Finding Bliss

by B L Bierley

  “Marla is well compensated for her job, aren’t you Marla?”

  “Yes, my lady,” Marla exclaimed with fervent stress.

  “If you wouldn’t mind, fetch another tray for Dr. Benchley. He’s been so busy saving me and treating my injuries, he’s missed his supper. It’s the least we can offer him this evening, wouldn’t you say?” Bliss informed Marla. Marla smiled brightly.

  “The very least, my lady! I’ll return in a wink, sir,” the maid said with a grin.

  Eric shook his head.

  “I took an oath to give care and do no harm. I think harm can also mean reputational harm, don’t you see? You are treading on thin ice, young lady.” Eric teased.

  “I’ll risk it. Now, while we’re waiting for your food, ask me the first question, the oldest one. It will make you feel better,” Bliss told him.

  “I don’t know if I can ask it, Bliss. There’s no way to un-ask a question just because you can’t abide the answer,” he whispered softly.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Bliss, Bristol, April 1811

  Eric blushed and looked askance at Bliss, trying to figure out what was happening. She returned his gaze with intense scrutiny, and suddenly it hit her. She visibly sat back in the chair with a murmured, “oh.”

  Then she chuckled.

  “What?” Eric directed a pointed look in her direction.

  “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry! I just realized something of a personal note. I was never really in danger! If I’d trusted you more, I wouldn’t have even had to worry one bit about Lord Westford! How silly of me!” Bliss laughed quietly.

  “You don’t make sense when you talk that way, you know?” Eric countered with a puzzling look.

  “I’m going to tell you everything, Eric. Whether you believe me or not, I believe in you. I think it’s time, don’t you?”

  Eric had no words to respond to that. Marla hurried in a half minute into a fit of giggles on Bliss’s part. The efficient maid laid the tray on a nearby table and pulled the vanity stool over for Eric to be seated next to Bliss. He waited for the maid to leave the room before he took Bliss by the shoulders.

  “Bliss, don’t toy with me, please. I don’t understand you. And you need to know how badly I worry when you’re not making sense,” Eric said with passionate conviction. Bliss sobered a little, but her eyes continued to sparkle.

  “Alright, Eric. If you can’t ask, then I’ll just have to explain.”

  Bliss cleared her throat and took a sip of her milk before she turned to face him again. She put her finger over his lips and nodded to him not to interrupt.

  “I don’t have all the answers. I can always see a few things from everyone’s future—everyone I care about, that is. The better I know someone, or have contact with them, the more I can see. Sometimes the scenes are clear enough to tell me what I need to know. But often the scenes are cloudy or dark-dim. Those are ones that have possibility but not a guarantee like the clearer ones.

  “Sometimes there are things I don’t see right away. I think it depends on lots of things besides what I see. I think the choices people make affect the outcome,” said Bliss looking intently at him.

  She ate a few bites of her toast and sipped more milk. She realized at that moment how hungry she really was. After a few more spoons of soup, she wiped her mouth and turned to look at Eric. He nodded at her to continue.

  “A few moments ago I realized that if I had trusted you completely, told you the truth as I knew it, the outcome wouldn’t have remained hidden in my mind before Westford threw me in the Avon. Because the minute I decided to tell you, I knew everything I ever wondered. I saw Westford’s fate, my father’s reaction and all the missing pieces of my future. Because of trust! My decision to trust made it change for me! Do you understand what I mean?” she paused to let him respond.

  Eric shrugged his shoulders, but didn’t say anything. Bliss looked at Eric with wide eyes and knew that he was unable to ask. She knew he was waiting for her to offer without solicitation, as she usually did.

  “You want to know why I wasn’t able to save your father. That’s a tough question for me, as well. I loved your father with my whole being. I trusted him, and never once in all the years I knew him did he doubt what I could see. And it nearly drove me mad when I found out that he had died without my even having a hint of how to prevent it.

