Faking It

by Winters, Jade

  The cab came to a halt jolting Brooke out of her thoughts. Brooke paid the driver, exited the cab and quickly made her way to Ethan’s flat. After ringing the bell twice, Ethan pulled open the door and ushered her inside.

  “You what!?” Ethan asked as he stood in the centre of his light airy living room wearing jogging bottoms and a T-shirt.

  “I know. I can’t believe it myself,” Brooke said as she shook off her jacket, laid it on the edge of the white leather sofa and sat down.

  Ethan’s shocked expression changed to one of concern as he looked down at her. “Does Megan know about this?”

  “Are you crazy? You’re the only one I’ve told.”

  “Well, at least you haven’t completely lost your marbles.” He moved to the window and sat down on a single leather armchair. “Brooke, you can’t just go around kissing straight women. You know you’ll just get hurt in the end.”

  She gave her head a short shake. “Don’t you think I know that? But I can’t help the way I feel about her.”

  Ethan was on his feet again. “So why did you go round there knowing how you felt?”

  “I don’t know. I just wanted to see her again. I need a drink.” Not her usual concoction of cocoa and cream with two lumps of sugar, but a stiff one.

  He rubbed his hand over his face. “I think I’ll join you.”

  Ethan left the room and Brooke listened to him pottering about in the kitchen. It had been a mistake going to Danni’s, she realised that as soon as she had seen Danni and felt the undeniable pull towards her. She placed her face against her palms. From personal experience she knew that life could change in a matter of seconds. That things you took for granted could vanish into thin air. But this connection she had with Danni was something that caught her off guard.

  Ethan re-entered the room holding two glass tumblers full of a dark liquid and a bottle of brandy tucked securely under his arm.

  He handed Brooke a drink and knocked his own back in one gulp. “You know, any sane woman would have made an excuse not to attend tonight, but not you. You walked straight into it with your eyes wide open knowing full well what the consequences could be.” He refilled his own glass.

  “I know. I’m an idiot.” Brooke slipped off her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her. She took the first sip of her drink, savouring the heat as it burned down her throat and spread throughout the rest of her body. The booze seemed to have the same affect on her as Danni did.

  Ethan walked over to his IPod station and turned it on. Soothing sounds of jazz soon filled the air as he returned to his chair. “I don’t know what to tell you Brooke. I really don’t. I thought you would have learnt your lesson after Penny.”

  Though his words stung her, she knew he was right. Why she always felt she needed a woman in her life she didn’t know. It wasn’t as if she’d been brought up in an insecure home or she was neglected by abusive parents. No, far from it. Her childhood had been as much near to perfect as it could be. Even her mother had noticed her pattern of behaviour when it came to relationships and had discreetly suggested Brooke was a rescuer, always trying to save someone.

  Her mother, as usual, was right. Brooke had tried so hard with Penny, her lover of two years, right up until the day Penny left her and returned to her abusive ex-husband. Despite all the allowances Brooke made for her, in the end they just weren’t enough. Penny’s excuse was she couldn’t bring her children up with the stigma of having a lesbian mother.

  “I never thought I could feel like this about someone,” she said, more to herself than Ethan.

  “It doesn’t matter what you think or feel, Brooke. She’s engaged to your boss’ son. There can’t be a happily ever after with this sorry tale.”

  Brooke looked down at her drink and noticed it was finished. She hadn’t even realised she had drunk it. At least now there was an excuse for her imagination running wild.

  ***

  Brooke arrived home later that evening still feeling like the worst person in the world. She didn’t bother turning the lights on in the flat. She needed the darkness to enshroud her, the light would only expose her for what she was – a lousy friend and a cheat. There she had been giving Megan the third degree about her comings and goings, when in reality it was Brooke herself who needed to be watched carefully. It was Brooke who had been unfaithful. She was the one who couldn’t be trusted.

  Kicking off her shoes in the passage she headed straight to her bedroom and stripped down naked, slipping in between the cold cotton sheets. Poor unsuspecting Josh. Would Danni tell him? If she did, would he then tell his dad? She wouldn’t blame him. How could she have been so stupid, so careless – though some might have said it was only a kiss – Brooke didn’t look at it like that. There had been intent behind that kiss – a longing to be intimate with another woman. She was torn between guilt and pleasure. She was now one of those women she read about in problem pages, whose relationships were torn apart by a moment of weakness.

  Tossing and turning, her mind just wouldn’t settle. Should she unburden herself and confess to Megan what had transpired? Call Danni and apologise? Leaning over the edge of the bed she retrieved her mobile phone from her pocket and checked her messages – there were none. It had seemed like an age since she had last spoken to Megan – maybe that’s why things had happened with Danni. Because Megan wasn’t around. She pressed Megan’s number and waited a few seconds before hearing the familiar message “Please try again later”. Maybe it was for the best that she couldn’t get through to her. What was there to say?

