Bittersweet Always

by Ella Fields

  I just wanted out of there.

  “Look man, I’m out. Tired as hell.”

  “You gonna be all right to play tomorrow?” His raised eyebrow told me he was either concerned or looking to rile me up.

  “Don’t ask stupid questions.” I forced a grin. “Later.” I made my way back over to where I’d left Pippa, thinking of some bullshit excuse to tell her for why I was bailing. Ideally, I’d love it if she came with me, but I knew the chances of that happening were slim to none.

  I pulled up short halfway across the yard when I realized she wasn’t there.

  Burnell came staggering out from the side of the house, rubbing his head and looking dazed. “You seen Pippa?”

  He glanced at me, then looked back at where he’d come from. “I think she and Daisy just left.”

  Shit.

  “I don’t know if I should,” I said, but I was already looking for something to wear.

  “You’ve never been to a game, though; you might like it.”

  A snort escaped me. “Doubtful. Sports and me are like milk and juice.” I turned and jabbed my brush at Daisy. “We don’t play nice together.”

  “You get a stomachache too?”

  “Duh.”

  Daisy shoved her boots on, then took her glasses off to clean the lenses with the hem of her dress. “Makes sense when you think about it.”

  This girl. I loved her the minute I saw her standing in the corner of our dorm room with an awkward smile on her face. She was my person. I knew it the same day I’d met her, but good Lord, she could be sillier than me. And that was saying something.

  “Anyway.” I sighed, chucking my brush onto my dresser and tugging an orange dress off the hanger. Team spirit and all. “If I fall asleep, I’m blaming you.”

  “You won’t fall asleep.” Daisy grabbed her purse, chucking her phone inside it. “Too noisy.”

  Smiling, I did up the buttons resting over my cleavage. Couldn’t give too much away. “Ready?”

  “Yeah,” she said, looking around the room. “Let’s do this before I change my mind.”

  It was obvious something had happened between her and Quinn at the party last night. She’d decided not to talk, though, and I didn’t push it. I didn’t feel like talking about it, either. My own dilemma, that is. If you could even call it that. Or him that, rather.

  Way to get a girl interested, then drop her like a hot tamale.

  “Why are we going again?” I asked, grabbing my own purse as we made our way to the door.

  “Nothing better to do, and besides, I’m hungry.”

  I knew she wanted to see Quinn but let it go. I was the friend, not the parent.

  We grabbed some snacks from the cafeteria before making our way to the stadium on the far side of campus. Daisy said buying food there would cost a fortune. And I lived week to week, so I appreciated cheap.

  Cars overflowed the parking lot, littering the streets in and outside campus. A few people were standing around talking while stragglers hurried inside. “Are we late?” I asked, just as a huge round of cheering ensued.

  “Umm,” Daisy said. “Yeah, I think so.”

  I shrugged, not really caring too much in this instance. We made our way past the ticket booths and up the stairs to our seats in the middle of the stands.

  The noise was deafening. Each time someone scored a touchdown, I braced myself, waiting for the assholes behind us to lose their shit.

  “I can’t see them,” Daisy said. “Who’s who?”

  The Tomahawks looked small from our vantage point. Like little garden gnomes dressed in burnt orange and gray with helmets on. I found Quinn a moment later, wincing as he went down. “That was Quinn.”

  “What?” Daisy squinted at the illuminated field. “Oh.”

  I didn’t know which position Toby played, but I found him after halftime, thanks to the removal of his helmet for a minute. Number eleven.

  I finished my soda, popping some mints into my mouth afterward.

  My eyes watered at the burn, but I sucked anyway before chucking a few more in. Something about that kind of freshness just appealed to me. Weird, yes. I didn’t really care, though. As far as addictions go, it could be worse.

  Afterward, we waited for everyone else to file out, then followed, ending up in the parking lot. Daisy wanted to wait for Callum since he was the one who’d given her tickets. I wished we didn’t have to.

