Free Fall

by Jill Shalvis

  “I was fine.”

  “You’re always fine.”

  “That’s right,” she said cautiously, her smile fading. “What’s the matter?”

  “You risked yourself needlessly.”

  “Needlessly? There was an injured party down there and I went after him. That’s a part of the life out here. And I’d have thought you, of all people, got that.”

  That she was right didn’t ease his tension or make him feel any better. She’d turned away from him now, gathering a rope to entwine it. He snatched it from her and did the job himself. “Go get some ice,” he said, probably more roughly than he’d intended. But screw it. He’d let her mess with his head, and that was so far from his usual realm of not caring enough, it shook him to the very core.

  She stared at him for a long moment, then backed away. “All right. Thank you.”

  And then she was gone.

  10

  WHEN SHE GOT DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, Lily cleaned up her cuts, wrapped her wrist to match her knee and dug into work. There were other fires that had to be put out all over the resort, such as someone posting a party notice for that night in the bar on the bulletin board in her name. Obviously a joke, but she removed it—thankfully before Sara or Gwyneth caught wind of it.

  Or maybe not a joke. Maybe the same person who’d messed with her food delivery.

  Aunt Debbie happened by as Lily was tossing the party flyer in the trash, and lifted a brow at her. “Mom always wondered if you’d outgrow your party years.”

  “She knew I had,” Lily said.

  “I guess that’s why you inherited.” Debbie’s smile went from playful to wistful. “One of us had to grow up and be responsible, huh? Oh well, it wasn’t ever going to be me, that’s for sure.” Surprising Lily, she pulled her in for a hug. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

  Since Lily sensed a lingering sadness alongside the usual mocking humor, she endured the embrace. “I’m sorry you’re sad.” She wished for Sara, who was better at this nurturing, mothering thing.

  “Are you?” Aunt Debbie pulled back and laughed. “Well, that’s unexpectedly sweet. You must be mellowing with old age.”

  “Am not.”

  “Used to be no one was badder than you. You never took anyone’s crap.”

  “I don’t take any now, either. Speaking of which, stop telling stories about me.”

  “But you’re a legend.”

  “Pete took a crazy chance today because of your stories.”

  “Pete’s a big boy, he should have known better. See?” She clucked Lily under the chin. “You’re not yelling at me. Definitely mellowing. And you know what else, kid? I’m not the only sad one here.”

  Lily thought about that as she went back to work. Was she mellowing? Sad? All she knew was that the day-to-day running of this place was eating away at the joy and peace the mountain gave her, and she was tired, so damn tired, from trying to keep up with everything.

  Maybe that’s what Aunt Debbie had seen—pure exhaustion.

  She thought about that while she sorted her way through the piles on her desk as evening came. Gwyneth showed up and reported that the cafeteria looked filled to brimming and that Logan had joined a group of dispatchers and cops from L.A. who’d come up to ski. Sounded like so much fun that Lily rushed through the expense report she was working on, but by the time she got to the bar, she was too late.

  “They took the moonlit trails on rented snowmobiles,” Matt told her, drying glasses and watching her carefully. “I suggested it.”

  “Oh. That’s…nice.” She sat on a bar stool and joined him in drying.

  “Didn’t know you were going to go back for seconds.”

  Her gaze whipped to his.

  “It’s not like you.”

  “I’ve gone out with guys more than once.”

  “Name one.”

  “Pete.”

  “Yes, but he’s a ski bum who shows up on this mountain once, maybe twice, a year. You’ve always been safe pretending to date him.”

  Lily shook her head. “Matt?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Shut up.”

  He grinned. “Not until you take back calling me a sap.”

  “You are a sap. A sap who has to build me new shelves.”

  He grumbled at that and moved away to serve a customer.

  Lily’s job of irritating him now complete, she got into her car and drove to town to visit Pete at the hospital.

  He was flat on his back, casted up and suitably high on pain meds. He grinned like a lunatic at the sight of her.

