Still thicker than water

by Takerra, Allen

  Tatum stared at her friend and really didn’t know the answer. The answer was somewhere in her gut, but she didn’t want to admit it. Her stubbornness wouldn’t let her. So she sufficed for a meek,

  “I don’t know.”

  Sasha nodded and took the last sip of her wine.

  “Subject officially changed,” Sasha promised. She thought of how she couldn’t wait to give Tatum her gift.

  Her thoughts, and Tatum’s as well, were broken by a new video on MTV Jams.

  “Ooh turn that up, that’s the new Young Money video,” Sasha said, snapping her fingers and singing along with the hook. “I can make your Bedrock, I-I-I, I can make your bedrock girllll.”

  Tatum turned it up and sang it too as the female rapper of the group performed her part of the song. Both Tatum and Sasha smirked and looked at each other. Then they realized that they were thinking on the same page and laughed out loud.

  “You think so, too?” Tatum asked, surprised.

  “Oh my god, yes. The first time I saw her I was like, wow... that’s Kim all day,” Sasha replied, thinking of their beautiful and lively friend.

  Tatum laughed, but then looked down and felt tears building up from her chest.

  “Damn, I miss that girl.”

  She looked up at Sasha after a long silence and saw that the tears were cascading down her face. She went and sat next to her on the couch and rubbed her shoulder.

  “It’s okay mama, I know…it’s fucked up.”

  Sasha breathed deep, trying to calm herself, but the tears kept coming.

  “I just feel…” She paused and sighed. “I just feel like sometimes, that…that it’s my fault. If Neli would have never-”

  But Tatum cut her off.

  “Nah-unh Sash, Neli was crazy. It had nothing to do with you.”

  “It had everything to do with me Tay!” Sasha became upset and more distraught. “It was me that Neli wanted to hurt. It was my man that she wanted, and Kim was just a pawn caught up in the middle of all of that shit. It’s my fault.”

  Tatum shook her head at her friend. Even in her pain, Sasha still felt that it was all about her. Tatum knew she couldn’t help it.

  “Sasha, listen to me…Neli, was sick. She is sick. She needs to be locked up forever. You don’t know what was going through that girl’s mind.”

  Sasha nodded, trying to hear Tatum, but she couldn’t help her feelings of guilt. Tatum tried to bring life back into the room.

  “Anyway, Kim would not want us sitting up here, crying and shit, on our girls’ night in…and she definitely wouldn’t want you blaming yourself Sash.”

  Sasha forced a smile and nodded again.

  “You’re right Tay,” she finally admitted. Then she added as if it had just come to her mind. “You know what, Tay?”

  “What?” Tatum asked.

  “I think I’m gonna take Aubrey to see Chauncey tomorrow.”

  Tatum couldn’t maintain her amusement.

  “Oh, really…you think?” She mused sarcastically. Sasha grabbed a pillow off of the couch and hit her with it, laughing along.

  “Oh, shut up, black bitch.”

  The girls laughed and drank and talked, until they both passed out in the living room, just like old times.

  Chapter 5 - Disclosure

  The next morning, Sasha woke up early to head out to Rahway where Chauncey was housed. She dressed Aubrey extra cute and talked to her the whole time excitedly.

  “We’re going to see daddy…you’re gonna look sooo pretty for daddy.”

  Aubrey was desperately sleepy, so she just looked at her happy mother like she was crazy.

  By the time they headed out, Aubrey was dressed in a baby, mango-colored, Juicy tracksuit and matching Juicy faux fur coat.

  And Sasha opted for all black, from her thigh high Prada OTK riding boots to her skintight black jeans and black cashmere sweater. Her caramel skin glowed, her makeup was flawless, and her now shoulder-length black hair, was bone straight. She had butterflies in her stomach and she couldn’t wait to see Chauncey. She wanted them to look perfect to him.

  As they made their way out of Tatum’s apartment complex, quietly enough not to wake Tatum or the girls, Sasha got a strange sensation. It was like a feeling of déjàvu’ mixed with alarm. She made her way to Tatum’s car with Aubrey in her arms, and looked around at the quiet and empty development. The sun was just rising and there was an eerie calmness. Maybe I’m just nervous.