  The reason for that walked out the doors a few minutes later, shaking his damp hair and tossing his water bottle into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder. His hair looked black when it was wet, which only made his eyes glow more severely. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when they landed on me.

  Nerves erupted. After the way he’d acted the night before, I didn’t quite know what to expect, and that concerned me more than it excited me.

  A huge, devious grin overtook his face, making my heart jolt. Stopping right in front of me, he wrapped a thick finger around a strand of my hair and tugged. “Hey, Pip.” Flutters assaulted my stomach, but I was too damn confused to give in to the feeling. “Feel like putting me out of my misery?”

  So maybe my first thoughts of him were correct after all. I felt my shoulders droop. Trying to play it off, I rolled my eyes. “Not tonight. And don’t call me Pip.”

  His bottom lip disappeared inside his mouth, eyes studying mine. “Ah, another night then?”

  Callum approached Daisy, and Toby stepped forward, caging me against the car behind me.

  “Nice dress,” he commented with a smile that’d melt my baby blue lace panties. But I averted my gaze, staring at a bead of water clinging to the tan skin of his neck. “I’ve pissed you off.”

  “Perceptive,” I deadpanned, looking up again.

  Dark brows folded over his eyes. “I’m sorry.” His voice was soft, sincere. “I honestly didn’t mean to. Where’d you go last night?”

  “Home.” I tried to move away, but it was impossible. He was swallowing up all my oxygen, and I was worried that if I didn’t stop him, I’d suffocate in ways I never knew existed.

  He let go of my hair, placing a hand on my waist.

  Humming, he surveyed my chest, eyes skating up slowly, so slowly, to meet mine. “I was worried.”

  “It didn’t seem like it.” I couldn’t help my catty tone, not at the memory of that girl’s lips near his ear and her hand touching his. It bothered me, and I couldn’t hide that, so I didn’t even try.

  “Would you forgive me if I told you I was having a really, really shitty day yesterday?” His lips rubbed together, and I didn’t know where to direct my eyes. To his or let them roam the vast beauty of his face.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  Leaning in, he said quietly, “If it happens again, I give you my blessing to curse me out, leave, and maybe even slap me, but …”

  “But?” I breathed, unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences, with his scent invading my nostrils and his warmth colliding with mine.

  “But I’ll need your number, so that way, when I need to make it up to you, I can hound you with sexts, but mainly …”

  “Mainly?” Oh, fucking hell. I was doomed.

  “Mainly so I know you’re okay.”

  Snap, crackle, and fucking pop. I melted into the cool metal of the car behind me, speechless.

  “Do we have a deal?” He was already tugging my purse from my shoulder and fishing my phone out before I could protest.

  But I didn’t want to. He entered his number, calling himself before putting my phone away and giving my purse back.

  “I never said we had a deal.” I took my purse and slung it back over my shoulder.

  He smirked, jabbing me in the cheek and making me laugh. “But you didn’t say we didn’t, either.”

  “I’m going to head home,” Daisy cut in. “You coming?”

  I looked over at Daisy, who was now alone, then back at Toby and nodded. “Later, Tobes.”

 
; I slid by him, linking my arm through Daisy’s.

  “Hey! You can’t call me that.”

  Smiling over my shoulder, I called out, “Then don’t call me Pip!”

  Back in our dorm, I listened to Daisy snoring softly. Unsure of what it was exactly that kept me up longer than usual.

  Perhaps, it was the knowledge he had my number. Well, I had his too. I could text him. But looking back on our first meetings, I was struggling to piece it all together, to decide what to do.

  To piece him together.

  Never mind that he was kind of intense. That didn’t deter me. It was the hot and cold behavior that wasn’t charming me at all. Really, he could’ve just had a bad day. We were all human, right? No matter how much you wanted something or someone, a shitty day was a shitty day.

  But despite all that, something inside me lurched in protest when I thought of not giving him a chance.

  Maybe it was a gut feeling, or maybe it was a warning.

  Or perhaps, a feeling of regret over something that hadn’t even happened yet.

