Perfect Wives

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘Yes, of course!’ Francine said, back-tracking. ‘I’m suffering with one of my migraines today, girls. Don’t mind me. I’m on another planet. Apologies. I just had a painkiller so I’m sure I’ll feel better shortly.’

  ‘I didn’t know you got migraines,’ Jane said suspiciously. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Of course it is.’ She forced a winning smile. ‘I’ll be fine once the tablets kick in.’

  ‘Here are the children now,’ Andrea said, slightly too cheerfully.

  ‘Catch you all in the morning,’ Francine said. ‘I just need to have a quiet little word with Mr Matthews.’

  ‘I’ll be you do!’ Jane said, with a snigger.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Francine’s head jerked up.

  ‘Ah, come off it, Francine,’ Jane said, elbowing her. ‘Migraine or not, you’ve still got eyes. He’s a fine thing. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that every mother in the school has attended to their grey roots and started wearing plunging necklines.’

  ‘He’s like Bakers Valley’s answer to Harry Styles,’ Andrea said.

  ‘Yeah, our own little poster boy. He’s hardly going to look twice at any of us but it’s lovely to window-shop all the same,’ Sarah said, giggling.

  ‘Speak for yourself, I’m single,’ one of the mothers piped up.

  ‘I’m waiting to speak to Mr Matthews for personal reasons,’ Francine said, snappy again.

  ‘I’m telling Carl!’ Jane teased.

  At least the women were so busy being smutty they hadn’t noticed her anxiety, Francine thought.

  She waited for the children to pour out before she went into the classroom, looking extremely sheepish. ‘How has Cameron been since your call?’ she asked Mr Matthews, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  ‘Very quiet,’ he said, ‘which one might think is a good thing, but to be honest with you, he’s either manic or silent. I really feel he’s struggling and needs help.’

  Mr Matthews seemed about to say more but Francine cut him off quickly.

  ‘Okay, that’s fine. I’ll chat to you tomorrow,’ she said. Now she’d established Cameron hadn’t done anything else, she wanted to get him out of there immediately. ‘Say goodbye to Mr Matthews,’ she instructed Cameron, as she grabbed his hand.

  Mr Matthews held his hand up and Cameron gave him a high five.

  ‘See you tomorrow, buddy. Let’s hope it’s a better day for you, yeah?’

  Cameron ran out to join the other children, who were playing on the grass while the mothers chatted.

  Francine was glad they didn’t all stop talking as she approached.

  ‘Sure I’ve already pulled out half my wardrobe and tried it on. None of it seems right when I picture myself standing beside Jodi Ludlum,’ one woman said.

  ‘I know what you mean,’ Andrea agreed. ‘It’s not easy to get it right. Especially when most of us have worn our entire repertoire for Mr Matthews already!’

  They all cackled.

  ‘Seriously, we don’t want to turn up in ballgowns but at the same time she might think we’re a right pack of skangers if we pitch up in tracksuits and flip-flops. Do you reckon it might be a bit much to ask her to pose for a photo? I’d love a picture of her and me as the wallpaper on my iPhone.’

  ‘Ladies, please!’ Francine exclaimed. ‘For a start, Andrea, when have you ever come to one of our coffee mornings in sports wear? And we can’t all act like the paparazzi. Seriously!’

  ‘I reckon if you stand beside her, Andrea, I can get a few sneaky pics with my phone from the other side of the room where she won’t spot me,’ Jane said. ‘If you make sure you’re close enough it’ll be fine. Lean in to whisper something funny and I’ll grab the moment.’

  ‘What’ll I say?’ Andrea was gobsmacked.

  ‘I don’t know, do I?’ Jane said. ‘Say something like “I’d bet this is a far cry from Los Angeles,” or “Did you ever see yourself standing in a school hall drinking tea from a metal urn rather than on location in Zimbabwe?”’

  ‘Why would she be in Zimbabwe?’ Andrea wondered.

  ‘Well, wasn’t one of her movies set there?’ Jane said.

  ‘No, that was New Zealand.’

  ‘Ah, you know what I mean,’ Jane said, irritated. ‘I wish I could fit into skinny jeans. I’d wear dark denim ones with high-heeled boots and a trendy tweed jacket. Not a Farmer Brown-style one, a cool nipped-in-at-the-waist one. That’d give the right tailored-and-suave impression without making me look like a dog’s dinner.’