  She opened the back door and placed Aubrey into the car seat and as she buckled her in, she felt someone standing behind her. She stood up frightened and turned abruptly, bumping her head on the ceiling of the car.

  “Ouch!”

  However, when she turned around, there was no one there. There was no one even outside.

  The realization calmed and freaked her out all in one. She hurried and strapped Aubrey in, and then trotted around the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat, locking the doors, and looking around again.

  Damn, I’m bugging. I’m bugging, right?

  She peaked at Aubrey who was looking back at her cool as a breeze and she began to calm again, thinking of the trip they were about to make.

  Yeah, I must be bugging.

  “Okay Bri-Bri, we’re going to see daddy.”

  “Mills.”

  Sasha stood up quickly and grabbed Aubrey. The older, black heavyset guard looked Sasha up and down. She was fine as wine to him.

  “You here for Chauncey Mills?”

  “Yes,” she agreed, even though they went through this every time. It was as if the guard was so upset that he couldn’t get a woman like Sasha himself, that he took it out on her every time she came to visit, giving her a hard time. Truth be told, he hated that the criminals that they housed, seemed to have everything, even in their darkest hour. A woman like that should be with a man like me, he figured.

  “Get in line,” he simply ordered.

  Sasha stood in line for another fifteen minutes as everyone, guards and guests, studied her in awe. Finally, the doors were opened, and she and Aubrey were able to make their way to a small white table amongst many, and wait for Chauncey to come out. Aubrey had dozed back off sitting up in a chair next to Sasha.

  Sasha sat there in anticipation, with her arm around her sleeping daughter and prayed that they looked perfect.

  I wonder if he’s gonna think I got fat, she wondered, even though the only thing that had gotten fatter on her was her ass.

  At last, the long line of inmates made their way to the gymnasium-looking room. Sasha searched the numerous black faces for the one she would recognize and she briefly wondered why so many of our good, strong, black men had to be locked down. There were young ones, old ones, dark ones, light ones, any and every kind a sister could want. And then as if on cue, there was the one that she wanted. He smiled at her and smoothly made his way over and Sasha’s tummy did somersaults.

  “Look at you, baby girl,” he greeted her with his deep baritone, as she stood up and embraced him in a warm hug. He held on a little too long, and she allowed him, because she had secretly wished for him to.

  “Hey Chauncey,” she drawled in her sweet southern talk. “You look good.”

  And good he looked. His body was on point, and even through the plain, off-cut beige apparel, you could see that this time locked down had done him justice. His arms, his chest, his stance, it was all on point. This was a real man, Sasha thought to herself. His hands slowly traced her curves as his eyes traveled down her body, and he bit his bottom lip. Damn!

  She looked like something out of one of his late night dreams.

  “I aint fucking with you though, for real,” he flirted, finally taking his hands back to himself respectively. She giggled bashfully and bent down to pick a sleeping Aubrey up out of the seat, as his eyes were glued to her ass.

  “Wake up mama, look who it is.”

  Aubrey slowly opened her eyes and brightened at the sight of her father. It didn’t matt
er how long she went without seeing him, they had a strong connection that Sasha adored and envied simultaneously. Aubrey took one look at Chauncey and then at Sasha who was still holding her, and went into diva act.

  “Daddy,” she whimpered, with outstretched arms. Chauncey smiled wide and felt a surge of emotion, but kept his game face on. Aubrey melted his heart.

  “Come here, princess.”

  “Hey,” Sasha whined, playfully punching him in the arm. She remembered when that was her name, she missed those days.

  He looked up from Aubrey at Sasha and smiled with his eyes. Then he motioned for them to sit while still holding Aubrey in his arms.

  Once they were seated comfortably, Chauncey looked deeply and warmly into Sasha’s eyes and she felt like he was looking straight through her, he still had that power over her.

  “What’s up with the phone?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

  Sasha sighed deep and looked down before answering. She stumbled on her words.