  Either way, I knew I hadn’t seen the last of Toby.

  Which made me fall asleep with a smile on my face like some sort of cheeseball.

  Monday arrived without a peep from Toby.

  As I made plans to leave the library, I repeatedly told myself to stop thinking about it, to forget about the whole crazy thing, and that I was stupid for wasting time thinking and worr—

  My phone pinged with a text.

  Toby: Hey …

  Before I could open and read it, a call came through.

  I almost screamed with frustration, barely concealing it as I hit answer. “Yes, Mother?”

  “Well, hello to you too. What’s the weather like there?”

  I shouldered my bag and lumbered down the steps to the bottom level. “Probably not much different from what it is at home.”

  Willowmina, my hometown, was small compared to Gray Springs and the surrounding county. The drive here took just under three hours. I wanted out, but I didn’t want too far out. Mom still had a hard time wondering why I didn’t plan bigger. She forgot that if I had gone someplace farther away, she would’ve likely had a conniption.

  “Your sass knows no bounds.” She paused, and I heard her swallow. Walking by the scowling librarian, I pulled the phone away from my ear and glanced at the time. It was just after four, so she was having her late afternoon tea. “Anyway, I called for a reason, you know.”

  “What reason other than you love me could there be?” I added an extra dose of sugar to my voice, making her laugh. Which in turn made me smile. That is, until I saw the jet black haired girl walk inside the library.

  Alexis. The boyfriend-stealing shithead. Meeting her icy gaze, I flipped her off with a huge smile and walked past, not giving a damn about the look of outrage on her face. Call me immature, I didn’t care. She deserved more than that.

  “What are you doing?” my mother asked with her knowing tone.

  Sixth fucking sense, I swear. “Ah, walking out of the library.”

  She hummed. “You’re being careful? It’ll start getting dark earlier soon. You’ll need to be more organized and head indoors beforehand.”

  The breeze whipped some of my hair into my face, causing several strands to stick to my lip balm. I sputtered and blew a breath out, knocking them away. “Yeah, I heard a new student is actually a mafia boss’s son.” She coughed, and I cringed. “Too far?”

  “Don’t play an old woman like that.”

  I scoffed. “You’re not old. Don’t even start that again.”

  “Oh, but I am,” she cried, and I just knew she was staring at her reflection somewhere in the house, looking for any gray hairs she hadn’t covered with dye. “I’ll be forty-three next spring.”

  “Yeah, ancient.” I refrained from rolling my eyes, walking down the path toward my dorm.

  “Pippa,” she scolded, but she was laughing. “I’ll swat your behind next time I see you, and don’t you even try to turn that into something sexual. Christ,” she muttered. “No wonder I’ve got gray hair. The sass I put up with.”

  “I love you, too. Anyway, better go and feed myself before I waste away to nothing.”

  Her gasp was loud. “Do I need to come down there?”

  Yes, I wanted to say. I missed my mom like crazy. “No, you know I like food too much to let such a thing happen.”

  “Do you need money? That’s why I called. I’ll put some in your account next week. You’ll need to buy some more winter clothes.”

  “I’m fine, Mom.” I stopped at the vending machine in the common room, digging around in my purse for change. “I have more than enough clothes.”

  Her hum of disapproval had me imagining her pursed lips. I didn’t need any, though. And although we weren’t struggling financially, my mom didn’t like taking money from my dad if she didn’t have to. He sent checks, tried to deposit the money into her account, and had even showed up with it a few times, which didn’t end well. She rarely ever accepted.

  In case it wasn’t obvious, Mom hadn’t let go, but I couldn’t blame her. Dad was the love of her life, and they’d been together since college. The strange thing was, we all knew he hadn’t quite let go either.

  Instead, he simply decided to remove himself.

  We said goodbye, and I took my soda and chips upstairs to our room. Setting up camp on my bed with my laptop, I got comfortable to watch reruns of Gilmore Girls.

