Loving Tessa (January Cove)

by Hanna, Rachel

  And then she’d pulled back. Stopped. Regret plastered across her face.

  He threw on some khaki shorts and a red T-shirt and headed downstairs to the kitchen. It was still early, and the sun had just come up. He fully expected that Tessa was still asleep, secure in the fact that she was safe in the house with him. But there she stood, already in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

  The smell of bacon overwhelmed his senses, and he watched her secretly for a few moments. She moved around the kitchen gracefully, like she’d always done it when he knew she hadn’t. She’d never had the chance to be a normal mommy, making PB&J sandwiches and baking cookies at Christmas.

  “Have you started the coffee?” he said, causing her to jump and drop the egg she was holding in her hand.

  “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry I startled you,” Aaron said rushing to her side and grabbing a hand full of paper towels. He crouched to the floor and started cleaning up the mess.

  “It’s okay, Aaron. You don’t have to walk on…”

  “Egg shells?” he finished her sentence and then they both started laughing. “Kind of ironic, huh?”

  She sat on the floor beside him as he cleaned up the egg mess and she picked out the pieces of shell. Then, their hands collided for a moment and time stood still.

  “What is that?” she finally asked softly.

  “What is what?” he said without looking up at her for fear of scaring her off again.

  “That feeling I get when you touch me.”

  Aaron sat back against a cabinet and threw the egg covered paper towel into the trashcan behind him. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying desperately not to drag her across the kitchen floor and into his lap.

  “You get a feeling?” he asked, trying to sound innocent.

  “And you don’t?” she asked with a crooked smile.

  “Of course not. I find you repulsive,” he said tossing a piece of stray egg shell at her. “You’re mean and ugly and a terrible kisser, Tessa Reeves.”

  She crawled across the floor until she was on her knees in front of him and then pelted him with a wadded up paper towel. “Not funny!”

  “You’re going to give me salmonella!” he said wiping the egg from the paper towel off his face. Both of them were laughing, albeit low to keep from waking Tyler.

  “It was a serious question, Aaron. Do you get a feeling?”

  “I think it was pretty obvious that I got some feelings about you when we kissed last night, Tessa. And if you’d come to my room after that little episode, you’d have seen some of those feelings visibly, if you know what I mean.” A naughty grin crept across his face as hers turned red.

  “Aaron!” she said slapping playfully at his leg. “Seriously, I’m sorry about how I reacted. I was up all night thinking about it.”

  “I was up all night too. Took a cold shower…” he said.

  “Very funny.”

  “Not a joke.”

  “Really?” she asked with her hand over her mouth.

  “Why does that surprise you? You understand male anatomy, don’t you?”

  “Yes, of course. But… over me?” She seemed amazed that a man would be so attracted to her that he needed a cold shower. It made him sad how little she thought of herself.

  “Let me put it this way, Tessa. I’ve never felt like that in my life. Sure, I’ve been turned on, aroused, whatever you want to call it. I’m a man. But I’ve never felt so tied in knots after a kiss in my life. And truthfully, if I never get to experience that again with you, I’ll go to my grave feeling like I was screwed out of something special.”

  Her eyes filled up with tears for a moment, but she took a deep breath and blinked them back. He sat there, looking at her and not speaking. He wasn’t sorry he said it, not at all. But he didn’t want to push her too hard, too fast.

  “You say the sweetest things.”

  “I’m not being sweet. I’m being honest. I dated Natalie for three freaking years, and I feel like I know you better. I feel like our souls connect, Tessa, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “But we can’t do this, Aaron.” There, she’d said it. And he felt like a dagger had just been driven through his heart. His worst fears confirmed, he sighed and put his head back against the cabinet.

  “And why is that?”

  “Because I’m no good for you. This whole situation is just you being a good guy and me being a taker. I’m taking your time and your safety from you right now. Even your mother sees it…” She stopped herself and he sat up, stunned.

  “What did you just say?” he said a little too loudly as she put her finger over her lips to tell him to quiet down. “My mother? What did she say?”

  “Damn it. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “Tell me what she said, Tessa,” he whispered.

  “She figured out that I wasn’t Dawn. I confessed my name to her, and she guessed that I was running from someone. She was so sweet about it, Aaron, but she made it clear that she just had a stroke and is worried that I’m putting you in danger. I can’t do that to you or to her.”

  His stomach was in knots. His mother was right about one thing. She didn’t need the stress of worrying about him getting hurt or killed. Bringing her into the whole thing was a mistake on his part, and now Tessa felt responsible. What a mess.

  “I’ll talk to her,” he said softly.

