J.R. Rains Vampire for Hire World_Dead Ahead

by Eve Paludan

  Sam heard every word coming from their bedroom, but the couple was now unaware of her presence.

  They excitedly left the house. But Sam was still there in the back garden, watching and waiting.

  Finally, Sam said, “I don’t have any more time for your vampire games. I know you’re not dead, so stop playing possum.”

  “Darn it!” Emily’s eyes flew open, and they had angry red flames in the pupils. She sat up and pulled the bullet out of her blistered chest and said, “That silver bullet burned like a bitch, but it didn’t quite hit my heart. So, what gave me away?”

  “If you were dead, you would disintegrate into ashes like that psycho woman in Raiders of the Lost Ark who looked inside the Ark.”

  “Is that what happens to vampires who die? They just go poof?”

  Sam grimaced. “Usually.”

  “I thought I could fool you by pretending I was dead like I fooled them. I was just getting my second wind and hoping the wife would put away the gun with the silver bullets when you showed up.”

  “Luckily, she’s a decent cop and is never without her piece. So, no bloodletting for you at this address. Or any, for that matter. Now, if you’ll get in my minivan, I’ll take you back to your home away from home where they’ll teach you to be a civilized vampire, not one who goes around attacking people.”

  Emily whined and actually stamped her foot. “I don’t want to go back there. It’s boring.”

  Sam rolled her eyes. “Boring? Are you freaking kidding me with that kind of complaint?”

  “I have to study and take tests and get my diploma and all that. They want me to be as normal a kid as possible and drink blood from a little sippy cup. And do homework! The house mother is nice, but like I said, I’m bored to tears.”

  “Sounds like a good deal to me. Food, shelter, clothing, education. What’s your beef?”

  “I like my blood from the source. That’s why I came back for the donut man’s sweet, sweet blood. He eats like a dozen donuts a day. Ever since I turned, I’ve been dying to have a crack at his neck artery.”

  “Well, that clinches it. By the way, did I tell you that you’re not welcome in my house ever again?”

  Emily’s mouth made a little O shape. “Fang told you what happened?”

  “He texted me. My kids never said a word. Fang has my back. He said you tried to kill my daughter, your friend who was trying to help you! What were you thinking?”

  “I couldn’t help myself. She was so easy and giving. Her blood would have gone down my throat like melted cotton candy.”

  “You’re sick, and you need help. I can get you help.”

  “I don’t want to be rehabilitated like you are. You suburban weakling vampire in mom jeans.”

  Sam rose up to her full height. “I’m done asking. Now, I’m telling. Listen to me, little vampire girl, get up off the ground and get your murderous ass in the minivan unless the last thing you want to swallow is sunlight from both ends.”

  “You dare threaten me?” Emily leaped off the ground and hissed at Sam.

  “Hey, missy, I can hiss, too, but it’s considered extremely rude to do so in our culture. Who do you think you are, doing that rude sound in my face?”

  “I’m Queen of the Vampires! Queen, I tell you!” Emily suddenly rushed at Sam and almost knocked her off her feet. Sam used her momentum to throw her to the ground and jumped on top of her. As they rolled over and over, Emily banged her in the jaw with her left fist and pulled a bone-handled knife from her right pocket.

  When Sam saw the glint of silver, she threw a punch to try to knock the silver-blade knife out of Emily’s hand that was also caught in her hair and pulling it. But freakishly, the knife flipped around, fell back and stuck Emily right in the heart, killing her instantly.

  Sam stood up, stunned. It wasn’t long before Emily, wannabe Queen of the Vampires, dissolved to ashes and blew away in the wind.

  Sam cleaned up the scene and then retrieved her minivan. She wiped the silver knife clean of all prints—not that her fingers left prints since vampires have no oils in their fingertips, but she wasn’t sure about her DNA and didn’t know if vampires even left behind DNA. But there was no use in taking chances.

  Not long after that happened, as she was speeding down the freeway, Sam flung the silver knife into a canyon with rushing water beneath the overpass.

