by May Dawson
“You can try,” he asked. “I make no promises about how it’ll turn out.”
“Why do you hate me?” I bit down on my lip, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, knowing I’d asked a stupid, vulnerable question. But the way he acted felt like a deep ache under my skin.
His lips lifted slightly, in a humorless smile, and he shook his head. His gaze shifted back out the window. “Don’t try to manipulate me, Ellis. It’s not cute. I’m not going to fall for it.”
“That’s what you think I’m doing?” My heart dropped, and I felt that deep ache like a physical thing. I wished I could run across the room to him, push myself into that broad chest, and have those powerful, tattooed arms wrap around me. It felt strange and wrong to have him angry at me like this. I wondered if that was the Lilith in me recognizing the angel in him.
“You know damn well how I feel about you!” He exploded. I was surprised by the fervor in his voice, by the way his golden eyes locked on mine from across the room. Even with the room between us, I could feel the tension between our bodies.
“Yeah, you’ve made it pretty clear that you’re not my biggest fan.”
He closed the distance between us in a few furious steps, and I jumped up from the bed, my body tense. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do next, with all that misplaced anger he carried towards me.
He slid a finger under my jaw, tilting my gaze up to his, to those golden eyes.
“No,” he ground out. “That I’m drawn to you. That I love you. You impossible brat.”
For a second, I just stared back at him, not sure what to say.
“That is literally the worst confession of love I’ve ever heard,” I said finally. Because Jacob did not deserve to be let off the hook. Not after the way he’d acted.
Not even if part of me felt the same way.
One side of his lips quirked up slightly. “I don’t want to love anyone, Ellis. Not my brothers. Not you. I want to be free.”
His lips were still as close to mine as if we could kiss.
I rested my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away, just putting a breath between the two of us. His body was hot against my palms, and it felt like a gulf between us when I dropped my hands. He looked at me, brows drawn together on that handsome, angelic face, as if he couldn’t make sense of what I’d just done.
“Then we’ll find a way to make you free, Jacob.” I promised him.
Some strange expression flickered across his face. Reluctance, maybe, or a sense of loss. Hurt.
Was Jacob really hurt that I hadn’t responded to that worst-ever confession of love?
We had to start with Jacob being nice and work our way into anything else.
But then, from what Ryker and Levi had said, I wasn’t sure he was nice to anyone.
“It’s a big, ancient curse,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Handed down by God. Enforced by angels. You think you can break it, Princess?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m not going to make us both suffer, Jacob. I’m going to figure this out.”
He ducked his head slightly, his arms crossed over his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you suffer, Princess.”
“Are you trying to say you’re sorry?”
He shook his head slightly, his eyes on mine magnetic. “Don’t push it. I’m just saying. Maybe I could be…”
He stopped, as if he couldn’t even give me that.
“Friendly? Polite?” I offered up some suggestions at the same time I offered my hand to him, as if to shake on it.
He hesitated. I was about to get annoyed all over again, but then he took my hand to shake it. Just his palm against mine send sparks racing up my arm, making my body flush with heat. This time, I pulled away first. I didn’t want to feel that powerful arc of attraction between us.
“Friendly,” he agreed, but his eyes were troubled.
Chapter 25
I took a long, hot shower, making sure that the water didn’t touch the gauze on my forehead. When I stepped out into the steamy air, I wiped the clouded-over mirror off with a towel; I was always tense now until I was sure that I wasn’t sharing the shower with a ghost.
The birthday girl stared back at me. There were deep circles under my eyes, and a pale yellow bruise leaked across my temple from under the edges of the bandage. I pressed the edge of the bruise and winced at myself in the mirror. Yep, it hurt. Maybe Jacob wasn’t wrong when he called me an idiot.
I had been looking forward to my eighteenth birthday, but now I was just looking forward to the end of the day, to the expiration of my twenty-four hour ban on sleep and the opportunity to go to bed without the fear of slipping into a coma. My eyes widened in the mirror as I thought of what that would mean; a coma would leave me trapped in my dreams, trapped with Ash. I wondered if I’d finally break through her wall or if I’d go mad, trapped in those nightmares. I wondered if Ryker would come find me like he had in my nightmare while we were in the asylum.
