Clearwater Romance

by Marissa Dobson

  “Why did you come to Clearwater?”

  “I didn’t intend to stop here. I was passing through to Idaho. That’s where James’ wife lives. I promised him I would stop in and see her and the baby once I made it back to the States. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. I’m sure she blames me. But a promise is a promise, and I plan to keep it.”

  “I’m sure she doesn’t blame you, and you need to stop blaming yourself.”

  “There’s no one else to blame.” He sat his bottle on the coffee table.

  “What about the people who killed him? Shouldn’t they be blamed?”

  He didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

  “I know I don’t know you, but I know guilt eats a person alive. Your friend wouldn’t want you to live like this.”

  “You, the counselors, the military, everyone thinks I should just get over it. But I can’t. I don’t know how.” He sighed. “They want me to talk it out, be rational—embrace the fact that people die in a war. Marines die—soldiers die—I get that. But this was different…James wasn’t just a Marine or just people…he was my friend.”

  “I’m not a counselor. I don’t know all the right things to say, but when my grandmother died. Everyone said—‘you know things happen for a reason’. It doesn’t matter if it happens for a reason, it just matters that it hurts. It’s okay to hurt and to miss him. It’s not okay to beat yourself up. You have to talk to someone, do something. I’ll help you in any way I can.” Maybe she pushed it, but she laid a hand on his leg. Comfort came in different forms.

  He opened his eyes and looked at her. “Why would you help me? Like you said, you don’t even know me.”

  “Because I can feel your pain. I can see it in your eyes. Your anger is getting the best of you. I’m sure you are a wonderful man. You need to let your pain and anger go so you can live. If not, your friend's death was for nothing.”

  Chapter Five

  Why would she want to help him? He stared at the ceiling. The sun would be up soon, but sleep eluded him. I could have killed her.

  Questions ran around in his head. What did he have to do to make the dreams stop? The shrink did nothing, but make them worse. Did he have other options besides another counselor? Would he ever be able to sleep without the visions of that night being played out repeatedly? It wasn’t like he could do anything to change it, so why did his mind keep replaying it, forcing him to relive those horrible moments over and over again.

  Sick of feeling sorry for himself, he levered himself off the bed. She mentioned wanting to redo the other two rooms. Maybe he could give her some suggestions. He needed something to do, something to keep his mind on other than his pilgrimage to see James’ family.

  He dressed in his blue jeans and threw on a black long sleeve sweater. He needed a shave but that could wait until later. Running water might wake Chloe. She was up late with him, and he didn’t want to disturb her…again.

  Across the hall was one of the rooms she wanted remodeled. She mentioned it was one of the larger rooms in the bed and breakfast. There was a king size four-poster bed in the center of the room, a small office to the left, and a three-piece bathroom. This was one of two guest rooms with its own bathroom. The other three had to share the hall bath. He saw potential. It would depend on what Chloe wanted to do, but he could easily draw some designs.

  The second room was smaller. It would be better suited for a short stay or someone spending only a little time in the room. A queen bed sat by the windows, and a small sitting area arrayed around the door. He explored the other three remolded bedrooms and the hall bathroom and retreated to his room to draw up a few ideas for Chloe to look over. For the first time since leaving the Marines, he felt useful. Instead of destruction, he saw potential…

  That’s something…

  * * *

  Chloe tugged the turtleneck sweater up, making sure to cover the fingermark bruises on each side of her throat. She believed him when he said he hadn’t meant to hurt her, but she didn’t want to show him the evidence.

  He hadn’t shown up for breakfast. She didn’t dare go inside—not after last night—but she wanted him to eat, too.

  “Come in.” He called.

  She opened the door to find him sitting at the small desk. “I made breakfast and thought you might be hungry.”

  “Oh…I didn’t realize it was so late.” He looked up and blinked as though noticing the sun shining in the window. “What time is it?”

  “A little after eight.”

  “Oh.” He dragged his hand over his face. “Give me a minute and I’ll be down.”

  * * *

  Jordan joined her downstairs a few minutes later. She set a platter of pancakes on the table.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Sit down and start. I’ll grab the coffee.” Joining him at the table, she nodded to the papers beside him. “What are you working on?”

  His lips curled into a smile and he shoved another bite of pancake into his mouth. “I couldn’t sleep and you mentioned drawing up plans for the other two guest bedrooms. I hope you don’t mind, but I drew up some ideas for you to look at.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, don’t look so surprised. I had nothing else to do and didn’t want to wake you. I used to work at my father’s construction business before I enlisted. I worked with him all through high school, and when I was on leave. If you don’t like them, you don’t have to use it. It was just my way of trying to pay you back—make up for what I did last night. Plus it got my mind off…things. I forgot how much I loved doing that.”

  “I’d love to see.”

  He wiped his hands on his napkin and handed her the papers.

  She looked over the documents, the designs were more than she imagined. The ideas looked so warm and welcoming. Beautiful…

  “Wow, they’re perfect. I love this one.” She tapped the larger bedroom design. “The ideas for all of it is wonderful, but I especially like the idea of adding a large window to that room and taking advantage of the views.” She nudged her plate aside, spreading the design out in front of her. “I didn’t mention a design for the bathroom, but thank you. I planned to do that later. Why did you take out the tub?”