  Then Sam drove out to Fang’s Place in Echo Park to let him know what had happened to Emily.

  After she broke the news as gently as she could, Fang came out from behind the bar to stand next to Sam, who was perched on a barstool by then, with one foot on the floor and one on the rung of the barstool, as she was wont to do. Always ready for whatever might happen.

  Fang was understandably upset that he had lost the new vampire from one of his safe houses.

  “This is horrible, Sam. Just horrible. Are you all right?”

  “My jaw really hurts. She had a hell of a left hook I didn’t expect. And we rolled around on the ground, fighting like two spitting, screaming maniacs. She even pulled my hair. Little bitch.”

  “Oh, no! You could have been killed.”

  “I know. At the time, I wasn’t scared, and I should have been. I think it’s just now hitting me how close I came to leaving undeath for actual death.”

  Fang shook his head sadly. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No.” Sam told him, “Just keep doing what you do. I think your intentions and your actions are good but sometimes, some people, even vampires, might just be needed elsewhere, on another plane. And they leave us without warning and we grieve—or if we don’t grieve, then we feel guilt because we aren’t grieving.”

  “So true,” Fang said. “You want a drink? Tonight, I have Classical Musician on the warm tap and it really has a nice flavor and aroma. Kind of like drinking salted, rich jazz with a side note of very sweet-flavored port.”

  “Sounds good. I better not, though. You know how my entity gets when I give her human blood.”

  “I’m glad you keep that inner bitch in her place.”

  “It’s my body. I can’t let her run wild with it.”

  “I’d buy tickets to that if you ever let her loose.”

  “That’s not going to happen.” Sam paused. “I still don’t understand why people come here and sell their blood to you.”

  “I pay two to three times what blood banks pay, and I have a nice, clean phlebotomy kiosk in the back for mortals who want to earn a little money on the side.”

  “And the economy being what it is, I guess some poor people just don’t have a choice.”

  “Sam, people always have a choice. I don’t twist anyone’s arm to get their blood. It’s all consensual here.”

  “I know. Even though I’m used to being a vampire after all these years, I still occasionally struggle with what I am.”

  “As do I. Even though I wanted to become a vampire.”

  “I didn’t have a choice. And Fang, I know you wanted me to turn you.”

  “But you wouldn’t turn me—you kind of left me hanging and then, as you remember, Detective Rachel Hanner put me under a vampire compulsion to be her slave in every way. I couldn’t have gotten away if I’d wanted to.”

  “Did you ever want to escape her?”

  His eyes got far away for a few moments. “After she was dead, Sam, I was released from a very small world that consisted of a female megalomaniac’s demands upon my person, my mind and my heart. Never had I experienced the joy of freedom as I did at that moment. Second, I had you back as a friend. A friend I respected and loved. That was what I wanted in the first place when I came to California and became a bartender at Heroes because I knew you and your sister Mary Lou hung out there. It was the only way I knew of to find you, back in the day when we were chatting online, and… I finally admit it after all these years… I was smitten.”

  “Wait a minute. You came here for me?” Sam asked softly, even though she knew it was true.

  “Moo
n Dance, why else would I leave the Midwest for this loco life as a vampire in Southern California? Unless I was going to do it with you. Of course, now, you have a huge, hairy werewolf boyfriend, and that’s all water under the bridge. Right, Sam?”

  If Sam could have blushed, she would have. She looked up at him and their eyes met, the flames in his pupils danced with his entity’s fire. He wasn’t angry or hurt. He was just… her best platonic guy friend.

  “Damn you for bringing all that up, all those feelings from my Moon Dance days.”

  “Don’t worry. Be happy.” Fang leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. “We’re both with someone now—I think that’s a good thing because when you’re lovers with someone, it might not last forever. But, at least in my experience, friendship seems to have a greater chance of longevity. And I want to be your friend for a long, long time. Forever, please.”

