Bear Outlaw

by Candace Ayers

  Murmured voices. One of them, certainly her mother’s. The other… Elie already knew, but wanted to hope it wasn’t…

  Should she have warned her parents? Elie hadn’t told them a thing, but what if…

  There were steps tracking through the house, and Alison politely commenting on Elie’s feeling under the weather and how she hadn’t left her room all day, or all yesterday. They were at the stairs!

  It would be stupid to hide under the bed, right? Elie briefly considered the closet, but the stairs were too short for that and before she could have dashed across the room, Elie’s door creaked opened and Alison poked her head in.

  “Hey… how are you feeling? Better?”

  Elie peered over the quilt and shook her head.

  Alison nodded. “Well, you have a visitor here, so I’ll send him up with some soup.”

  “No! Mom—!” But, Alison had already closed the door coyly. Elie grumbled and sat up. At least she was already clothed. Now she had to wait for the hum of the microwave to end in a piercing beep, knowing that when the sound wafted upstairs, someone else would soon be coming with it.

  Dismally, Elie waited, head under the quilt. Maybe if he came up and she ignored him, he’d just go away.

  She heard the door creak open.

  Her room was carpeted, and she could barely hear his footsteps as he crossed the floor, but she knew he was there. In her mind’s eye, Elie could see him, standing over her bed, looking down at the quilt with those soft brown eyes. He’d be wearing jeans again, like he always did, and a button-down shirt, or maybe a t-shirt that squeezed his big arms and oak-tree chest.

  He sneezed and something sniffing and cold poked rudely under her quilt.

  “Goddammit, Jasper!” Elie pushed his nose away, giggling. The shepherd grew more interested as she began to move, and his whole face came to see her in her blanket sanctuary. “Your nose is freezing! Get out of here!” Elie sat up and threw the quilt back.

  Jake was standing, leaning against the open doorway, a bowl of soup in one hand. Elie froze, even as Jasper clambered into bed with her and settled absurdly across her lap. At thirteen years old, he still thought he was puppy-sized.

  “Glad to see you’re doing ok,” Jake offered, not moving from the doorway.

  Elie nodded stiffly. “Yeah, I’m ok. Just a little cough and cold. Not a big deal.”

  He was staring an awfully long time, and the intensity of his eyes on her was making Elie woozy. Maybe she really was sick.

  “Did—did you need something?” she asked innocently.

  Jake shut the door.

  “You know why I’m here,” he said quietly. He set the soup down on her bedside table and stood by her, just as Elie had imagined him doing minutes ago. The trace of stubble on his jaw was darker than his hair, black rather than dark brown. “I need to know what you saw.”

  Elie swallowed dryly. “Here,” she patted the bed beside her. “Sit…”

  He didn’t seem to want to at first. His discomfort at Elie’s suggestion was practically visible in the air. But sit, he did.

  “I saw…” Elie paused, reflecting. Her voice was so quiet a lurker under the bed wouldn’t have been able to hear it. Elie didn’t want to speak too loudly, in case Alison got it into her head to ‘accidentally’ overhear their conversation. Scalding hot men visiting their daughter in bed was too much for any mother to resist listening in on, if the opportunity came. She looked him in the eye. “Jake… I saw a bear. It changed into a human. That human was… you.”

  Jake let out a long, slow breath, as if he’d been holding it.

  “Have you told anyone else?” he asked in a calm so forced, his jaw twitched.

  Elie shook her head. “No, and I’m not going to. You’re right. If anyone knew, you’d end up in a—a FBI quarantine cell or a laboratory or something. Either that, or I’d end up in a mental hospital. I don’t plan on telling anyone. Ever.”

  And Elie meant it, with all her heart. She of all people knew what it was to want to keep your business to yourself.

  Jake didn’t seem to have an answer. Maybe he hadn’t expected such easy compliance. He turned out to be wearing the t-shirt today, and Elie watched as his shoulders lowered, bit by bit, and his face relaxed.

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he murmured finally.

