Wish List

by Fern Michaels

  “Will the guys start calling us ‘the good old girls’?” someone asked.

  “Will we have to learn how to park those rigs? I can’t even parallel park my car,” another said.

  “Guess we’ll find all that out this morning. Dolly’s going to call the temp office so each of you get out your work for the day and have it ready. The computer people loaded your program so a knowledgeable person shouldn’t have any trouble.”

  “Who’s our boss?” Bernice asked. “What I mean is, if we ever go out on the road, who do we answer to?”

  “Me!” Ariel said smartly. Her heart was pounding so furiously she thought it would jump right out of her chest. She was taking charge, and she was damn well going to make all of this work. She gave herself a mental shake when she saw an eighteen-wheeler glide past the wide double windows. It looked like an untamed monster. She remembered a trucking movie with Jan Michael Vincent called White Line Fever. She also remembered rooting for the actor and cursing the bad guys, who just happened to be other truckers. That was a movie. This was real life. Things like that didn’t happen in real life. Maybe she’d call Jan and ask him where he did his research for the role. When she had time.

  Promptly at 8:45, the women piled into the company van and headed for their instruction course five miles away. As they were exiting the lot, Bernice shouted from the back seat, “Lordy, lordy, there goes Mr. Sanders. Bet he gives that temporary an Excedrin headache. Do you want to hear something funny?” Not bothering to wait for a reply, she continued, “Mr. Sanders rarely comes down here, but he’s been here several times recently. He does call all the time and he did go to Mr. Able’s for dinners and such, but he hardly ever came here. It seems strange to me. Maybe he’s frightened of you, Miss Hart. A big guy like him, frightened of a little slip of a thing like you. It’s just too funny.”

  Ariel adjusted the brim of her Padres baseball cap lower over her forehead. She found herself tugging at a lock of hair over her ear so that it would partially cover her cheek. Her heart was pounding again and she didn’t know why. In the whole of her life, to her knowledge, no one had ever been frightened of her. Bernice was being silly. Too silly to even think about.

  “Stop doing that,” Dolly hissed. “People tend to stare more, trying to figure out what you’re hiding. Stick that hair back under your cap. That’s an order, Ariel.”

  “Nag, nag, nag.” But Ariel did as instructed.

  “And stop touching your face. Every time I see you doing it from now on, I’m giving you a good swat. It’s there, it isn’t going away. Life goes on, Ariel. Live with it. End of sermon.”

  “Thank you. As usual, you’re right. He was rather handsome, wasn’t he? Reminds me of that guy who paid for our dinner the other night. He was driving a truck, too. Maybe it’s him.”

  “You noticed.”

  “I would notice anyone doing eighty miles an hour over a stop ramp.”

  “Jeez, we’re among the living again. Thank you, God,” Dolly said.

  Thank you, Dolly,“ Ariel whispered under her breath.

  Ariel swerved the van into the trucking lot. “This is it, ladies. Take a good look, but make it quick because in less than ten minutes you’ll be behind the wheel of that mother. Looking at these trucks from our window is one thing, sitting behind the wheel is something else. Are we ready?”

  God, she was enjoying this. She felt really alive for the first time in years. How much the feeling had to do with returning to Chula Vista and how much it had to do with a man named Lex Sanders, she didn’t know.

  “We’re ready!”

  “Hmmmnn,” Lex Sanders mused as he brought his pickup to a stop outside the dispatcher’s office. “Tell me something, Bucky,” he said to the gravelly-voiced dispatcher. “Was that the new owner in the van?”

  “Sure was. Strange lady. But a nice lady. I just got done sneakin.’ a look at the new office decorations. I ain’t no expert, but my wife buys furniture from time to time and we don’t have nothin’ as good as that lady put in them offices. Shiny green plants, colored ashtrays, fine pictures on the wall. You can see out of them windows now. She tossed out Asa’s safe and had a spiffy new one put in the wall. There’s an alarm system, computers, a fancy-dancy telephone with all kinds of buttons. Chairs look comfortable. There’s a person in there now, bangin’ away at the computer. Wait till you see that carpet. Makes you want to take off your shoes and wiggle your toes. Real pretty.” He spit a wad of tobacco juice out the door before he reached for his cup of coffee that was so dirty and cruddy, Lex knew it had never seen soap or water.

  “Who’s operating the office?” Lex’s expression was baffled.

