by Lara Lacombe
The air moved behind her, and suddenly the lights flicked on. Mallory blinked, blinded by the sudden flood of brightness. She glanced around as her eyes adjusted, frowning as she realized she was in her...office?
“What...?” The question died in her throat as she tried to process this unexpected development.
Everest stepped in front of her, his blue eyes warm as he watched her face. “We moved you here so you’d have a bit more privacy,” he explained.
She looked around, surprised they’d been able to make space for the bed. The desk had been pushed up against the wall, leaving just enough room for the bed and the IV pole. It must have taken quite a bit of jostling to get the gurney rolled into the room. How had she managed to sleep through that?
A sudden wave of fatigue hit her, and she sank down on the edge of the bed. “How long was I out?”
“Almost eight hours,” Everest replied. “I found you around noon. We had no idea what you’d been given, but Grant has been monitoring your condition. He was pretty confident you just needed to sleep it off.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a sheepish smile. “I’m glad he turned out to be right.”
“Me, too.” She rubbed her eyes, the movement reminding her she was still tethered to the IV pole. Fortunately, her sudden bid for escape had only pulled away some of the tape holding the cannula in place. She smoothed the edges back down, glad she hadn’t accidentally ripped the thing out of her arm in her panic.
The mattress shifted as Everest sat beside her. He was quiet for a moment, giving her time to adjust to being awake. Then he spoke, asking the question she knew had to be at the top of his mind. “Want to tell me what happened?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, deliberately misunderstanding his meaning. “I went into the next cabin while you left to check your email. Someone grabbed me from behind and put a rag over my mouth—I think it was soaked with chloroform. I woke up on a bed, and there was a man in the room wearing a mask and a robe to cover his body. He injected me with something, and I passed out again.”
Everest nodded. “That’s good to know.” He waited a second, then tried again. “But I was asking about your reaction just now. Do you always wake up swinging?”
She’d known this question was coming, but it still made her stomach quiver to hear him speak it. She had talked about the rape before, to her therapist and to Olivia and Avery. But she’d never shared that part of her past with a man she was interested in.
On an intellectual level, she understood he needed to know it had happened. It was a part of her life, and she was still dealing with the repercussions of the event. But that didn’t mean she actually wanted to tell him the details.
She was gathering the frayed ends of her courage when he spoke, interrupting her thoughts. “I think you know about my leg,” he said quietly. “But I haven’t told you how it happened yet.”
Mallory glanced at him, surprised at the change in subject. “You don’t have to—” she began, but he interrupted her.
“No, it’s fine. I want to talk about it.”
His eyes were full of sincerity, so she nodded.
“We were out on a mission,” he said. “It was one of those hot summer days, where the air shimmered and we felt like we were walking on the surface of the sun.” His voice took on a faraway quality, and Mallory got the impression he was retreating into his memories.
“We were accompanying a platoon that had been sent to secure the house of a former Iraqi scientist. Intel suggested the man was attempting to sell some lab equipment and materials on the black market, so they wanted CBRN officers to scout the place so we could identify and collect any hazardous material after the raid. It was supposed to be a straightforward job, no big deal.” He shook his head, and offered her a rueful smile. “Isn’t that when things always go to hell?”
Mallory sensed the question was rhetorical, so she merely nodded.
“Anyway, my team and I were in the last Humvee in the caravan. At the time, it seemed like the safest place to be. After all, there were three trucks ahead of us, so if we were gonna trip an IED, chances were one of those leading would be the one to find it.”
“That makes sense,” Mallory said quietly. “I can’t imagine how scary it must have been to be in that first truck.”
“Those guys don’t get the credit they deserve,” Everest said. “Every time the platoon went out, they risked their lives. Most patrols were uneventful, but that was the day our luck ran out.”
He paused and swallowed hard, collecting himself. Mallory reached over and placed her hand over his, wanting him to know she was here. He squeezed her fingers and took a deep breath.
“I don’t remember the actual explosion,” he said. “One minute, we were following the truck in front of us. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, choking on smoke and dust, staring up at the sky and wondering what had happened.”
He ran his free hand through his hair and shrugged, as if trying to shake off an unpleasant sensation. “I couldn’t hear anything at first. The bomb had blown out one of my eardrums, and the other wasn’t in great shape. But after a few minutes, I heard the screaming.”
A shudder ran through his powerful frame, and Mallory’s heart cracked as she imagined the scene. She’d seen news footage of the aftermath of an IED explosion, but the reality had to be a thousand times more horrifying. And to know the men you served with day in and day out were injured or possibly dying? A chill raced across her skin at the thought, and she scooted closer to Everest, wanting to comfort him.
“I was one of four guys in the truck,” he said. “The driver was part of the platoon, but the other two men were under my command. The driver lived, but he was pretty banged up. My guys didn’t make it.”