  Elie was feeling more and more acutely how little clothing she had on. She pulled the quilt around her waist a little tighter, but it didn’t help the lack of a bra, which was obvious through her old, ragged Five Finger Death Punch tee. Elie winced. Maybe she should buy a couple blouses, or at least shirts that didn’t have holes worn in them.

  “So why did you show up as a bear if you didn’t want me to see?” Elie asked, adjusting her arms and trying to keep the shirt from clinging to the round swell of her breasts too tightly.

  “What?”

  “Well, you knew I was going to be there. Why the hell did you come as a bear if you didn’t want me to know?”

  He frowned. “Why would I’ve known you were going to be there?”

  “Because I left you a note,” Elie explained in disbelief. “I left it right on your front door.”

  “I never use my front door, haven’t in years. My workshop is in the garage, so I always just go in through there.”

  Elie rolled her eyes, more at herself than anything. Of course, he never used his front door. Of course, anything that could go wrong had gone wrong. Stupid Murphy’s Law.

  But now, there was one more topic, one more elephant in the room, and Elie badly wanted to begin the subject, if only she could do it gently. Well, she’d try, anyway.

  “Jake?” He looked up at her, and Elie wondered if she really wanted to ask this next question. She figured she’d better do it quickly before she changed her mind. “Can you tell me? I mean, what was that I saw? What happens to you?”

  He looked at her thoughtfully. Elie thought this was better, at least, than him storming out at the audacity of her question.

  “You know,” he said, “you’re the only person I ever talked to about it at all.”

  Elie smiled a bit. “I might as well know the whole story.”

  Jake reached over and patted Jasper’s head. The dog quivered a little and whined, but didn’t resist the attention.

  “Jasper’s a real good dog,” Jake pointed out. “Most dogs—especially the little ones—don’t like me much now.”

  Elie snorted. “Jasper’s a wuss. Someone could come in to rob the house and murder us all and he’d either hide under the table or wag his tail and beg for treats.”

  Jake laughed. He had seemed to relax almost back to his normal self. “Well. I… actually I’d like to tell you, to tell someone what happened. Been carrying it too long, you know…

  “It was the year I got to the city. I went because, well, I wanted to try something new. You’d run off to France, and I thought that was way too far for me, but just down the mountain wasn’t too much. I could still drive home when I wanted—just an hour or so away. Was tough in the winter, though.”

  “Is that when you learned about craft beer?” Elie teased.

  “Yep, that, and some other things,” Jake sighed. “I was working with a construction company building apartments, and I would go out with the guys. Especially a couple guys that just sort of… They were different, that’s all. I didn’t really understand it, but they would talk to me now and then, and they seemed like nice fellas.”

  “Seemed?”

  “Seemed,” Jake agreed. “Now, my Mom didn’t raise an idiot, I don’t sucker up to anybody just because they pat me on the back or buy me a beer. But I hung out with these two. They liked to hike and camp, see, and well that was just perfect for me.”

  Jake twisted his mouth in reminiscence. Shook his head. “I figure when you saw me the other night, you probably felt just like I did the first time I saw them change. Except when they turned, they came after me. I thought they were going to tear me apart, but they just wanted to infect m
e. They made me like them, and those bastards didn’t even ask.”

  His fists were clenched on his knees. Elie couldn’t blame him. “If it’d been me, I’d’ve torn their damn heads off,” Elie snapped indignantly. She forgot, for a moment, about being quiet. “They didn’t think that maybe they should ask you first?”

  “If they told me beforehand, they said, they couldn’t have been sure I wouldn’t give them away,” Jake explained in a low voice. “And I told them to do some things and go some places that I won’t repeat. Of course, I worked with them, but they never said a damned word to me after that. In fact, they steered clear of me altogether. I learned later that they hadn’t expected my bear to be so large, or so dominant. They were actually scared of me.

  “I felt like I was going crazy, though, Elie. I don’t know how to explain it. You know those people who hear voices in their head? I felt like that. For weeks. Not like a voice, but like… like a… a feeling like something else was in my head following me. Stalking me. Every day I was terrified some men in black suits were gonna show up and ask me kindly to please come along with them, they have some questions, and so on.

