Perfect Wives

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘Mac, what do you want?’ she repeated, attempting to inject some conviction into her voice. Jodi tried to remind herself she was a long way from the impressionable eighteen-year-old Mac had first encountered. At the same time, Jodi was well aware he could potentially destroy everything she had worked so hard to achieve.

  It had been during the first week of shooting Runaways. Jodi had just finished a fifteen-hour day, in which she’d stood from dawn until dusk in the freezing wind on the side of the docks in London. Alone, she had gravitated towards Mac initially because they were both Irish, but his easy-going manner and witty comments had put her at ease. He’d made her giggle and chat like nobody else could.

  ‘Don’t know about you, but I’m going straight to the pub,’ Mac had said one evening, about three weeks into filming, as he strolled towards Jodi with his hands shoved into the pockets of his baggy jeans.

  ‘I might just hit the sack,’ she’d said.

  ‘Ah, come on, all work and no play makes Jodi a sad little loner.’ He smiled. ‘I don’t bite, not unless you want me to, that is.’ He raised one razor-sculpted eyebrow. ‘So, are you coming for a drink, Cinderella, or do I have to talk to the same lot of gimps down the Horse and Coaches again tonight?’

  Filming wasn’t starting until seven the next night so, apart from exhaustion, Jodi had no valid reason to say no. Besides, she was lonely and knew she needed to make some friends.

  Things got off to a slightly rocky start when she ordered a soda and lime at the bar.

  ‘What’s that muck? Have a real drink, for Christ’s sake. With your posh accent and your model walk, they’ll never believe you’re Irish if you don’t show them how you can drink,’ he jibed.

  ‘I’m under age,’ she tried.

  ‘As if anyone in here cares about that,’ he scoffed.

  ‘I don’t touch the stuff,’ Jodi said evenly. ‘My mother spent my childhood sozzled and high as a kite. I’ve spent more time in pubs than playgrounds, and I’ve seen more drunken fights than episodes of Sesame Street. So, if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stick to this.’

  ‘Woo-hoo, look at the sassy attitude on you. If I wasn’t so thick-skinned, I’d be afraid o’ me shite o’ you!’

  ‘I might sound refined now,’ Jodi said, with a grin, ‘but I grew up on the Dayfield Estate and, believe me,’ she leaned in closer to whisper, in her best Dublin accent, ‘I’ll deck ya if you’re not careful.’

  ‘You could’ve fooled me,’ Mac said in admiration. ‘From what I’ve seen on the news back home, there aren’t many from Dayfield like you.’

  To Jodi’s astonishment, he threw his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him.

  Her plan that night had been to stay for half an hour and slip away, but within twenty minutes, a large group of the cast and crew had trickled in and the atmosphere was one of celebration. Jodi found herself swept up in the fun.

  The minute she hit the dance floor, her inhibitions melted away. Mac was attentive all night, only leaving her side to go to the bar or chat briefly to one of his numerous buddies.

  ‘How long have you lived here?’ Jodi shouted over the music.

  ‘Nearly a year. I love London. There’s none of the small-town bullshit you can get in Dublin. So many creeds and cultures are mixed up in the pot here that there’s no restrictions.’ He winked.

  A short while later he was astonished when Jodi told him she was going home. ‘What do you mean you’ll see me tomorrow? What’s wrong with me? Did someone tell you I’ve a small dick? Do I smell of BO? Give me a break, Jodi. Didn’t I look after you all night?’ He seemed slightly vulnerable for a split second.

  ‘You were a total gentleman, and I had a ball. I’m tired and I’m going back to my hotel. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for a great night.’ She raised an eyebrow as if to ask him what his problem was.

  ‘Hey, baby, if you’re just tired, I have plenty of stuff to help with that,’ he said. ‘Come with me to the back of the room and I’ll give you a bit of powder to perk you up. How else do you think the rest of us keep going?’ He chucked her under the chin and turned to lead the way.

  Placing her hand on his arm, Jodi stopped him. ‘I didn’t know that your attention and friendship over the last week was meant as a bartering tool,’ she said, holding his gaze.

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘You seem to assume that because we’re friends I should gratefully get wasted and fall into bed with you. I wasn’t raised, Mac, I was dragged up. In a fug of alcohol and drugs. My mother showed me on a daily basis what could go horribly wrong when those substances are abused. So I don’t feel the need to be around all of that now that I have a choice.’