  ‘Go and get a pair of jeggings, why don’t you?’ Andrea suggested.

  ‘And have my mutton-chop thighs on show? God, no, we’re trying to befriend Jodi, not offend her with my cellulite.’ Jane groaned.

  ‘We could go back to the slimming club again this year. Aren’t they offering free joining this month?’ Andrea said.

  ‘Yeah, but there’s no point,’ Sarah put in. ‘We just go along, get the folder of stuff, drink their herbal tea to the point of drowning for two days, buy a load of their snacks and never go back.’

  ‘I suppose. I think I’m the only person who goes to those things and puts on weight,’ Jane agreed. ‘I buy the bars and shakes, eat and drink them for a day or so and get so ravenously hungry I end up guzzling twice the amount I normally do.’

  ‘Any time I take exercise I put on weight,’ Andrea admitted. ‘I walk for twenty minutes and stop off to buy the papers, head into the coffee shop and eat a doorstep of chocolate cake with a bucket of cappuccino because I’ve burned so many calories I deserve it.’

  ‘We could always take a photo of Mr Marvellous and stick it on our fridges. Every time you feel like stuffing your face you’ll remember you have to see him. That might work,’ Jane said.

  ‘You might be on to something.’ Sarah giggled. ‘Especially if we ask him to pose in those ripped jeans he wears without the T-shirt.’

  ‘None of you is going to morph into someone else by tomorrow morning, and I think it’s highly inappropriate to speak about our children’s teacher like that. Here’s Jodi now too. Have a bit of cop on, girls, and stop talking like a group of mindless gossips, please. I’ll see you all in the morning, shall I?’ Francine said.

  ‘See you, Francine.’ Jane was looking at her intently.

  As she got into the car Francine saw Jane, Andrea and Sarah huddled together. They were probably commenting on how narky she’d been, she thought miserably.

  Mr Matthews was very good-looking and he seemed to have a great way with the children, but she simply wasn’t in the mood for ogling anyone. Francine also knew she was going to have to come clean about her stay-at-home status.

  In the back seat Cameron was humming to himself, seemingly oblivious to all the commotion he’d caused that morning.

  ‘What happened with Saul today?’ she said, as they drove out of the gate.

  ‘He was doing a jigsaw and sitting beside Max,’ he said.

  ‘And why did you decide to bite him?’

  ‘I only wanted him to be my friend. Now he’s cross with me.’

  ‘You can’t expect him to want to be your buddy if you’re mean to him,’ Francine said.

  ‘“Three blind mice. See how they run. They all ran after—’”

  ‘Cameron!’ Francine said. ‘Did you hear what I said?’

  ‘“Three blind mice. See how—”’

  ‘Stop it!’ she shrilled. Her stress level was rising like the evening tide.

  Cameron adored the PlayStation and most of the time Francine was über-strict about how long he spent in front of it each day but today she was grateful for the distraction.

  ‘You can play for a while if you promise to turn it off when I say,’ she warned him.

  Francine knew she must talk to Carl properly when he got home but that wouldn’t be for hours yet. To keep busy, she sat in her office and did a bit of swotting with her index cards. Once, this had brought her immense pleasure, as she sifted through the various clas
ses and reminded herself of little idiosyncrasies connected with the various mothers.

  Joan Byrne

  Mother to Niamh (born 2000) in Cara’s class

  Married to Fred

  Lives in Downs Avenue

  Has prize-winning cocker spaniel called Lady (black and white), which she seems to prefer to her daughter – if there’s a lull in conversation mention the dog and her mood lifts.

  Francine took out the card and jotted in the new information.

  Youngest child Mark (born 2009) in Cameron’s class. The dog is still favoured although she seems to tolerate a noticeable amount of backchat from Mark.

  Happy that she’d reminded herself of the dog’s name, she shoved the card back in the correct place. She really ought to do some more of this, but her heart wasn’t in it.

  That night when Carl returned home he was exhausted. ‘It’s been a long day. I’ve had so many meetings I’m hoarse,’ he said. ‘Would you mind if we discuss the issue with Cameron at the weekend?’

  ‘Of course, love,’ she said. She didn’t want to become one of those wives who nagged her husband constantly.