“I’m so sor—”
“I didn’t know that at the time, though,” he said, talking over her. Mallory got the impression that if he stopped now, he wouldn’t finish the story. “I was just lying there, marveling at the fact that I was cold in the middle of the desert. My men were dying feet away, and I did nothing.”
Mallory couldn’t remain silent in the face of his self-recrimination. “There was nothing you could have done,” she said. “You were gravely wounded—having a leg blown off is not something you can will away, or push through. It’s a wonder you survived at all.”
“I know that now,” he said. “When I woke up in the hospital and realized my leg was gone, I knew there was no way I could have helped them. But I still spent a lot of time blaming myself. Those were my men. It was my job to look after them, and I couldn’t keep them safe.”
“What would you have done differently?” she asked. “How could you have possibly saved them from a bomb?”
He shrugged and ducked his head. “I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I was depressed. My brain wasn’t exactly functioning properly.”
“I can relate to that,” she said softly.
“I told my fiancée to leave,” he said, matter-of-factly. “I didn’t want her to stay because she felt sorry for me.”
“And she actually walked out?” Mallory couldn’t hide her incredulity. What kind of woman left her injured fiancé when he needed her most?
“I wanted her to,” he said. “I could tell she wasn’t happy, and I had changed a lot. I didn’t want her to stay and grow to resent me, and I figured it was better to be alone.”
Mallory shook her head, marveling at his selflessness. Not many people would have considered the thoughts and feelings of someone else as they tried to adjust to life as an amputee.
“Did you ever contact her? After you learned to live with your injury?”
He leaned back, and she could tell by the way his eyes widened he was surprised by her question. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I didn’t even think to reach out to Leah after I worked through my issues.” He pau
sed, clearly thinking. “I guess I figured she was a part of my past, not my future.”
“That makes sense,” Mallory said. She hesitated, debating on asking about his dating life since the injury. Might as well, she figured. This was one of those confessional conversations, the kind that happened only when two people really wanted to get to know each other. If he didn’t want to talk about his love life, he wouldn’t.
“Have you dated since your accident?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I’ve been out on a few dates here and there, mostly at the insistence of friends who set me up with someone they knew. But none of it ever led to anything.”
“Are you... I mean, can you...?” Mallory trailed off, her skin heating as she asked such a delicate question. She’d assumed his injuries had resulted in amputation below the knee, but if she was mistaken and he’d lost his leg closer to his hip, it was possible he’d suffered groin injuries as well, which might affect his ability to experience a sexual relationship. Was that why he’d withdrawn from the dating world after returning home?
“Yes, I can,” he said. Twin spots of pink appeared on his cheeks, and he nodded. “I was lucky enough to just lose my leg. Everything else functions properly, in all the ways it’s meant to.”
“Then why aren’t you seeing someone?” It was a blunt question, but she had to know. He was such a good man; she didn’t understand why he wasn’t in a relationship.
He laughed, the sound booming in the small office. “You sound like my mother,” he said. “Did she put you up to this?”
Mallory ducked her head, affecting a guilty expression. “She made me a good offer,” she teased.
He laughed again, and her heart lightened. “I hope you’ll split the profits with me,” he said. He shook his head, and when he spoke again, his tone was more serious. “In answer to your question, I haven’t found the right someone yet. Women aren’t exactly lining up to date a man with one leg.”
“Then they’re idiots.”
A spark of heat flashed in his eyes, and an answering thrill shot through her. “Don’t feel too sorry for me. There is one woman I’m interested in.”
“Oh, yeah?” She tried to sound casual, but her voice wavered a bit.
Everest nodded. “If she’ll have me.”
“I’m sure she will.” Mallory paused a moment, collecting herself. “But you might not want me after you hear my story.”
He leaned a little closer on the bed, and she felt the heat from his body warm the air between them. The urge to lean against him was surprisingly strong, but she didn’t want to touch him while she shared her past. It was silly, she knew, but part of her feared that if she was physically connected to him in any way, the stain of her memories would mark him, too.
She pulled her hand free, and Everest frowned slightly. “Mallory,” he said softly. “You don’t have to tell me. If you’re not ready to talk, it’s okay. This isn’t a quid pro quo thing—just because I told you about my injury doesn’t mean you owe me your story.”
His words made her heart swell and gave her the strength to cast out her lingering fears. Everest was the right person to share this painful secret with, and while a part of her would always be scared to talk about her rape, she knew it was time. Even though years had passed since the attack, her reluctance to talk about the event had given the specter of her rapist a degree of control over her life. For too long she had let that man affect her thoughts and emotions. She was ready to reclaim her power.
Starting now.
Chapter 17
Mallory took a deep breath, and Everest watched as the movement of her shoulders strained the fabric of her shirt. She was clearly mustering up the courage to talk, and he knew whatever she had to say was going to be hard for him to hear.
But this wasn’t about him. He needed to push his emotions to the side and focus on supporting her. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation for her, and he got the impression Mallory had kept this secret for quite a while.
“I was raped.”
