Unhuman Acts

by Candace Blevins

  Harrison was speaking at the podium, which was magicked so everyone in the arena could hear. Today, the magic extended to the other arenas and theaters in the realm as well — the people in them would see a holographic image of our stone stage and would hear what was said at the podium.

  “Her Majesty rescued me from centuries of slavery. Midgard has changed drastically since I last lived there, but it’s good to be back with my people.”

  Someone brought a royal looking robe, and he allowed them to put it onto him. They left, and he scanned the crowd. “As the King of the Imperators, I vow that I and my people will come to Queen Kirsten’s aid during times of need. She merely needs to let us know she needs our help, and we’ll be there. My people inhabit four realms, but I’ll follow wherever I’m needed.” He turned to me. “I told you when you freed me and let me live, the prince is traditionally supposed to rescue the princess. Now, I stand before the Queen, a King in my own right, but I will forever be your willing subject, my liege.” He went to one knee, bowed, and stood gracefully.

  I aimed my thoughts at Mordecai. Is there protocol here? Can I hug him?

  Whatever you feel is appropriate. By calling you his liege, he’s pledging his allegiance to you. It isn’t necessarily saying you’re his Queen, because technically, you aren’t. However, he went to his knees to show respect. A hug can work, if it feels right.

  That was all I needed. As soon as Harrison saw I was coming in for a hug, he opened his arms and made it happen. “I’m so glad I didn’t kill you,” I told him with a laugh.

  “Ditto.” He held me a little tighter. “You’re cold.”

  “You’re the one naked under that robe!”

  He chuckled. “We need to keep things moving. Ready to move back to the podium?”

  I nodded, and he stepped to the podium with me, his arm still around my waist, and I had a feeling it was more about keeping me warm than staying close.

  I had a prepared statement, but I changed it slightly so it wouldn’t sound rehearsed. “It seems odd to me that this realm is so much like the one I was born into. Not all realms have seasons. Only a few have winter, much less a mid-winter. I’m thrilled to be a part of today’s festivities. From this point forward, the days get longer. Each evening brings us one day closer to spring. Rebirth. The promise of warmth and new life.”

  I looked at the carriage and nodded to my family. Today was about introducing them.

  Lauren encouraged Smokey to walk with her, and the small group walked to the base of the steps. I motioned Smokey to me, and Lauren followed him.

  “I’d like to introduce my daughter, Lauren. She’s attending one of the best colleges in Midgard, and I couldn’t be more proud of the young woman she’s growing into. With her is Smokey. He’s been with us eight years, and we’re blessed to have him in our family.”

  I looked to my men, and they climbed the steps together.

  “Somehow, I managed to fall in love with two men, and then lucked up because neither of them demanded I choose.” They stepped forward to bracket us, and I realized Harrison had left the stage. Mordecai was to my right, Lauren to my left, and Nathan on the other side of Lauren. Smokey was in front of Lauren, sitting a little sideways so he could bodily keep anyone from approaching her front.

  “To my left, wearing his crown, is the Amakhosi. To my right, Mordecai.” Everyone in this realm knew of the old gods, and the names they were using in the present day. Mordecai didn’t need further introduction.

  I heard a murmuring, and I looked to the steps to see Jupiter coming to us. Another podium formed, and he stepped to it to speak. “Queen of Alfheim, bound to an Alfa wolf on Midgard, lover and partner of the Amakhosi, lover to a first-born on Olympus, close friends with the Dragon King and his wife, trained by Xuānyuán, and now we see the connection with the King of the Imperators. She’s also friends with Adonis, has helped Phobos with some of his fears, and even the crazy Monkey King seems to hold her in high regard.” He turned to me and shook his head. “No one knows what to do with you, so we’re going to welcome you into our fold. You already hold a part-time residence on Olympus because you’ve spent more than one night a week there on average over the past three months. We’re giving you official citizenship. Should you wish to purchase land and build a home, you can. You don’t have to, and we don’t expect you to, since you already own a castle on Alfheim and you share ownership of Homewood with Cora in Midgard. However, if you wish to now or in the future, you can. You can also come and go at will based on your own soul now, and not on a key gifted to you by a resident.”