  By the time everyone else in the house was asleep Francine was lying awake in the stillness feeling very alone, fearing the following day. She’d have to make certain she was extremely busy when Jodi arrived. That way she wouldn’t have to face any questions from her.

  Chapter 9

  It was almost ten o’clock in the evening by the time Darius’s taxi pulled up outside the cottage.

  ‘Hi,’ Jodi said, as they hugged.

  ‘I’m sorry I’m so late. We were grounded at Heathrow for nearly three hours,’ he said. ‘Luckily my driver waited so I could leave the airport by the side entrance.’ Darius waved at the limousine that had delivered him, then shut the cottage door.

  ‘Wow, babe, this is divine,’ he said. ‘I love what you’ve done with the décor.’

  ‘Well, it wasn’t me personally.’ She grinned.

  ‘Fair enough, but it’s gorgeous!’

  ‘Thanks, hon. Were there many photographers waiting for you at the airport?’ she asked.

  ‘There were a few, but I think the wait put them off,’ he said, yawning. ‘I presume Monster Man’s asleep?’

  ‘Yeah, but I promised you’d go in and give him a hug the second you arrived,’ she said. ‘Come on. I’ll show you his room. You’ll see it better in the morning but it’s so cute!’

  ‘Daddy!’ Saul croaked sleepily, as Darius bent to kiss him.

  ‘Hey, Monster Man!’ Darius said, hugging him tightly and burying his face in his son’s hair. ‘Oh, my goodness, you’re twice the size you were the last time I saw you!’

  ‘No, I’m not. It’s only three weeks, you silly!’ Saul said. But it was obvious he liked the idea that he’d grown so quickly.

  ‘You go back to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast, okay?’ he said, stroking his son’s cheek.

  ‘Night-night, Daddy.’ Cuddling down into his duvet, Saul promptly fell back to sleep.

  ‘What have you done with him? Normally he’d be bouncing off the walls if he was woken up,’ Darius said, as he shut Saul’s bedroom door and followed Jodi back to the living room.

  ‘He’s wiped out every night now. I think it’s the combination of school and the Irish air. Last Saturday he slept until nine thirty in the morning he was so exhausted.’

  ‘So he’s settled in school with no issues then?’

  ‘Yeah, bar the fact that one of the kids practically tried to do a Hannibal Lecter on him.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yeah, this kid, Cameron, is going through a stage of biting and hitting, that sort of thing.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound good.’

  ‘No, it’s not, I Suppose. But Mr Matthews has a handle on it all. He’s an amazing teacher, Darius. He called me immediately after the incident and he was so reassuring.’

  ‘Was he now?’ Darius raised an eyebrow.

  ‘He just gets the kids, you know? And he has this knack of putting people at ease.’

  ‘Oh, I can imagine,’ Darius said, with a wry smile.

  ‘What?’ Jodi said. ‘But the situation with Cameron is really tricky, Darius. It’s awful for his mother. I know she’s totally mortified by it all. She’s a really efficient and organised sort. One of the committee heads.’

  ‘A bossy-boots, you mean?’ Darius grinned.

  ‘Yes and no,’ Jodi said. ‘I went to her house for coffee a few days ago and she was so nice to me. She made an effort to make me feel welcome and I liked being included.’

  ‘Fair enough. She sounds like a bit of a pain in the ass to me,’ Darius said doubtfully. ‘What did her kid do to Saul?’

  ‘Oh, it was all a bit cringy. He lashed out at Saul and when he and his mum came here for a play date he went off on a bit of a mad one.’ Jodi grinned. ‘And he bit Saul at school. He’s only a little boy, though. Mr Matthews said that things like that happen. I’d hate to be too hard on him, Darius. I spent my childhood being judged by my mother’s actions. I wouldn’t want to judge another kid.’

  ‘Being all Christian and forgiving is a beautiful thing,’ Darius teased her. ‘And I’m sure that what Mr Matthews says is gospel, except when it comes to our boy. Then all gloves are off and anyone who messes with him is fair game for the slaughter! Just keep Saul away from the little tyke. Or even better, tell your Mr Matthews to do it for you. That’s what he’s being paid for, isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh, stop it! He’s not my Mr Matthews and you’re making too much of this altercation. They’re just kids. I shouldn’t have told you! I’m sure they’ll get along just fine in the end. Do you want food?’ she asked.