  ‘Hey,’ he said, looking concerned, ‘I’m sorry.’ He held his hands up to signal a truce. ‘Come over here and talk to me, Jodi.’

  ‘It’s no biggie,’ she said.

  ‘You and I both know that’s a lie. Trust me, Jodi. Please.’ He was so sweet and convincing that Jodi followed him to the back bar where there were very few revellers.

  ‘Two lemonades, please, mate,’ he said to the barman. ‘You don’t have to pretend to be teetotal just because I’m sitting with you.’ Jodi grinned.

  ‘Ah, don’t sweat it, darling, I’m buzzing off my face on pills. I could do with a soft drink.’ He grinned at her. She knew she should probably walk away. He was openly admitting to taking drugs for fun, a concept she’d never grasped, but she was drawn to him. In spite of herself she wanted to sit with him. Before she knew it she was telling him stuff she’d never told a soul.

  ‘I hate to say it to you, babe, but your mother sounds like a total wipeout. I don’t know how you’re so sane,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t feel it a lot of the time,’ she admitted.

  ‘Well, take it from me, you are. Everyone on set loves you too. You’ve got what it takes, Jodi. You’re going to be an icon. Have a quick line of magic powder and your woes will disappear.’

  ‘I like you, Mac, and I’d like us to be friends, but I won’t ever be a drinking partner or a “buzz buddy” who’ll take pills and snort stuff. I had a fun night. Thanks a million for dancing with me. I’ll never forget you for listening to me. But right now I’m going to bed. On my own.’

  Mac leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips. It only lasted seconds, but Jodi had felt it. The electric bolt that a million love songs were written about. ‘Good night Mac,’ she said, forcing herself to walk away.

  She might have looked confident but her heart felt as if it would burst out of her chest, she was so shaken. She had a dreadful sinking feeling deep down that she’d probably just lost the only friend she had in the world.

  For the next few weeks, she saw Mac every day on set after their fleeting kiss, and although he wasn’t unfriendly, he was certainly a little cooler towards her. He made no attempt to kiss her again or suggest going out. A part of Jodi was relieved and a bigger part was disappointed.

  When she’d returned from Dublin after her mother’s funeral, he was there offering a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear. Whether it was a cheeky wink or a soothing hand stroking her back when she needed it, Mac always knew how to make her feel better. By the time they were almost through shooting the movie, Jodi had forgotten his previous treatment of her and was smitten with him. He made her laugh with his dark sense of humour. And he was Jodi’s first real friend. To him she wasn’t the sprog of a dead addict, who’d been kept alive by the handouts of social workers and the pity of neighbours. He taught her about loving, gently taking her to places she had never known existed between a man and a woman. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear and told her over and over again how much he loved her.

  ‘Look at all the other blokes in here, Jodi,’ he’d say, at the side of the set. ‘They’d eat their own gonads to get close to you. I know you don’t see it, but you’re the hottest girl in this city and you’re all mine.’

  Jodi adored the sense of belonging. She thrived on being someone’
s other half and, most of all, she felt she was finally accepted.

  After Runaways was wrapped up, Jodi got offers of more work in London and the obvious next step was to move in with Mac.

  ‘We’re a team, you and I,’ he persuaded her. ‘Things are only beginning. I’ll look after you. I love you to the moon and back. I’m your Mac.’

  Fateful words, which still haunted her.

  Now she clenched her eyes shut. Mac’s voice had once been so familiar to her. He’d been loving and trustworthy. Or so she’d foolishly thought.

  ‘So, how have you been?’ he asked.

  ‘You didn’t tell me last time – who gave you this number?’ she repeated coldly.

  ‘Ah, don’t be so snappy, darling. It doesn’t become you … I have my contacts, believe it or not,’ he said, chuckling. ‘Anyway, aren’t you glad to hear my voice after all this time?’

  ‘Cut to the chase, Mac. What do you want?’

  ‘Ah, Jodi! Why the acid tones, my sweet?’ He laughed. ‘There’s no need for us to be enemies. Haven’t you missed me, baby?’

  ‘You have five seconds. Tell me what you want before I hang up.’

