Private Show (The Private Series)

by Torella, Danielle

  Each of us sits in silence for a quick moment before Caroline speaks up, “I don’t care when! I just want to design the dress!”

  “Of course Caroline!” Gwen rushes out in an excited breath.

  Ben clears his throat. “So when is the big day?”

  In unison the couple speaks. “Thanksgiving!”

  The three of us gasp. “Wow, that soon?” Ben asks.

  I excitedly clap my hands. “Oh, this is so exciting! I’ve never been to a real wedding.” And now the attention is turned to me. “What?”

  “You’ve never been to a wedding?” Ben asks.

  I shake my head no. Gwen is smiling at me like a fool when she looks at me, “Well then, now you’re in for a surprise. I want you and Caroline to be my bridesmaids.”

  I feel my mouth gape open and Caroline squeals. Then I feel Ben’s hand beneath my chin and he closes my mouth for me, causing my cheeks to pink.

  “Oh, Tess!” Caroline jumps up and reaches around my shoulders from behind and gives me a tight hug. “This is going to be so much fun! And you can help me design our dresses! The plus of having a designer in the family… no horrible bridesmaids’ dresses!”

  “So why the rush?” Ben asks his father. There is a note of doubt or disbelief in his voice.

  Jack shifts in his seat to look his son dead in the eye. “Gwen’s pregnant.”

  And I nearly spit out my coffee once again.

  “Kidding!” Jack exclaims, as soon as he see the color drain from Ben’s face.

  “Fuck, Dad!”

  “Ben!” Gwen scolds.

  Laughing now, Jack leans back and starts to explain. “Well, Caroline goes off to New York the first week of December until March. We don’t want to wait that long and we can’t see pulling her out of school for the wedding. It’s going to be held here and very small, nothing fancy. But I want you to stand as my best man.”

  Ben sits in silence for a moment. Then: “Why?”

  “Why? What Ben? You are my son and I want you to stand with me on my wedding day.”

  “I never thought you would remarry for one, so this is a shock as you know. But I really never thought you would ask your disappointment of a son, either.” Ben looks down at my hand on his leg and puts his hand on mine, He is holding on to me to really hold on to himself.

  Jack takes in a deep breath. “I know I gave you grief about your career choice. I know I pulled you out of your home as a teenager to come here. I know you didn’t have the best teen years and I know I didn’t make anything easy for you.”

  Ben opens his mouth to speak and closes it. He opens it again and finally lets it out. “I can forgive you for all of that, as long as from this day forward you can accept every decision I make. What I choose for my life. Yes, I may make mistakes, but this is me. If you can do that from this moment on, then I will stand with you on your wedding day. Because my future is looking more beautiful with every passing day and I don’t want you to ever doubt it again.”

  Jack stands up and holds out his hand to his son, “You have my word, son.” With that Ben stands to meet his father’s incredible height and extends his own hand, once in his father’s Jack pulls him in for a big hug.

  “I know you have an amazing future ahead of you, Ben, especially with Tess in your corner.”

  I blush at the man’s nice words and Ben can see it, so he wraps his arm around my waist and give me a squeeze.

  When Ben looks down at me, he speaks to his father, but his eyes never leave mine. “I know.”

  We stay just long enough for Caroline to take my measurements for my bridesmaids dress.

  Ben asks me what I want to do for the evening, and while I have many ideas, I propose, “How about we stop at the market and make dinner together?” I can barely cook, but I know he can and I would much rather spend time in his kitchen than in a restaurant.

  “You got it.”

  At the market, he collects things to make eggplant parmesan, one of my favorite dishes, and salad. We hold hands as we walk, and that’s when we run into Jackie.

  “Well, well, well, look at the happy fucking couple,” she seethes.

  Ben tightens his grip on my hand, and we start to walk past her when a man calls out to her and approaches her side. Shit, are you kidding me?

  His hand goes right to his cheek when he sees me. “Mark.” I say as simply and Ben looks to me.