Ryker. Levi. I longed for them, thinking of their warm, comforting bodies, how I had been nestled between them and revived by their kisses. Eager to get to them—although, remembering what Jacob had said about our energy, I resolved not to touch them—I hurriedly dressed in some of the clothes still piled at the foot of my bed. I pulled on faded Lucky jeans and a tight pink t-shirt. My motorcycle boots were still on the tile floor of the bathroom, caked with mud and wet from the run through the forest, and I almost left them there to dry. But I was in Ryker and Levi’s house, wearing their mother’s clothes, and they took such good care of everything, from their weapons to their kitchen sink. Reluctantly, I took the time to wash and wipe off the boots, crumpling washcloths into balls to stuff inside.
Finally I left the boots next to my dresser to dry and padded down the hall. Jacob’s door was closed, and I wondered if I had closed it behind me or if he had closed it, if he was inside. My fingers trailed briefly over the door, but I was done talking to him, being anywhere near him. He was maddening. Mean. Impossible. Gorgeous. And even more haunted than I was.
As I made my way downstairs, I breathed in a warm vanilla and sugar scent. As I crossed to the kitchen, Ryker and Levi looked up. They were both freshly showered, dressed in jeans; Levi’s long blond hair fell in wet strands over his powerful shoulders. And there were white cupcakes cooling on wire racks.
“You had an amazingly productive hour,” I said, smiling. “Shouldn’t you be resting?”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Ryker reached for me, and even though it took every ounce of self-control I had, I slipped through his arms teasingly and ducked into one of the kitchen chairs.
“I promised I wouldn’t touch you,” I said. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re dead.”
“It’s not a bad way to go,” Ryker said. “No, seriously, it doesn’t work that way. From what I’ve read. We’d just… sleep. Once we were drained. Until our energy replenished and we had enough to start up again.”
“Which we can’t do,” I said. “No sleep.”
“I’m counting down,” Levi said.
“Yeah, me too, I’m exhausted.”
Levi leaned over the back of my chair, setting a cup of coffee in front of me. “Well, it is your birthday. Do you want presents?”
I tilted my head back, taking in his warm blue eyes. “Presents? Yes!”
Olivia stopped in the doorway, her face studiously neutral, and said, “Never get excited about presents from Hunters.”
“Are you giving me a poltergeist or something?” I raised an eyebrow at Levi.
“I wouldn’t do that to you. Your eighteenth birthday should be memorable.”
“And not just because I was in my first-ever high speed car chase, knocked unconscious, and sucked into a world of nightmares?”
My tone was light, but Ryker and Levi exchanged worried glances. Shit. Levi pulled out the chair next to mine, and he sat down with his arms crossed on the oak tabletop, leaning forward intently.
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��You want to tell me about these dreams?” he asked.
I shook my head. Oh, hey, that still hurt. “No. Just… more of the same. The usual. Ash.”
My throat tightened at the thought of how easily I’d just lied to them. Even after all they’d done for me and all they were willing to do.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Ryker said. “To guide you out. I was… busy.”
Busy was quite the way to say killing the men who had caused our crash and come back to take us captive.
I frowned, thinking about how Mr. Joseph had been waiting for me, knowing we would have the crash. But had he really needed to go through all that to contact me, if he was able to reach me—and spy on me—through my sister?
“Hey, Firestarter.” Ryker nudged my hand, his eyes worried, no matter how teasing and sexy his voice was.
“I’m never getting into a car again,” I said. “Too many wrecks for me.”
“You’ve got some bad luck,” Ryker agreed.
Levi’s hands rested on my shoulders. “But you’ve got some good luck, too. Let’s get those presents.”
I felt the warmth of Levi’s hands kneading my shoulders for just a second before they receded. The two boys left the kitchen, and I followed their departure curiously, wondering just what they were up to.
