Simple Things

by Press, Lycan Valley

  The little blond yanked the back passenger door open and got in her car seat after angrily closing the door.

  “Mother! Where have you been!” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Callie, don’t speak to me like that,” Elizabeth said calmly. “Put your seat belt on.”

  “Well, Mother! I’ve been waiting forever!”

  Elizabeth figured there was an Oscar in the future for her overly dramatic daughter.

  “Forever? I think I’m ten minutes late.”

  Callie let out a huff and turned her head to look out the window, evidently done speaking to her mother.

  Elizabeth tried not to laugh, knowing that would cause a huge fight she was not in the mood for.

  “You ready for lunch before I drop you off at Emily’s?”

  Callie shrugged one tiny shoulder.

  “I didn’t hear you, did you say yes or no?”

  Callie sighed. “I didn’t say anything. I shrugged.”

  “Well, food, yes or no, and speak so that I can hear you,” Elizabeth said. They’d been through this little drama before and Callie knew it was her cue to either answer or miss out on fast food.

  “McDonalds, Mommy,” she said quickly.

  “Okay, McDonald’s. Will you please reach in my purse and get my wallet?”

  Elizabeth pulled into the drive-thru at McDonald’s and ordered Callie’s usual Happy Meal while Callie rummaged around for her wallet. She put her hand out for her wallet as she parked at the last window.

  Callie screamed bloody murder.

  Elizabeth turned quickly to see her little girl’s hands filled with white, wriggling maggots, crawling between her fingers and dripping into the purse.

  “Oh my god, Callie! Throw them on the floor! Drop the purse, baby!”

  Callie continued to scream, seeming to be unable to either drop the purse or shake the maggots off of her hands. Elizabeth reached back and grabbed Callie’s wrists. She shook her hands making the maggots fall off but they simply fell onto them both, causing Callie to start screaming, “Mommy, stop! Stop! Stop!”

  Elizabeth felt something land on her face and let go of one of Callie’s hands to swipe and realized maggots were on her now, too. She bit back a hysterical scream.

  Making sure no cars were in front of her, Elizabeth shifted into drive and peeled out of the fast food restaurant’s driving lot and headed to the nearest street.

  “Start brushing the bugs off of you, honey.”

  Callie was whimpering, but her screaming had ceased. She was flailing around on the back seat, rubbing and swatting at herself.

  “Oh Mommy, some of these worms are squishing on my sk-sk-skin.”

  Elizabeth felt bile rise in her throat.

  “Honey, get out of your car seat. I want you to take all your clothes off.”

  “Mommy! We’re in public!” Evidently some things were scarier than maggots.

  “It’s okay, Callie, we’re driving straight to Aunt Gail’s house. She’ll help us and she will wrap you in a nice clean towel, okay? Just take those clothes off.”

  Elizabeth could hear Callie taking off her dancing costume. She glanced at the back seat and saw maggots still writhing inside her new purse. How the hell had maggots been in her purse? They definitely had not been in there last night when she bought it or later when she put her things in there from her old purse. She hadn’t felt them fifteen minutes ago when she’d fished around for her keys.

  “Okay, mommy, I tooked my clothes off but them bugs are in my, my, my hair,” Callie’s words trailed off into tears again.

  “Remember the dance you did for the last recital, where you bent over at the waist, Callie? And you washed that man right out of your hair?” Elizabeth couldn’t believe she remembered this right now.

  “Yeah,” Callie whimpered. “I remember.”

  “Can you do that now? Just stand up on the car seat, bend over at your waist and wash that man and those fucking bugs right out of your hair.”

  Callie giggled. “Mommy, you said a swear!”

  Thank god she was giggling.

  “Whoops. Bad mommy! Just do it, honey.”

  Callie stood up on the car seat – another no-no – and bent over, stuck her little hands in her long blond hair and shook her hair for all she was worth. Elizabeth tried to keep her eyes on the road and her mind off the thought of those fucking maggots flying all over the inside of the car. Ugh.

  She also prayed a cop didn’t see them right now, a naked kid standing up in the back seat dancing. How many laws was she breaking? Jesus.