  Mark puffs out his chest. “Bitch,” he says as we start to walk away and that’s all it took. Ben was right on his toes.

  “What did you just call my girlfriend?” His tone was calm and yet terrifying. It gave me the chills.

  Mark adjusts his waistband and puts an arm around Jackie and doesn’t say a word, just smirks.

  Once again Ben asks, “What did you just call my girlfriend? You can say it to someone’s back but not to their boyfriend’s face? I guess you are a fucking coward. Oh, and by the way, have you recently had a STD screening? You might want to do that, while seeing this one.” He nods in Jackie’s direction.

  Mark looks to Jackie who is giving Ben the look of death. “Shut up, Ben.” She attempts to make her voice sound threatening, but I hear a silent plea in her tone.

  “Don’t you think the guy you are fucking should know about your past… pest issue?”

  “That’s been taken care of.”

  Mark looks lost. “What’s been taken care of?” He steps away from her.

  “Oh, so you haven’t.” Ben sings out. I can tell he is amused, and happy to tear her down, for destroying his best friend’s heart. Then I have to think about Erin. Shit! Was he sleeping with Erin while he was screwing around with Jackie and whoever else?

  “Were you two screwing while you were seeing Erin, Mark?”

  “None of your business, Tess.”

  “I think it is, especially if I need to tell Erin that she needs to get tested, it is.”

  “With Jackie and a handful of other women, yeah.” Mark confesses.

  “Say, Tess, don’t you know the story of why Dan and I broke up?”

  “Yes I do, because you cheated on him and got crabs and god knows what else.” I repeat the story that Ben told me about his best friend and his heartbreak.

  Jackie looks to Ben and gives a sly, shit eatin’ grin, “Oh, is that what he told you?”

  “Jackie,” Ben warns.

  “Don’t you think she deserves the truth?” Jackie takes a step closer to me, “Ben slept with his best friend’s girl.”

  “I don’t buy it.” I tell her, because I know Ben wouldn’t stoop that low… right?

  “You are so full of shit Jackie!” Ben snaps.

  “Granted Dan doesn’t know that bit. Yes he knows I cheated, more than once and that… yes, I did catch something and it wasn’t my proudest moment, but it happened.” She explains.

  Mark steps into the quickly heated conversation, “So unless you want Danny boy to find out the truth, you’ll back the fuck off.”

  Ben grabs onto my arm and pulls me away from them, “You know it’s not true don’t you?” I search his eyes for the truth, but all I can offer is a shrug.

  “See you do know it’s true, with his past how could you not believe it?” Jackie drives the knife deeper into my heart.

  I’m done. I am so done with this shit of his past and who he’s fucked or hasn’t. I’m done with girls like Jackie. I release myself from Ben’s grasp and rush Jackie, making her stumble back knocking over a small flower display. Pointing my finger in her face, “I am fed up with your petty high school drama shit! If Ben had slept with you, then so the fuck what? I have accepted his past, because you know what? I am his future! And you’re just too jealous to accept the fact you can’t have him.”

  “You can have him, leave them all for me.” I hear Mark snide, as he gestures to all the women in the area. Jackie slugs him in the stomach. “Besides no one wants a freak like you have.”

  Ben throws his fist faster than anything I have seen. He is on him faster than a guy i
n a UFC cage match. Mark goes down with one blow and I see Ben start to move on top of him, I know I need to break this up before someone calls the cops. People are already starting to pull out their phones and I see a couple of teenagers videotaping the match. Shit.

  I move behind Ben and make the stupid move of trying to grab his arms from slamming it down on Mark. Bam! I am elbowed right in the head.

  I black out.

  I wake up on my Mom’s sofa, with a horrible headache. What the hell happened?

  “Ah, there’s my baby girl.” She sets down a glass of water on the coffee table. “How are you feeling?”

  “Confused.” I reach for the glass, but she gets to it faster and hands it to me. I take a long sip of the relieving cold liquid. “What happened?” I ask.