  As her eyes closed she went through the evening’s events over and over and concluded that the only real option was to refrain from seeing Danni again – at least on a one-to-one level. As much as the thought pained her, she knew this was the right thing to do – for Danni’s and Josh’s sake as well as her own.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  The delicious smell of pork and apple sausages wafted from the kitchen and into the living room where Danni sat. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t devour them just yet, not until she had done the one thing she had been putting off all morning – call Brooke. Four days had passed since she had last laid her lips, ahem, eyes on Brooke. Every look, every feeling, every touch that had passed between them that night had been stored and logged in her memory bank.

  Lana Del Rey blasted from her IPod as she reviewed the changes to her manuscript. Her only contact with Brooke had been via email – and very curt emails at that. Danni had responded in kind, making the suggested changes to the manuscript and attempting to draw Brooke out with humour, but, alas, nothing had worked. There had been no mention of the “incident”. It seemed that the kiss had really sealed their fate. Maybe it was enough to make Brooke realise she really did love Megan after all. Or maybe it had thrown her into turmoil. Danni hated the thought of Brooke fretting as much as she hated the thought of never seeing her again.

  They were both adults; surely there was no reason why they couldn’t still be friends. There was only one thing to do – she would act. If the mountain wouldn’t come to Mohammed …

  With a new-found determination, she googled “The Snowman” and waited for the results to load. Clicking on the link to the Peacock theatre, she followed the instructions to purchase two tickets. If Brooke turned down the offer, she could always go with Josh instead. He was a big kid at heart and could easily be bribed with a Cornetto when he got there.

  Buying the tickets was the easy part, now all she had to do was call Brooke.

  Not giving herself the opportunity to back out, Danni picked up her phone and dialled the number. She was genuinely surprised when Brooke answered the phone after two rings, so much so, that she was at a loss for words.

  “Hello? Hello?”

  Danni took a deep breath and prepared herself for the rejection she thought would soon follow. “Uh, Brooke. Hi, it’s Danni.”

  “Hey there, Danni. How are you?”

  So far so good. Brooke’s voice sounded
friendly enough. “Yeah, things are great.”

  “That’s good. Very good. So are you calling about your book? Did you get all the amendments?”

  Danni stood up, and began pacing the floor. “Uh yes. I.” Her mouth hung open, the words catching in her throat. “I’ve got two tickets going spare to see The Snowman.”

  Brooke’s soft laughter echoed through the phone.

  “Going spare?”

  Danni cleared her throat. “Yeah, for this Saturday.”

  “So, you just happen to have tickets to a children’s show, a show I’ve wanted to see for ages? What are the chances of that?” She laughed.

  Hearing the humour in her voice, Danni flopped down on the sofa with a smile stuck to her face. “Okay, okay you got me. I bought the tickets to take you. You know, to make things right.” She looked towards her computer where an email Brooke had sent earlier was open on the screen. “I hate only speaking to you via email Brooke. I don’t want to cut you out of my life, just because of–”

  “–I know what you’re saying,” Brooke said wistfully. “But what happened was wrong.”

  Danni faltered for a second, her mouth twitching with nervous tension. “I know, but–”

  “There’s no but Danni. We both have partners. I’ve been feeling terrible about the whole thing.”

  Brooke’s words caused an instant tightening in Danni’s stomach. “So what you’re saying is we can’t be friends, is that it?”

  “I didn’t say that. As long as we don’t overstep any boundaries, I don’t think there’s any harm seeing each other.”

  Danni held her breath. “So is that a yes to The Snowman?”

  “Um, well I guess so. Yes.”

  Danni slowly released her breath. “Fantastic. So I’ll meet you at Holborn station, Saturday at two?”

  “Okay. Sounds good. And Danni?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for thinking of me. It’s really nice hearing from you again.”

  Danni gripped her phone tightly as she said goodbye.

  Was this for real?

  Brooke had just agreed to go to the theatre with her. Ironically, it took a Snowman to bring about the big thaw between them. Now she really was in the mood to celebrate – with a sausage baguette smothered in onions. Oh and a healthy dollop of ketchup.

  Chapter Forty

  Brooke placed her mobile gently back on the desk, and resumed concentration on her computer screen. That had been one tough conversation. How she’d managed to keep her cool she didn’t know, but she had said what needed to be said, even if it had frazzled her nerves. Her first instinct had been to ignore the call. But she couldn’t do it. She missed Danni too much and had been aching to hear her voice again. She had come to the realisation that she wanted Danni in her life, no matter what her feelings for her were. It was up to her to have some discipline, to control herself. She knew what she had to do and it didn’t involve cheating or getting herself involved in a love triangle.

  Her eyes darted to the side as a flying paper clip landed on her desk with a ping sound. She tilted her head in the direction it had come from – Ethan. He was grinning like a schoolboy, rocking back and forth on his chair. Brooke raised her eyebrows inquiringly. “You called?”

  “I want to know what’s got in to you, Ms Brooke! One minute you look like you’ve lost a pound and found a penny, the next like a cat that’s got the cream.”

  A smile spread across Brooke’s face. “Do I?”

  Ethan ran his hand over the top of his head and let out a heavy sigh. “Yes, you do. I’ll never understand women as long as I live. You all seem to blow hot and cold at the drop of a hat.”

