His words stung—that had been his intent.
Maris started to cry and Lindsey quickly picked her up off the floor.
“I need to get some air.” Damien angled his body toward the front door and looked back at her. “Don’t wait up.” He grabbed his wallet off the table and walked out of the house.
For the second time in their relationship, she was completely unsure of their future. Lindsey cuddled Maris closer. Her family meant so much to her. She wanted Damien to experience that, too, but he’d made it perfectly clear that he was vehemently against it. A light bulb went off. Perhaps she could find his sister, determine where she was, and what she was like. If she seemed like a good person, she could admit what she’d done and introduce them, and if not, Damien would never know the difference.
She thought back to the painting he’d sold behind her back. At the time, she’d been crushed that he didn’t consider her feelings, but now she understood he was just trying to give her something she so desperately wanted but was afraid to grasp for herself. If she did this, wouldn’t it be exactly like how he’d molded a bit of her future without her consent? Of course, there were multiple people involved in Damien’s situation whose lives might be impacted if she took action.
Damien had such an awful childhood, one that had scarred his soul. If only he could develop a relationship with his little sister, maybe it could heal some of the hurt his parents had inflicted on him. Maybe, he wouldn’t feel so alone anymore. Her conscience played a game of tug-of-war. The last thing she wanted to do was betray his trust. It was really a decision he needed to make on his own, but she wanted to help him heal, to be whole. Sometimes, the best families were the ones you made on your own, but somewhere, Damien had a sister, too. One phone call could change everything, but what if it wasn’t for the best?
As the baby napped, Lindsey walked through the cottage picking up toys, and rearranging this and that. The only sound in the house was the faint creak of floorboards under her feet and the whirl of the overhead kitchen fan. Why did she have to read that letter? It nagged at her. Did his sister have a terrible upbringing, too? Was she struggling? Lindsey had a gut feeling, one that was telling her to pick up the phone.
*
Once Maris woke up, Lindsey wrapped her in a light blanket, took her phone off the kitchen table, and stepped out onto the deck. She scrolled through her contacts and picked out Alexandra Macintyre’s number.
She drew in the salty air when she heard the ring tone. If only she knew what was the right thing to do for Damien.
The other line clicked, and a familiar voice sounded.
“Macintyre Investigating.” Her friend’s tone was brisk and to the point.
“Alex, it’s Lindsey.” Alex had been a law student and Lindsey’s roommate during senior year of college. They’d lost touch after Lindsey had married Matthew and Alex had started her own firm.
“What a nice voice to hear on a crappy day. How the hell are you?”
“Divorced, with a new baby, and a boyfriend you’d definitely approve of.” Lindsey smiled into the phone. “And you?”
“Perpetually single, working sixteen-hour days, couldn’t be happier. Glad you left that scumbag. He had a look about him. And a new baby? Congratulations!”
“He was sleeping with his secretary.” Lindsey could look at it objectively now, without the sting of rejection.
“His loss,” Alex said simply. Lindsey could imagine her shrugging her shoulders, with her feet propped up on her desk. Lindsey heard a bark on the other line.
“You got a dog!” Her friend had always wanted one.
“That’s Hank, my partner in crime, and the only guy in my life. Wait till you meet him. Daisy will look like a little mushroom next to him.”
Lindsey laughed.
“So, this friend of mine, his name is Damien, found out he might have a long-lost sister. The problem is, he doesn’t want to find her.”
“And you do, because you’re always trying to make things better for people, even if they don’t want the help. That’s like swimming in shark-infested waters, Lindsey.”
“I know it.” She sighed.
“Okay, as long as you do. Email me what you have. I’ll let you know what I dig up,” Alex said.
“I will and charge me for your time.”
“That’s insulting, Lindsey. Just send the email.”
She hung up the phone, and looked out at the sea. Her friend always found what she was looking for. Alex had an uncanny knack for solving riddles and finding what was lost. When Damien found out, would he forgive her instead of walking away? She was taking a big risk doing this, but she had to try for Damien.
