by Ella Fields
“I love you, Mom.”
She shut up then, a labored, heaving breath smacking into my ear. “Then you need to answer the god damned phone. Even if it is only to tell me you’re busy before hanging up.”
“Right. I’m sorry. But he’s back.”
Silence. I glanced around the quad, noticing more and more people had disappeared. More silence. “Mom, I have to go before I’m late.”
“He’s back? Toby?”
“Yes.”
“Call me after class. I expect a full report.”
“You’ll be at work,” I reminded her and started walking toward the science building.
“I don’t care if I’m climbing the Eiffel Tower. Call me.”
She hung up, and I laughed quietly, slipping my phone away before speed walking to class.
“Coaching?”
“How cliché,” I drawled, folding a sweater and stacking it carefully on the pile.
Pippa hummed. “Commentator?”
I gave her a look that said, “Really?”
She laughed. “I think you’d be great at that.”
I wasn’t great at anything. Anything but football. That was the problem.
A laugh gurgled out of me at the thought of trying to commentate a game. I’d likely swear and rage at everyone on the field. Same thing if I were to coach a team.
“What’s so funny?”
“Hmm? Oh, nothing.”
Pippa’s hands smoothed over a fuzzy pair of socks before she carefully folded and rolled them together. It was soothing to watch her tiny hands and the way she did things. Some would call it tedious. A waste of time.
Not me. I loved it in a way that made my dick twitch every time I watched her.
“Maybe something that doesn’t have anything to do with sports.” She leaned against a dryer, tapping her bottom lip with a slender finger. Her nails were painted again. A cherry looking deep pink. “You like to read.”
“I also like to fuck. Should I become a porn star, then?” I winced as soon as the words carried themselves out of my mouth. My chin dropped to my chest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound so …”
“Honest. So shut up.”
Leaning forward on the dryer I was sitting on, I pulled her between my knees, looping a pair of her leggings around her waist to keep her there. “You make me so damn hard.” I bumped her nose with mine, listening to her breath escape her and feeling it warm my lips and cheek. “But you also make me feel so damn lucky.”
“Kiss me,” she said.
I did, fitting my lips lightly to the perfect curve of hers, as though that was where they were always meant to be. Footsteps sounding on the stairs had her stepping away, but no one came in.
“How long do you think those have been sitting in there?” Pippa asked, closing the dryer and carefully putting her folded clothes inside the basket.
Eyeing one of the washers behind her filled with wet clothes, I folded her leggings and scrunched my nose. “I don’t think I wanna know.”
“Before we got here, right?”
Nodding, I reached over to put the leggings in the basket. “Yeah, so don’t let that conscience of yours get the better of you. There’s no saving them from stink-land now.”
“So gross,” Pippa muttered.
Grinning, I picked up a green cotton pair of panties with tiny turtles on them, waving them in front of my face. “Slow and steady wins the race?”
“You’re too funny, Tobes. Give them here.”
I pulled them away, gently folded them in half, then in half again before relinquishing my hold on them. She tried to hide her smile by ducking her head, but I felt it and saw it. Pippa’s smile was like a blast from a hand dryer with the way it warmed me.
“What else are you interested in? You like figuring things out, how they work. What about—”
The warm fuzzies vanished. I jumped off the dryer. “Pip, no more talk of it today.”
Fishing her ringing phone from her pocket, she groaned. “It’s my dad.”
“Answer it,” I said, grabbing the basket and carrying it to the door.
She did. “Hey …”
“Toby?” a girl asked as I walked up the stairs to Pippa’s dorm, washing in tow.
“The one and only,” I said dryly, giving her a half smile as I kept on climbing the stairs. No wonder Pippa had nice calves despite not working out. Those stairs would be a bitch. The girl giggled behind me, but I ignored her.
I got another strange look from a passing girl in the hall and whispers from an open doorway. It wasn’t like we were at some boarding school. I’d heard of dudes coming in the girl’s dorms all the time.
