Carmen

by Nako

  He muttered, “Shiddd, y’all killing me!”

  He was the one being shot right now. All these damn demands.

  “I WANT TO RAP!”

  What other way could he break it down for Juice to understand what his motives were?

  “You are. You will. You’re going to rap, rap, rap for the next few months. Nonstop. I can promise you that, bro. But listen to me and listen to me very well…some of the most talented MC’s didn’t make any money due to a few things. Poor management, lack of publicity and no style or swag.”

  This partnership wouldn’t work if Neezy didn’t trust him.

  “I got you.”

  He wanted to remind him of all the stars he’d made famous during his short tenure, but he didn’t. His work spoke for itself.

  Neezy needed to sit back and let him do what he did best.

  “When can I meet with the stylist?”

  Juice told him, “Soon. She’s in high demand,” which was far from the truth.

  “Oh okay. Well, I’m going to get out of here. I got a lot to do today.”

  Juice stood to walk him out so they could have a few moments to chat in private.

  “Neezy, I do this kind of thing in my sleep. It’s my livelihood. I’ve been taught and trained by the best.”

  He wanted him to not only hear him but to believe him. The constant back and forth would get old with Juice really fast and he rather nip it in the bud now.

  “You don’t think I know that?”

  His eyes glimmered in the dimly lit hallway. Juice was a manly-man. He loved pussy. His wife’s pussy specifically. However, even in his sleep he could hear the girls screaming out Neezy’s name. He was what the marketing execs and brand companies would call a “heartthrob” or “eye-candy”

  Females all across the world was going to eat him up.

  “We need to get you on a song with Mahogany!”

  The idea came to him out of nowhere, but it was a damn good one. The new thing right now was hot girl summer and “driving the boat” whatever the fuck that meant.

  Mahogany needed a bopper real quick. In the blogs, many of her fans were saying that she’d crossed over and only did Pop songs, which was low key the truth.

  Things had changed over at YQ Recordings. Juice didn’t know if they even still lived in the states. Yara had a current fetish for discovering young Latina girls. It was way more money to get internationally versus in the United States. She’d been on the hunt for re-creating Pitbull and Selena.

  Mahogany still had a lil’...nah, a lot of hood in her. Married to a mogul, mother of three and a slew of sponsorships…she would drop it like it’s hot in a milli-second.

  “Man, that would be fye right there. What if we shoot the video in Miami?” Neezy threw out there.

  Juice loved the sound of that.

  “After we get your image together then, yeah let’s go to the 305. Are you on probation?”

  He told him, “P knew some chick that owed him a favor so I’m not really on probation.”

  Juice wasn’t surprised, Porter knew everyone.

  “Cool. Okay, I’m on it. I need to hit up QB.”

  A summer banger before the seasons changed would be perfect for them. Neezy had a buzz right now but for those that hadn’t heard of him would soon find out due to Mahogany being on the track. Anything she touched hit number one.

  “Be safe, bro. I’ll be in touch.”

  They dapped each other up. It felt good to be home. He would never take for granted the small things such as the trees, the sound of traffic passing by and big round booties of all the honeys on the street.

  Neezy hopped in his new whip, that he bought two days ago. He threw his niece five racks and told her to catch up on her mother’s bills. She then spent the rest in the mall. Anything he did from here on out, she would eat off it simply because she was his responsibility. Lira would soon be graduating from high school and Neezy couldn’t wait to cash out on her education.

  They didn’t get a chance to really sit down and talk how he wanted to, but they would eventually. School wasn’t allowed to be an option, it had to be a priority for her.

  Besides purchasing a car, he did some shopping, invested in a few stocks and put the rest of the money up. He lived a minimalist life and it would stay like that.

  He ran a few errands before stopping at the market to grab two pieces of fish and asparagus to cook for dinner tonight. Then, he headed home.

  His mind was busy, and he knew what needed to be done so that he could enjoy the rest of his day.

  Meditation for him was an invitation to peace. It welcomed in good vibes, positive energy and allowed his mind to rest. Being overwhelmed brought stress. Half the time it was situations that were beyond our control. And then on other occasions, it could be anxiety due to change happening. He knew he was on the verge of living a life that he’d prayed for and that was why he was giving Juice such a hard time.

  Neezy went into his prayer closet and closed the door. He prayed every five days, but meditation was a daily requirement. In the middle of the day, before the sun rose, at night as he showered he knew how to silence out the noise and turn off every mental distraction to greet peace.

  He closed his eyes as he crossed his legs, one over the other and hummed.

  The humming is what calmed his mind.

  He began to recite affirmations that drowned out every other thing that was crowding his mind at the time.

  I am well.

  I am content.

  I am enough.

  He was a simple dude and with the newness of what was to come from his gift. A gift that the ancestors had given to him. He thanked them after he finished meditating.

  Neezy felt lighter once he was done.

  He burned sage and a few white candles before rolling a blunt and pouring some water in a mason jar. It was something about those mason jars that he loved.

  Neezy drank everything out of them.

