Private Show (The Private Series)

by Torella, Danielle

  She chokes on a chunk of her double-triple chocolate fudge something or other. “Wow! I am shocked and impressed that you are still going through with it.” He eyes are bugging out of her head.

  “Yeah, well, I made a commitment to Gwen. I love her, and appreciate all that she has done for me. Even if that means sucking back some tears and drop-me-to-my-knees heart ache… I will just have to do it.”

  Speaking of holding back tears…

  “You are stronger than you think, Tess. Everything that you have been through… I don’t know how you made it through.”

  I clear my throat holding back the tears “Well… what do you think about being my date to the wedding?” I give her a half smile.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “Really? You don’t mind? I don’t want to mess up any plans you might have with James.”

  “You are my best friend and you need me, and frankly I want to see the look on his face when you walk in the door, looking fabulous.” She pushes her chin up and grins.

  God, I love my Erin.

  No sign of Ben as I pull into Ben’s father’s house to meet with Caroline and do the last fitting for the wedding, which is tomorrow.

  Caroline’s head is hanging a little lower today. At least she is still sporting her natural hair. Something is up though. I know we aren’t the closest, but I feel for this girl and I love her like my own sister. So obviously I am going notice something wrong.

  “I’m okay. I think I am just nervous about the wedding.”

  I don’t buy it. She has been excited about this wedding since day one, when Jack and Gwen invited us all to sit down.

  “Are you sure that’s it?”

  She shrugs, leads me inside, and up to her room.

  I see the dress instantly and stride over to it. “Caroline! This is amazing! It is so beautiful.”

  It really is. The dress is black and looks to be just above the knee and it is fitted to the body. The satin material shines modestly and the fabric ruches as it centers up the body. The top of the dress has tiny bead and sequin work at the bust, glimmering with deep emeralds, gold, and deep purple.

  “You sure you like it?” she asks, not sounding much like herself.

  “I freaking love it! You have some major talent, Caroline, you have to know that?”

  “It’s just been a tough couple weeks.”

  “Wanna talk about it? Is it about the guy you were telling me about?” I ask. I see her eyes start to tear up and I grab her for a hug. “What’s going on Caroline? I know something is up, you can talk to me about anything.”

  “I know and thank you,” She sniffles and wipes her eyes with her covered wrists, from her decorated warmers. “Have you talked to Ben at all?” She asks.

  “No, not for a little while, why?”

  “He hasn’t really been answering mine and when he does they are short responses. It’s as if his head is somewhere else. If you do talk to him will you have him call me please? I need my big brother.”

  Her words break my heart. I know what it’s like to need your brother and I have to feel guilty, because he is probably distracted by our own problems, that he is missing his sisters.

  “Hello girls!” Gwen greets us while busting into the room.

  She goes to try on her dress. Coming out of Caroline’s en-suite bathroom, she looks radiant. It’s a bright white dress with lace three-quarter sleeves, fitted at the bust and waist then it fans out into a just past the knee A-line skirt. No jewels like mine and Caroline’s dress’s, no, she didn’t need it.

  “You really have outdone yourself, Caroline dear!” Gwen is in tears.

  “You deserve it, Gwen. I am happy that my Dad finally found someone.”

  Gwen wraps her arms around Caroline. “You know I could never replace your mother and she would be damn proud of the young woman you are becoming. I am honored to be part of your life, Caroline. I love you like my own daughter.”

  Caroline cries softly. “I know, Gwen, and I love you. Dad couldn’t have found anyone better.”

  OK, all of this is too much for me and I start to cry too. “OK! Give me my dress to try on, because all of these tears and words are going to kill me if I don’t do something!” I laugh it off.

  In the bathroom, my dress fits to a T. Inspecting myself in the mirror, I try not to imagine Ben at the altar in a tux, standing there as a man by his father’s side. He has come so far, from what his family has spoken about of him. So why, oh, why has he drifted back to the whore who messed him up?

  On my way out the door, I catch Caroline on her phone and she is crying, “What’s going on? You have to talk Caroline.”

  “I thought he actually liked me like that…”

  “Caroline?” I am getting really nervous.

  “Dan. He took me home from Chatz that night, like Ben asked him too. He walked me in, my Dad and Gwen were out. I had always thought he was cute and had a crush on him for years growing up. I was a little girl into her big brother’s friend and he was in a band, what more can I say? So, I invited him in naturally. I was a little flirty…”

  I can feel my face whiten even more than what it already is, “Caroline, did he…?”

  “No, he stopped, but I honestly wanted him to keep going.” Her tone was too casual about sex at her age. I know teens are by far more active now than ever, but I wouldn’t picture Caroline…

  “You’re so young Caroline, why would you want to sleep with a guy that is ten years older than you?” I need to know.

  She looks down with a little half smile on her face, “He was paying attention to me.”

  “What do you mean? Flirting?”

  “I mean he was genuinely interested in my feelings.” She defends herself and him.

  I put a hand on her shoulder, “Have you talked to your Dad or Gwen, hell even Ben about this? Didn’t your Dad mention you seeing a therapist?”

  “No. I tried reaching out to Ben, but he’s been distant.” Her voice is barely audible.