  The ringing of my phone sent my head flying up, causing my arm to fling the leftover chip bag to the floor. Fuck a duck.

  Glancing over at Daisy’s bed, I saw she was sound asleep with her sketchpad lying open beside her. I switched on the lamp, scanning the floor and bed for crumbs and sweeping them up. No one liked to step on crumbs or sleep on them, thank you very much.

  My phone rang again, and I jumped, quickly hitting answer to keep from waking Daisy.

  “Hello?” I whisper-hissed, causing Daisy to mumble something in her sleep.

  “I was starting to wonder if I had the right number.”

  Toby.

  It was only then I remembered the unread text message he’d sent earlier. “Hang on a sec.”

  Dumping the chip bag in the trash, I quickly padded out into the hall. “Sorry. Christ, what time is it?”

  I went to check my phone when he said, “Just after ten. Were you asleep?”

  “I must’ve passed out by accident.” I sniffed my shirt, realizing I still hadn’t even showered. Ugh.

  Toby was silent for a few seconds. “You didn’t get my message?”

  Sinking to the floor, I leaned back against the wall and pulled my knees to my chest. “I did, but my mom called at the same time it came through.”

  “So you forgot about me then,” he said with a soft laugh, but my brows furrowed, sensing he was maybe a little butt-hurt over it.

  “I did but not on purpose.” Pulling the phone away from my ear, I opened the text message. “All it says is, Hey, what’s doing?” I told him, returning the phone to my ear.

  “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “So?”

  “What’s doing?” I laughed, then slapped a hand over my mouth to smother it as I glanced down the dark, silent hallway.

  He chuckled. “Okay, so I’m a little out of practice with this stuff.”

  That intrigued me. “How so?”

  Silence again, then, “Just … I don’t know. I can’t explain it without making myself sound like a dick.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right. You normally just text to say, hey, wanna fuck?”

  A groan left him, traveling into my ear and sweeping through my body to hit me between the legs. “Did you want to?”

  Laughing at his audacity, I said, “I like the way you don’t beat around the bush.”

  “I’m a straight shooter. My aim is impeccable.” His voice turned huskier. “It’d honestly make my whole year to cover those tits with my—”

  “Okay, buddy. Slow it down.�
� My cheeks were burning, my thighs clenching.

  “Sorry. I’m not well versed in the romance department, but I’m hoping you’ll at least give me a trial.”

  “A trial?”

  “Yes,” he said.

  “I don’t want romance. I just want someone to open the salsa jar and to maybe lift my bed high enough for me to vacuum beneath it.”

  I could’ve swore he whined. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over?”

  Sucking back laughter, I said, “I’m sure.”

  “We don’t have to fuck. We can just hang out.”

  “It’s after ten, like you said.” I bit my lip, staring down at the old carpet. “I need to sleep soon.”

  “Sleep here.”

  Wow. This guy. “I find it hard to believe that you’d only want to sleep.”

  “Believe it. I just … I want to see you.”

  Temptation warred with caution. “You don’t even know me.”

  “I know you like mints. I know you like cleanliness. You cringe whenever you drink beer. Your hair looks better naturally wavy. You’re hesitant to trust. You’re a loyal friend, and you’re beautiful as fuck. I also know you’re interested in me, too.”

  I was kind of stunned. Not to mention flattered. “Is that what this is? You’re just curious about me? Because let me assure you, I’m not that exciting. I do word searches and crosswords for fun.”

  “I beg to differ.” His laugh was delicious, wicked, and genuine. “And I think I bypassed curious the night I met you.”

  I had to admit, I didn’t see him coming, or the way he was making me feel. And although his behavior and weird fascination with bedding me was … odd, he was right. I was interested in him, too. So I took advantage of what he was offering. “Well, Toby. What position do you play?”

  “Wide receiver.”

  “Middle name?”

  “Liam.”

  “Favorite movie?”

  “Too many to name.”

  With a light guffaw, I said, “Cop-out. Okay, where are you from?”

  “Glibson.”