  Before he knew it, he’d dozed off and then woke up to a text from Juice who told him he’d been given the green light to hop in the studio with Mahogany.

  It was only up from now.

  η

  Nia invited Carmen to lunch and lord knows, she had other stuff to do but chile…she got dressed to the nines anyway.

  “Okay, this is the last day I’m eating like this and I need to get my clothes from Porter’s house.”

  Although, she was still mad at him he’d been kind enough to have the rental property cleaned of her things and a company shipped her belongings to his home. Carmen had so much stuff to do. She’d been telling herself every day, “I am not overwhelmed.”

  It wasn’t working though, yet, she said it every day anyway.

  The news was brewing of her returning to the scene… when really she wasn’t.

  Carmen needed to find somewhere to stay, figure out this situation with her son, check in with Narie…or not.

  Narie was married. Not only did she get married, but she was expecting a child. Carmen remained on her page for hours, trying to see when did she break up with the only nigga she ever knew her to be with. This man was new. She looked happy; her joy radiated from every picture. Carmen wondered, who was in the wrong? Should she have reached out? Did Narie call and maybe, perhaps, she didn’t have the service at the time. Was there any effort exerted on her part? Carmen would love to know what happened between them, or if anything happened? People grew apart. People were human. She didn’t know if she should take it personal or not. Nonetheless, she appeared to be blissful and for that Carmen was genuinely happy for her. The fact that she couldn’t see her son hurt her tremendously.

  She needed to go sit on somebody’s couch. Her mind was spilling over with worry and anxiety. She needed some advice because she really didn’t know what to do or how to do it.

  Carmen also wanted to go see her brother. Every time she saw Porter, she sparked strife. Each of their encounters ended so badly that the opportunity never presented
itself to ask about her brother, Casey.

  Missy hadn’t called her either in God knows when. There was honestly no telling what she was doing and where she was on the map.

  She lived her life to the fullest, despite any circumstance.

  Lunch with Nia was the last thing she wanted to spend her Friday afternoon doing. She didn’t want to relive what happened and why. It was over and that was that.

  Yet, here she was, walking into The Tillary in Brooklyn. Carmen was thinking about moving into the area. The history, culture and most importantly, the food. Oh my, Brooklyn was where she felt like she was born to be.

  “Right here!” Nia waved at her with a cell in hand and Airpods in her ear. She was chatting with someone over the phone. Not one or two but three scary-looking burly bodyguards stood behind her and to the left and right by her.

  Her friend was famous.

  Carmen flashed a half-smile as she ambled over and took the seat across from her.

  “Already ordered,” she whispered and then used her finger to motion she would be ending the conversation soon.

  “Okay, okay, Autumn, let me know when it’s done and then send it over,” she rushed the chick off the phone.

  To give them some privacy, she let her security know that they could take a break.

  “Solomon, we’re good.”

  He didn’t even say anything, only offering a head nod and then him and his team followed him outside of the small tea room.

  “You been here before?”

  Carmen nodded her head, “Love it here. Have you been to the rooftop?”

  Nia told her, “Yeah, I came here the other day and stayed a night in the penthouse.”

  “Alone?”

  “Yes. One night though. It was needed,” she breathed.

  Carmen had spent every single night alone for a long time. At this point, she didn’t know if she would ever date or marry again.

  “Be like that sometimes.”

  Nia moved her phones off the table and into another chair, to allow herself to fully engage into the conversation because it was extremely easy for her to get distracted and lose her train of thought.

  “Carmen, first let me sincerely, sincerely apologize about how everything has been handled on my end. Whether you believe it or not, you play a vital role in my life. I love you and I thank God for your friendship. I’m undeserving of your forgiveness but I still want it, truly.”

  Nia wasn’t a vulnerable person.

  She didn’t lay her emotions on the table for you to gobble them up.

  She mastered the art of keeping her game face on.

  Her mind didn’t have enough space in it for conversations such as these. But her husband’s words resonated deep and she was prepared to do the work. The inner-work so that it didn’t affect her relationships and friendships going forward.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore said something to her in their therapy session yesterday that hit her like a bag of rocks.

  When you retire, what will you have? You want to live a meaningful life and that doesn’t include your career. A meaningful life is full of hobbies, your passion and most importantly, organic relationships. Friendships included, Mrs. Huffington.

  Nia had to do better.

  She wiped her eyes, “Can’t be crying, I got two more meetings today.”

  Carmen had shed a tear herself, “I’m convinced that you don’t know what a day off looks like,” she playfully spoke.

  Nia shrugged her shoulders, “I’ll retire one day but that’s not today.” She was adamant about working until she couldn’t anymore. For now.

  “I don’t know what I’m really looking for from everyone,” she was being honest with someone who knew her well.

  “No one asked me to leave. I left on my own and I think that I need to accept that,” a heavy confession but one that was truly needed if she was serious about moving on and starting her life over.

  Nia didn’t say anything back because truthfully, she didn’t know what to say in response to what she’d said.

  “Thank you for the party. Thank you for today. I know you’re really busy.”