  ‘We need to meet up,’ he said.

  ‘No,’ she said curtly.

  ‘Don’t be like that, Jodi,’ he said, clearly irritated now.

  ‘Mac – after everything that’s happened between us—’ Jodi stopped herself. She refused to play into his hands. She took a deep breath. ‘I told you the last time that you weren’t to contact me again. I meant it.’

  ‘Ah, but things have changed a bit,’ he explained. ‘There’s no work around and I’ve fallen on hard times. You remember what it’s like to be in a tough situation, don’t you? Of course you do,’ he answered his own question. ‘You know all about dark times. But your fans don’t know the details, do they?’

  ‘Mac, go and swing.’ Jodi swallowed, remembering the words of Duke, her first producer, after her mother’s overdose. He and a colleague had taken her aside as soon as she returned to the set.

  ‘We can’t begin to imagine how awful the last few days have been for you,’ Duke began, ‘but we wanted to advise you that stories involving drink and drugs won’t do you any favours. It’s our strong advice to you that you keep this under wraps.’

  Jodi nodded.

  ‘Jodi, we know you’re not that way inclined. In fact, we’ve heard you won’t even touch a drink. So we don’t have any concerns about your conduct. But it might serve you better if you keep your past under wraps.’

  ‘I’m not proud of where I come from and it’s not something I want to announce, believe me,’ she said quietly, with her eyes downcast.

  After that Jodi kept her cards close to her chest. She never spoke about her mother or the poverty she was so anxious to drag herself away from.

  ‘I don’t care any more. I’m happy now and you can’t hurt me,’ she said to Mac.

  ‘Can’t I?’ Mac let the question hang there. ‘You seem to have forgotten what happened between us, honey, but I haven’t. And then there’s your gorgeous son, Saul, is that his name?’ He changed tack abruptly. ‘Circumstances beyond my control have left me in a bit of a financial dip. If you could just wire me a bit of money to tide me over we can forget this conversation ever happened.’

  Four years ago Jodi had given him a hefty sum and they’d agreed he would stay away. Permanently.

  With Darius’s love rat lurking in the background and now Mac resurfacing, Jodi felt fear rise in her gullet once more. Surely she had enough public support at this point in her life to ride the storm. Flashes of the past and the secret Mac was holding over her sent a shiver of terror through her. He knew it all. He knew about Bernadette and the overdose. He knew about the hideous life she’d worked so hard to leave behind. But, more than that, he knew about that day. The day Jodi would never forget as long as she lived.

  ‘Ring me later. It’s a bad time,’ she said, knowing she needed space to think.

  ‘That’s my girl,’ Mac said. ‘Chat to you soon.’ After he’d clicked off, she took several deep breaths as she wondered how she was going to get Mac off her back for good.

  ‘Was that Dad on the phone?’ Saul said, appearing from his room and rubbing his eyes.

  ‘No, darling,’ Jodi said, jumping guiltily. ‘It was a work person.’

  ‘Why do you look worried?’ he asked, staring at her.

  ‘I’m just a bit tired after the photos yesterday. Hey,’ she said, trying to throw him off the scent, ‘it’s a day off school. Why don’t we go for a walk and explore?’

  ‘Can we go up that big lane?’ He pointed towards the manor house. ‘Sebastian lives in there and he said we can call in any time. He told me when we went to see his cows.’

  ‘Let’s see where we end up,’ Jodi said, not sure she wanted to land in on a man she didn’t even know.

  Dressed in warm clothes, Jodi and Saul made their way out to the back. As she gazed at the misty field and breathed in the crisp, clean air, Jodi wished her past would leave her alone.

  ‘Mum!’ Saul shouted. ‘It’s Sebastian! Hi, Sebastian! Mum and I are going for a walk! Want to come?’

  ‘Hi, Saul,’ their neighbour said, striding over to them. ‘Nice day, isn’t it?’ he said, nodding at Jodi.

  ‘Gorgeous.’ She smiled.

  ‘Are you coming with us?’ Saul begged.

  ‘If your mum doesn’t mind.’ Sebastian looked at her questioningly.

  ‘Sure,’ Jodi said. ‘Maybe you can show us a good place to go.’