  She finally pulled into the driveway of her BFF’s house and started honking the horn.

  “Jump out of the car, Callie, come on,” she yelled as she jumped out. “Leave the door open.”

  “But Mommy, I’m butt naked!”

  “Get out of the car, now!”

  Callie flew out of the car and into Elizabeth’s arms. Her BFF Gail was coming out the front door, along with her daughter Emily, who was Callie’s best friend.

  “What the hell?” Gail said. “What is wrong?”

  “Emily, could you go inside and get a bath towel to wrap around Callie?” Elizabeth said. Emily nodded her head, her big brown eyes wide, but she had been taught to obey Aunt Elizabeth so she headed back into the house.

  “Gail, could you bring the hose over here?” Elizabeth knew she had to take care of a few things before she fell apart. And she would fall apart. She deserved it.

  Gail looked at her for a moment then let out a yell. “Patrick!! Bring the hose to the driveway! Now!”

  She turned to Elizabeth.

  “Okay, now tell me why Callie is naked, why you have some kind of bugs in your hair and blood on your white pants?”

  “I have bugs in my hair too, Aunt Gail,” Callie said. “I tried to wash those fucking bugs out, but it didn’t really work.”

  Gail laughed and said, “Well, you tried, honey, that’s what counts.”

  She turned and went to her front porch and brought two lawn chairs out to the grass and pushed Elizabeth into one and she sat in the other. Patrick appeared, pulling the water hose. He was a gangly teenager, more interested in video games than real life, but he was always a good kid.

  “What you need the hose for, Mom?”

  Elizabeth said, “Actually, I need it, Pat. I need to wash Callie off.”

  His face turned beet red when he noticed the little girl was naked. He threw the hose toward Elizabeth and spun around.

  “Geez, Mom. That’s not right. Little girls standing around naked.”

  Elizabeth pulled Callie off her lap and started rinsing her off with the hose. The water was bone-chillingly cold and the little girl yelped and squealed, but Elizabeth reminded her about the maggots and soon she was cooperating, despite her chattering teeth.

  “Maggots?” Patrick’s voice squeaked. “Man, Callie, what the heck did you do to get maggots all over you? You little girls are gross.”

  “Shut up, Pat,” Callie said, sticking her tongue out at him. “I just opened my mom’s stupid purse, so there.”

  Gail looked at Elizabeth with round eyes. “Your new purse from last night?”

  “Yeah, from the party. Evidently, it is crawling with maggots!”

  “Is it still in your car?”

  Elizabeth squealed and jumped out of the chair. “Yes! I have to get it out of there.”

  She ran to her car and grabbed the purse and flung it out onto the grass. The passenger seat still squirmed with the fat white worms. That was more than Elizabeth could take. She stepped back, bent over and threw up. Then she saw maggots falling over the doorway of her car and she threw up again.

  Gail was by her side now and let out a long whistle.

  “Holy shit. That’s a lot of maggots.”

  Elizabeth gagged.

  “Sorry, sorry!” Gail said. She grabbed her friend by the shoulders and led her back to the lawn chair. “Sit here. Don’t move.”

  She motioned t
o her son. “You like all those gross-out movies. You oughta love this.”

  They moved over to the car and Elizabeth heard Pat say, “Wow, awesome!” and then water running. She sat with her eyes closed. Emily had returned and wrapped Callie in a bright pink towel. The two were discussing the events of the day with great relish and sharing a soda.

  Elizabeth just needed to think. Or not think. Not think about dozens of fat, slimy, worms crawling all over her beautiful baby. Maggots on her own skin. She shuddered. She tried not to think about where they had come from, and how she had cut her fingers. She didn’t want to think about whether she had some kind of infection now. She couldn’t help think how badly she wanted Mark to be here right now, but he was out of town on a trip. She didn’t even want to call him. She couldn’t call him. Her stupid phone was messed up.

  Even with her eyes closed she could sense a shadow falling over her. She opened her eyes to find Mark standing there. She closed her eyes again. She heard him laugh. Okay, it was real. She opened her eyes again.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He laughed again. “Well, I was going to surprise you by coming home a day early, and I was waiting at home when I got a call from Gail saying there was an emergency. So I’m here.”

