What Hope Remembers

by Johnnie Alexander

  “Dani picked up a few groceries,” Brett said, “but if there’s anything you need, just let me know.”

  “I’m not an invalid.”

  “Maybe not. But you’ve been through a horrific experience, and you need to take care of yourself.”

  “I don’t see you lying on the couch being waited on hand and foot.”

  “I didn’t breathe in as much smoke as you.” He handed her a knitted throw, and she tossed it to the other end of the couch. “Do you need anything else?”

  “Only to thank you both for your gallantry and to bid you farewell. I’m tired.”

  “Maybe we should stay. Just to keep watch.”

  “Jonah, would you please do something for me?”

  “Sure.”

  “Take your dad to his car and let the door smack him on the way out.”

  “You heard her, Daddy.” Jonah pulled Brett to his feet and gave him a push. “Can we come back later, Aunt Amy?”

  She wanted to say no, but how could she resist the quiet plea in those crystal blue eyes? Eyes just like hers. Just like Brett’s.

  Just like Dad’s.

  “Come here,” she said.

  “Are you going to hug me?”

  “You bet I am.”

  He hesitated only a moment before flinging himself into her open arms. She hugged him tight, grateful that he was still young enough to accept an embrace. She glanced up to see Brett’s gaze—love mingled with pride—upon them.

  “You’re a blessing, Jonah,” she whispered. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

  As she released him, he gave a sheepish shrug. “I’m glad you’re home.”

  “Me too, buddy. Me too.”

  “See ya later, gator,” he chimed.

  “After while, ’dile,” she answered.

  As soon as the gate closed behind them, Amy took a quick shower, dressed, and sank to the bed to regain her strength. She’d felt fine at the hospital, restless and eager to get home. But the drive had wearied her more than she’d expected.

  After taking several deep breaths, she pushed herself from the mattress and slipped on a pair of sandals. The burns on her feet ached, but she didn’t care.

  All she wanted was to see Gabe.

  Amy pressed her hands against the window separating her from Gabe’s room. The drive to the burn center had been excruciating, and she had stopped a few times on the way to catch her breath and renew her resolve. Only sheer willpower, intense concentration, and perhaps a well-timed prayer or two had gotten her here safely. But the ordeal had been worth it just to see him.

  If only she could hold his hand, talk to him so he would know he wasn’t alone. But she wasn’t allowed inside his room. Hospital policy.

  She hated rules.

  “Excuse me,” said a voice behind her. The man wore a military uniform, and his distinguished gray hair was cut short. “Colonel Steve Kendall. Are you a friend of Gabe’s?”

  She studied him, then extended her hand. “I’m Amy Somers.”

  “Amy?” He looked her over, concern—not appraisal—in his eyes. “Should you be here? I thought you were in the hospital.”

  “Who have you been talking to?”

  “I’ve spent a few anxious hours with Shelby. If I have the family relations straight, her husband is your cousin.”

  “It sounds like Shelby has told you all about us.”

  “I think we both needed someone to talk to.” He sighed heavily and peered through the window. “Is it true what they’re saying? Gabe ran into the stables to save Tess?”

  Amy nodded, afraid to trust her voice. Once again the guilt assailed her.

  “It was a foolhardy thing for him to do,” Colonel Kendall said gently. “But I’m not surprised. Tess filled a void in his life. Rusty too.”

  “Does he know about Tess?”

  “Not yet. He’s heavily sedated.”

  “Would you mind?” She paused, closing her eyes to garner the strength she needed. “Will you let me tell him?”

  The colonel gazed at her, studying her as she had studied him. “Would I be right in assuming you and my son are more than just friends?”

  “I don’t know the answer to that.”

  “I see.” He locked his hands behind his back and stared through the glass again. After a few moments, he strode to the door and held it open. “Are you coming?”

  “They said I couldn’t. I’m not family.”

  A slight smile lifted his lips. “I’ll vouch for you.”

  “Thank you,” she gushed while resisting the urge to hug him. “Thank you with all my heart.”

  Gabe’s eyes fluttered in a dim world. His arms and legs were leaden weights holding him against a hard surface. His mind drifted from one nebulous dream-like place to another without rhyme or reason. Screams echoed from far away, and tendrils of smoke crept around him.

  He blinked a couple of times and opened his eyes. The screams and the smoke disappeared, and his mind cleared. But he wasn’t sure where he was or why he couldn’t move his limbs. He focused first on the window, a rectangle of soft light from a distant sun. It was a fairly new day, or one that would end in a few hours. He couldn’t tell which.

  Either way, he shouldn’t be in bed.

  He never slept past 5:45. Never went to bed before 11:00.

  “Gabe.”

  The sweet voice of an angel caressed his ear, and he turned his head despite the pain.

  “You’re awake,” she said.

  “Amy.” The effort to speak scratched his clogged throat.

  “Don’t talk.” She put her fingers on his lips, and he hoped she’d hold them there forever.

  Can’t move. He tried again to say something, but the words were only thoughts caught inside his head.

  “I’ll call the nurse.”

  Stay with me.

  He strained to lift his hand, to move his fingers so he could catch hers when she touched him again. Distant voices faded in and out as he drifted between worlds.

