted after a good night’s sleep on a mattress; eating what he liked, and going where he pleased; looking out of a barless window where he could see the stars, and know that if he chose to he could walk out of that room!

  Saul called me again before he was due to leave, just so we could chat on the phone! It was magical! He and Daniel were celebrating in Goa with Joe and Antony, the two local guys who had helped us so much. All the westerners had left now, so Goa was quiet.

  “They took me out for dinner the first night, babe. It was wonderful being able to choose what I wanted to eat for the first time in months! I felt like a kid in a sweet shop. The cobra beer has been flowing freely, and damn it tastes good!” he laughed. “Flossie, I cannot wait to be with you! The flights are booked now, so I’m on my way home! Are you ready for me?” he teased.

  Ready? I had never been more ready for anything in my life!!

  The night before Saul was due to return, I lay awake allowing myself to fantasize about our reunion. I had had to shut away the part of myself that permitted me to dream of his fingers caressing my skin, the feeling of his lips as they connected with mine. While the deepest part of me craved it like the desert craves the rain, another part of me felt a delicious nervousness, a sweet anticipation that made me tingle all over. I hadn’t allowed myself to have these thoughts for so long, as I had known they would only add to the torment of being separated from him, but now I let them come flooding into me like a tidal wave of desire. In my imagination it was both romantic and sensuous and at the same time passionate and raw, as we took each other in wild abandon. But in reality would we be awkward and embarrassed, would we remember that deep connection that had so naturally defined us before? Had too much time passed for things to be the same as they were? Would he be too troubled, too disturbed, too exhausted to still want me in the primal way he did before this happened? What if things had changed for us? Was I setting myself up for disappointment? I knew I would wait for him if he needed time to adjust, I would be patient if he needed time just to be with me. I just needed to be with him. I settled down, hugging my pillow, smug in the knowledge that soon I could replace it with him, and began to drift off.

  But just as I began to lose myself to my slumber, my mind jolted me awake again with more worries, pushing sleep away from my overworked brain. What if they didn’t let him come home? What if they rearrested him as he tried to leave India? What if they changed their minds? I felt my stomach contract with the stress of these fears. I turned over, uncomfortable now and wide awake. I knew I couldn’t be totally happy until I saw him arrive at Heathrow. Only then, when he walked through that gate and into my arms would I know that my life could truly begin in earnest. This was silly, I had to stop distressing myself! I needed my sleep; I wanted to look my best tomorrow, not turn up looking wretched from insomnia! I forced my eyes closed and made myself begin to count as I tried to empty my busy mind of my anxieties. At last I felt my thoughts losing their grip on me as sleep claimed me.

  Finally the day arrived that Saul was due home. I was a ball of excitement, and wound up like
a tight spring. What should I wear? How should I have my hair? I wanted to be perfect for him. I hadn’t seen him for so long, I was trembling with anticipation, nervousness even! It was like going to meet someone on a first date who you had always dreamt of dating, but both of you knowing it was the first date of the rest of your lives.

  Eventually I pulled on a bright orange sheath dress that I knew Saul loved, and left my hair to tumble, its unruly curls falling down my back. I glanced at my reflection and noticed my coin necklace, its coppery glow winking in the mirror. I touched the smiling face; it was time for true happiness at last.

  The drive to the airport seemed to take forever. The wait in arrivals was eternal, each second dragging itself heavily and slowly into the next one. Would he really come home? Could I really be so lucky that he would walk through that gate? It was all I had longed for, all I wanted. We had been separated for a little short of a year; it seemed impossible that I would get to hold him and not have to let go again.

  At long last I saw Daniel walk through the gate, grinning and waving. I felt my heart leap knowing at last that my man would be right behind him.

  Finally came the moment I had waited for, dreamt of, planned and rehearsed: Saul walked through the gate! He scanned the faces before him and as his eyes met mine his face broke into the biggest smile I had ever seen. I felt tears of the happiest kind spring into my eyes and spill over onto my cheeks. We flew into each other’s arms and I knew we would never let each other go. I had dreamt of this moment for so long, and it was the finest moment I had ever had in my whole life.

  With our arms wrapped around each other, we walked out of the airport into the September sunshine to continue our journey from the summit of our mountain into the rest of our lives, together.