  “I know he was your father, and I’m being terribly selfish for taking credit for some of his affections when he was all you had. But I won’t ever stop saying I loved him. It hurt me to the core when I realized my only real and true supporter in the world was gone forever. I’ve never felt more alone in my life than that hour I after I heard the news.” She seemed to stop in order to regain her control, but continued speaking in a shaky voice.

  “And worse than that, you wouldn’t even talk to me. I felt so guilty as if I had purposefully killed him by not getting a vision of how to prevent it!” Bliss’s eyes welled up with huge tears. But not bothering to wipe them away, she continued to speak. Neither of them moved.

  “I thought I was losing my ability. That maybe it was only because he trusted me that I was able to see things that way. Eventually I had more visions and still tried to warn my stubborn family about dangers and bad decisions. Then, I saw the real reason for the loss.” Bliss paused. She was still crying silent tears, and her voice shook and broke, but she marshaled onward.

  “Did you ever hear what actually happened to him? How he saved one more person from the dangling carriage, and by boosting the young woman out ahead of him, he was unable to escape as the carriage plunged over? Well as hard for us to accept as that is, the woman he saved was necessary to the future.

  “In her progeny there will be a doctor’s wife who will give birth to a son. That son will do great things for medical science. By saving her, your father saved hundreds of thousands of people!” Bliss admitted. Eric looked at her in awe.

  “How do you know?” he gasped, “I ask for both for the idea of medical advancement and the idea that you might know what it is?” Bliss blushed at his tentative trust.

  “I don’t get specifics, of course, I only see him holding a piece of medical equipment and his picture captured in a paper with words like ‘breakthrough,’ and ‘thousands of lives’ or ‘saving many lives.’ But there’s a feeling that lets me know that it was for my own benefit that I didn’t know.” She used her napkin to wipe her face and continued.

  “If I had seen both visions as dim possibilities, I would have been hard pressed to save the hundreds of thousands of nameless, faceless strangers over your father. So this way it was out of my hands. I think God knew deep down that I might be biased,” Bliss told him chagrinned.

  Eric seemed to take in the idea of Bliss knowing, and justifying, the loss that way. He looked at her with wordless approval.

  “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I would have told Dr. Benchley about the dilemma, and he would have probably done the same thing anyway. I know, I thought that too,” she laughed. “He never gave up on anyone, no matter how lost their cause. That was why I loved him so much. I think he loved me too!”

  “I’m sure he did,” Eric told her quietly.

  Bliss’s eyes were again full of tears as he said the words. Her cool control of her face puckered and crumbled into quiet weeping. Eric stood up very slowly and went to comfort her. She accepted his shoulder and cried quietly for a minute, letting the emotional buildup flow out over her cheeks in overdue relief.

  Eric hugged her lightly. Bliss wished the moment could continue. Wished Eric loved her as well right now as he appeared to love her in the future. She thought of telling him the truth about his bride, but then the vision wavered.

  Knowing how badly she wanted him for a husband now, especially in the way he respected her privacy in the exam—a true professional, she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her chances. But at length, Bliss pulled away from him and wiped her eyes on her napkin again.


  “Now,” she said coming back to her usual charm, “do you still have a question?” Knowing fully that he did, and that it would be the harder question to satisfy, she waited.

  “I don’t understand why you didn’t avoid Lord Westford if you could,” Eric blurted out without hesitation. He collected his emotions and asked again.

  “Why would you let yourself get into so much danger without trying everything to avoid it? You always warn the rest of Christendom when we’re making a big mistake. Why can’t you heed your own warnings,” Eric demanded, nearly failing at keeping his voice low. He had moved to his plates and begun eating finally.

  Bliss looked at him with an arched brow while she spooned up broth.

  “You mean to imply that you were heeding your own warnings and still nearly drowned?” Eric was incredulous. He put his spoon down and stared at her. Bliss shook her head.

  “Nearly suffocated, but that’s beside the point. If I had acted in any other way, people other than Lord Westford would have died. I did what was necessary to insure that the man didn’t hurt any more innocent people and that he also got what he had coming. Retribution for all those people he killed or the girls he damaged is justice served. He’s a very bad man, you know,” Bliss said as if it was a confession.