  ‘There are loads of lovely walks around here,’ he said, plucking a stick from a nearby tree and handing it to Saul. ‘Follow me. There’s a great meadow up at the back of this field. It’s my land so you guys can go there whenever you wish.’

  Saul bounded along like a puppy, using the stick to swipe at the longer pieces of bramble that jutted from the hedgerow. Jodi couldn’t help but relax. ‘This is why I wanted to live here,’ she confided. ‘It’s a child’s paradise, isn’t it?’

  ‘Adults too,’ Sebastian said. ‘I love it. It’s so peaceful. There are loads of tourist attractions, like the waterfall and the big wooded area with the playground and nature trail, but this is like my own private piece of heaven.’ Then he called to Saul, ‘If you run on ahead a couple of yards and fling yourself into the long grass you can jump up and frighten us!’

  ‘He adores you. You’re very good with children,’ she said.

  ‘I’ve experience with little fellas,’ he said, as his gaze dropped to the ground. ‘I had a son.’ He fell silent. Then, when Jodi didn’t speak, he went on, ‘Blake died.’ He coughed roughly. ‘I’m amazed you haven’t been well versed on my life story by the gossips of the village.’ There was a slightly bitter edge to his tone, but mostly Jodi felt his deep sadness.

  ‘I don’t know what to say, Sebastian. I had no idea.’

  ‘Well, now you know,’ he said gruffly. ‘That was almost six years ago. My wife and I don’t talk about it. In fact, I never discuss Blake at all.’

  ‘I see,’ Jodi said, trying to read his thoughts.

  ‘So, if you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t bring it up every time I see you. I don’t need or appreciate pity.’

  ‘Sure,’ Jodi said, holding her hands up.

  ‘Boo!’ Saul said, jumping out of the grass. Sebastian made a song and dance of gasping and clutching his heart, then fell over into the grass too.

  ‘Look at Sebastian, Mummy! I nearly scared him to death!’ Saul giggled.

  ‘You sure did,’ she said, flinging herself down too. ‘You’d better not do it again or he mightn’t survive the walk.’

  As they clambered back to their feet and made their way to the meadow, Jodi wondered what kind of woman Sebastian was married to that they never spoke of their dead son.

  She shuddered. She couldn’t imagine how she would go on should anything happen to Saul. But never to speak of him? Jodi didn’t get it.

  ‘There’s a lo
vely mossy spot over here where I love to lie down and cloud spot,’ Sebastian said.

  ‘What’s cloud spotting?’ Saul asked, wrinkling his nose.

  ‘You stretch out like this …’ Sebastian showed him. ‘Then you gaze up at the sky and wait for clouds in odd shapes to float by.’ Jodi lay down next to Saul.

  ‘Look over to the right,’ Sebastian instructed them. ‘That big fluffy white cloud with the second greyish one looks like an elephant. Can you make it out?’

  ‘Ooh, yeah!’ Saul said, loving the game. ‘The one beside it looks like a monster. See the one eye winking?’

  ‘Sure can,’ Sebastian agreed.

  As she lay on her back with her knees bent, Jodi thought of Mac once more. She’d achieved so much and took none of it for granted, yet one phone call from him had stirred a deeply buried feeling in a part of her heart that she wasn’t sure would ever heal. For now, she forced herself to push it away.

  ‘Uncle Tommy will be on Skype tonight,’ she said to her little boy.

  ‘Cool!’ Saul said happily, and rolled onto his tummy. ‘He lives in Australia, Sebastian. He’s a surfer dude and when he’s online he shows me the waves out of his window. He has a real shark’s tooth around his neck.’

  ‘He sounds great,’ Sebastian said. ‘Don’t you have any family close by then?’ he asked Jodi.

  ‘Nope. My mother is dead and I never knew my father. Tommy is the only remaining member of my clan. Doesn’t say much for me if he’s chosen to run to the furthest corner of the globe, does it?’ She smiled sadly.

  ‘People can be right beside you and yet they’re a million miles away in their head. So if you two have a good relationship, even on Skype, I’d take that happily.’

  Jodi suddenly wanted to ask him a hundred questions. Where was the wife who didn’t discuss their son? Why did he look so guarded all the time, allowing himself to relax only for fleeting moments?

  ‘At least you have your wife,’ Jodi ventured. ‘My husband is away a lot right now. He’s filming for the next few months.’