  I blinked, and suddenly Adonis, Apollonius, and my Shīfù stood with Jupiter. Monkey had called my Shīfù by the name Xuānyuán, and I’d researched him, but I hadn’t been sure. Now, I was, and I was sufficiently awed. He was one of the biggest Chinese gods in their mythologies.

  Adonis opened his arms to me, and I went into them. I was comfortable with him. We’d never had sex, but I’d fallen asleep on him while we watched movies on my sofa more times than I could count.

  I looked to Apollonius. “You’re Apollo?”

  “I am. I agreed to work within the rules and confines of the Concilio, but it needs a good housecleaning. You’ve helped create a situation that allows me to do this without breaking the rules, and for this, I am grateful. Your new designation puts you outside of the Concilio’s control. You now fall under Jupiter’s authority.”

  I looked to Jupiter and he grinned. “I’m not hard to get along with, so long as you understand I’m always right.” Jupiter looked back to the assembled crowd.

  “Kirsten was trained by the god who prefers to be called Xuānyuán in this century, but he’s also been known as Odin, Hermes, Mercury, and too many other names to list.”

  My heart stilled in my chest and my hand flew to my necklace, which the dress I was wearing framed beautifully. Odin was married to Freya for a while, and I was wearing her necklace. Odin was also father to Thor, who wields a hammer of light — made in the same manner as my weapons.

  Shīfù nodded to me. He knew why my hand was on my necklace. I couldn’t ask him about it here, where most of Alfheim could hear us.

  Mordecai was also known as Mars. The month of March is named for him. One of the forms of Odin’s name is Woden, and this is where we get Wednesday. Two of my teachers were so old and so famous, they were literally a day of the week and a month of the year.

  I cleared my mind and focused on what Jupiter was saying to the crowd, but then my thoughts went to the planets. Jupiter. Mars. Mercury. Fuck me.

  “She is called Bug by the Dragon King,” Jupiter told the crowd, “Kitten by Mordecai, Kuàiyàn by Xuānyuán, Chère by the Lord of Lust, and Mother Nature by innumerable shapeshifters on Midgard, but she’s now known to all as The Harlequin. Much as the first major elf king took the name Erlkönig to replace the name he was born with, Kirsten O’Shea has redefined what it means to be Harlequin. It’s been millennia since you had a King or Queen. Celebrate this day, and enjoy your Queen.”

  The crowd cheered and Jupiter stepped away from his podium. No one moved to speak when the crowd quieted, so I walked forward to my podium, unsure of what to say. Jupiter had just given me permission to throw all the rules out the window and make my own.

  “I didn’t mean to be Queen, but I accepted the responsibility, and those responsible for crowning me had no issues with the limits I put on what I can do. My daughter and one of my lovers can’t leave Midgard for more than short visits. Another of my lovers lives on Olympus, and I’m bound to and partnered with a Wolf alpha who needs me in Midgard, and whom I will not turn my back on. The Stewards have managed the day-to-day operations of the realm since the last king was killed in battle, and I see no reason to step in and take their job. I fully approve of the economic model and judicial system already in place. However, this doesn’t mean I’m a symbolic Queen. I hold court every quarter and then take the problems I hear to the Stewards, so we can discuss solutions to what a
re usually long-term problems. Most of all, it seems the energy I share with the realm is making a difference.”

  I turned to Jupiter. “Thank you for giving me permission to define my own role as Harlequin. It isn’t the same realm as the one vacated by the last King, so it doesn’t need the same kind of monarch.” I looked back to the assembled crowd. I was totally flying by the seat of my pants, but I wanted to reach them, so I told them, “Bear with me a second, while I get my family as I want them.”

  I put my arm around Mordecai’s waist to my right, and Lauren’s waist to my left, and pulled them both closer.