  “I know I was paranoid, and it affected my entire life. They started to notice it at the jobsite. Eventually, I turned in my two weeks. I was afraid I was gonna end up getting someone killed. My boss didn’t say anything—he was a great guy, Mack—but I knew he was relieved I quit. I’d been drinking a lot, since alcohol seemed to keep the urge to change at bay somewhat. I’d shown up to work drunk twice. He would’ve had to fire me soon, and he hated to put a guy out of work.

  “I hadn’t changed, because I was doing everything I could to stop it. I thought if I got out of the city, I’d calm down and it might go away, but I’d seen the other two change and deep down I knew it was coming. I knew I needed to be away from people when it did.”

  He fell silent. Jasper wriggled a bit and Elie scratched his big ears.

  “So, you came home,” Elie murmured.

  Jake nodded and Elie caught his eyes drop to the holes in her thin t-shirt. They stayed for a long moment before he was looking her in the eye again. “I’ve been here ever since.”

  Elie nodded and found herself patting him on the leg, like a pal. She winced.

  To her shock, Jake set a hand over hers. “I actually like it there, if it’s all the same.”

  Heat flew up into Elie’s face and neck, but she didn’t remove her hand. Jake was grinning, just a little now, just enough to make her heart race. His thigh under her fingers tightened and flexed as he moved nearer, leaned closer.

  His beard brushed her neck first, and Elie shivered pleasantly. Then, she felt his lips, hot and hard and relentless. They kissed and teased a line from her collarbones to her ear.

  “Jake…” Was that utterance meant to be halting or sighing? Elie’s voice breathed out in a mix of the two. Jake paused and looked up at her.

  When he paused, she was able think clearly, and she took her hand from his thigh. Jake frowned.

  “I’m sorry,” he muttered. He drew away quickly, as if afraid she might lash out. “I could just smell… I mean, I could smell the arousal on you, and I thought—” He skidded to a halt and just stared at the floor, jaw working tensely. His eyes didn’t meet hers.

  Elie didn’t know what to say. She was feeling far too many things to do justice with a one-word reply. Confusion, lust, yes there was lust, and fear. Could he smell fear, too?

  “Look, Jake, I won’t tell your secret,” she whispered. “But I… This is all… I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

  Jasper lifted his head and looked at her balefully, but Elie couldn’t stop now. “This is a lot to take in,” she went on, pulling the quilt up over her chest. “Hell, are you going to make me one, too?”

  Jake’s mouth dropped open. He looked up at her. “It’s not the clap!” he hissed back. “It’s not sexually transmitted.”

  Elie gasped. Jake’s brown eyes had melted into glimmering gold, like amber. He saw her reaction and looked away quickly. She was shaking. Was he going to change? Here? Now?

  “Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t think… I don’t think I can do this.”

  Jake stood abruptly. “That’s fine. That’s just fine. First, I wasn’t enough for you. Now, I’m too much.” He crossed the room in three long steps and whipped the door open.

  Elie felt certain that she should stop him, but she didn’t. Jasper looked up at her and whined some more, and downstairs, she heard Jake making excuses to her mother for his sudden departure before the final closing of the front door. It seemed to echo, and for a while, no other sound broke the silence.

  8

  Elie didn’t stay in bed long after Jake left. Her internal cocktail of emotions was stirring like a blender and Elie had to get up and move.

  “Want to go for a walk, Jasper?”

  At the word ‘walk’, Jasper’s huge ears perked up. Since he had his own dog door and was allowed to roam around their yard freely, one would think he wouldn’t care so much about going for a walk, but in a second or two he was leaping off the bed like an Olympic diver and skittering to the stairs.

  “Slow down!” Alison called after him as he raced through the kitchen. Elie could hear his nails clicking on the tile.

  “I’m taking Jasper out,” Elie told her as she followed the shepherd’s trail through the house.

  Alison looked like she wanted to ask about Jake. There was a short list of possible topics that could have given Elie’s mother that boiling-over-in-curiosity look on her face. But, Elie shook her head and walked quickly to the front entry, where Jasper’s leash hung on the coat rack.