  “Winterbloom is a bed and breakfast, and three of the rooms share that bathroom. I don’t think the guests would appreciate it if another guest took a long bath while they waited to shower. The guest room you finished already has a bathroom, and if they really have to have a bath when they come, they should book that room. If you don’t like it, I can change the design to allow for a tub.”

  “No, you’re right—we’ve had that problem before. I love it and the large walk in the glass shower. It makes me want to redo my quarters.” She smiled at him.

  “If you want, I can look at it and give you some pointers on the best use for your space.”

  A forbidden thrill raced through her at the idea of him in her bedroom. “Thank you. But that isn’t in the budget at this time. I would love for you to look over the cabin if we can get to them before you leave. With all this snow, I don’t know if it will be something we can do. If not, I can get a local to come in and look at it. But I have to say, you seem to have eye for detail. These designs are wonderful. Have you thought about getting back into that?”

  “Yeah, this morning while I drew these up. I loved doing it and it was always my plan after the Marines but then the service became my life and I forgot about it. Dad sold his business a few years ago because Mom wanted to travel, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t start my own business.” A glimmer of hope peeked from beneath his fatigue.

  Chapter Six

  “I noticed you have a lot of the supplies already that I would need in one guest room. I could get started on it.” He loaded the last of the dishes into the dishwasher.

  “Oh no, I couldn’t.”

  “I offered. It’s not like there
’s anything else for me to do. You want the place in order so when the official papers come through you can reopen. Let me do this.” He dried his hands on the dishtowel. “I’m not one for sitting around doing nothing. I’m going stir crazy. Let me do this for you.”

  “I don’t know. You’re my guest, and I don’t want to impose.”

  “You’re not. I’d actually consider it a favor…doing something useful. Come on. Let’s go upstairs and see what you have, and go over the designs.”

  Her grandmother always talked about redoing the house to give it more character, but it wasn’t until right before she died that they finally started her dream. Carrying it out, and making Winterbloom special, meant the world to her.

  Jordan led her into the first room on the left. It wasn’t a homey room, but she wanted to make it a retreat for her guest. “This room appeals more to business professionals, and authors who need to get away to finish their book…”

  “How did you know?” she asked, surprised.

  He pointed to the desk. “I saw a few books over there by Melissa Edwards. The dedication mentions Winterbloom.”

  She loved that book and the author. During her many visits, she and Melissa had become close friends. “Yes. Melissa comes here often. She finds this place very inspirational.”

  “She stays in this room, correct?” Not giving her time to answer, he continued. “She’s the idea behind this design. I think if you tore down this wall, putting in a half wall would give it a more open concept. I also would like to open up the exterior wall and put in a window facing the pond. New furniture and paint, and this room will be a whole new place.” He paused stepping around her to open the bathroom door. “Now for the bathroom, I think gutting it, is the best choice. There’s enough room in here to do a stand-alone glass shower, and a whirlpool tub for the guest to relax in. I think your female guests would especially enjoy that.”

  “I like that. But adding a window to the office area, I’m not sure about.”

  “Trust me. In the end, you’re going to love it. Natural light enhances a mood. I’m sure Melissa would find it motivating to look out onto the lake while she’s writing.”

  “But it’s the middle of winter. I don’t want a hole in the side of my house.”

  A smile curved his mouth, a real honest grin. It was the first one he shared with her and her heart skipped. “Now that’s a very reasonable complaint. However, I would only take a day, two at most, if we ran into problems to do it. Or you can wait until the other work is done.”

  “You sound so sure that I’m going to let you blow a hole in my house.” She lifted an eyebrow at him, and chuckled. Knock out a wall in the middle of winter. That’s crazy.

  He touched the side of her face, rubbing a finger across her cheek. “That’s because you can’t see the final project. Doing this would make this one of your most sought after rooms. You could charge more for it.”

  Gazing into his eyes, she wanted him to kiss her. The touch between them was intimate and she longed for more. “Kiss me,” she whispered, throwing aside her caution.

  He didn’t hesitate. He leaned in close, placing his warm lips on hers. They tasted sweet, like maple syrup. She couldn’t get enough. She laid a hand on his chest; and wanted to throw him on the bed.

  He pulled back. “I’m sorry.”

  She stared at him. He has got to be kidding. “What?”

  “I shouldn’t have done that.” He stepped back running a hand over his face.

  “I asked for it, and I wasn’t finished.” Finding her confidence, she hooked her fingers in the front of his jeans, pulling him closer.

  “I…we…can’t. You’re beautiful, and I want you. But I can’t.” He broke her hold and walked away. The door to his room closed moments later.

  Leaning against the wall, she tried to figure out what she did wrong. She had never been the aggressor before but something about him called out to her. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  The ringing of her cell phone brought her back from her thoughts. She wanted to ignore it, but pulled it out of her pocket. The caller ID said Ryan, and if she didn’t answer, he would be at her door in no time flat.