  “There’s nothing to say, Aaron. She’s right. She’s your mother, and I would feel the same way if Tyler had put himself in the position you’re in right now. Until the threat of Ethan is neutralized, anyone around me is in danger, including my son. I don’t intend to add you and your mother to that mix.”

  “I need to call her and explain that he’s being watched so she can at least have some peace for now. I wish you’d told me this last night.”

  “I know. I should have. I just didn’t know what to say.” She looked down, and he hated the sadness in her eyes.

  “Tessa?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Does this mean we can’t kiss anymore?” he asked with a chuckle to break the ice. She smiled sadly and then stood up. He followed her.

  “It was amazing, Aaron. And, for the record, I’ve never felt that way before either. I wish we were in a different situation, but we aren’t.”

  “I won’t push you. I promise. If that’s the only kiss I ever get from you, I will hold it right here for the rest of my life,” he said touching his chest. She reached out and put her hand on his and then brought his hand to her heart area.

  “Me too,” she said softly as a stray tear rolled down her cheek. And then they heard Tyler coming down the stairs, and the moment was over.

  ***

  For the next three days, Aaron did exactly what he’d promised at the outset of their trip. He was teaching Tyler everything he knew about the outdoors.

  He took him out in the canoe and attempted teaching him to row, but they almost toppled over and Tessa made him stop. Then, he’d taught him to fish, catch turtles and make the world’s best sandcastles along the shore of the springs.

  In between, he’d shown him how to make paper airplanes and build castles out of blocks. It was like watching a dying father show his child everything he could before taking his final breath. Aaron was leaving nothing unsaid or undone when it came to Tyler, and Tessa wondered if he thought she would take off with her son without telling him.

  It made Tessa's heart ache every time she watched Aaron show her son how to do something. She thought about how much Tyler had missed in his young life by not having a real father. And yet here she was having to push away a man who obviously wanted to spend time with her and her son. Ethan was still pulling the strings even without trying, and the thought of it made her sick to her stomach.

  How did she got here? She never expected to meet a man that she could see herself falling in love with, but here he was. She watched him outside as he played catch with Tyler and wondered how she could get herself out of the situation. She would n
ever be able to go on with her life knowing that a man like Aaron was out there and would have stood by her through thick and thin.

  Sure, a part of her didn't want to trust him after everything that had happened with Ethan, but her heart knew that Aaron was a good person who would take care of her and Tyler if she would only allow him to.

  She had to do something. She’d been mulling over her plans in her mind for the last couple days, and there seemed to be no other option. She had to take a stand and be courageous if she had wanted any chance of being with Aaron when all was said and done.

  ***

  As evening fell, Tyler was exhausted and fell asleep on the sofa. They’d had a large dinner, and Tessa was finally starting to relax. The old house was becoming home after only four days, and that scared her a little bit. Even Beau was enjoying the springs and having so much room to run around outside.

  “Boy, he’s out like a light,” Aaron said as he turned off the kitchen light and walked into the living room.

  “Yeah. This is more activity than he’s had in his whole life,” Tessa said with a laugh.

  “Want some wine? It’s beautiful out there tonight. We could sit on the deck and enjoy the quiet,” he said with a wink, insinuating that little Tyler was energetic and loud.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  They covered Tyler with a blanket and walked onto the deck. Aaron poured them each a glass of wine as they sat down on the log sewn Adirondack chairs flanking the back deck.

  “To new beginnings,” he said softly as he held up his wine glass.

  “New beginnings,” she repeated as their glasses clinked together. “So, have you heard from Stan today?”

  “No. Not today. But I expect to hear from him anytime now.”

  “Why would you say that?” she asked, her stomach a pit of nervous knots and what felt like angry butterflies.

  “Well, given what you told me about your ex, I assume he’s concocting a plan. Don’t you think so?”

  “Yes. Of course. I have to wonder, though…”

  “What?”

  “I’m just wondering if I should keep waiting for him to come after me, or if I…”

  “If you what? Go after him? Are you crazy?” Aaron said with a little more anger in his voice than she would have liked.

  “Not exactly…”

  “Tessa, listen to me. This man is no one you want to play around with. You have to promise me that you won’t do anything stupid like confront him. Promise me,” he said with a look of seriousness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen previously.

  “I promise,” she said softly. “But it’s nice to know you care so much.”

  “You know I care, Tessa. Too much.” Her heart felt like it was going to jump right out of her chest at his words. She hated that she was going to break the promise she’d just made, but she felt like it was her only way out. It was her ticket to freedom. It was her one shot lottery ticket that she hoped would pay off and not end in her funeral.

  “How about some music?” she said changing the subject to quiet her mind.