She spoke quietly, but in the stillness of the room it may as well have been a shout. Everest tried not to flinch as her words slapped him. He’d had his suspicions, but hearing her confirm the worst made him want to throw up.
“It was my senior year of college. I’d just finished finals for the fall semester, and there was a party that night to celebrate before everyone left for winter break. I wasn’t going to go, but my roommate talked me into it. She said I’d been working so hard I deserved to have a little fun.”
Everest could picture it easily: a studious, serious Mallory who was so focused on her classes she didn’t have much of a social life.
“The party was at one of the frat houses. I’d never been there before, but my roommate had attended a few parties during the semester and she knew a lot of the guys. They were really nice and friendly, and they made me feel welcome.”
I bet they did, he thought. Mallory was a beautiful woman now; she had to have been stunning in college. He’d been eighteen once, and well remembered the effect a pretty face had had on his system. It was no wonder the frat boys were happy to see her.
“There was one guy who really seemed to like me. His name was Blake.” Her voice was flat and unemotional, but Everest felt the mattress move as she shuddered.
He lifted his hand, then thought better of it. Given the memories Mallory was facing right now, the last thing she probably wanted was to be touched.
“He was handsome and charming, and I couldn’t believe he was actually interested in talking to me.” She shook her head. “I was so naive,” she muttered.
Everest opened his mouth to respond, but she continued before he could say anything.
“We chatted for a while, then he offered to get me a drink. I let him.”
Oh, no, he thought. He knew where this was going, and he wanted to stop her, to tell her she didn’t need to give him the details. But he owed it to her to bear witness to her pain. So he said nothing.
“I started feeling off about ten minutes later.” Her tone was dispassionate, almost clinical, as if she was a doctor evaluating a case. “Blake offered to let me rest in his room. I don’t remember saying yes, but the next thing I knew, I woke up to him on top of me.”
Mallory paused, and Everest saw the glint of tears in her eyes. He wanted to offer her comfort and reassurance, but he was at a loss as to what to do. Touching her was out of the question, and he didn’t know what to say. But he had to try something. He couldn’t just sit there like a frog on a log while she relived the worst moments of her life.
“Mallory, I—”
She waved her hand, and he stopped talking. “I need to get through this,” she said, offering him a small smile.
Everest nodded, understanding perfectly.
She took a deep breath, then started again. “I tried to move, but my body wouldn’t respond. I was so scared—I’d never experienced anything like it before. It’s like I was trapped in my body and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t defend myself.” She shook her head. “I must have struggled enough, because Blake put his hand over my mouth and told me to hush. He said it would all be over soon. That’s when I knew.”
Her voice broke, along with Everest’s heart.
“He was on top of me, and then...inside me.” She drew in a quavering breath, and Everest’s eyes stung as tears gathered. “He was right, though. It didn’t last long.”
Everest swore quietly and stood, his anger and sadness propelling him up off the bed. He began to pace the narrow confines of the office, feeling like a caged animal.
“I’ll stop,” Mallory said.
“No.” He shook his head and turned to look at her. “Not on my account. Not unless that’s what you want to do.”
“You’re upset.”
“
You’re damn right I am,” he said. “But don’t worry about me. I just need to move right now, if that’s okay with you.”
“Are you sure?” She sounded skeptical, and he realized he must look truly distraught.
Everest knelt in front of her and began to reach for her hands before he thought better of it. “You survived the hard part. The least I can do is listen.”
She studied his face for a moment, her eyes searching his for the truth. She lifted one hand and gently pushed a few strands of hair off his forehead. He sucked in a breath at the contact, hardly daring to believe she actually wanted to touch him after what had happened to her.
Finally, she nodded. “The next time I woke up, he was asleep beside me. He felt me get out of bed, and he quickly got dressed and offered to walk me back to my dorm. I was so foggy and confused, I let him.” She shook her head ruefully. “That was my biggest mistake.”
“What do you mean?”
“It took me a while to figure out what had happened to me,” she said. “I knew I had had sex that night, but the details were fuzzy. Once I finally realized I had been raped, I reported it. But there was no physical evidence. He used a condom, and by the time I reported it, the drug he’d given me was out of my system. It was my word against his. And there were witnesses who saw him walk me home that morning. He even kissed me goodbye at the door to my dorm building. Everyone watching thought we were parting on good terms. After all, what kind of woman lets her rapist walk her home and kiss her cheek?”
“Bastard,” Everest said bitterly.
Mallory nodded. “One of the police officers was sympathetic, but she couldn’t prove anything. She said the only thing they could do was keep an eye on him, see if he did this again.”
“Did he?” While he hated the thought of another woman going through the same thing, he hoped Blake had been arrested and was currently rotting in prison.
“Probably. I doubt he suddenly grew a conscience and stopped. But as far as I know, he never got caught.”
The injustice of it turned Everest’s stomach and made him want to punch a wall. “You’re so calm right now,” he observed. “How do you not walk around screaming all the time about how unfair this is?”