  She sits down on the sofa under my feet, “I got a call from the hospital saying that you got knocked out and being that I am your emergency contact…”

  I stop her, “How did I end up in the hospital? I was at the market with Ben and… oh.” It all came back to me; the arguing, fists flying and Ben’s elbow meeting my head.

  “How do you feel?” Mom asks.

  I touch my head to feel an egg bump on my forehead, “I’ve been better. Where’s Ben?”

  “All I know is that he knocked a guy and you out and was arrested, taken in by the cops.”

  “Shit!” I yell, “Fuck! Shit! Ouch!” I grab my head.

  “Tess! Watch your language and calm down before you head gets worse. Now, the doctor did an X-ray and a MRI, when you came to, they said you could go home with me.” Man, I can really see the worry on her face. I feel bad for not calling her as much these past few days.

  “Mom, I’m sorry I have been a little distant, I…”

  Before I can finish she says, “Was busy falling in-love?”

  I nod.

  “I know baby, I could tell. Then why did you get knocked out?”

  “There was an argument and Ben was defending me, one thing led to another.” And I stop to think about what Jackie revealed. My headache is coming back. “Mom, can you hand me my phone?”

  She gets up and fishes it out of my bag, when I open it I see a screen full of missed calls from Ben. I consider calling him back right away, but he needs to feel the heat from this. His past was due to creep up on him… and all those ignored calls and texts I have been noticing.

  “Ben?” She asks, knowing all too well.

  “Yeah.” I sigh.

  “Are you going to call him?”

  “Not yet.”

  When I finally convince my mom that I am fine she lets me go home for the night, as long as I promise to get something more to eat and lots of sleep and to call her if I have any more pain.

  I toss my bag on my red sofa and I stare at my phone: 15 missed calls. I rest my head in my left hand and I tap my phone with the other.

  Scrolling through my what? Six contacts in my phone I finally hit call on Ben’s number.

  “Tess?” His voice is frantic.

  “I see you got bailed out.” I say steadily.

  “Um, yeah, my Dad came.” He says sheepishly.

  “Yeah, I kind of figured. So…” I’m not really sure what to say. I know it’s not true what Jackie said, but still.

  “Why are you being so cold Tess? I didn’t mean to hurt you, you must know that! If I had known you were on my backside I would have stopped!” He is pleading with me.

  Worst part is that doesn’t even bother me. I know Ben would never physically hurt my body.

  “I was released from the hospital after a few tests. My Mom took me back to her place.”

  “That explains why you didn’t answer your doorbell…”

  I sigh, “You came by?”

  “I fucking knocked you out Tess! Of course I would come by to check on you! I was a nervous wreck!” Is it sick that it brings me some slight happiness to know that I made him worry?

  “Come over.” I breathlessly tell him.

  “You’re not too angry with me?”

  “That wasn’t a question Ben. Come over.”

  We sit in silence for a few moments when he arrives, neither of us not knowing where to begin.

  “I want some coffee,” I say.

  “Coffee?” he asks me.

  “Coffee.”

  He stands to go to my small kitchen and start my coffee pot. I am right at his back side and I start to kiss up his back and shoulders.

  He turns around and searches my face, then leans in and attacks my mouth with his. His hands grab my own and pins them to the counter behind me, I respond by pushing my hips into his, causing him to moan.

  “I think we should talk about what Jackie said… about me and her,” Ben breaths out.

  “Not right now.” I push myself into him, driving him on.

  I can hear the coffee brewing only a couple of feet away and I can smell Ben’s woody masculine scent. He lowers his kiss down my neck, to my collarbone and hovers over the tops of my breasts.

  He removes his hands from mine, pushing the coffeemaker away, and picks me up and places me on the dark counter top. His hands find my waist, along with the hem of my t-shirt, lifts it up over my head leaving me in my jeans and black bra. I lean back as he kisses between my chest and down the center of my torso, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps.

  Then he does the unthinkable. He stops.