  When he woke again, the room was filled with sunlight. He blinked a couple of times and shook away the drowsiness. His limbs still felt heavy, but his fingers moved and he could raise his hand. White gauze surrounded each one of his fingers.

  He could do this.

  “Hello, Gabe.”

  He smiled at the angel’s voice and forced his head to turn her way. “Amy.” His voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk, but her name felt good on his lips.

  “How are you?” she asked. “I’ve been so worried.”

  The memories came back again. The burning stable. Taking Daisy and Casper from their stalls then going back in again. His mind stopped.

  “Are you . . .” The hoarseness forced him to pause.

  “Drink this,” Amy said. She held a straw to his lips. The cool liquid, flavored like lemons, soothed his mouth and throat.

  “Are you hurt?” he asked.

  “Not really,” she said. “Not like you.”

  “The horses?”

  “You rescued Casper and Daisy, remember?”

  “I meant Abner and Knight Starr. All the others. Did they get out?”

  “We can talk about that later. For now, you need to rest. To get better.”

  He strained to reach for her hand. She must have noticed, because her fingers gently touched his arm. The touch gave him strength to press on.

  “Tell me,” he said.

  “Only Daisy and Casper survived. I’m sorry, Gabe. I know it hurts, but if you hadn’t gone in, they’d have died too. The news media are calling you a hero.”

  He didn’t want to be a hero. He only wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

  Another memory floated into his consciousness, and he closed his eyes. He dreaded this one most of all, but he had to face it. He had to know the worst.

  Heat forced him back, smoke filled his lungs. But he had to push his way into the barn. He had to find . . .

  “Tess? Did I get her out in time?”

  �
�You tried, Gabe. You tried so hard.” Amy’s voice caught. “But she didn’t make it.”

  No, God. Please no. He had only one escape from the crushing pain. When the darkness came, he didn’t fight it.

  38

  On Sunday morning, Amy went to church with Brett, Dani, and the three children while Shelby stayed home with AJ. His burns were healing, but he tired easily. Shelby confided in Amy that he wasn’t ready to go out in public. He didn’t want to answer questions or repeat the details of what had happened. But most of all, he was having trouble alleviating the guilt he felt because he hadn’t been able to save Tess.

  As Amy entered the sanctuary, Cassie welcomed her like a long-lost friend and stood close while others greeted her. Strengthened by Cassie’s presence, Amy smiled and shook hands and even endured a few hugs from strangers without falling apart.

  Before the sermon, the elders prayed specifically for healing for AJ and Gabe. Though Tess had attended a different church, they honored her memory. Many of these people knew her as a loving friend and a good neighbor.

  Amy sat stoically between Dani and Cassie, determined not to join the quiet sobbing that could be heard throughout the sanctuary. She’d cried too many tears over the past few days.

  Then the elders prayed for Amy and Brett. As their words surrounded her, a peace unlike anything she’d ever felt before nestled in her heart. Gabe once said that God’s arms were always outstretched, like the father welcoming the return of his prodigal son. He’d also said that after a mess was a great time to get reacquainted with God.

  Perhaps that time had come for her.

  She bowed her head in a private prayer and heard those whispered words.

  Be brave.

  If only she knew how to be in the face of so much pain and tragedy. She knew she couldn’t unless God was with her.

  The familiar voice murmured near Gabe’s ear, and he strained to decipher the words, to give a name to the speaker.

  “. . . hear me, Gabe?” A long pause while Gabe blinked several times. “Come back to me, son.”

  Dad.

  Gabe stretched his dried lips, struggled to form the word past the ache in his throat. A moist sponge dampened his mouth, and he forced his eyes to stay open despite their heaviness.

  “Hello, son.” Steve held the pink lollipop-sponge by its stick as if he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

  His father was never ill-at-ease, never unsure of anything. This must be part of the same nightmare where Tess couldn’t breathe and horses screamed as flames scorched their flesh. Burnt his ears and his hands and . . .

  “Dad,” he whispered, closing his eyes against the pain of remembering. Amy had come. She’d told him about the horses, about Tess. They had talked, but now he could barely say a word. His swollen throat, his drug-addled brain made it almost impossible to concentrate. To think.

  “I’m here, son.”

  Gabe’s eyes flickered open again as his dad’s fingers rested on his arm.

  “I’m here. And I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to—” His voice cracked.

  “I didn’t save her.” The words emerged as separate breaths that took all of Gabe’s effort. “I failed you, sir.”

  “No, Gabe. I’m the one who failed. I failed you and Tess both.” A heavy sigh filled the space between them. “If I’d been a better man, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t expect you to forgive me. All I ask is that you don’t give up. I can’t lose you, son.”

  The pleading warmth of his dad’s words eased the clog in Gabe’s throat and somehow lessened the pain that tensed his body.

  “You won’t, sir,” he whispered as he once again drifted to the place where pain couldn’t follow.

  After the church service, the family gathered at AJ’s bungalow for a buffet lunch. The kitchen counter was filled with casseroles and other food provided by the neighbors. Amy put together a grilled chicken salad, joined the children at an outside table, and choked down each bite.