  “Chauncey…Mike…I don’t know. You call all the time.”

  “All the time,” Aubrey mimicked cutely, and Sasha laughed nervously. Chauncey chuckled at his daughter but then became serious.

  “Oh, so now I got a limit? I got a limit on when I can call my own daughter and my own…” He paused. “And you. Fuck this dude think he is?”

  Sasha didn’t want him to be upset, so she tried to mend the situation.

  “Chauncey look, he’s just a little insecure when it comes to you…to us, and what we used to have. Look, can you just call the cell until he calms down a little, for me?” She asked sweetly, tilting her head to the side and looking at him with pretty brown eyes. “He’ll be over it soon.”

  Chauncey ran his tongue on the inside of his cheek, really fuming but willing to put his anger on hold. He would be dealing with Mike soon enough. He looked at Sasha again, tuning into her.

  “So what’s up with you…what you been up to?”

  She shrugged and smirked.

  “Nothing much, getting ready for the holidays. My parents are coming down.”

  “Oh yeah?” Chauncey asked. “You cooking?”

  He remembered her banging ass Soul Food holiday dinners; just the thought seemed like heaven compared to what he would probably be eating.

  “Yeah, I’m cooking a little something. I feel like I just cooked for Thanksgiving, but I know my dad is gonna wanna eat, and my mom can’t burn like me… But all this food is making me fat,” Sasha quipped and Chauncey chuckled.

  “C’mon ma, go ‘head with that. I mean, your ass got a little fatter… but that’s a good thing,” he joked, shooting her a wink.

  “Shut up!” Sasha screamed at him.

  “Nah, for real tho’…stand up.”

  Sasha looked at him like he was crazy.

  “I’m serious, stand up…do a little turn for me.” When Sasha hesitated, Aubrey chimed in.

  “Stand up, mommy.”

  Sasha looked at her shocked and amused.

  “Well thank you little girl, whose side are you on?” Sasha laughed and then nervously stood up, placing her hands on her hips.

  “Happy now?”

  Chauncey grinned broadly.

  “Now turn around…come on, just turn around.”

  Sasha turned slowly, giggling the whole time, and Chauncey took in her impressive shape. He didn’t think it was possible for her to get any badder, but she had managed to. She sat back down, looking around and making sure no one was looking at her like she was crazy.

  “Damn, ATL doing it like that?” Chauncey asked as they both laughed. “Good looking on that, that was my Christmas present,” he added.

  She waved her hand at his blatant admiration, trying her hardest not to blush.

  “Whatever…but what you got for me?” She knew her flirting with Chauncey was dancing on the line, but she couldn’t help it. Just sitting across from him had her panties on soak. He raised his eyebrows at her but then responded.

  “I got something for you…I got something for both of ya’ll.”

  “Really?” Sasha asked, not expecting that.

  He nodded and stood up, handing her Aubrey. When he sat back down, he slowly lifted up his right sleeve.

  “I got this last week.”

  Sasha looked on and felt tears coming to her eyes but she tried to hold them back.

  “Chauncey,” she whispered in disbelief.

  He had gotten her and Aubrey’s faces tattooed on his arm, from a picture that she had recently sent him of the two of them together.

  “I can’t believe you did that,” she added, truly not being able to believe it.

  He rolled his sleeve back down and shrugged.

  “Why not? That’s my baby girl right there…” He smiled at Aubrey, and then looked at Sasha with love. “And you gave her to me.”

  Sasha felt choked up so she looked down to break the intensity of the moment.

  “Wow.”

  They talked for a few more minutes and mostly Chauncey used the time to talk with Aubrey as she told him all about what Santa was bringing her. By the time the visit was over, Sasha had fallen right back into her comfort zone with Chauncey, like she always did when she came.

  “Alright Chaunc,” she said, getting up to leave. “I don’t know what week I’m coming back next month, but just call the cell.”

  Chauncey nodded and hugged them goodbye, and then kissed them both on their foreheads.

  “Or maybe I’ll be home by then.”

  Sasha’s world came to a screeching halt and she instantly felt like she would pass out.