  She couldn’t help but sigh at the bigger-than-life athlete, tall, angular and so Swede with his blond, blue-eyed good looks, lying still and broken. “You’re such a lucky bastard.”

  “How’s that?”

  “You could be dead. God, that was stupid today.”

  “Hey, you’re supposed to be nice to me.” He tried to shift and winced. Leaning in, Lily helped him get a pillow behind him for comfort, making him sigh. “You know why I never asked you to marry me, right?” he asked.

  She pulled his blankets smooth and patted his arm. “Because being attached to one woman gives you hives?”

  “Well, there’s that.” He sighed. “I watched you come down that mountain today. You put your life on the line for me, and I realized something.”

  “That you’re a selfish SOB?”

  His smile was weak. “That, too. You’re a great catch, Lily. I should have—”

  She put her fingers gently over his lips. “Don’t.” Even though they went back a couple of years, they’d never been a real couple, partly due to his women addiction, partly due to her own commitment issues. In fact, they hadn’t been together at all for some time, and looking at him now, she felt a softness, a genuine affection, but not the heat. Not a single spark. “I came to tell you that I’m sorry you were hurt. Get better, Pete, soon. But when you do, stay off my cliffs.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. “You’re really over me, aren’t you?”

  “Quite.”

  He smiled as his eyes closed. “You’ll change your mind. You have before.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  His smile dissolved and he opened his eyes. “It’s that skier you were with today, isn’t it?”

  She scrambled for the denial, just a little too quickly. “I’ve only known him a few days.”

  “Days, years, minutes. Doesn’t matter when it’s the real thing.”

  “Like you would know the real thing if it bit you on the ass.”

  He laughed, then grimaced in pain. “Yeah. But you’re the real thing, Lily. I’m just an idiot. Be happy, babe.”

  “You, too.”

  “I will, soon as you get out of here so I can get the pretty nurse on duty to come make me feel better.”

  Lily laughed, kissed him goodbye, then drove back to the resort, feeling each and every ache and bruise. She went to her apartment and took a hot, hot shower, thinking sleep would cure her. Then she proceeded to stare at the ceiling while the clocked ticked off the minutes. Then the hour.

  She didn’t want sleep. She wanted…

  Logan.

  Days, years, minutes. Doesn’t matter when it’s the real thing. Pete’s words echoed in her head as she dressed again and made her way through the quiet lodge.

  The real thing.

  She’d told Pete he wouldn’t recognize it if it reared up and bit him, and she’d always assumed the same thing about herself. She didn’t want to recognize it because the real thing didn’t fit into her life.

  Love, if it existed, was a pain in the ass. It obligated. It forced a responsibility for someone else’s feelings. It disappointed.

  But lust…now lust was right up her alley.

  She found herself in front of Logan’s room.

  Yeah, lust worked.

  She hadn’t seen him since Pete’s hair-raising, ulcer-inducing rescue, and given how he’d looked at her after, as if he wanted to both shake her
and kiss her and not in any particular order, that was probably a good thing. She’d needed her cool up there today, had needed to be in calm control despite how scared she’d been. She didn’t know if she was feeling slightly smothered by his intense reaction or just overwhelmed by the strong emotion implied by it.

  She lifted her hand to knock, then lowered it again. What the hell was she doing? Already she could hardly separate the sex they’d had with how mushy he made her feel.

  Run.

  She thought that sounded like a fine idea, and got to the end of the hallway. She stopped. Swore. Then paced back and stared at his door. Drew a deep breath. She was here for great sex. Just great sex. Sounded good. Sounded great.

  Too great. Again she turned away, but suddenly the door opened and Logan stood there, bare-chested, wearing low-riding sweatpants and nothing else. Behind him, the room was dark, the bed mussed as if he’d been tossing and turning. Thinking of her? “Did I wake you?” she asked.

  “No.”