  Eric was still shaking with angry fear. Bliss waited for his color to return to his face and began speaking to him again.

  “His cousin was like me. I accidently gave myself away at dinner that night, remember? Westford knew what I could do. He believed in it, too. He wanted me to tell him about the futures of his investments or what he should invest in. I’d been getting snippets of detail since before that evening at dinner. But until I knew him better, I didn’t have anything to tell him.

  “I had to keep calm long enough for him to know he wasn’t going to get away with hurting me. Even if you hadn’t come and found me in time, my death would have only altered my vision of his death by hanging.

  “He was already half-mad at the thought of his death. He would have shot himself if they hadn’t caught him. But I trusted you, if only subconsciously, and trusted myself to give you the right clues.”

  “I can’t think of that note without nausea! Why on earth didn’t you just tell me where to go?” Eric was up and pacing beside the desk. Bliss refrained from laughing at him in his worried state.

  “I couldn’t say what river or water he would try to dump me in because unfortunately in the visions they all look the same. So I had to tell you enough for you to figure it out slowly. I had no idea how precise the moment would be. I was hoping it would be at the same time as Lord Westford’s choosing the water, which even as I wrote the note wasn’t one hundred percent certain.

  “It was a very slim chance that you would both be in the same area at the same time, though. And if it was to be water, I wasn’t sure which river he would dump me in either. So by law of averages, I chose to have you begin your search near the museum in the hope that you would catch him leaving the building or his hiding place.” Bliss explained. Then she seemed to get a bright look on her face.

  “Incidentally hundreds of pounds worth of stolen goods are stashed in his hideout in the woods. Remind me to send word to the constable. And he could have accomplices. I’ll let him know if I remember anything else,” Bliss quipped.

  Eric sat stunned for ten full minutes. When he finally did speak it was only to mumble something about Bliss being unbelievable. She wasn’t able to determine if it was a compliment or not.

  “The point is, Eric, I saw enough to leave the right clue, with the right person, and at the right time. I knew you’d be later on Tuesday, due to the fire at the bakery. I also knew that if I waited beyond Wednesday, Lord Westford would probably get desperate and kill my aunt and uncle in their sleep. I do a lot of these things subconsciously, of course. But the key is to trust the visions and do whatever it takes to get the most desirable outcome.”

  Eric scrutinized her face. He looked as if he might ask her another question, but for whatever reason it was unknown to her.

  “If that’s true, and I’m not saying I doubt it, why did you tell me about my marriage? Is it something I’ll want to avoid?” Eric asked without consideration. Bliss blushed profusely and shrugged.

  “I don’t know. I have no idea how you feel about the girl. But I know she has no objections to you. Maybe I told you so you would be prepared. Or maybe so you could seek out a desirable conclusion on your own? I didn’t give you that information for any reason except for you to make preparations. Though, you should know you’re on your way to being an elevated man! You are amazing too, Eric Benchley.” Bliss said softly.

  Eric only looked at her in mild consternation. Bliss wondered why the world needed to be so slow. All she wanted in that moment was for Eric Benchley to sweep her into his arms and carry her to the bed. Bliss had seen the vision a few times of how their first time would go, but the vital details were usually obscured, drat it all.

  Noticing that Eric turned and began eating, she finished her own bowl of broth. The toast and small segment of roasted beef made her feel much better. A salad and a small piece of blueberry cake tempted her to a few bites, but she felt tired and decided she would eat more for breakfast the next day.

  Eric finished his dinner and turned to survey Bliss’s plates. Deciding she’d eaten enough, he then urged her to get into bed. Bliss yawned and didn’t argue. The covers looked very inviting given the discomforts she endured that afternoon and evening. An early bedtime was just what she needed.