  “Sure. I’ve got my phone in my pocket,” he said as he fumbled with the wine glass. A moment later, he had the music going.

  “I love this song,” she said as “The Way You Look Tonight” started to play. Aaron put his glass on the table and stood, holding his hand out to her. She cocked her head at him.

  “May I have this dance?” he asked softly. Again, her heart skipped so many beats that she feared she might pass out. She nodded and stood as he pulled her out into the open area of the deck.

  They stood facing each other for a moment before he slipped his hands around her waist and slowly pulled her closer. Heat radiated throughout her body as she struggled to keep air in her lungs. Sliding her hands up his arms, she settled them on his strong shoulders and stared at his chest. Unable to look up at him, she continued staring straight ahead and holding her breath.

  “Tessa, look at me,” he whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her neck as his nose brushed against her skin.

  She tilted her head up slightly and allowed her eyes to lock in on his. Swallowing hard, she fell in step with the rhythm of the music and realized what a good dancer he was. He held her strong and confidently, and she felt safe in his arms.

  Her lips were getting dry, so she ran her tongue across her bottom lip. He sighed and looked up for a moment before looking back down at her with a wry smile.

  “What?” she whispered.

  “You’re killing me.”

  “Why?”

  “Stop licking your lips. Please.”

  “I didn’t know I was licking my lips,” she lied.

  “I think you know exactly what you’re doing, Tessa Reeves,” he said pulling her closer. “And if you don’t stop, I might just die right here in this spot. And you’ll have to clean up an Aaron sized puddle right here.” He stomped his foot lightly as she giggled.

  She tightened her grip around his neck and put her head on his chest, which generated yet another sigh from him. Looking up, she said, “I’m sorry. Is it not okay if I put my head on your chest?”

  “Tessa, you can put your head anywhere on my body that you want to,” he responded which generated a small slap from her.

  “Aaron!” she said with a laugh. “You’re bad.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Maybe you’ve had too much wine,” she said before noticing that his glass was still full and sitting on the table.

  “No, I’ve had enough of being near a woman that I find to be immensely attractive and perfect for me but not being able to touch her or hold her or kiss her. I’ve had enough of some jackass rogue cop ruling our lives from another state. I’ve had enough of rubbing against you on this deck and not being able to press my lips to yours and wash away all of your fears for just a moment. That’s what I’ve had enough of.” He wasn’t laughing, and Tessa knew he was dead serious.

  “Aaron…”

  “No, listen to me, Tessa. My mother will be okay. She’s a strong woman who loves me, and I could tell she really liked you. And she’s going to worry no matter what I do. What I know for sure is that you were put in my life for a reason, and I’m not going to take a chance of losing the opportunity we could have to be together. What I need to know is whether you feel the same. Do you have feelings for me? I mean, would you be interested in seeing where this goes?”

  She stopped swaying and broke their embrace, although he kept his hands on her waist.

  “I’m sorry. I pushed too hard. I’m sorry,” he repeated. She just stood there, like an idiot, and stared straight ahead. “Tessa?”

  Her heart was skipping and those dang butterflies were whirling around in her stomach. She wanted to speak, but her mouth wouldn’t cooperate with her. She wanted to say yes, she had strong feelings for him. She wanted to say yes, please save me from myself and my fears. She wanted to say yes. Yes. Yes… But, she couldn’t say anything.

  Realizing that she wasn’t able to speak, Aaron pulled her back in again and started swaying to the music. He knew just what to do, but she was angry with herself. How could she let him say those things to her and then not respond? It wasn’t right.

  “Aaron,” she whispered against his chest, tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Yes?” he whispered back, continuing to sway.

  “I feel the same way too.”

  “Good,” he said giving her a squeeze. “Then everything is going to work out. You just wait and see.”

  Chapter 10

  It was three in the morning when she heard the sound of someone talking. Grabbing a heavy vase from her nightstand, Tessa crept up the hallway toward the voice. That’s when she realized it was Aaron talking on the phone as softly as he could out on his private deck.

  It wasn’t his fault that his voice woke her up. Over the years of living with Ethan, she’d trained herself to wake up to every little sound just in case he was coming to abuse her or kidnap Tyler. She was sure tha
t she could hear a leaf blowing across the yard even if she was in a dead sleep.

  Knowing it was wrong, she walked closer so she could hear Aaron talking. He was definitely whispering so that she couldn’t hear him.

  “Listen, Stan, I need to know where he’s headed… You think the campground? Well, how long has he been on the road?”

  Oh, God. Ethan was on the move. She’d have to move her plan up quite a bit to make sure that she had time.