Olivia took the seat opposite me. She had a tub of vanilla frosting and a butter knife, and she began to ice the cupcakes, even though they were still just warm enough that the frosting began to soften slightly and run down the edges of the paper cups. Like she needed something to busy her hands with, to keep her from having to meet my eyes, while she sat near me and babysat.
I’ve never had such conflicted feelings before about anyone who made cupcakes for me. Normally, you bake me cake, we’re tight.
“Where’s Jacob?” I broke the silence. With the most awkward question possible. Awkwardly, I added, “I guess he doesn’t feel like celebrating.”
She shook her head. “Grumping somewhere.”
“So he’s… half angel. What does that mean? How does that work?”
“Which part? Being a Nephilim? Or making a Nephilim?” She shook her head. “I don’t want to think about to think about Wendy having sex.”
“Their mom’s name was Wendy?”
She nodded. A trickle of icing ran down her thumb, and she set a perfectly iced cupcake down between us.
“You knew her?” Another stab of jealousy in my chest.
“Yeah. I’m from a Hunting family too.” She thumped her fist above her heart, and for a second, I thought it was some secret Hunter symbol. Then she said, “I have a bad ticker. Always have. This is all I can do.”
“All you can do?” I asked. “You’re a genius. You’re a hacker. The boys need you. I don’t think you should feel…less-than.”
Her gaze flickered up to mine, surprised. She hesitated before she said, “Our world is all about the sword-swingers. That’s what makes you valuable.”
“I’m glad you’re here, as-is,” I said. I did like Olivia. “Can you answer a question that’s been driving me nuts?”
She bit down on her lip, pulling a face. “Maybe? I don’t want to violate the boys’ privacy. Some questions you should ask them.”
“Why swords?” I asked. “Why not, I don’t know, machine guns?”
She breathed a dramatic sigh of relief. “Oh, an easy one. Bullets don’t do anything to ghosts. But the right sword? You can dispatch a ghost to the afterlife like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Course, not all ghosts are easy like that. Some of them are wily. Sometimes we have to burn their bones or trick them into being corporeal so we can smoke them.” She pulled another face; her mobile features easily arranged themselves into funny expressions. “And by we I mean, you know, the real Hunters.”
“You seem like a real Hunter to me,” I said. “But I guess that’s coming from the girl who didn’t know this world existed a week ago. I don’t know anything.”
“I’ll help you learn,” she promised me. Her eyes flickered up to me uncertainly, as if she didn’t expect me to accept her offer of friendship, however tentative it was
“Thank you,” I said.
The brief, warm moment abruptly halted as Jacob walked into the kitchen. He crinkled his nose on his way to the coffee pot. “What’s that smell?”
“The smell of delicious?” Olivia said. To me, she said, “Jacob doesn’t like sweets.”
“I wish I didn’t have a sweet tooth.” I said.
Olivia danced the cupcake she’d just frosted in front of my gaze, and I smiled back as I took it from her. I peeled back the paper wrapper and sunk my teeth into its soft, sugary perfection.
Jacob leaned against the counter, his black coffee seemingly in danger from spilling out of the mug due to his crossed arms. He stared at Olivia like he didn’t like her talking to me.
“Do you have a present for me?” I asked him, my tone light. I would just ignore that he hated me until he gave it up. Something about the way he acted made me want to be more flirtatious, more bratty, just to get a reaction out of him.
“Sorry,” he said, his jaw working to one side. “I called around, but I couldn’t find you a brain.”
I had to grin. “Did you rehearse that one?”
Jacob rolled his eyes, straightening up from the counter. Despite his irritation, I couldn’t help taking in the way his black sweater clung to his broad shoulders and the narrow taper of his waist; he wore black jeans too, now, which fit his lanky legs well.