  Eric waited until she had crawled beneath the linens and snuggled into her pillow before he took up his satchel and extinguished all but the lone candle on her nightstand. Hesitating over whether to move toward her in one moment, or retreat the next, he made his decision at last by walking toward the door.

  “Get plenty of rest. I’ll come by early in the morning to check on you,” Eric told her. Bliss gave him a flat-lipped smile and turned to face the wall.

  It was killing her not to make a move, to push ahead. But patience was apparently necessary for their ultimate happiness, so Bliss was forced to maintain her composure. As she drifted to sleep visions of the perfect moment of happiness hovered in her subconscious, and the frustration of not yet having her happy ending was burning her from within. She was sure the sheets would be scorched by morning!

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  The Penwood’s, Bristol, April 1811

  Much to everyone’s surprise Lord and Lady Penwood, their children—at least the ones not off at school or at sea, and Lords Victor and Maxwell Osterburg, all arrived on Wednesday.

  Bliss stayed above stairs in her room until Ozzie took the opportunity to tell Ollie what happened, after a double tumbler of bourbon apiece first, of course. Ollie was by equal parts angry and relieved that Bliss suffered no permanent damage.

  After being assured that the charges were already filed on his behalf for Bliss and that the guilty man was sentenced early that morning to die on the gallows, he and Luxie hurried up to see about their daughter, leaving worried siblings in the downstairs sitting room with their aunt.

  When they arrived in her room, Ollie immediately set upon Bliss with questions.

  “Why in the world would you ask to come to Bristol if you knew you might be in danger,” her father demanded, taking an odd line of support for her “common sense” premonitions. Bliss didn’t let his hypocrisy slow her down in admitting the truth.

  “I had to come. I’m going to marry soon. And this was where I saw my husband.”

  “Oh, ho? A husband, she says! Luxie did you know that our daughter’s heart was to be won in Bristol? I’ll have to meet this man before he can even dream of marrying one of my girls! Besides, how can you be ready for marriage? Merryann is still single. Don’t you also want another season out? Why, your mother had nine before she settled on me,” he said as though he believed it to be so.

  “Correction, mother was forced to have nine seasons because you we
re missing, and Grandfather was stubborn. Just as fate played a hand in you finding mother, fate also has a hand in providing me with the man I’m to wed.” Bliss looked at her father’s pained face in triumph.

  “You should know it’s really futile to doubt most things she says,” said Luxie as she hugged her daughter from the left and worried her fingers delicately over the bruises.

  “Does it hurt dear? Oh, my, I know it won’t be clear before the ball. But I suppose it’s too late to put it off for a week now.”

  “It’s fine Mama, really. I can barely feel it if I keep my hands off. Besides, I heal quicker than most of you. They’re going to be so pale by Saturday evening people will think I’m just a bit blushed. It will be flattering!”

  “So are you not going to tell me who this young man is? Is it one of Ozzie’s boys?” his eyes looked hopeful.

  “No, Papa, but don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll be the happiest wife in England, even if he isn’t a peer,” Bliss sighed.

  “Not a peer, what do you mean? My daughters are worthy of princes! How can I bless a marriage between my daughter and ...” Ollie started to get upset. Luxie laid a hand on his arm and patted.

  “Dear, need I remind you that you once stole away with a woman of the peerage when you were thought to be little more than a sailor?” Luxie pointedly said. Ollie flushed and cleared his throat. Then another idea came to him.

  “Is he, perhaps, a sailor? I will gladly bless a match with a respectable man of the lines! It’s been a secret wish for all my little girls to marry sailors. Your husbands could go to sea and you girls could live at Penwood Manor Estate with your mother and me!” Ollie said hopefully. Luxie covered her mouth to hide the smile.

  “No, Papa, he’s not a sailor. But he is a very respectable man, of that I am sure. And I know, despite a minor misunderstanding, that you will love him almost as much as I do.” Bliss confessed genuinely. Ollie gave a reluctant sigh.

  “What can I do to help you?” Ollie asked giving Bliss a tighter, but still remarkably gentle, hug from the right side.