  “Why are you stopping? I don’t want you to stop.” I feel myself becoming angry.

  “We need to be able to talk Tess. Sex shouldn’t be about letting go of things. It should be about coming together. And we still haven’t come together.”

  I show up just before art class starts and grab a stool at my usual spot. Gwen comes dancing in, completely on cloud nine for sure. I am excited and happy for her and Jack.

  “Hello everyone.” She turns to the chalk board. “Now, this week I want you to take your assignment home. I want you to go out of your comfort zone; you do not have to show me or the rest of the class. This is for you, for you to grow and hopefully learn a thing or two about yourself.”

  One guy raises his hand. “What sort of medium? Do we have a theme?”

  “That is all up to you,” she says.

  She circles the room and stops by me, but doesn’t address me directly, “Create something for you, something that exposes something about you.”

  Caroline texts me as I am leaving class:

  Hey what do you have planned for Benji’s birthday?

  Ben’s birthday? Oh crap! I didn’t even think to ask him when his birthday was, but then again he never asked me mine, but knowing him he already knows somehow…

  I text back to Caroline: Um, when is it? I know bad girlfriend…

  This Saturday. And no, you are not a bad GF!

  Wow, it’s coming up in like a couple of days, the day after my first test run with Tones. Yeah, let’s add the pressure of what to do for my boyfriend’s first birthday together and a shot at my dream job…You got this Tess… I will have to think of something personal but not too over the top. I reply to Caroline: I will let you know!

  You know what? I am going to play this out like I know nothing about his birthday, then I can surprise him… but with what? I look in my rearview mirror to back out of my parking spot, but I pause when I see my refection. And my gears start to turn on this week’s assignment. I will do a portrait of myself to give to him, a partial nude. Now that will take me out of my comfort zone. But it is something to show him how much he has helped me grow and become confident with myself.

  He was right though, we haven’t really communicated very well lately. Am I afraid of what has to be said? What he may admit to? Yes.

  But, maybe this gift will solidify how he really feels about me and our relationship. This will be something he has never received before… open vulnerability.

  Back home, I make a light dinner for myself and I sketch out some rough ideas for my painting. How I want to pose, what I want to wear. Will this be something tha
t he will like? Do I want to have a half-nude of myself hanging in his place? He said that no one goes there except him family… maybe I should tell him to keep it in his room. Ugh, I can’t believe that I going to do this.

  I hear the buzz of my intercom alerting me that I have a visitor.

  “Tessy, let me up.” I hear my brother’s deep voice.

  I buzz him in. It doesn’t take him long to get up the couple flights of stairs, not with his long legs skipping steps. He must have gotten the tall gene from his biological mother, where I got my mom’s height. I’m vertically jealous of my brother.

  “Hey big bro.” I punch him on his arm as he walks in.

  He stops at my little breakfast bar and takes off his brown leather jacket and drapes it over the small space, nearly knocking my dinner and… Oh my God, my sketches! I rush over and scoop up my papers.

  “What’s that?” He raises an eyebrow. “You working on a new painting? Can I see?” He has always been so supportive over my passion for art and I have always shared all of my work with him, but how do I say, “Hey big brother, here are the sketches I am working on for a dirty self-portrait for my hot British boyfriend, who you don’t fully trust…” I’ll tell you how. Don’t.

  “Oh, nothing really, just an assignment for class.”

  “What’s the assignment?”

  Crap.

  I sigh, I may as well just tell him, because he won’t stop asking until he has an answer and he knows me too well to know when I am lying. “It’s an open assignment, but it has to be personal. About growth and it has to take us out of our comfort zone. So I decided to do a self-portrait… one that I have never done before.”

  “Well, that’s pretty cool. So, what sort of portrait are you going to do that takes you out of your personal comfort zone?” Most of the time he is pretty quick and gets it right away, but tonight he is testing my embarrassment levels.

  I shuffle my feet and look down. I bring my sketches up to my chest, hugging them for dear life in fear that he will try to take them.