  “Caroline? Are you okay? I am worried about you. I was a teen once too and you know what? I had a hard time in school, between friends, my Dad and art. No one got it, why it was so important… why I dressed different and did different things. I didn’t want to fit in, but being out casted isn’t the easiest thing to deal with either.”

  Her eyes meet mine, “I know the feeling.”

  “I thought you might, that’s why I am letting you know that you are most certainly not alone. You have your family and now me. I will always be a phone call or text away.”

  “Even if you and Ben break up?” She has a tone of doubt in her voice.

  I swallow back a hard tear, “Even if that happens.”

  Standing behind the French doors in the Mitchell home with Gwen and Caroline waiting to lead her down the aisle, I am grateful that the men are already down there and that Gwen didn’t see the need for the groomsmen to escort the girls down the aisle. She figured it was just Ben standing for his father and that wouldn’t be fair to Caroline to walk alone. I never told Gwen about my falling-out with Ben. She didn’t need that added… discomfort to her wedding spirit. Caroline had an idea, though; I mean, she is a teen girl.

  I peek out the curtain in the kitchen down the jewel-toned back yard. Everyone is staying warm and cozy since Jack had patio heaters brought in to take the cold November air away from everyone. The white tent was elegant with candles and lanterns and rich colors.

  Soft music brings my attention to the front of the altar.

  Ben stands next to his father is a black tux, head is bowed and hands behind his back. He is a little scruffy and his eyes look heavy. He looks up when he sees Caroline descend from the white French doors. His eyes brighten slightly and a small smile escapes his lips. Then his eyes shoot to the door behind her… Looking for me. Does he know that I am here? Or does he assume I would back out?

  Guess I am about to find out.

  I give Gwen a quick hug and I step out the door.
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  Ben’s jaw tightens and I see him take in a deep breath of air. His toned chest shows through the expensive black tux and his right hand reaches to his stomach. I see his tightened fist relax and unclench. I try to avoid eye contact, but I feel him willing me to look at him. When our eyes meet, I hope to hell that I wouldn’t feel anything, but of course that would be too easy. I feel the familiar zing of electricity. My body goes heavy… wanting him.

  Once I reach the front and take my position I look away from him, but I can still feel his gaze on me.

  The bridal march begins and everyone stands. We all watch Gwen gracefully stride to her awaiting groom.

  Gwen hands me her bouquet, and when the time comes, Caroline hands Jack’s band to Gwen, and Ben gives his father her diamond. He hugs his father and then step forward to hug his mom-to-be. At that moment he looks me in the eyes, and now he is only a foot away from me. I shudder at his glance.

  I still love him, I can’t deny that.

  The reception is on its way, and I am so grateful for Erin being my date and my Ben buffer. We find our table and quickly sit. The décor matches the colors in my dress; each table featured a different tablecloth color of either gold, emerald, deep purple or black. The centerpieces had peacock feathers in them and the table was spread with crystals. It was rich, deep and romantic, with the candles flickering across the tent.

  Waiters are making their rounds, passing around flutes of champagne, and Erin quickly grabs two for each of us.

  “You are going to need these if we are going to make it through tonight,” she says.

  Holding my first glass out to her, I say, “Here’s to avoiding the unavoidable.”

  “Cheers!”

  I slam the first glass down just to calm my nerves and I tell myself to take it easy on the rest.

  A man on the mic announces the bride and groom into the tent and they take their first dance together as husband and wife. They look gloriously happy together, as I watch them glide across the dance floor my eyes find Ben standing by the bar. He is leaning on it with a short crystal glass in his hand, filled with something amber and probably something strong. He is watching me and not the happy couple. When he sees me looking at him, he takes a sip and gives me a small nod. I, on the other hand, grab that second glass of champagne and pound it back and turn back to Erin.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks.

  I nod over in Ben’s direction and she gives my hand a squeeze once she sees him. Moments later, the MC announces its time for the speeches.

  Fuck! I forgot I had to speak.

  Caroline goes first and everyone is practically in tears over her words and warm heart-filled welcome of Gwen to her family.

  Ben is next. “I am not very good at these things, but here we go…”

  He picks up his glass and looks to his new set of parents. “I loved my mother like there was no tomorrow, she was elegant, poised, she cared for others over herself. She loved my father and cherished me. No woman could ever compare to her. When she gave her life to bring me my sister, my world crumbled. But what was worse is that my baby sister would never know her amazing mother. She would never play dress up in her dresses and heels. She would never play in her makeup.

  “But she had a great Dad, a dad who would do anything for her and a brother who would die for her. But since Gwen came into our lives, she now has a mother’s influence. Someone who she can confide in about being a young woman, things a guy wouldn’t know, even a surgeon.

  “But more than anything my father has found love again. It took many years for him to open his heart to the possibility of love. He was a hard-ass father, cracking the whip on me and my career, but I have come to the conclusion that he wanted me to be a career man like him, to stay busy and consumed with work, because he didn’t have love to come home to at night.

  “Sure, he had his kids, but not real companionship. When you get in the groove of working and taking care of your children you forget the companionship. Once he found love again, he came to. He came back to life and became the father I remember as a boy.