Maris squirmed in her arms and she bounced the baby gently on her knee. Lindsey chuckled when Maris’s eyes crossed, as she tried to look down at a bubble of drool. She wanted Damien to experience the love of family so desperately, to have a special bond with the sibling he’d never known. The wind had picked up, and dark clouds started rolling over the horizon. When the first bolt of lightning zigzagged over the ocean, she took Maris inside. She tried to call Damien to make sure he was okay, but the call went right to voicemail. Her heart weighed heavily in her chest and her throat was so tight, it hurt to swallow. Would Damien, who’d been wonderful for so long, end up like his mother and walk out on them, too? Was she an idiot to put faith in him? Maybe her own wishful thinking was making him out to be something he wasn’t.
She had to brace herself for the realization that things wouldn’t always be easy with Damien. Self-preservation had her tucking away her phone, a physical action to help her disconnect from him. Maris was her life now. She wouldn’t count on another to make her life and her baby’s a happy one. That was up to her. Lindsey locked the sliding glass door and took some colorful picture books from the coffee table. Even before Maris was born, she loved reading her the short tales. Her daughter’s gaze traveled over the bright images as she read Eric Carle’s tale about The Very Hungry Caterpillar. It didn’t matter how much she hurt, so long as Maris never experienced the pain of an adult she loved closing the door on their relationship—something Matthew had already done. Damien would have to decide what type of role he wanted in their lives, and she’d have to determine if trying was worth the potential heartache.
Lindsey’s skin tingled when her phone vibrated inside her jean’s pocket. Her shoulders loosened. It had to be Damien letting her know where he was and that he was safe. She glanced down and didn’t recognize the number. More likely Alex, calling from another office line or a new cell phone.
With a quick swipe of her thumb, she picked up the call.
“Hello?” Lindsey opened Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? to keep Maris occupied.
“Lindsey, we need to talk.” She shut her eyes. Damn. Her ex-husband’s voice was like razor wire.
“Matthew, I’ve signed the papers, you’ve started fresh, what’s left to discuss?” She hated the breathless notes that peppered her speech. How could the sound of his voice, thousands of miles away, make ice snake down her back?
“I’ve been thinking about the baby.”
Everything froze inside her. Lindsey didn’t want Matthew involved. A selfish piece of her didn’t want to share Maris. She was the one who woke every two hours in the night, who went through the extraordinary pain of labor, who poured every piece of herself into loving Maris. The son of a bitch on the other end of the call had to use the word “baby,” because he had no clue if Maris was a boy or a girl. He didn’t even know her name. Her words were locked in her throat.
“Lindsey, I want to see my kid. Do I need to call my lawyer?” Of course, he would threaten, before she even had a chance to speak. His lawyer had played dirty, used every loophole, and rendered Lindsey with nothing.
“Matthew, you haven’t supported this baby in any way. Not one. Why do you want to see her now?”
“A girl, then. I would have preferred a son. Regardless, it’s my right to see her.” Arrogance f
lowed through his tone. “I’ll be visiting next week. Give me the address, so I can put it in my GPS.”
Lindsey gritted her teeth. “Will Florence be coming?” Matthew was silent for a moment, giving her great satisfaction.
“Florence discovered she can’t have children. I couldn’t be with someone so…flawed.”
She could hear the disgust in his voice, and would have felt sorry for the pretty assistant, if she hadn’t knowingly slept with a married man—her husband. So, there was her answer. Matthew needed to see for himself the baby he’d produced, to eliminate any insecurities about his ability to father a child. He didn’t care about Maris. The tips of her ears burned. If she looked in a mirror, they’d be bright red, and her face flushed with anger.
“I’m sure she didn’t want to be with someone so perfect anyways.” Lindsey couldn’t control her sarcasm or her temper for another minute. Why bother trying to be cordial?
“I see you’ve developed an attitude. Check it when I visit.”