  “Oh, thank god.”

  He put his arms out for a hug, but Elizabeth shrank from him.

  “No, I might have maggots on me.”

  “I don’t care,” he said. “Hug me. Right now.”

  She jumped out of the chair and into his arms.

  “Oh, god, Mark, I don’t know what’s happening. Did you see Callie yet? I was scared to death. I made her get naked and dance in the car and I was thinking the cops would throw me in jail! And all I could think was to come here and we sprayed her down with the hose and the car keys cut my fingers!”

  Mark cupped her face with his large, strong hands. “Whoa. Just pause for a moment.”

  Elizabeth gulped. “Pause? Like some kind of recording? Are you nuts?”

  “Yeah, I’m nuts. You have a maggot in your ear, but I’m nuts.”

  Elizabeth squealed and started digging in her ear. “Oh god, get it out, oh no, oh no, it will eat my brains!”

  Mark grabbed her hand.

  “I’m joking, there’s no maggot in your ear, weirdo,” he said. “Just slow down, woman. Tell me everything, from the start.”

  She balled up her fist and punched him in the gut. He tried valiantly, but he still gave a grunt of pain. “You realize you hurt me?”

  “I meant to hurt you.”

  “Feel better?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  He sat in the lawn chair and pushed her into the other.

  “Now, tell me everything. Slowly.”

  So she did, from the slices on her fingers to the puking from seeing maggots crawling out of her BMW. When she was done, he kissed her forehead, stood up and walked to Callie. He swooped her in his arms and hugged and kissed her until she giggled and squirmed. He sat her down and then walked out to the purse where Elizabeth had flung it onto the grass.

  He squatted down and dumped the contents of the purse out. Elizabeth considered joining him but the thought of seeing those maggots again was just too much. She stayed put. Mark poked around a bit, and then came back to her.

  “Where did you get that purse, honey?” he asked.

  Gail and Pat had finished with Elizabeth’s car and he went to put the hose away. Gail joined Elizabeth again.

  “We bought them at that purse party last night,” she answered for both of them. “Down at Chico’s Eats. That new gal hosted a party there, free margaritas and fifty percent off on purses. It’s the new trend, I guess, purse parties.”

  Elizabeth nodded at Mark. “You know me and purses.”

  Mark looked at Gail. “Did you buy one?”

  She nodded yes. He stared at her until she got it. Her eyes bulged. “Oh, hell.”

  She turned toward the house and yelled. “Patrick! Go get that new purse out of my room! It’s on my dresser!”

  Mark quirked one eyebrow at her. “You know you’re going to lose the use of your legs if you keep screaming for that boy to do everything for you.”

  “Fuck you, Mark.” She turned to Elizabeth. “We hosed down your whole car and I didn’t see any more maggots. I hope we didn’t ruin your upholstery, but I figured maggots versus upholstery.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “Right. I prefer ruined upholstery.”

  Pat trotted up with a bright blue purse still encased in a clear plastic bag. “This one? There were four purses on your dresser, you shopaholic.”

  Mark laughed.

  “Yes, this one, you little narc.” Gail looked at the purse. “I don’t want to pull it out and have maggots attack me.” She handed it to Mark. “You do it.”

  He held out his hands, palms out. “No, thanks, pal. Your purse, your maggots.”

  “Will you guys stop saying maggots?” Elizabeth yelled.

  “Sorry, babe,” Mark said. He glared at Gail, who stared back. “Oh, give me the damn thing.”

  He tore the plastic bag off and pulled out the purse. Unzipping it, he sniffed. “It smells funny.”

  Gail took a step back. Mark held the purse at arm’s length and opened it. He peeked inside and said “Oh, that is just nasty!”

  He upended the purse and a furry creature fell out onto the grass. Both women squeaked with fright.

  “It’s a dead mouse,” Mark said. “I wonder if it was alive when you bought it?”

  Elizabeth gagged. “This gets worse and worse.”