  “Go for walk?” Elie teased him as he spun circles in the tiny space. She clamped a hand on his collar and tried to clip the leash on. “Walk? You wanna go walk?”

  Jasper whined and quivered and growled sadly, as if begging her to stop this terrible game and just open the door already. Elie laughed and clipped his leash on.

  Just as she was straightening, there was a knock on the door. Jasper howled—more out of excitement than alarm—almost directly into Elie’s ear. Shocked, she clapped a hand over it too late. The sound still echoed through the bones of her inner ear as if they were stuck repeating it over and over.

  Half-deaf, she stuck her eye to the peephole. If it was Jake, she wasn’t answering.

  It wasn’t Jake. Hesitantly, Elie turned the knob and swung the door open to see Bryan Mosley standing on her front porch. He’d dressed down today, jeans and boots and a white t-shirt. It wasn’t too cold, so no motorcycle jacket. In fact, it seemed he’d walked here, since his motorcycle was nowhere to be seen out front.

  “What do you want?” she grunted. Standing here, now, all Elie could see when looking at this idiot was Brittany Langland and her skeleton-skinny meth-scarred arms.

  Bryan shrugged. Her change in attitude since he’d last seen her clearly confused him, but he didn’t comment on it. “Just thought you might want to catch a bite or a drink or something.”

  Elie stepped out with Jasper, who sniffed Bryan, whined, and moved to Elie’s other side. “I’m taking the dog for a walk, if you want to come along,” she offered gruffly.

  “Sounds good,” he replied, and fell into step with her. Elie headed off down the street with Jasper on one side and Bryan on the other.

  “What’ve you been up to?” he tried to start conversation.

  “Hanging around. Trying to find a job. Meeting old friends, that sort of thing,” Elie replied noncommittally.

  Bryan nodded, hands in his pockets. “Anyone I know?”

  “Probably not.”

  They lapsed into awkward silence. Elie was simmering. She’d almost slept with this asshole, this user, this baby-daddy. She should have told him to get lost. Why did she invite him along to walk with her? Stupid. Damn stupid.

  “Sorry about the other night,” he offered finally. They were moving away from the houses, now, towards the spot where Elie had seen that griz
zly a few nights prior. Nervously, she checked again, but it wasn’t as dark now and she could make out the underbrush pretty well. No bear, at least not at the moment.

  And, oddly, it occurred to her that maybe that hadn’t been a bear. It had been Jake. What a strange, serendipitous coincidence.

  “What? Oh, the other night,” Elie shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. They probably just wanted to ask you about the meth, right?”

  She raised her eyebrows and waited, and Elie was not disappointed. Bryan seemed to be half-listening, because it took him about fifteen full seconds before he stopped short and looked at her with a very unfriendly edge.

  “What did you say?”

  “You’re bringing meth up from town, right?” Elie laughed. “Or maybe someone’s cooking it for you out here. I doubt it’s Brittany, although she seems to be a regular customer. That’s why you don’t work at the mill. You already have a job.”

  The afternoon had grown very still, and it occurred to Elie that her big mouth had dropped its bombshell in a very thoughtless place. The distance to the houses in one direction and the distance to downtown Hemford in the other suddenly seemed much farther. Her anger had gotten away with her again. If she’d waited ten more minutes to snap this off at him… if only…

  Bryan wasn’t a big guy, not like Jake. But apart from some minimal self-defense, Elie’d never gotten in a real fight. At the moment, however, it looked like she was about to get her first crack at it, because it didn’t take a rocket scientist to read that glare that Bryan was shooting at her now.

  “Who have you run your mouth to?” he hissed. “The cops? Was it you that tried to rat on me?”

  A shiver cascaded from neck to naval at the odd likeness of the question. It hadn’t even been an hour since someone else had asked almost the exact same thing. Elie snorted. She was trying her best to look confident. “If I had a lick of proof, I’d give it to them, but I don’t. Proof or no, I don’t want to see your face at my door again. I’ll call the Sheriff on you in a hot minute, and I doubt he’d need any proof to run you off for harassment.”