  She hit talk. “Hello Ryan.”

  “Is everything okay? I called Winterbloom’s number but you didn’t answer.” She could hear Ryan’s police radio in the background.

  “Everything is fine. I was upstairs looking over the work I wanted to do in the guest rooms. I didn’t hear it.”

  “I was heading your way. I thought something happened. I don’t like you out there alone with your mystery guest. Is your guest giving you any problems?”

  “Ryan, everything’s fine. The guest is in his room watching television, and I needed something to do with my time. Goldie is right here with me. Stop worrying about me and get back to work.”

  “Chloe, I ran a check on the license plate. His name is Jordan Sheppard. Since being discharged from the Marines he’s dropped off the grid. Something’s not right about it. What would he be doing in Clearwater?”

  “Stop worrying. He’s just passing through. Once the storm passes, he’ll be on his way. Now get back to work.” She hung up. She wanted to tell him that Jordan was no threat to her, but he was a threat to her heart.

  “Goldie, Ryan is going to send himself into an early grave if he doesn’t stop worrying about everyone.” Goldie just looked up at her with big dog eyes.

  Walking over to the bed, she decided to strip the sheets. No one stayed in this room. If she moved the furnishings out, they could get started.

  “Don’t just lay there girl. Come help strip the bed. Then you can put them in the washer.” The dog just looked at her like she was from another planet. “Fine. I’ll do all the work and you just rest.” She laughed at herself. I can’t wait for Winterbloom to be back open. I’m talking to a dog.

  Chapter Seven

  Jordan laid on the bed listening to Chloe work in the other room. He felt awful about what happened. The last thing he should have done was kiss her—no matter what she asked. Chloe deserved someone better, someone not damaged like he was.

  He would give anything to have met her before. “Oh, what am I talking about, I would have broken her heart,” he said to the empty room.

  He didn’t want to watch television, but he turned it on for company. He wanted to be with Chloe. She deserved someone that could give her the world, not some out of work, broken Marine, with PTSD.

  His cell phone rang on the dresser. The caller ID display read MOM.

  “Hi, Mom. How’s Florida?”

  “Florida’s great. When are you going to join us? I miss you.”

  Her voice made him homesick. She always had the right words to put things into perspective. If she said it would be ‘okay,’ then it would be. Unwilling to worry her, he kept his tone upbeat and cheerful as he could manage. “I miss you too Mom, but I’m glad you are enjoying Florida. Yes, I’ll come visit once I do a few things.”

  “When? You’ve been saying that for weeks. Now that you’re out of the Marines I think you need to come home. Being around family is what you need. You don’t need to be out there on the road. Come home.” He could hear her nails clicking on the kitchen counter, waiting an answer.

  “I don’t know, Mom. I’m stuck here in a blizzard. Once the weather lets up, I will get back on the road again. I suspect a few weeks before I can come down. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Not soon enough.” She was silent for a long moment. “I love you, Son. Come home soon.”

  All the years in the Marines and never once had he been homesick. He used to laugh at his unit mates when they complained. How odd to finally understand what they went through, odd and humbling. It had to be worse for those with a wife and children waiting for them.

  * * *

  Opening his bedroom door, he hoped to find Chloe across the hall but the room was empty. She’d stripped the bed and removed most of the small furniture and decorations. Even the bookshelf was bare.


  Downstairs, music hummed softly and the dog played with a squeaky toy. He followed the tunes, but couldn’t find Chloe. He poured himself a cup of coffee, and froze. Barely visible from the window, she stood by the wood stack in a heavy coat.

  Jerking the door open, he winced at the cold assaulting him. “Chloe, are you crazy? Get inside.”

  She shot him an angry look and continued to gather wood.

  “Come in, I’ll get the wood.” He glanced around for his coat.

  She waded through the snow, and stamped her feet by the door. She brushed past him with her arms full of wood, still not speaking to him.

  I screwed up.

  Her eyes were full of anger; her shoulders were squared tightly ready for a fight. He darted out into the snow, grabbed an arm full of wood and followed after her.

  Her wood sat stacked nicely by the fireplace, along with her coat to dry. Chloe curled up on the couch with her book.

  “I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t look up from her book, seemingly refusing to acknowledge him, and he didn’t blame her. He'd acted like a first class jerk earlier.

  “I don’t know what to say to make this better. But honestly, I am very sorry. I was a jerk.”

  “Dang right you were. You kissed me and then act like it is the biggest mistake of your life. That’s fine. Once the storm has passed, you’ll be on your way. We’ll never have to see each other again.” She shot up from the couch and headed out of the room.

  “Chloe, please.” But she didn’t stop. He learned from his mother sometimes it made things worse to follow a woman. Sometimes the best thing was to let her cool off.

  “Looks like I really messed up this time.” He leaned down to pet the dog. But even Goldie didn’t want to be around him and followed her owner out of the room.

  Chapter Eight

  Unable to fume for long, she stopped hiding in her room. She found Jordan asleep on the couch. He waited for her. She knew he suffered and her heart hurt for him. She wanted to help him, but didn’t know how.