  I aimed my thoughts at both Mordecai and Nathan. Nathan, can you put your arm around Lauren and reach your hand and arm past her, so you’re touching both me and Mordecai? And Mordecai, can you reach out so you’re touching Lauren, beyond me? I want all four of us to be touching the other three.

  We all pulled in closer, and I felt it when all connections were made. Smokey was leaned against Lauren and me, and his energy absorbed into the group as well.

  “If I can ask everyone who can hear my voice to close their eyes and pretend you have imaginary roots going into the ground?” I looked around. “There was a band playing earlier. Is the drummer still around? Can I get you to drum a sequence for me?” I found him and focused on him — some kind of bird shifter. “Can you see my pulse enough to drum every third heartbeat?”

  He gave a nod and did as I asked. I breathed in to a count of seven drumbeats, and out to the same count. This gave about a twelve second inhale and an equal exhale, but as I slowed my heartbeat, the time would grow longer.

  “If I can ask everyone to imagine those roots, and to breathe in for seven drumbeats, and then out for seven drumbeats. It might take a few attempts to get the timing right. Be patient with yourself. I’ll breathe a few times to the rhythm, and when I think most of us are on target, I’ll begin.”

  I tried to aim my thoughts to the entire realm and telepathically counted.

  One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

  Over and over I counted. Dancers count to eight, but I counted to seven. When I could feel most of the realm breathing as one, I pulsed love and health and peace and joy into the land. Not happiness, because everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Joy and happiness aren’t the same thing. The puppy runs and leaps in joy because she doesn’t understand happy versus sad, she’s taking pleasure in the moment.

  So many adults lose their ability to experience pure joy — or they only experience it during sex.

  But I had none of these thoughts. I pulled in the energy I wanted to share, and I spread it throughout the land. I didn’t take it from Mordecai, or Nathan, or his lions. I merely shared the energy of our family unit. Five beings from different times and cultures — an ancient god, an eight-hundred-year-old Lion King, a thirty-something-year-old Caucasian mother, a nineteen-year-old Asian-American teen, and an eight-year-old Newfoundland dog with the purest aura of us all.

  The drummer stopped drumming when I opened my eyes and stopped giving energy. Everyone in the arena seemed to awaken at once, and the next thing I knew, they were all standing and hugging each other. Eventually, they faced me and began clapping. I suppose it was the only way they had to show their appreciation — much as we clap to show a musician we’re happy with what he’s done on stage. I don’t know, for sure. I felt their love, and it warmed me down to my toes. I’d been cold, but I no longer was.

  Chapter 20

  Kirsten

  I walked away from my family, down the steps, and to the band, who’d formed a hugging circle around the drummer. They parted to let me in, and I pulled him into my arms.

  “Thank you. That wouldn’t have been possible without your help. It had to be hard, to keep going once the energy was flowing, but you managed it. My pulse slowed, and so did your drumming.” I released the hug but held onto both of his hands. “Is this your main job, or a side thing?”

  “I work the fields during the week, Your Majesty. My wife’s pregnant, and we need more money than I can make drumming at night.”

  “A baby is a blessing, and you’re a good man. Strong. Focused. Determined. A baby should live near its grandparents and aunts and uncles, so I don’t want to move you to the castle. However, I’d like to put you on my payroll, so I can bring you to me for special functions. Would this be okay?”

  “Your Majesty, I would be honored.”

  I looked to his bandmates. The Alfheim instruments are similar to our Midgard string and woodwind instruments. A woman held something similar to a guitar, and two men held copper curved horns in a similar shape to a saxophone, but with only three holes, so I thought it might be closer to a trumpet. One was large, the other a good bit smaller. The xylophone was pretty much the same as ours, though with more strips of metal than any I’d seen in Midgard — they were in tiers around the musician, much as the complex pipe organs back home, with multiple layers of keys.

  “I’d like to hear all of you play as a group. I don’t suppose you know any Midgard pieces?”

  “We’re familiar with a few of your classics,” the girl said, “but we haven’t played them as a group. We can play something similar though, if it pleases you, Your Majesty.”