  ‘Uh, no, I had lots of starchy, sugary, awful stuff earlier on. I just want to go to bed. Where are we sleeping?’

  ‘In here,’ Jodi said proudly, and led him into their bedroom.

  ‘I packed light. The people from Celebrity Gossip are doing all the clothes. I think they’ve got D&G to cover the shoot,’ he said, as he carried his bag into the bedroom.

  ‘So you brought enough stuff to do you for a month instead of two?’ Jodi teased.

  Any time they went on location or on holiday with Saul, it was Darius’s bags that cost extra money because they were over the prescribed weight allowance. Jodi could manage with two outfits and a toothbrush at a push.

  ‘This place is really sweet, Jodi. Oh, my stars!’ he said. ‘A boudoir fit for a princess!’

  ‘Isn’t it perfect?’ She beamed.

  ‘It’s a lovely place for Saul to call home, honey. Good on you,’ he said, hugging her.

  ‘The bathroom’s over there,’ she said. ‘That other door is my closet so don’t pee on my shoes,’ she joked.

  ‘I’ll be right with you,’ he said, heading into the bathroom.

  As he emerged in his usual night attire, which consisted of a pair of boxer shorts and nothing else, Jodi admired him. ‘Looking good, cowboy!’ she said. ‘You’re really fit for this movie, aren’t you? God, you’re gorgeous!’ She whistled.

  ‘Don’t! You’ll make my head swell.’ He laughed. ‘Actually, keep it up. I love to be admired. This movie is fairly physical so it’s doing me the world of good. Now give me a hug,’ he said, as he climbed into bed beside her.

  ‘It’s such a shame our marriage is a sham,’ she said, for the umpteenth time since they’d met. ‘Especially when you’re looking as good as you are right now. Not that I’m fickle.’ She giggled.

  ‘We probably have a much more compatible marriage than ninety per cent of other couples,’ Darius shot back.

  ‘Probably,’ Jodi agreed. ‘When we first met, did you think we’d still be so close at this stage?’ she asked, as she sat up and stared at him.

  ‘Not on your life!’ He sighed. ‘We’re wonderful together, babe,’ he said, stroking her cheek. ‘But it’s going to have to end at some point, isn’t it?’

  ‘I know,’ she said, as she snuggled i
nto him.

  Their marriage was one of Hollywood’s most elaborate publicity stunts.

  Noelle and Mike, their agents, had cooked it up several years previously.

  Both their careers had been going in the right direction, they were building a healthy fan base and the public couldn’t get enough of them. Women loved Darius and wanted to be Jodi.

  But they had both harboured closely guarded secrets.

  ‘When the fans adore you it’s wonderful. But the flip side of the coin can mean you’re treading on dangerous ground,’ Jodi’s agent Noelle had warned her, years before. ‘You can end up being despised overnight. We need to keep this publicity machine rocking in the right direction. Once you have a more established loyal base you’re less likely to be damaged, should any of the demons rear their ugly heads.’

  Jodi could walk the walk and talk the talk when it came to acting but, deep down, she was still the same terrified little girl who’d clawed her way out of the life she’d been born into.

  Just as Jodi was nominated for an Oscar for her most challenging role, Noelle had been tipped off that one of the tabloid papers had got hold of a story that might threaten her popularity. ‘I honestly think this could ruin you if it comes out now,’ she’d said gravely. ‘Jodi, your past is one thing. People like a poor-girl-makes-good story but this … this could be trouble. Why didn’t you tell me about it before?’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ Jodi said miserably. ‘I didn’t want you to think badly of me, Noelle.’

  ‘Jodi, you have to learn to trust me. I’m your friend for a start, but I’m paid to make sure you shine like the star you are. I can’t do that with deep, dark secrets lurking in the closet. I need you to open the door and let me in. Otherwise we could both be out of a job.’

  ‘What can we do to stop the story ruining us?’ Jodi asked, doe-eyed with fright.

  ‘I have a very close alliance with Darius Drew’s agent, Mike,’ Noelle began.

  ‘Right,’ Jodi said, wondering where this was going.

  ‘He’s doing all he can to keep Darius out of the wrong type of limelight but the walls are closing in on him as well.’

  ‘Oh dear.’

  ‘Mike and I have a suggestion.’