  She reached over and grabbed her hand, “Seriously, thank you and I love you. I miss you. I watched your show every single day. It was the only time I got out of bed,” she admitted.

  Nia laughed, “Soon as you bounce back you know I want you on the show.”

  She shook her head, “I wouldn’t know what to even say.”

  Carmen was trying to readjust without any instructions or a guide.

  “How you didn’t conform to what life threw at you. Relaunch The Showroom, come back bigger and better.”

  At the mention of her former company, her heart did a slight leap.

  “How is it going?”

  Nia shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t get around to doing much with it. It’s yours if you want it back,” she had her hands full.

  Carmen couldn’t even keep her cool if she wanted to.

  She hopped up out of the chair and did a two-step like the Mothers of the church causing Nia to chortle loudly.

  “Girl cut it out,” she joked, tossing her head back in laughter.

  “Shondo!!!!!!” she clapped and praised God.

  Nia didn’t have too much longer to hang. She had to be across town in a jiffy.

  “No, but seriously. You have my lawyer’s number, let her know I told her to reverse everything. Are you going back to Cali?”

  She shook her head, “No, I’m going to stay here. I miss my baby, Apostle…y’all…” she exhaled, as she thought about everyone who loved her.

  “How is Kniko doing?”

  Carmen didn’t want to get into that at the moment. To her, the entire situation was embarrassing. Instead, she said with finality, “I’m here. I’m home.”

  The running came to an end in this present moment. She was throwing fear to the wayside.

  Nia was happy to hear that, “Good.”

  She stood and Carmen followed. They hugged and Nia whispered in her ear, “I never stopped praying for you sis,” it was important for her to know that. Carmen was surrounded by love and good energy. She was where she was destined to be. God did everything for a reason and by the season.

  η

  “Why do I have to talk to her?” Tia didn’t understand. Porter took a deep breath, “Because she likes you.” He had told her this almost nine times in the past hour. What part was she not understanding?

  Juice was losing his marbles right now.

  “P, you don’t think she’ll do this one favor for you?”

  He shook his head.

  Mahogany said, “I’ll talk to her.”

  “Before or after you apologize?”

  She eyed her husband before politely reminding him by use of her stiletto marble-painted nails, “I am not you and you are not me. I don’t kiss ass. I kept it real with her and she should respect that.”

  Juice didn’t give a damn who talked to her, he needed her help days ago.

  Porter promised that he would get her back to New York, thinking that was all it took but clearly, Carmen was giving them a run for their money.

  “What is she expecting from y’all?” Tia inquired.

  No one could answer the question.

  A notification popped up on The Bavay’s phones, television and a ding chimed loudly through the house.

  The security on their compound was tight.

  “You have a visitor! You have a visitor!” the robotic voice announced.

  “We need this at the crib, bae,” Juice told Tia. He was impressed and she was too.

  “Is that a Honda?” P questioned as he tried to identify the vehicle at the gate attempting to be buzzed in.

  Rich people shit…

  Tia shook her head, “You don’t have any friends that drive Hondas?”

  Porter half-joked with Juice’s wife, “You aren’t judging me, are you?”

  He loved getting under Tia’s skin, simply because he could never figure her o
ut. He liked her though. Porter believed that Juice made the right decision by going to get the one woman that had always had his heart.

  She gave him a forced smile, “Of course not.”

  Juice pinched her under the table, and she told him, “Don’t pinch me.”

  “You want some wine? You know pregnant women can have wine?” he wanted her to calm her nerves.

  “Excuse me for a second,” she said politely, before pushing her chair back.

  Juice stood up to help her, but she moved his hand, “I got it.”

  Mahogany asked her husband, “You want me to buzz them in?”

  He nodded his head, “Yes, baby.”

  Porter redirected his attention to Juice.

  “She’s pregnant, they always moody. Don’t let it get to you,” he reassured him.

  He shook his head, “She is crazy. Pregnant or not,” he laughed.

  “Bro, I’m going to agree with you there.”

  Tia looked like she would knock Juice’s head off.

  Mahogany had calmed down over the years, thank God.

  Every now and then she would remind him that she was and still is the bitch to not be fucked with.

  Just the other day, he said something to her and didn’t think much about it, but the old Mahogany came out and he was appalled.

  The doorbell rung and he stood to get the door.

  Juice took that time to tell his former artist and best friend how excited it’s going to be to get in the studio with her again.

  “You ready to create some magic?” he smiled, exposing his pearly whites while rubbing his hands together.

  She had a mouth full of food that she had to swallow before answering his question. “Yeah, I am. I’d started working on a verse as soon as we hung up,” she shared with him.

  “Word?”

  Porter returned with Carmen and Tia in tow.

  “Hey, the woman of the hour,” Juice was happy to see her.

  Carmen was needed like yesterday on his artist’s project.

  “What it do, fam bam.”

  She was in a good mood.

  “Ooh, can I make a plate?” she said hungrily, after noticing all the food that was on the table. Everything looked and smelled, heavenly.