Setting the basket down on Pippa’s bed, I looked around her room. It was easy to tell which side belonged to Daisy. If the sketches and paintings on the wall above her bed didn’t give it away, then Pippa’s cleanliness compared to the other side would.
Daisy wasn’t a slob, but eyeing her pencils that laid discarded on the nightstand and the pile of textbooks sitting half exposed beneath her bed with a thin layer of dust coating them made me feel a little twitchy.
The only thing on Pippa’s nightstand was hand cream, a lamp, pens and pencils, and a dog-eared puzzle book. Her pens and pencils were all in a jar, sitting primly next to the lamp.
It made me smile.
“Next weekend?” Pippa said, voice a little high pitched as she entered the room. She closed the door with her foot before kicking off her shoes. “I don’t know.”
Her clear anxiety made my eyes stay glued to her, and I raised a brow when she looked at me, but she only sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. Then the thumb chewing started. Her tell.
“What’s up?” I asked when she hung up.
Her slim shoulders slumped as she dumped her phone on the end of the bed.
“My dad wants to meet up next weekend.”
She flopped backward onto her bed, making it bounce a little. Pippa threw her limbs and body around as if she didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of her. But her body had a mind of its own, saving itself from her attitude with graceful sweeps and delicate movements of rebuttal. “You don’t want to?”
“I don’t know what I want.”
I sat down next to her. “When was the last time you saw him?”
Her tongue slid over her teeth as she squinted at the ceiling. “Last summer before I came here.”
Leaning down, I laid my head against the side of her stomach and joined her game of ceiling staring. The channels in my mind quieted to a vibrating hum.
A balm. Being with Pippa was like dousing flames that’d burned too long. I needed it almost as much as I loved it.
“You’re nervous?” I asked, my eyes connecting the popcorn bulges in the ceiling with invisible lines.
Her stomach lifted my head slightly as she inhaled. “He’s had this girlfriend for I don’t know, over a year or something now? He wants me to meet her.”
“Right. And you don’t want to.” Not a question. We both knew the answer.
“I really don’t.”
“But you want to see your dad and do something that might make him happy. Even if a part of you still thinks he doesn’t deserve it.”
Fingers reached over to tweak my nose. “Stop dissecting me.”
“Never.” I grabbed her hand, nipping her fingers before resting it over my thumping heart. “Would you feel better if I came with?”
“What?” She paused. “You want to meet my dad? You haven’t even met my mom.”
“Well, I’d have liked to meet her first, but if you need me, say when and where. I’ll be there.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. “You’d … you’d really do that?”
This girl. Didn’t she know that I’d do almost anything for her? “The fact you even need to ask that means I still have some serious convincing to do.”
Her laughter filled the room, my ears, my heart, making it thump faster beneath her hand. “You feel that?”
I asked quietly.
“Your heart?”
“No,” I said, flattening her palm over the beating organ in my chest. “Your heart.”
“Wake up,” a voice sounded.
I swatted it away with a hand, shifting to sink my face deeper into the pillow.
“Toby, come on.” Pippa, my tired brain registered. “It’s almost lunchtime.”
“Don’t care,” I mumbled. “Tired.”
Silence. Blissful silence. I drifted, floating on delicate notes of sleep before they could flee.
Then cold air hit me.
“Oh, damn. I honestly didn’t think you’d sleep naked when I wasn’t here.”
Jesus Christ. “Cold.” I frantically reached for the blanket, and a giggle invaded my ears.
“No, you don’t. You’ve missed two classes. Get up.”
What? Rising onto my elbows, I parted my stubborn eyelids and blinked several times until Pippa’s features started to make sense.
“Hey,” she said, a soft look on her face as her fingers threaded through my hair.
I laid back down, snatching her wrist and tugging her to the bed. The blankets fell to the floor, and she fell over my bare chest. “Hi,” I said. “Missed you.”