“Get off your high horse, Matthew. Things have changed. I’m not the same meek woman you left.”
She heard him sneer, then snicker. “Maybe I should bring along the lawyer, to remind you how powerful I am. I could take that baby, have full parental rights, before you could wipe that blank stare off your face.”
Her breath caught in her throat and blood roared in her ears. “Why would you do that? You know nothing about raising a child. Not one single thing! You’ve never even seen her before!”
“To prove I could. And I said nothing of raising her. That’s an au pair’s job. My work is too important to putt around with a baby all day.”
He couldn’t legally take the baby unless he could prove her to be a negligent parent—which she wasn’t. Still, her thready pulse and the ice that spread in a wave from her face all the way down to the tips of her toes, told her she’d have a panic attack if she didn’t end this call now. She rattled off the address, and hung up. Lindsey hunched over and hugged Maris close. He couldn’t take her, could he? Lindsey’s heart fluttered quickly in her chest. No, he couldn’t, but all the logical thinking in the world wasn’t going to calm her racing pulse. He had strong and corrupt lawyers that could make things very difficult for her if that’s what Matthew wanted.
What right did he have to threaten her like that? Their whole marriage had been about leveraging control. She should have left him sooner, but he wore her down until she doubted everything she did or said. Lindsey was just regaining her confidence, only to be slapped down again. Maris was her entire world and he wouldn’t use her love for their child against her. Lindsey had to grow a set, and stand firm.
The truth was, his words had left her shaken. More so than she’d like to admit. She’d always wanted to be a mother, to have a happy, normal family. She was so close to that now with Maris. She couldn’t lose her baby. Why did he have to pop up, today of all days, when she was already mentally exhausted from her showdown with Damien? She hated to think the words, because nothing was ever guaranteed, but it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that her ex could pop out of nowhere and threaten to exercise his parental rights. It wasn’t fair that she scraped by while he didn’t contribute an ounce to raising their child, and it wasn’t fair that Damien, the man who she should be able to lean on when she needed it, had flown the coop because it was easier to run from his problems than to face them. When she was done with her personal pity powwow, Lindsey took a deep breath. In through her nose, out through her mouth, just like the therapist she’d visited after the divorce had taught her.
No one was going to take Maris from her. That was the way Matthew worked. Threaten, gain control of the situation, and get what he wanted. Lindsey needed to man up. She wasn’t just acting for herself now, she was fighting for her baby’s rights, too. Maris couldn’t talk yet, or tell her lousy father how she felt or what she wanted, so Lindsey would be her voice and when the time came, she’d make sure it was strong, clear, and unafraid.
Chapter Thirteen
Damien was reeling from the news. He had a sister. Not a half sister or a stepsister—a full sibling. He absently pressed a fist to his chest to ease the ache in his heart. It wasn’t physical pain, but a deep disturbance that had rocked him off his feet. Maybe it was the realization that his mother not only left him, but kept him away from his sister, as well. What made his sister so important that she chose to keep that child instead of Damien?
He hadn’t handled the news well. Perhaps he wasn’t that different from his old man after all. He’d raised his voice at Lindsey, frightened Maris to tears, and fled to the bar. He sat alone, brooding over Lindsey’s words. Of course, he was curious about his sister, but he wasn’t sure if the risks outweighed the reward. Could he handle the disappointment of meeting her, only to find she was just like his mother? It was better to leave things alone. He needed to focus on the new life he was building rather than mess with the past. Damien wouldn’t always be able to outrun it, but he could try to accept what was and move forward.
He rested his elbows against the worn pine bar top and rubbed his hands over his face. For the second time in a matter of weeks, he’d hurt Lindsey. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for a relationship after all. She was a good woman, and she deserved better than what he had to offer. At the moment, being a hermit who lived alone on a mountaintop seemed like a good option. Somewhere he couldn’t hurt anyone.