  “Huh?” Was all she managed to say. Chauncey snickered, knowing that she was probably in shock.

  “Mills!” The guard called to him. “Let’s go!”

  “They granted me parole, my early release date is scheduled for next month, if all goes well,” he added, nonchalantly.

  Sasha shook her head from side to side astonished.

  “What? ...How would you…? When were you gonna tell…”

  He smiled and walked away, shouting behind him.

  “Keep ya fingers crossed, baby girl…daddy’s coming home!”

  She wasn’t sure if that was meant for her or Aubrey, or both. All she knew was that the news of Chauncey possibly being paroled was something that she didn’t know if she could handle.

  As she finally made her way out of the jail, her mind ran wild.

  Of course she wanted him to come home, right? Be a father to Aubrey? But there was a small part of her that enjoyed him being locked away, and that was the part that knew that it helped control her desire to be with him.

  Oh my god, oh my fucking god.

  Climbing into Tatum’s car all Sasha could wonder was if Chauncey came home, how much self control would she really have?

  Damn, this nigga...

  And then she pulled off.

  After all day and night of Sasha and Tatum going on and on about Chauncey’s revelation, even during their spa treatment, and then a breakfast at IHOP the next morning, Tatum was dropping Sasha and Aubrey back at the airport.

  “Damn girl, these trips be too short,” Tatum said, hugging Sasha. She didn’t want her to leave.

  “I know,” Sasha whined, pouting her lips. “Maybe you can come down to the A soon, though?”

  Tatum nodded.

  “I just gotta get some shit straight up here, and I will.”

  Sasha nodded and smiled and then heard her flight boarding.

  “Alright girl, I’ll call you.” Sasha gave Tatum another long hug. She grabbed Aubrey’s hand and turned to make her way to the terminal, waving at Tatum.

  “Bye brown bitch, who knows when I’m gonna see you again!” Tatum shouted.

  Sasha turned around and smirked.

  “Sooner than you think!”

  Tatum scrunched her face in confusion, she was sure she wouldn’t be seeing her for at least another month.

  “What you mean?” She yelled out to Sasha but
she just waved her hand and disappeared into the terminal.

  Sooner than I think? Tatum questioned to herself, wondering what the hell Sasha was up to. Oh, boy.

  Chapter 6 - Devotion

  A Week Later

  Sasha sat on her living room couch, eating Oreo cookies and watching Mike and Aubrey decorate the Christmas tree. Aubrey was so excited and she was walking all over Mike, placing every single decoration at the same level as her height, which was the bottom of the tree.

  “Mike, yall gotta spread ‘em out,” Sasha laughed. “You two got the tree looking extra country.”

  Mike giggled.

  “Oh yea?” He turned to Aubrey who was placing a snowman ornament on the same branch as a silver ball. “Well, tell Mommy she needs to get her lazy bones up, and help us.” He laughed and Sasha rolled her eyes.

  “I’m tired,” she defended and they shared another laugh.

  They continued to bask in the Christmas delight, and Sasha’s thoughts turned to Chauncey. She wondered what he was doing right now, and she wondered if the events would have played out differently, would this have been them?

  “You know…,” she started at Mike. She figured now was as good a time as any, and she didn’t want any surprises coming his way. “Uhm, Chauncey may be getting paroled soon.”

  Mike was silent and continued to search for a spot for the ornament in his hand. After thirty seconds of silence, Sasha probed.

  “Did you hear me? I said-”

  “I heard you, Sasha,” he snapped.

  She sighed, and turned and looked out of the window into the darkness.

  “Well, I just figured I’d let you know. I guess it’s a good thing.”

  “A good thing for who?” Mike questioned, looking at her intensely. Sasha swallowed hard.

  “A good thing for Aubrey, of course.”

  Mike took a break from the tree and made his way over to the mini bar where he had a cup of coffee and Kahlua.

  “And how do you know this, anyway?”

  Shit, Sasha thought to herself. She had lied to him about her trip to Jersey. And that’s the thing about lies, they always force more lies even when you promise to never tell another one.