Perfect Wives

by Emma Hannigan

  Today, going to Jodi Ludlum’s house, she needed all the confidence she could muster. She prayed Cameron wouldn’t behave badly and that it wasn’t going to be one of those painful afternoons where she’d have to fill awkward silences with anecdotes neither of them wanted to hear.

  Having timed her arrival at the school perfectly, Francine walked calmly to the kindergarten class. She decided to keep her gaze on the closed door. Jodi would spot her and they’d make a connection that way. It would all be very civilised and natural.

  What Francine hadn’t planned and certainly didn’t welcome was the reception she received from Mr Matthews. Just as the other parents were arriving he opened the door and said, ‘Mrs Hennessy, may I have a word, please?’

  There was more than a slight edge to his voice.

  ‘Of course.’ Francine tried to hide her irritation and embarrassment.

  ‘I think it would be better if you came inside.’

  Six or seven other mothers were there now, so Francine was less than happy to be singled out.

  Before she could close the door to the classroom properly Mr Matthews had turned to her. ‘It seems Cameron’s having a bit of trouble with his social skills.’ He turned to the little boy. ‘Isn’t that right, dude?’ Cameron stared up at him and shrugged his shoulders. ‘Why don’t you go over and feed the fish for me while I have a quick word with your mum?’

  ‘Okay,’ Cameron said. Francine hoped she wasn’t going to hear a bad report.

  Mr Matthews lowered his voice so Cameron wouldn’t hear them. ‘As it turns out, he bit Katie and drew blood. I know some little boys can be over-zealous. Hey, I was a bit like that myself once upon at time, but there has to come a point where I draw the line, you know?’

  As he carried on talking, Francine felt like she was floating outside her own body. The shock of what she had been told made her break out in a sweat. All she could think of were the dark patches that must be inking their way through the armpits of her blouse. Zoning back to Mr Matthews, she stared in horror as he concluded his hushed rant.

  ‘Do you appreciate where I’m coming from? I want all the children to enjoy school. It’s not going to happen if Cameron continues to be so rough. We need to get a handle on his bad language too. It’s not cool for him to eff and blind at the others … Don’t you agree?’

  Francine stared at him.

  ‘Mrs Hennessy, are you listening to me?’

  ‘Yes,’ she managed to croak. The voice she heard wasn’t her own. The child the teacher had described was the worst version of Cameron she’d ever imagined.

  Logically, she shouldn’t have been quite so stunned. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know about his temper. But she’d foolishly assumed he’d never dare lose it with anyone but herself.

  She’d believed Carl when he’d said Cameron was pushing the boundaries. That he was simply making himself known in the house. But all the things Mr Matthews had just described – biting, kicking, head-butting and, God forbid, cursing at the other children – weren’t part of establishing himself.

  ‘I … I … I don’t know what to say.’ Francine felt as if she was going to be sick. Her prettily made-up eyes blurred and she felt like grinding her fists into the crisp mascara and smudging it violently down her cheeks. Her well-cut skirt felt restricting and tight. ‘I’ll have a long chat with him and explain that this is not acceptable behaviour,’ Francine said, forcing herself to stand up straight and answer the teacher. ‘My sincere apologies, Mr Matthews.’

  ‘We’ll take it one day at a time,’ he said, sounding resigned.

  Francine took Cameron’s hand and led him out to the corridor, where Jodi was on her hunkers comforting a sobbing Saul. As they approached, Francine heard him say to Jodi, ‘Mum, I don’t want Cameron to come to our house any more. He’s horrible. He scratched my face and poured my juice into the fish tank. When all the fishes swam around in circles being scared, he laughed. That’s soooo mean!’

  Jodi stroked Saul’s head and glanced up at Francine.

  ‘But I thought we were doing a play date,’ Cameron said. ‘The fishes are fine. I just gave them some food, didn’t I, Mum?’

  Francine patted Cameron’s hand and blinked at Jodi numbly.

  Jodi scooped Saul up in her arms. ‘Just give me a second, please,’ she said to Francine.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Francine said miserably. ‘Please, let’s leave it for today. Maybe, if Saul likes, we can try again another time.’

  At that, Cameron plopped onto the floor, crossed his legs and bawled with his mouth open.

  The mothers, who were still at the classroom door, were agog. Jane elbowed Sarah and they stared at Francine.