  She smiled softly and wished he’d smile back. Wished even more that he’d grab her and hold on, touching her, kissing her, until her day was nothing but a memory. “You said no matter how late, right?”

  “You tuck Pete into bed?”

  Her smile faded. “I went to the hospital, yes.” She paused. “Do you think there’s something going on between Pete and me?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

  She cocked her head and studied his beautiful body, hard and tough, his eyes, dark and unreadable. She spent most of her life not caring what people thought of her, but with him, she found she cared. “Actually, yes, it does matter what you think.”

  “Why? I’m just a guest.”

  “You’re more than just a guest to me.”

  “But this is just fun. Isn’t that right, Lily?”

  Trapped in her own web. She went a little cold inside. “Look, if I’d had a prior commitment with someone else, I would never have agreed to whatever this is that we’re doing for the next three days. You’d better tell me you know that.”

  He tunneled his fingers through his hair, his raised arms delineating all the corded sinew in his biceps and shoulders. And as if she was still on that mountain precipice, hanging with her life in the balance, everything within her quivered with awareness and anticipation. But she’d had enough excitement for the day, more than her poor body could take. Done with this, she turned away, determined that this time, her feet would take her back to bed. Her own.

  “Lily.”

  Her feet stopped. Turned her.

  “Hell.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Look, seeing you put yourself on the line today—”

  “You do stuff like that all the time at home.”

  “I know. I know. It makes no sense. I’m sorry.” He blew out a harsh breath and looked miserable. “When the wind kicked up and you slipped…” He closed his eyes. “For the first time in my life I understood what it was like to be on the other end, on the watching end, and it nearly killed me. Lily—”

  He might have said more but she stepped back to him and put a finger over his lips. “Sorry enough to make it up to me?”

  “Yeah. Let me show you.” Keeping his eyes on hers, he pulled her over the threshold, then shut the door. The lock clicked in like a bullet.

  LOGAN HAD MEANT TO RESIST her, he really had, but one look into those challenging eyes and it’d been over. They didn’t even make it to the bed. Instead, he slid his arms around her and she came hard against him, holding his face so that she could rain kisses over it. Staggered by her show of need and his own clawing hunger for her, he pressed her up against the door, freeing up his hands to do what he pleased.

  And what he pleased was to take them both to the same mindless place they’d gone last night. She wore a long, loose sweater over leggings. Wrestling the sweater off, he tossed it over his shoulder then dropped to his knees before her and tugged down her leggings.

  She had on a peach camisole and a matching thong that made him groan as he leaned in to press his mouth to her.

  “Logan—”

  She choked that off with a gasp when he yanked down the thong and stroked her with his tongue. Her fingers fisted in his hair as he urged her legs farther apart. The sight of her spread and vulnerable to him, revealing how aroused she was, drove him mad. He sucked her into his mouth. Her head thunked back against the door, her hips undulating in time with his tongue until she shuddered and exploded with abandon.

  He groped for the pants he had over a chair, and the condom in the pocket. Lily would have slid weakly to the floor if he hadn’t surged upright and caught her in time. “Hold on to me.” He gripped her hips, groaning when she wrapped her legs around his waist. “Hold on.”

  “I am. I will.” Her fingers dug into his shoulders. “Now, now, now.”

  He couldn’t catch his breath, helpless against this vicious need for her. He struggled to get his sweats down and the condom on, and then finally, finally, thrust into her, burying himself to the hilt.

  There was no holding back after that, not with her gripping him like a tight, wet, loving fist, not when she began to spiral again, convulsing around him. He felt himself drowning in her, drowning without a lifeline, letting go more completely than he ever had, and not caring as he buried his face in her hair and exploded so hard his toes curled. He had to slap a hand against the door, his arm rigid and quivering as he fought to maintain balance enough to hold them upright.

  Exhausted, Lily’s body relaxed and her head fell to his shoulder. “Mmm…”

  Yeah, mmm. Somehow he found the energy to dump her on his bed, where they held on to each other and slept like the living dead.