  The girl was terrified, but she stood tall and enunciated her words. I instantly liked her. “It would very much please me. Can you all tell me your names, as well as the name of your band?”

  The drummer introduced each of his bandmates to me before telling me his name, and then informed me they were the Karakanagos.

  I turned to look at Jupiter and Mordecai, hoping they could explain. Every once in a while, the magic translator thing gets stumped, and I was assuming this was one of those times.

  “It means...” Jupiter looked to Mordecai for help.

  “It’s a multi-layered pun that would take too long to fully explain in this moment, but the gist of it is that they all have huge dicks.”

  I looked to the girl I’d liked so much, and she asked, “Wanna see my strap-on?” Her eyes grew into large circles — she was immediately horrified she’d spoken to the Queen so casually. I adored her for it, so I stepped forward and hugged her. “I don’t swing that way, but if I did, I’d very much want to see it.” I let her go and told her, “Please, play this song you mentioned as we prepare to leave. Not quite yet — I need to speak one more time, and I have no idea what else Mordecai and Jupiter may have planned. You’ll know when the time is right, and if you don’t, I’ll motion for you to begin.”

  I made my way back up to the stage and returned to the podium. “The entire realm celebrates tonight, on the longest night of the year. I didn’t quite know what I was stepping into when I accepted the responsibility of Queen, but today has shown me I made the right decision. I honor each of you as individuals. Each a puzzle piece in the grand picture that is Alfheim. See the value in yourselves, your family members, your neighbors, your coworkers, and even those who annoy you. Enjoy your evening celebrations and revelry!”

  That last sentence was the only part of my scripted speech I stuck to. Zeta had told me the words I’d need to say would come to me, and she’d been right. Still, having a scripted speech to give in case they didn’t had relieved me of a ton of anxiety, and it’d helped me format the things I’d said.

  The band played while I hugged everyone assembled at the back of the stage. As I expected, they were damned good.

  I hugged Adonis last, and I told him I missed him and needed an evening with him, soon. Finally, my family and I boarded the carriage for what I assumed would be the final time this day. The horses pulled us out of the arena and into the gate of the castle stables. I leaned sideways into Nathan, and he put an arm around me.

  “I’m exhausted, and there’s still tonight’s party.”

  “You feel full of energy,” he noted.

  “I am, but my physical body is tired.”

  “It’s the boots,” Lauren told me. “You need to wear flats this evening.�
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  “Zeta insisted I wear heels, but Jupiter told me I get to define what it means to be Harlequin. What are the odds I can bring kick-ass boots without a heel into fashion here?”

  Chapter 21

  Mordecai

  Kirsten did, indeed rock the brown suede boots she wore that evening. Cora had started the trend — leather boots she could work in. Flats with decent arch support and enough bulk to kick the shit out of people who needed it. She’d sent Kirsten to her bootmaker when asked, and now both women had them in a variety of styles and colors. The pair Kirsten chose this evening came to just under her knees, with complex lacing over the rich suede.

  She danced with members of her guard, with Zeta, with the stable master. And of course she danced with Jupiter, Adonis, and her Shīfù. Even Monkey showed up long enough to be annoying a few minutes before he took his leave.

  I got to dance with her, as did Nathan, but mostly, we danced with other people in her queendom and networked on her behalf. We’d get her all to ourselves when the dancing part was over.

  I asked Zeta to have a bed put on a balcony one couldn’t reach from the public areas, with a thin fabric draped around it and lights we could illuminate inside the drapery. I was hoping Kirsten would agree to have sex with me and Nathan in this manner, so the guests could see our silhouette, but no details.

  Once the first couple went from dancing to having sex, others followed, so within a ten minute span we went from most everyone dancing to over half of the room actively fucking and sucking on the floor, on tables, on chairs, and against the wall. A writhing mass of bodies with dancers moving around them.

  I managed to get both Kirsten and Nathan to the balcony. The band still played, and I dirty-danced my little kitten behind the drapery and to the bed.