  “Likewise,” Sam said. “You’re the only one of my kind that I trust like this. Sometimes, I just need to be with another vampire, a really good one who doesn’t go around killing, just so I don’t feel as icky about what I am. Especially after all the stuff went down this week. My client and his wife almost got killed by vampires. My whole family and Kingsley, too, could have been killed.” Sam shuddered. “By the way, Kingsley got stabbed in the chest by a vampire who wanted to drink his blood. Not with silver, but still!”

  Fang looked shocked. “Sorry this week sucked. Or bit. Or both.”

  “So many vampire jokes. Another time, I would laugh.”

  “I’ve got a million of them when you’ve got the time.”

  “We’ve both got eternity, in theory.”

  “Yeah, ain’t it grand?” he said, spreading his arms for a moment.

  “I’m glad you’re so happy as a vampire.”

  “I am. It’s where I can do some good in the world—and hopefully, Fang’s Place is slowly changing vampire society by putting an emphasis on consent without compulsion.”

  “Ha! If there were an election for mayor of a vampire city, I’d vote for you.”

  He chuckled. “You’re funny, too, Sam. I’m no politician. Just an ordinary vampire, trying to get through that thing they call undeath.”

  “Me, too.” She flicked her eyes toward the door.

  “Going home to be with your kids?” he asked gently.

  “Yes, but I’m not going to tell them right away what happened to Emily, if ever. It’ll break their hearts, especially Tammy’s, so I might tell them down the road, if and when they ask about her. Not now, though. I’m just going to peek in on them while they’re still sleeping like the angels they aren’t. Then, when I’m satisfied they’re safe, I think I might go see Kingsley.”

  “Him again? All I ever hear from you is, ‘Kingsley this. Kingsley that.’”

  “You sound jealous, even though I came to see you first.”

  “Of course, you did.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Sam asked.

  “You do this at the end of every P.I. investigation. First, you come and tell me what happened like I’m your vampire confessor. You vent the most creepy, gory stuff that you can’t tell the wolfman because he’s not a vampire and he wouldn’t get it. He can’t stomach the finer details and you know it, so you leave out the worst parts when you tell him your stories. It’s all filtered what goes into the werewolf’s ear from your ruby-red lips.”

  Sam smirked. “Ha! And then, what do I do?”

  “Then, it’s as if you need to purge all the leftover bad vibes that happened during the case by immersing yourself in a big-ass, steamy session of werewolf lovin’.”

  “Shut up.” Sam punched Fang lightly on the shoulder and headed for the door. She turned back and grinned at him. “Thanks for the vampire confessional.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I’d hang up a sign and put out a collection plate, but the truth is, I really only do it for you.”

  “I know. Thanks.” She paused at the doorway. “I’ll see you when I see you, Fang.”

  He winked. “Not if I see you first, Samantha Moon.”

  Epilogue

  Sated and languid for now, Sam snuggled up to Kingsley in his big custom-made bed. She ran a gentle finger over the jagged, healing scar where he’d been stabbed in the chest by the vampire detective, Kevin Holden. “Thanks for helping me on my investigation case. What you did was so brave.”

  “Brave? Ha! It was foolhardy was what it was. I could have blown the whole investigation, but it just so happened that things turned out satisfactorily.”

  “Because they were meant to turn out?” she asked.

  “You mean, do I believe in fate? No, it was just dumb luck that I didn’t get myself, or you, killed. I don’t have that much of an ego that I need to spout to you how I saved the day because I didn’t. Circumstances just made everything fall into place, despite my interference, not because of it, but you did your part, too. You were more than competent, as usual. It all contributed toward the fortunate end result.”

  “Do you believe in destiny, though, like things are meant to happen a certain way?”

  “No, I told you. It’s luck, Sam! And we live in such a chaotic world that things could not be pre-written down where they happen a certain way, just to turn out right.”

  Sam smiled. “But what if I hinted that maybe fate had a hand in putting us together years ago? Just so we could be together right now, in this moment?”