  Despite the tremendous urge pulling her to the brink of her horrible abyss, she did not throw up.

  Later that afternoon, she stood outside the ruins of the burnt-out stables and closed her eyes as the memory of the heat and the smells and the smoke assailed her. Ken Abbott, the fire investigator, had requested that she, Brett, and AJ meet with him to answer more questions.

  “I didn’t even know you were here,” Amy said to Dani. “I don’t think I was aware of much that was going on around me except beating that blanket against the flames.”

  “Shelby and I came as soon as we could,” Dani said. “But by then they were putting you in the ambulance and trying to get Brett to let them give him oxygen. He didn’t want to leave you.”

  “That’s my big brother. Always overdoing it in the too-protective department.” Amy walked along the stable’s foundation, then stopped and kicked at a loose board. “Someone said Dr. Addison took Casper and Daisy to his place. How are they doing?”

  “Both had a few burns, but they’ll be okay. He’s taking good care of them.”

  “Tess would have appreciated that. I think she had a crush on him.”

  “Jason said he’s pretty broken up.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  When Abbott arrived with the county sheriff, they stood around him in a loose circle.

  “We’ve read all your statements,” Abbott said. “But we thought it might be helpful to walk through what happened here at the scene.”

  “Are all fires given this level of scrutiny?” Brett asked. “It’s not like any of us are responsible for what happened.”

  “We like to be thorough,” Abbott replied, then turned to Amy. “Would you mind going first?”

  “I suppose not.”

  Brett touched her arm. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “We do appreciate your cooperation,” Abbott said. “I know how hard this must be.”

  She glared at him, then answered his questions as he slowly, painstakingly, took her through everything that had happened that day. Once they’d finished, she retreated to the paddock while he did the same with AJ and Brett. Abbott even questioned Shelby and Dani.

  Amy had a hard enough time telling her own story. She couldn’t abide listening to their versions of the same horrid event.

  As the men prepared to leave, Brett stopped them. “We’ve cooperated with you, answered all your questions,” he said. “I think it’s time you told us what’s really going on here.”

  Abbott exchanged glances with the sheriff.

  “How did the fire start?” Brett asked.

  “I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “But it wasn’t an accident,” Brett clarified.

  “No.” Abbott looked from Brett to Amy. “It wasn’t.”

  Amy gasped, barely able to comprehend the horrific ramifications of what Abbott was saying.

  “Someone did this on purpose?” she finally sputtered.

  Hot tears stung her eyes as seething anger bubbled inside her. Images of Gabe emerging from the barn, of AJ praying over Tess, of the screaming horses ricocheted around her brain. Her body felt about to explode into a multitude of individual particles—each one overflowing with raging sorrow.

  Brett drew her into an embrace, and she hid her face in his shoulder while her body knit itself back together. For as long as she could remember, this had been her safe place. Her refuge from fighting parents, from chaos, from pain that made her want to shrivel away into nothingness.

  She took deep calming breaths, willing the heat of her anger to cool enough for her to regain control.

  Horses had died.

  Tess had died.

  Gabe and AJ could have died.

  But why? Why would anyone do this awful, horrible thing?

  39

  Before her follow-up appointment with her physician, Amy met Logan at the bakery. She didn’t want to, but his frequent calls asking to see her were driving her mad.
Better to meet him here with an end time than invite him to the cottage. Once he got there, she was afraid he’d never leave.

  Logan had ordered iced mochas before Amy arrived. He stood as she joined him and assisted with her chair. “I know I said it before, but I can’t help saying it again. You don’t know how glad I am you’re out of that hospital.”

  “You’re not nearly as glad as I am.”

  “You know, I would have come out to your place. Been your chauffeur to the doctor’s office. Should you even be driving?”

  “I’m fine, Logan. And I don’t like being treated like a baby.”

  He gently took her arm and caressed the unblemished skin around a burned circle about the size of a quarter. The result of one of the many sparks that had assailed her while she beat at the flame.

  Logan stared regretfully at Amy’s marred skin. If only he could have kept her away without raising her suspicion. In the end, he had left her well-being to chance, and now he was paying the price for his negligence.

  “You’re too beautiful to have something like this happen to you,” he said. “It won’t scar, will it?”

  “Probably not. But it might take a few weeks to heal.”

  “I suppose you can wear long sleeves.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  Was she serious?

  “You’re trying to be strong. I get it.” He leaned close, his voice soft and intimate. “But you’re Amy Somers. Flawless. Perfect. Your vanity is one of the many things I admire about you.”

  “I’m also smart. Some might say cunning.”

  Not exactly the response he expected. Apparently she wasn’t in the mood for flirting, but he wouldn’t give up yet. After everything he’d done, she had to see they belonged together. “Also very attractive qualities.”

  He allowed his eyes to slowly follow the cascade of her gorgeous blonde hair past the curve of her cheek and the length of her slender throat.

  Amy sipped her drink, then pushed it away. “We had to meet with the sheriff and the fire investigator yesterday. At the stables.”

  Her words gripped his chest like a vise, though he pretended they meant nothing. Instead, he focused on the pendant of her necklace and wished her neckline was cut a few inches lower.