“You’ve also missed class, in case you didn’t hear me before.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost twelve. When you didn’t respond to my texts, I got worried. Daisy came over and let me in.”
That made me feel like fucking shit. “Sorry, I’m just …” I held in my exhale, because morning breath, and let a half lie slip. “Tired.”
It was exhausting, though. I was drowning in coursework I still hadn’t caught up on and doing my best to avoid the guys. I didn’t know if I was ready to hang out with them as we once did. Not without the constant reminder of what they had that I didn’t anymore.
My own fault or not, it still crushed me every time I saw the banners on campus, heard whispers and excited chatter about games, and saw the students and players wearing team colors.
Pippa’s eyes sank deep into mine, her pretty mouth curling to one side after a moment. “Maybe you need to get out for a while.”
“Yeah? And what exactly did you have in mind?” With a mind of their own, my hands skated down over her back, lifting her skirt for me to skim my fingers over the soft fabric covering her ass. “Because I kind of like staying in.”
Her hair fell, whispering over my chest and causing the hairs there to rise, as though every part of me needed to meet every part of her. “I know you do,” she said, her voice a temptation all on its own. “There’s a party tonight.”
Pippa sat up, rolling over to grab The Disappearance of Susie Westmore from my nightstand, flicking to where I’d left the bookmark last night. “You don’t do parties,” I said, hoping she didn’t lose the page. I shouldn’t have bothered to worry about it because I’d read that book more times than I could remember, but I just did.
“I never said that,” she said, swinging her gaze to me. I raised a brow, and she conceded. “Fine. So they’re not my favorite thing to do, but I don’t hate them. And with you”—she placed the bookmark in and set the book back down on the nightstand—“it might even be fun.”
“I’ve got a shit ton of studying to catch up on.” A yawn rumbled out of me, and my arms stretched over my head. I reached for the duvet, pulling it back onto the bed and diving beneath it like I was a little kid again, hiding from the dark in an even darker but safer place.
“We don’t have to go,” Pippa said, lifting a corner and poking her head beneath the dark. “I’ve got a research paper due next week anyway.”
“Wanna study-fuck again?” I asked, staring up at her.
“That didn’t turn out so well.”
“I disagree,” I said. “Best study session I’ve ever had.”
“We didn’t study,”
“Again, I disagree. Biology, baby.”
Her laughter rang out, crisp and musical. I gazed up at her, letting it fill my mind and drown out the static that was growing louder. “Come here.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” The bed dipped as she got off it, tugging the duvet away.
“Quit. It’s fucking cold.”
“Suck it up, buttercup. You have one more class you can still attend today. Up.”
“I don’t think so. I’m sick.” I forced a pitiful sounding cough. “My girlfriend keeps letting me get exposed to the weather.”
Pippa groaned, walking out of the room. “I’ll see you later then. Gotta go or I’ll be late.”
“Excuse me?” I sat up, incredulous. “You’re forgetting something.”
“I’m not kissing you. You haven’t brushed your teeth.” Her footsteps on the stairs echoed down the hall to greet me in farewell, the front door closing eight seconds later.
Grabbing the duvet, I wrapped myself up like a burrito, and stared at the wall until I passed out again.
“Hang on. You said you liked free porn,” Paul commented.
“I do. Real-life free porn tops every kind of porn. What I’m saying is, watching free porn on the internet is like banging with no rubber. Feels great until you get hit with the repercussions.”
“Such as?” Paul asked, sipping his beer.
Burrows glared at him. “What do you mean such as? Viruses. Duh.”
“Aren’t STDs classified as diseases?” Quinn said, demolishing half a slice of pizza and chewing. “You know, being that there’s a D in that little acronym.”
“Exactly.” Paul jabbed his beer toward Quinn in thanks.
“What the hell kind of virus can you get from fucking without a rubber?” Robbo asked, tossing a log onto the fire pit.