  He chuckled. “Okay, I suppose when you put it that way, maybe luck, and destiny—or fate—do go hand in hand.” Softer, he said, “Where is this coming from? You know I love you very much, Sam.”

  “I know. I’m glad you do.”

  “This is not your usual pillow talk of, ‘More, more. Yes, right there. Please, don’t stop. Oh, oh!’”

  She kissed him hard. “Kingsley Werewolf Fulcrum! I do not talk while we’re doing it.”

  “Yes, you do. And my middle name is not ‘Werewolf.’”

  “The hell it’s not,” she teased. “What is your middle name, anyway?”

  “A secret. And you do, too, talk in bed during… You do it with your eyes, your body movements, and those little involuntary sounds you make that I love so much. I read all your clues of impending satisfaction like I’m on a quest for the Holy Grail.”

  She laughed, but her voice had a serious edge to it. “Gee. I’m all that and a bag of chips?”

  “You’re worth it. What gives with this eyebrows-crunching-together expression?”

  “I’m in a serious mood, I guess. Despite our fun banter.”

  “Sammie?” He stroked her face. “Do you need some more loving but you’re too shy to ask?”

  She smiled softly. “No, I’m good for the moment, but I want to know this: Would you love me if I weren’t a vampire?”

  “Oh, what a crazy question, Sam. Are you freaking kidding me with that while we’re naked?”

  “Well, would you? I want to know.”

  He thought about it for a moment. “I’m screwed no matter what I answer.”

  “No, you’re not. I really want to know.”

  He made a hmmm sound deep in his throat. “Honestly, I don’t know if I would love you if you were mortal. Long ago, I did have several human women in my life that I loved very much. But you’re my only vampire lover, ever. And… it’s different. I mean, you are in the now, and they are way back in the past—I just take the good things from the past and try to leave my braggadocio and my emotional baggage back there where it belongs, in the past. I just take all the best of my human and werewolf life experience and concentrate it into becoming all I can be, for you, in the now. And I don’t think of you as much as a vampire as I do a woman.” He paused for a breath. “How am I doing so far?”

  “That is such lawyer talk that it really borders on b.s., if you must know. All you had to say was ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and you just had yourself a big deflection party as if you were blustering in court to fill time while you desperately thought of what you actually wanted to s
ay to the court.”

  Kingsley laughed. “I can’t help it. You ask the hardest questions, Sam. Just please, know this: I love you with a werewolf’s true heart. I don’t long for anything or anyone in the past, or for someone different in the future. This, with you, right now, feels so right. I try not to label things about us.”

  “Why not?”

  He thought for a moment, his eyes serious on hers. “I think labels are limiting and I can’t compartmentalize what I feel for you, or even think about you. I mean, you’re not just this part of my life on the side that I can box up when you’re not in the room with me. You’re there every moment with me, physically, emotionally, and in some weird way, spiritually. You’re a part of me in everything I do and in everything I am. We have a connection that cannot be denied.”

  “I agree.”

  “Then where is all of this navel-gazing—at my navel—coming from, Sam?”

  She shrugged her shoulders.

  “Oh, wait a minute. Hold the phone! Werewolf lawyer sniffs out a clue. Is this feminine melodrama really about Kevin Holden releasing Amber Tarkington back to her former life?”

  “Smart boy. While I was listening to him break up with her, I began to understand that when a vampire lover leaves, there is this agonizing shattering of a soul mate bond, and it is especially painful for the mortal who is left behind. Amber was crying into her pillow and I started to feel—”

  “—sorry for your cheating ex, Danny?”

  “Oh, please! I wouldn’t go that far.” Sam rolled her eyes. “But sometimes, when one partner changes so much, the other one has to change, too, or they have to break ties. Forever.”

  “That’s a common scenario, even among mortals with no special powers. It’s just a good thing that neither of us is very human anymore,” Kingsley said. “Don’t ask me any more existential what-if questions if you don’t want to hear lawyer-speak fly back at you. Just know that, at this moment, I have never loved another woman like I love you right now.”

  “That’s good enough for me. Right now.”