  ‘I’m sure we can settle this,’ Jodi said, surprising everyone. ‘Cameron didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Let’s all go back to our house, as planned. I reckon the chocolate cake I have will fix this problem.’

  Immediately Cameron jumped up and wrapped himself around Jodi’s leg.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Cameron!’ Francine was horrified. ‘Let go of Jodi.’

  ‘He’s fine. We’re friends, and it’s good to hug your friends, isn’t that so, Cameron?’ Jodi held the little boy’s eyes.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Let’s get out of here,’ Jodi suggested. ‘Why don’t you finish your chat with Mr Matthews and I’ll meet you outside with the boys?’

  ‘Oh, no need.’ Mr Matthews held his hands aloft. ‘We’re done for today, thanks.’

  ‘Great!’ Francine said, in a far too jolly voice.

  She followed Jodi to the grass at the side of the school car park. The two boys were happily wrestling on the ground as if nothing untoward had just happened.

  ‘Ready to go?’ Jodi asked. ‘It’s probably just as easy to walk to my place.’

  ‘Absolutely!’ Francine said, doing her best not to show how rattled she was. ‘Isn’t it gorgeous to feel the sun on your face?’ she said, as the other mothers passed them, gawping.

  ‘Come on, little dudes, let’s go!’ Jodi called.

  ‘It’s lovely of you to invite us. We’re going to have such fun this afternoon,’ Francine said, loudly enough for the others to hear as they packed their children into cars.

  Saul and Cameron ran on ahead, talking excitedly and beating the bushes with a stick Jodi had pulled out of the hedgerow and handed them. ‘Little boys and sticks are always a winning combination, don’t you think?’ Jodi said.

  Once they were out of sight of the school Francine put her hand on Jodi’s arm, stopping her in her tracks. ‘Thank you, Jodi. You were so kind to me just now. I’ve only just met you and I’ve no doubt you’re already wondering how the hell you’re going to get rid of me, but I’ll try to make this as painless as possible. We’ll let the boys have a quick play and a snack and I’ll be out of your hair.’

  ‘Hey! You’re fine. Kids have bad days just like us. Don’t sweat it. Come on, let’s get going.’

  After that, Francine couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She’d never felt so awkward.

  ‘I’m sure you’re well used to the surroundings but I’m still marvelling at the nature and stillness of this place,’ Jodi said.

  ‘It’s a wonderful place to live, all right,’ Francine said. ‘I’m so proud to be part of this community.’ She was walking beside Jodi like a clockwork doll. She knew she ought to be telling her a little about the history of the village but she was silenced by shame.

  Jodi didn’t say much either. Francine stole a sideways glance at her. She seemed to be enthralled by the boys, who were charging from one side of the lane to the other, making aeroplane noises with their arms outstretched.

  By the time they reached the cottage door Francine felt like she was going to pass out with stress.

  ‘Welcome! You’re the first visitors Saul and I have had, so come on in!’

  ‘Oh, it’s gorgeous!’ Francine gasped, as she walked into the living area.

  Normally, a small cottage wit
h stone floors would’ve been Francine’s idea of hell, but somehow, probably because it belonged to Jodi Ludlum, it was cool. Francine and Carl had worked their way up the housing ladder until three years ago they’d managed to buy their five-bed house in Verbena Drive. Their house was all she’d ever dreamed of owning. The garden was sizeable without being a chore, the neighbours were sociable yet not intrusive and, most of all, she knew many other villagers envied her. With a sinking feeling, Francine knew she was going to be the envy of nobody by Christmas. She was jobless with a hooligan of a child.

  ‘I love it here.’ Jodi sighed happily. ‘It’s the gate lodge for the old manor house, but I guess you already know that. I had the entire place redone from the floor to the roof. The first time I saw this place I knew it had to be mine.’

  Francine recognised top-notch workmanship when she saw it. There was no doubt that Jodi had put the best of everything into the place. Yet it was still a tiny cottage, no matter how it was decorated.

  ‘Come and see my room!’ Saul said, dragging Cameron by the arm. Francine wasn’t going to miss out on the opportunity to have a quick nose around, so she hotfooted it after the boys.

  ‘And look!’ Saul pulled his curtains and blinds shut so the stars that were dotted around his skylight could shine. ‘Want to see Mum’s room?’ he asked.