“The ‘oops, I’m pregnant’ one,” Ed cut in, laughing at his own joke. Which was the only reason everyone around him started laughing too, including me.
“If we’re getting technical, certain types of STDs are viruses. Genital warts, for one.”
“Yeah? Know from experience, Hawthorne?” Burrows grinned.
“I’ve never fucked without a rubber, so I’m sorry to disappoint you there, buddy.”
Burrows waggled his brows. “Except Pippa, here, right?”
My stomach turned. I had no issues with their dumb conversations. I actually found them quite amusing. Until it involved me.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Toby said, his arm tightening around me. With a pat on my ass, he gestured for me to get up from his lap before heading over to chat with some guys on the back porch of the house.
“He’s doing okay?” Daisy leaned over and asked as I took Toby’s seat.
I peeled my eyes from Toby, taking a small sip of beer. “Yeah.”
I didn’t want to lie, and he was doing okay. But was okay enough? I guessed it had to be.
“Just hit subscribe. So much better. None of those ads popping up with grandma asking if you’re down to fuck.”
“Do I want to know what you’re talking about?” Callum asked, joining the circle with two beers clutched in his arm and an open one in his hand. He grinned at me and Daisy, taking a seat next to Quinn.
“Grandma porn,” Quinn said.
“Genital warts,” I supplied, watching Toby light a smoke and laugh with some guys I didn’t recognize.
“Rubbers and pregnancy.” Robbo shrugged.
“Christ,” Callum said, coughing into his beer. “I need some better friends.”
Daisy laughed, and my eyes narrowed. I’d never seen Toby smoke before. Not going to lie, it was hot from a distance, but I had to kiss that mouth later.
“Back in a few,” I said, standing and righting my long knit cardigan. “Bathroom.”
“Want me to come with?” Daisy asked.
“I’m good,” I said, leaving my beer and walking toward the porch. The winter-dried grass crunched below my boots, and the worry gnawing at my stomach intensified as I climbed the back steps and found no sign of Toby.
Not wanting to stand around feeling
like a goober as I continued to stare at everyone for any sight of him, I sighed and went inside the house. The change in temperature had me shivering and wondering if we were crazy for sitting outdoors when it was the dead of winter.
“Hey, there. You’re in my psych class, aren’t you?” some guy I vaguely recognized asked, two cups of beer wobbling precariously in his hands as he teetered.
“I think so.”
“Wanna drink?” Beer sloshed over the side of one cup, and I cringed as it hit the floor.
“No, thank you. I’m looking for someone.” I stepped around him, ignoring whatever he said after that. The loud bass coming from a zillion speakers in the living room matched the thumping of my heart as I started searching rooms upstairs.
Some doors were locked, and others should’ve been locked, my eyes widening at the sight of a threesome.
I closed the door, blowing some hair off my face as I exhaled.
“See something interesting?”
I turned, locking eyes with Renee, who was leaning against the wall a little ways down the hallway. “I guess you could say that.”
She laughed, but it broke off as she stared at the ground.
“Callum’s here,” I felt compelled to say and had no idea why.
“I know,” she said.
Okay. “Is there a bathroom up here?” Maybe Toby was in there.
“If you’re looking for Toby, try the den downstairs.”
Heat crawled up my neck. He was my boyfriend, so technically, I had every right to wonder where he was, but I didn’t want to seem controlling. “Thanks. I do need the bathroom, though.”
The door opened, and a familiar blonde walked out. “God, it’s a mess in there. Like, I legit think some asshole peed all over the wall.”
Renee smirked at me. “It’s all yours.”
“On second thought, I’m fine.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs,” Renee said to her friend, who shrugged and righted her short skirt as she walked down the hall.
“Is that the one who blew your ex?” I asked.
“I knew someone was listening.” Her smile turned venomous. “So I turned up the volume, so to speak.”
“Not true then?” I raised a brow.