“Is it a bad sign that I’m running into you at another bar?” Jay stood next to him, grinning.
Damien didn’t want to deal with Jay’s sunny outlook when a personal black cloud was brewing over him. He lifted his bottle, took a long sip, and set it down.
“Might be for both of us.” He angled his head toward Jay.
“You don’t look like you want company,” Jay said. He settled on the barstool next to Damien anyway. “But that’s usually when someone needs a shoulder the most.”
Did he ever get upset? Mad at the cards he’d been dealt? Damien’s eyes wandered to Jay’s scarred face as he ordered a cola. He took a breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Jay had been through just as much as him. Damien was just lucky his scars were hidden under a shirt and in his heart.
Jay swiveled the stool toward Damien. “So, what brings you to this dive when you have a woman waiting at home?” Jay leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms loosely over his chest.
“She found something in my father’s junk. It complicates things.” He released a ragged breath and looked down at his beer.
“Ah. So, you killed the messenger.” Jay gave him an understanding nod and leaned forward to rest his elbows against the bar top.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that. My father would have done the same. Explode at my mother, run off to the bar to get loaded, only to be hauled back to the house by the police.”
“From where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re nursing a beer and thinking things through. Solitude can help us sort things out, you know. You sure don’t look like you’re going to get hauled away by the cops anytime soon.” Jay took a sip of his soda, and watched a pitcher step up to the mound on the ancient TV behind the bar.
Damien looked down at his solitary beer. His father would have been a six-pack deep by now, drinking to wipe away the day. Jay was right. Damien had needed a spot to clear his head. Maybe he needed to stop being so hard on himself. He spent so much time trying to push away any trace of his parents, he didn’t know who he really was. How could he start an important relationship or care for a child, when he wasn’t even sure of himself?
“What about you?” he asked, and Jay’s brown eyes broke from the TV to meet Damien’s. “Got a woman waiting at home?”
“If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t be here.” A lone dimple popped in his cheek. “This isn’t a face made for romance.” He gestured to the right side of his head.
“You’re not looking at the right girls, then.” Jay’s face was a stamp of courage and a reminder of the price of war.
“May
be you’re right, but for now work keeps me busy enough. Maybe the right one will come along someday.” Jay drained his soda and set down the empty glass.
Damien hoped one did. He’d only known Jay a short time, but he was a good person, one who would put everything into a relationship. It made him think of his own, and how he should get going so he could put things straight. Two elderly red-faced men got up from the bar and walked to the exit laughing heartily at something.
“Jay, you have sisters. What’s it like having siblings?” Damien drained the last of his beer and signaled to the bartender for another.
“Just about the best thing in the world. We’ve always been close. My parents live in town, too. It’s nice to have a support net, you know?” Jay said. A waiter whizzed by with a towering plate of cheesy nachos. The buzz of chattering patrons and the blurred undertones of the TV echoed around him.
“I don’t, really. My mom left when I was young. Dad didn’t hang around much.” For the second time in his life, Damien had told someone about his family dynamic. Was he going soft, or did he just need someone else to lean on? “Lindsey, she found a letter from my mom that said I have a sister out there.” Damien stared at the wall in front of him.
“And you’re not sure if you want to make contact because it could change things—maybe for the worst?” Jay’s eyes held compassion and it poured out to Damien, reaching the pit of his heart. He’d found family in Lindsey and Maris, and now he’d found a friend in Jay. Shouldn’t he just be grateful for the good people he had around him, instead of trying to shoe-horn one more into his life?
“That’s exactly it. And if I were to reach out, it would open up the possibility of contact from my mother. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to face her.” Damien propped his elbows on the counter and looked at Jay.
“I get that. She left you, and you don’t owe her a damn thing. If you don’t think you’ll regret not reaching out to your sister, then don’t. But think on this. She might need to meet you a whole lot more than you do her.” Jay slapped him on the shoulder, squeezed. “Nothing’s ever easy, is it?”
In with the Tide Page 10