  ‘No,’ Cameron said, making for a huge bucket of Lego.

  ‘I do,’ Francine said, rather too quickly and loudly. She blushed and berated herself. She had to stop behaving like an inquisitive old bat.

  ‘Oh, please go ahead. I hate going into a new house and not being able to have a good old gawk!’ Jodi added from behind them.

  ‘You must think I’m dreadful.’ Francine giggled nervously.

  ‘Not in the slightest.’ Jodi led the way to her modest room, made rustic with waxed floorboards and a white-painted iron bed, finished with blue and white French damask.

  Francine tried not to stare at the antique bust, which stood in the corner with rows of pearls and beads strewn across it.

  ‘I loved that bust. It’s from a movie set and they were going to chuck it in a skip! Can you believe that?’ Jodi asked.

  ‘No,’ Francine breathed.

  ‘And I’m a bit of a magpie when it comes to little boxes. I know they’re totally useless and most of them are empty, but I love them,’ Jodi said, almost reading Francine’s thoughts as she peeped at the dressing-table. ‘Darius bought me this one when we first met.’ She held up a round mother-of-pearl box, its lid studded with crystals and seed pearls. ‘I’d never been given anything like it before so he kicked off a bit of an obsession, as you can see!’

  ‘I’m sure you had at least a dozen sparkly boxes as a child, but none as beautiful as this,’ Francine said, picking it up for a closer look. As she’d suspected, it had the famous Fabergé stamp on the bottom.

  Jodi opened her mouth to say something, then faltered. Clearly she’d had second thoughts. ‘Tea? Or would you prefer coffee with your lunch?’ she asked.

  ‘Coffee, please. I’m a terror for it,’ Francine joked.

  ‘Coffee it is. I’ve a chocolate cake for afters, but I’d like Saul to eat some real food first,’ Jodi said.

  ‘Oh, I’m right there with you,’ Francine agreed. ‘I’ve no problem with treats so long as they have something vaguely healthy first.’

  When Francine saw Jodi boiling the cream enamel kettle on the Aga she thought she’d expire with lust. This was so perfect. From Hollywood to a divine country-chic pad, this girl had it all.

  The image was somewhat tarnished when Francine saw the food.

  She’d been expecting a delicious stew or roast chicken to come out of the top oven of the Aga. Instead Jodi produced what she suspected might’ve been pizza at some point in its life. Now it was a dried-out, blackened Frisbee. The quiche was equally unappetising.

  Francine tried not to squeak in horror as Jodi dumped the shop-bought aluminium tray on her beautiful wooden kitchen table. ‘Oh, I wonder if you should put a cloth or something between that and the table?’ Francine couldn’t help herself. ‘That table must’ve cost you a small fortune and the hot container might end up burning it.’

  ‘Do you think?’ Jodi asked, looking a bit hassled. ‘I’m not exactly good in the kitchen, as you can see. Could you put this tea towel under it for me, if you don’t mind? Boys! Lunch!’ she called.

  As Jodi put plastic containers of salad in the middle of the table she said, ‘I’m sure I’m doing all sorts of awful things here; please forgive me. This is all very new to me.’

  ‘We’re here now!’ Saul hopped up on to a chair.

  ‘Grab a plate and help yourselves,’ Jodi said distractedly. ‘I forgot to make your coffee, Francine. I’ll get it now.’

  Francine tried to coax Cameron into eating something.

  ‘It’s yuck!’ he moaned.

  ‘Don’t be rude,’ Francine hissed.

  ‘Would you like something else instead?’ Jodi asked.

  ‘Could I have toast?’

  ‘Is it really awful?’ she asked, as the two boys grimaced at each other.

  Saul grinned but said nothing.

  ‘You see, Saul and I have been living in either hotels or on-set trailers so I need a bit of practice with cooking,’ Jodi said.

  ‘Not to worry. You can’t be good at everything,’ Francine said, with a bright smile. She couldn’t imagine how any woman managed to survive without basic domestic skills.

  The toast wasn’t much better than the rest of the food. Jodi had never used the device that Aga had provided for making it. The long-handled cage-like implement was meant to hold the bread in place while facilitating even toasting. Jodi burned it. ‘Cake?’ she offered, with a grimace.