  11

  AT DAWN, LILY TIPTOED OUT of Logan’s room and quietly shut the door, then leaned back against it.

  She had to get to work.

  Or so she told herself.

  Much better than thinking she was actually using any sort of avoidance technique, which she abhorred.

  Aw, hell, she was using an avoidance technique. She closed her eyes and saw Logan again, looking gorgeous and rumpled all sprawled naked across his bed. She’d spent a good five minutes looking her fill before sneaking out into the hall, where she’d hopefully get to her own room and change before anyone realized she was still wearing yesterday’s clothes—

  “You taking up room cleaning now?”

  Lily’s eyes flew open and met the gaze of the one person she’d have liked to avoid this morning.

  Gwyneth.

  “Hey.” Lily ran her hand down her undoubtedly wild hair. “What are you doing up so early?”

  “Well, I’m not tiptoeing out of a guest’s room looking like I’ve been ravished all night long, that’s for certain. I wanted to get a head start on the receivables, but a guest needed an extra blanket and I just happened to get the call. Did you even look in the mirror?”

  Lily tugged at her sweater.

  “I’m talking about the love bite on your neck.”

  “Back off.” But she put a finger to the spot on her neck as she moved past her sister.

  Gwyneth grabbed her hand. Lily whipped around, prepared for battle, but in her sister’s gaze was a soft worry. “Lily—”

  “Not here.” Lily glanced at Logan’s door. “Not here.” She started walking to her room. Gwyneth followed. “I’m taking a shower,” Lily warned. “Alone.”

  But when she came back out of her room fifteen minutes later, her sister was leaning against the wall waiting for her. “I heard what you did yesterday for Pete, how scary and dangerous the rescue was. We have people for that—you no longer have to dangle off cliffs for a living.”

  Lily began to walk toward their offices. “I happen to be good at it.”

  “You have different responsibilities now. Bigger ones. You should have let someone else go.”

  “Really?” She stopped in the still-dark common room. “One of our employees?”

  “Hell, yes. They’re trained
and paid for it—it’s not a crime if there’s a rescue and you’re not involved. But it’s over and done, and you’re safe, so I can let that go. There’s something else.”

  She meant someone else, of course. Logan. His name floated in the air silently between them.

  “You shouldn’t be sleeping with a guest, Lily. You shouldn’t be—”

  “I don’t have time for the ‘shouldn’t be’ lecture.” She began walking again.

  “Is that what you think I’m doing? Giving you a lecture?”

  “Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Don’t, don’t, don’t…”

  “It’s never stopped you before. Look, I love you, you know I do, but—”

  “But. Love always comes with a damn but.” And she’d spent too many years chafing at the restraints, pretending not to care that she met exactly no one’s expectations. “Maybe I’m tired of you not seeing me. I’ve grown up, Gwyneth. Years ago. Open your eyes and see it. I can handle this. I am handling this.”

  Gwyneth just shook her head, and Lily wanted to scream in frustration. If this was love, it weighed a ton. Was it any wonder she’d never even attempted to find such an emotion in her own relationships with men?

  “There’s a staff meeting today.”

  Lily drew a deep breath but it didn’t help. “I know, I set it up.” She entered the office wing, then stopped in surprise.

  Sara and Matt sat on Carrie’s desk, making out. It didn’t look easy, what with the baby in the way and the desk full of paperwork, but Matt had his arms possessively and protectively around his wife and a big hand spread wide over her belly.

  That gesture scraped at a spot in Lily’s stomach. No matter how crazy Sara was, or how laid-back Matt was, they were so in love, transcending all the dissention and discord around them to become this…this unit in a way that was both alien to Lily and yet somehow so goddamn attractive it made her throat close up.

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” Gwyneth said. “Get a room.”

  Matt lifted his mouth off Sara’s and grinned. “We would, but that’s how we got into trouble in the first place.”