  Gail’s face was pale. “No, it wasn’t in there when I bought it, dead or alive. We picked out the purses, and then the lady who ran the party put them in these plastic bags and sealed them. Do you think she put a dead mouse in my bag? Disgusting!”

  “Well, she didn’t put maggots in my purse,” Elizabeth said. “I opened it last night and transferred all my stuff from my Coach bag to this purse. I think I would have noticed then, don’t you?”

  Mark grunted.

  “What?” she said.

  “Your keys. What happened to your keys?”

  Gail looked back and forth between the couple. “What keys? What happened?”

  Elizabeth said, “I didn’t tell you? Oh, god, so much has happened. I went to leave to get Callie and I stuck the keys in the ignition and I felt this little sting in my fingers and I realized I was bleeding like you do when you get a paper cut, but several places. So I finally took the keys out of the ignition and they were all super sharp, like razors. But that’s crazy, because keys are dull, not sharp.”

  Gail shook her head. “What’s that got to do with your purse?”

  “I keep my keys in my purse and the BMW doesn’t need a key to open, you know,” she said. “So I didn’t pull them out until I started the ignition. And that’s when they cut me.”

  She turned to Mark. “I tried to call you, but all the information on my cell has been erased. Oh! I wonder if that’s because of the purse, too? I just blamed the phone company.”

  Gail stared at her friend for a moment then screamed, “Alice! Outside now! And bring your new purse!”

  Mark jumped a little. “Jesus, woman, do you always scream at your kids?”

  “You know Alice, she is in her own world,” Gail murmured. She turned to Pat. “Go get your sister and tell her I said come right this minute.”

  Pat loped off and Mark said, “You mean there’s another purse?”

  The two women nodded.

  “Oh, hell,” he said.

  While they waited, Mark retrieved Elizabeth’s purse, now washed completely clean of maggots. It was ruined but Elizabeth didn’t care. She could never look at it again, let alone use it. Back to her Coach bag for her.

  Mark was looking inside the purse.

  “Who’s the designer?” he asked.

  “Well, they’re not designer bags, really. Is there even a manufacturer’s label?” his wife asked.

  “Y
eah, it says . . .”

  “Maldad,” came a quiet voice behind him. He spun around in his lawn chair.

  Alice stood there, holding a shoulder bag of deep black leather, festooned with a large silver skull. Typical Alice. Today she was dressed down, wearing a simple pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt advertising Marilyn Manson. Her hair was pink. Normally, her hair was at least three colors, Mark knew, and her clothes looked like she was getting ready for a rock show. Not as an audience member, either – she usually looked like a rock star about to hit the stage. He liked the kid; she had flair.

  “Hey, Alice,” he said. “Is that your new purse?”

  She handed it to him. It felt light.

  “Nothing in it?”

  She shook her head no. Alice was a girl of few words.

  “May I open it?” he asked. She nodded. “Thanks.”

  He unzipped the bag and took a sniff. Nothing. Fearing injury, he decided to turn the bag inside out rather than reaching inside. Nothing fell out. Alice watched with absolutely no interest. He opened a couple zippered pockets but found nothing.

  “Nothing?” Gail asked.

  “Nope.”

  “Oh, thank god,” she said. “I’m sorry, Alice, but you have to throw it away. Something’s wrong with these purses.”

  Alice nodded. “Yes, I know.”

  “You know?” Elizabeth said.

  “Yes, I opened my purse this morning and I saw the label. I knew it was wrong right then,” she said. “Why? What happened? No one used their purse, did they?”

  “Yeah, damn it, I did!” Elizabeth shouted.

  Alice went so far as to frown.

  “That’s too bad. No one was hurt, I hope.”

  Gayle pulled her daughter away from Elizabeth.

  “Um, honey, why didn’t you tell me there was a problem?”

  Alice said, “Oh, because you wouldn’t have believed me.”

  “She’s right,” Mark said.

  “I will hurt you,” Elizabeth growled, reaching for the young woman. Mark pushed her back.

  “The hell you will. Sit down,” he said. “Okay, Alice, how did you know the purses were wrong?”

  “The Maldad label,” she said, as if that explained everything. And she smiled.