  An almost silent yelp escaped Francine as Jodi slid the chocolate cake from the box. This was no melt-in-the-mouth home-baked delight but a dry carpet-like imposter with an endless shelf life. Jodi proceeded to hack it into enormous wedges. When she put a two-litre container of milk and a kilo bag of sugar on the table, Francine could feel herself flushing.

  ‘Help yourselves,’ Jodi encouraged. ‘None of you have eaten a thing! Ease my guilt and have something to keep you going.’

  Francine watched Jodi make a cup of dark, murky liquid that smelt putrid.

  ‘What’s that?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s a purifying herbal infusion. It originates from China or some such place,’ Jodi said. ‘Most of LA swears by it. It’s supposed to cleanse your blood, make you look younger and God knows what else. Tastes and smells like the devil’s pee to me, but I drink it anyway!’ she said, opening her eyes wide and making the boys giggle.

  ‘Let’s go and play in my room,’ Saul said to Cameron, and they scampered off.

  ‘I’m sorry you can’t eat any of the food I bought,’ Jodi said.

  ‘Um, well … Gosh, this is very awkward … I … Uh … Oh, Jodi, I’m sorry to sound rude, but I can’t drink instant coffee and I hate shop-bought cake.’ Francine pulled a face and blushed again.

  ‘Seriously?’ Jodi looked amused. ‘Will I be a total social outcast around here if I can’t be a domestic goddess?’

  ‘Well, if you don’t mind me being frank – village life requires a certain amount of social networking.’ Francine was on familiar territory now. ‘There’s no better way of doing that than attending or hosting a coffee morning.’ She nodded sagely.

  ‘Wow, I wonder if I should just move out now?’ Jodi said. ‘What’s the story with this coffee morning at the school? Do I have to bring cake or something?’ She looked fearful.

  ‘Not at all. Myself and the committee ladies will do all that. You just need to turn up. The other mothers will be thrilled to meet you. I mean, it’s not every day we find ourselves rubbing shoulders with movie stars!’

  ‘Even ones that can’t cook?’ Jodi teased.

  ‘As you said yourself, you’ve never had the opportunity to learn. If I had staff to make all my meals I’d be
more than happy,’ Francine quipped.

  ‘Don’t get me wrong, acting is my life and I’m so lucky to be where I am, but it’s not all glamour and glitz. I often long for a life that’s less fraught. I didn’t want Saul to grow up thinking the whole world consists of lights and cameras. That’s why I came home.’

  ‘I see.’ Francine was delighted that Jodi was suddenly talking to her with such ease. ‘Where did you live as a child?’

  ‘In Dublin,’ Jodi said. ‘But I moved away at a very young age. How about you?’ She had changed the subject quickly. ‘Are you from around here?’

  ‘Born and bred,’ Francine said. ‘I work full time as well as taking care of my four children. Carl is a great help too, bless him. He’s my husband. Obviously.’ She laughed.

  ‘Obviously,’ Jodi repeated. ‘Where do you work?’

  Francine stared at her for a moment. ‘Eh, well … I’m an accountant … Does your husband come home often?’ she asked.

  ‘Nope,’ Jodi said. ‘In fact, he’s about to go off on a shoot so it’ll be just me and Saul for the next while.’

  ‘Don’t you get lonely?’

  ‘You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Francine said. ‘I was just trying to be friendly.’ There was a brief silence. She felt she had to fill it. ‘You could come over to my house some time, and I’ll teach you how to cook,’ she offered. ‘Only if you’re interested, that is. I mean, you might be heading off and leaving Saul with a nanny at the end of the week—’

  ‘Oh, no,’ Jodi interrupted. ‘I’m here for the next nine months. I’ve scripts to learn and there’ll be the odd job along the way, but this is Saul’s and my base camp for the foreseeable future. I’ll probably miss the last few weeks of the summer term, but I’m here for the long haul. I’d love to learn how to cook, thank you.’

  Just as Francine was beginning to relax she and Jodi were jolted by the sound of smashing glass and screams.

  ‘Saul?’ Jodi sprang to her feet.

  ‘Cameron?’ Francine followed.

  ‘My star mirror’s broken!’ Saul cried.

  Cameron raced past the two mothers and straight out of the front door. Without missing a beat, Jodi tucked her skirt into her knickers and tore after him. The little boy was fast, but he was no match for her.