  Gwen, you not only married my Dad, you saved him. Welcome to the family, we love you.”

  Now the room was definitely in tears, myself included. I look to Erin, who has a tissue to her cheek, and she gives me a small smile. “Wow, I mean, just wow. I didn’t know he had a heart like that.”

  The thing is I knew all about his life growing up. I knew how hard it was on him, but seeing him present it to a room full of people and to Gwen is unbelievable. I look over to see him sitting in his chair, elbows on the table and head in his hands. When he looks up he scans the room, stands and walks out of the tent.

  “I’ll be right back, Erin.”

  “Want me to come with you?”

  “Nah, I am just going to the restroom. I won’t be long. Order me another drink will ya?”

  Erin salutes me and giggles.

  Grabbing my clutch, I make my way to the house. The pathway is now lit by clear hanging Christmas lights. I step through the door and I start to walk to the bathroom. I pause and head for the stairs. I don’t know what I am thinking as I ascend the staircase, but the next thing I know I am in the doorway of Ben’s old bedroom.

  I push the door slightly.

  The room is dark and appears to be empty, but before I turn on the lights I hear the sound of ice cubes clinking in a glass. I take a step back. I don’t like not knowing who is in a dark room; I am all alone and no one is up here. The last time I was pulled into a dark room I was nearly raped and killed.

  My heart begins to race and my vision shakes and starts to fade out to black. That’s when the figure on the bed bolts to the light and flicks it on, and I feel a hand on my lower back pulling me up.

  I take in a deep breath to scream and my vision comes back to me in a flash.

  Ben.

  I feel a pang of relief and dread in one head spin. Just as fast as the fear I felt a moment ago came on, adrenaline is hitting me even faster. I shove my hands into his chest, causing him to grunt and let out a gasp of air. His breath reeks of aged alcohol and I know well enough to stay away from a man who is two things: drunk and emotional.

  I turn to walk out of the room, when he grabs my hand. “Tess, please!”

  I whip my head around to give him the look of death. “Please what, Ben? Please trust you? Like all the times you begged me to trust you, all the times you told me you need me to trust you? Huh!”

  Just when I think that I have hurt him enough, with my words for him to let me go he pulls me to his chest, bringing me closer. I can smell his natural amazing scent and he is wearing cologne tonight for the wedding, it is absolutely fucking mouthwatering. I quickly dart my tongue out to moisten my lips and see him watching my mouth. He isn’t angry or incoherent; he is looking right at me with intent in his eyes, and I know what that intent is.

  My breasts are heavy with want and need for his touch as my nipples hit his hard chest. I notice that his tux jacket is off and his white button-down shirt is rolled to the elbows, exposing the black and gray tattoo work on his right arm. This, this right here, is where I get wet.

  I need to resist, I’m supposed to resist, right? He fucking cheated on me with his ex-fianceé, for fuck’s sake!

  “I’ve got to get back to Erin.”

  He drops his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. “Please.”

  I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I shake my head no at him and back out of the room.

  I was watching her from the bar. She was with Red, which was a relief in an odd way, considering she could have really stuck it to me by bringing a guy. But I don’t think she is that heartless. I mean, this is my father’s wedding.

  I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep watching her, every move she took and every little glance she gave me. I have come all this way and time to keep this from her, I am not going to ruin it.

  I decided to go up to my old room and finish my drink in silence and darkness. As I sit he
re, I am stuck with my own fears and doubts, but I just have to get over this hurdle. I just hope she will care enough to listen. I hear someone stop just outside of my door and push it open. I don’t say anything and hope whoever it is will just go away.

  Until my fucking glass gives me away and I hear her gasp.

  I wait for her to turn on the light but nothing I see her start to slump so I rush over to her and hold her up. She looks a little out of it and in shock to see me, I assume. Then her eyes turn. She is pissed. Like, royally fucking lit.

  I try to say something anything, but she goes off and she digs the knife deep. She has every right considering I won’t tell her anything. All I can really say or plead really is please . When I have her pulled up against my chest I can feel her and smell her. I miss everything about her, but I can’t help but feel pissed and upset at the same time. The fact she hasn’t pulled away right away gives me hope.

  She starts to back out of the door and I can’t let her go, not without know how I am feeling. I have one last shot, and it’s now or never.

  Before I get out of the door completely, he has his arms reached out on both sides of me. He closes the door with the both of us on the inside. I duck down to get out of his hold. “Ben, what are you doing? Are you drunk?”

  “No, I am not drunk but I have something I need to show you.”

  I put my hands up to keep him away, then see him start to undo the buttons on his shirt. He is nervous and fumbling. I could walk out of the room, but curiosity has the best of me.

  He turns around and I am left looking at his backside.

  “Please don’t freak out, okay?”

  I don’t say anything. He slowly turns around and looks down, his shirt is completely removed and I…

  Oh.

  In the midst of all of his black and gray tattoos, which cover his arms and ribs, is a pink tattoo on his chest over his heart. I instantly move closer to see what it is. It’s a pink peony, my favorite flower and there’s a cream-colored lace ribbon draped in front of the flower, and, in script, reads Tess.