  “Oooh, having problems with Helen are we?”

  “Nah, I’m not actually. It’s you. You’ve been miserable for days and after one phone call you’re all happy again. Who was it, dare I ask?”

  Brooke tapped the side of her nose with the tip of her finger. “Nobody you know.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and shuffled some papers on his desk. “Oh, you want to play it like that. I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other.”

  Brooke could have lied and put her mood swings down to relationship problems, but that couldn’t be further than the truth. Her life with Megan no longer had an effect on her. She had felt herself becoming more and more detached from their dysfunctional relationship.

  “Okay, but when I tell you I don’t want any snarky remarks or funny looks.”

  He pointed a finger at himself. “Huh, from moi?”

  Brooke laughed shaking her head. Despite his annoying ways, she trusted Ethan. He had always been a good, loyal friend.

  “Okay, that was Danni.”

  His eyes widened. “Thought so. And?”

  “And nothing. All that stuff before was just a childish crush.”

  His gaze lingered a fraction, his eyes studying her face. “Riiiiiight …”

  Brooke turned her attention back to the computer screen. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d react like this,” she said without looking up.

  “Like what?”

  “All suspicious. Like something’s going on between us.”

  “And is there? From what you were saying the other night, it isn’t the most outlandish suggestion is it?”

  She snapped her head round to stare at him. If he hadn’t been so close to the truth she might have laughed his comment off. Instead she looked him directly in the eye. “Forget about the other night. There’s nothing to worry about. She’s just a client and a friend.”

  Ethan broke their exchange and looked down to his own computer, tapping away at the keys as he said, “If you say so. If I started smiling like that after one of my friends called, I think they’d be very worried.”

  “That’s because your friends are Neanderthals, Ethan.”

  His head jerked up. “No need to insult the poor guys. Just because they can’t get a handle on why some chicks prefer chicks, doesn’t mean they’re backward thinkers.”

  “No, but asking if they can watch goes a little bit too far Ethan. They are hardly enlightened are they?”

  She knew she was being a bit harsh, but she’d had the unfortunate experience of spending an evening with his caveman buddies once at a work function Ethan had brought them to. To say they had been the most condescending sexist men she had ever come across was an understatement. She couldn’t quite grasp how Ethan hung out with them seeing as he seemed to be the total opposite.

  “Come on Brooke, I’ve apologised a million times about their behaviour, they were pissed. They’re really nice blokes … when they’re sober … or asleep.” He laughed.

  Brooke smiled and nodded, deciding she would let it go. After all, she had spent far too long discussing a group of men who were partial to drinking their own urine. Today was a day for her to be happy. She was going to see Danni again, and The Snowman!

  Chapter Forty-One

  Kelly stood in front of the long mirror hung on the hotel wall. Her tiny hands were trying with little success to tie a pink bow in her hair. Megan grabbed her arm.

  “Come on, Kelly. Let’s put your jacket on, otherwise we’re going to be late for your surprise!” Megan coaxed. Kelly’s face crumpled.

  “Noooooo. I want to wear my bow.”

  Megan held her firmly. “Jesus, well put your coat on first, then you can put the stupid thing in your hair.”

  Alison glared at Megan. “You’re such a natural with children, aren’t you?”

  Megan looked up at her then opened her mouth to speak before slamming it shut. The pair of them were really annoying her. What with Kelly whining all morning, dictating what she did and didn’t want and Alison indulging her every whim. She let out a sigh as she pushed herself up in to a standing position. “What? Look, I just don’t want to be late and miss half the show.”

  “I thought this outing was about Kelly, not you.”

  “It is. Oh, forget I said anything. Jeez, I can’t put a f
oot right lately.”

  Alison turned to her daughter. “Come on darling, get your coat on and I’ll tie your bow. After the show we can get some ice cream. How would you like that?”

  “Yeahhhhhh.”

  Megan narrowed her eyes as she watched them both. All Alison ever seemed to do lately was bitch at her, and little Kelly had turned into a whiney demanding little diva. She didn’t know how much longer she was going to be able to put up with them. A pang of regret struck her. Instead of being here, she could have been at Brooke’s place, relaxing, having “Megan time” in a relatively stress-free environment. But no, she was here playing servant to a five-year old Mussolini. The time for change was nigh. No amount of sex or respectability was worth this much hell.

  Alison smiled at Kelly, before glancing up at Megan with an I-told-you-so look on her face. “Right we’re ready. It didn’t take that long, did it?”

  “Whatever,” Megan said zipping up her coat. She was not looking forward to spending the next hour listening to a boy sing about a bloody snowman. This was what she detested the most about being with a parent. The child outings. When it was just Alison and her, things were ideal. They had plenty of fun and Alison’s attention was focused on her and her alone. When the brat was around, that’s all they seemed to talk about, as if she were the centre of the Universe. Well she may have been to Alison, but she certainly wasn’t to her.

  The taxi ride was as frost cold as the weather outside. Megan sat huddled in the corner of the cab while Alison wrapped her arm protectively around Kelly’s shoulder.