“I’ll be in the office,” he said. He pushed up his sleeves as if he didn’t really notice what he was doing, and I caught a glimpse of the elaborate black tattoos that all the boys had. I leaned forward, glancing at Olivia’s wrists; she wore a long-sleeved t-shirt and a hot pink watch, and I couldn’t tell if she had tattoos or not.
“What?” she asked, with a self-conscious smile. I heard Jacob pause in the doorway behind me, as if he wanted to know what Olivia and I had to talk about. Or as if he wanted to make sure I was being kind to her, maybe.
“I just wondered if you had tattoos too,” I said.
“A few,” she said. “Protective ones. Not like if I was Hunting. The tattoos are wards.”
“Like you put up on walls?”
She nodded. “Same magic. Different purposes.” She traced a circle over her heart. “When hunters get married, they tattoo over their hearts.”
“Makes it awkward when you get divorced, I imagine.”
“Most hunters don’t live long enough for second marriages,” Jacob said. I could feel his body behind me, even ten feet away in the entrance, and then he turned and went away, headed for the office.
“And there you have the most pessimistic man on the face of the planet,” Olivia said. “Finding something even more depressing than divorce.”
I glanced down at my arms, which were pale and slender and unmarked; I couldn’t have been more different in appearance from these fierce, muscled men who lived their lives fighting.
“Will I need tattoos?” I asked out loud.
“Look at you,” Ryker said, standing in the doorway with a box that barely fit through it. “Been a Hunter for a week and already dying to get some tats.”
Olivia’s smile was a quick, pained flash across her face. I had to bet that Ryker didn’t even know how much it hurt Olivia not to be a Hunter, because he wouldn’t have blurted that out in front of her if he did. I felt touched that she had told me something that mattered when we barely knew each other.
“Well, I want to be as cool as you,” I teased. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”
Ryker brought the big box over to the table, and Olivia and I scrambled to move the cupcakes to safety on the kitchen counter before he thumped the enormous, rectangular thing in front of me.
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Oh, I can tell what this is, and I can promise you: even girls who are hunters want more romantic gifts than this.”
Ryker touched a finger to his lips, shushing her so
undlessly, and the way his green eyes sparkled, the way he moved, all made me feel a familiar thrum of lust for him.
I guessed that coffee was kicking in, because I didn’t feel like sleeping anymore.
I ripped open red-and-green wrapping paper—funny to picture these boys wrapping presents for me, even with leftover Christmas paper—to find a long, leather case with a shoulder strap. I unbuckled the latches that held it closed, and peeled back the leather to reveal a long, slender, graceful sword. The hilt was white and shimmering, some kind of beautiful stone, and the blade itself was intricately carved with runes.
“It was Mom’s,” Levi said, leaning against the counter. I could feel the boys’ eyes on my face, like they needed to know that I liked it. “She would want you to have it.”
“Thank you.” I ran my fingers over the blade. “It’s beautiful.”
Levi nodded, cleared his throat. “And we got you this too.” He held out a small wooden jewelry box.
“Thank you,” I said. I grinned at Olivia. “I guess they did know what a girl wants. Jewelry.”
Olivia wasn’t smiling, her eyes intent on the box. I felt suddenly uncomfortable as I released the latch in the front and opened the top.
Inside was a smooth velvet lining.
And two narrow diamond bands, stacked on top of each other.
I touched a finger to the band, but didn’t take it out of the box. “This is an engagement ring. Her engagement ring?”
Levi said, “No.”
“You don’t need to give me something like this.” I smiled uncertainly. “Just to give me jewelry. Did you get this off a ghost or something?”
“I’m going to get Jacob,” Olivia said, pushing back in her chair.
“He won’t like it,” Ryker warned.
“He doesn’t like anything.” She headed for the doorway, stepping over Levi’s long legs as he leaned there.
“It’s not for… now.” Levi said. He raked a hand through his long blond hair. “It’s a Hunter thing.”
“It’s a Four thing,” Ryker said. He reached out and took the box, his fingers briefly overlapping mine, and I felt the same current between us that I always did. “But we should have waited. Sorry, Ellis. We could do this better.”