  The dispatcher grinned. “A machine answers the phone and a lady’s doing somethin’ with that computer.”

  “I’ll be damned! Is she really a movie star?”

  “That’s what they say. I ain’t never seen her up close. Spoke to her on the phone. Seemed real nice. Asked me if I needed anythin’. Her assistant brought me a real nice lunch the other day. Good cook. This ain’t my business, but seein’ as how Mr. Able thought so much of you as a friend and customer, you should know Chet’s stirrin’ up trouble. I heard—and I ain’t sure I should even be mentionin’ this, but I’m gonna do it anyway—I heard he’s goin’ after the rancher’s workers, stirrin’ them up, too. Best keep your eyes and ears open. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a wildcat walkout. Don’t even matter what the reason is.”

  “Maybe the new owner will fire him. Asa seemed to think he needed him. He’s trouble and I think Chet is one of the reasons Asa sold out. He didn’t want to be hassled anymore.”

  “Asa left this letter for you. I been holdin’ it till you got here. Asa felt real bad.”

  Lex sighed. Suddenly he no longer felt betrayed. Asa hadn’t turned on him and gone off without saying good-by. He now regretted his surly attitude with the new owner. He could make that right on his way back to the ranch. He’d stop and have some flowers sent to Ms. Ariel Hart. Small white orchids mixed with those little popcorn balls, the kind of flowers Aggie used to like. Hang it up already, Lex. Stop living in the past. Send the lady a dozen roses and be done with it, he admonished himself. Invite her out to a nice dinner and make peace. You need her trucking company. You might even like her. Better yet, she might like you.

  Highly unlikely. He was talking to himself something he hated doing, yet he did it almost every day of his life. He was his own best friend, his only confidant. Why, he didn’t know. On the other hand, maybe he did know and didn’t want to deal with it. It was that old Mexican thing. The old mores: you Mexican, me gringo. Know your place, Mex. Don’t step out of line. He’d worked his ass off and gotten his degree and then, because a very kind man believed in him, he’d stepped over the line. Because . . . because he’d received an American inheritance and an American name.

  Damn, he’d almost missed the flower shop. He ground to a halt, his tires smoking on the asphalt. For a moment he felt befuddled. The windows of the flower shop were covered with red hearts, cupids with arrows, and trailing ribbons. “Valentine’s Day!” He groaned. A bell tinkled over the door as he walked through. A day for lovers. He felt like groaning again.

  “I’d like an arrangement of small white orchids and those . . . no, no, that’s not what I want. Roses, pink or yellow. White’s okay. No red.”

  “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of roses. We do have orchids. I could make you a lovely arrangement.”

  “Okay.” It was okay; he’d followed his own advice and there were no roses. Orchids didn’t mean he was living in the past, orchids meant he had a choice. Huge pompoms, big as grapefruits, or delicate, hybrid orchids. He rather thought the huge blooms were for grandmothers and aunts. He handed over seventy-five dollars after he winced from the shock, gave the address, and filled out the little card. He apologized for his surly attitude, suggested dinner, and promised to be more considerate of her employees.

  That done, Lex climbed into his truck. The letter fr
om Asa Able was on the seat. He ripped it open and read the short note, feeling his eyes mist over.

  Dear Lex,

  I’m sorry that you have to hear about the sale of the business this way. Forgive an old man who can’t bear to cry in front of a man I respect. This way seemed best, at least for me and Maggie. She seems to think we’ll be happy in Hawaii living in one of those high-rise condominiums. No grass to mow, no flowers to tend, no truck fumes. I hope she right.

  The deal was too good to pass up, Lex. Miss Hart appears to be a very nice lady. She’ll learn the business in her own good time. You can be a real help to her, son. I know the others will be real hard on her This business, as you know, is hard on us, and we’re grown men. A lady, now, she might want to quit once some of those hellions get on her case. They could be her undoing. She’s got guts. Her business manager said she’s aces. She’s fifty years old and pretty as a picture. Her manager said she lived in these parts once and that’s why she chose this place to come home to. She rich, too. You ain’t getting any younger, Lex. Maybe you two will hit it off. If you do, honeymoon here in Hawaii and we can kick around old times.

  I’m going to miss you, Lex. I’ll probably be calling you from time to time. I’m sending off a letter to Miss Hart telling her I want you to have my Teddy Roosevelt pictures. Take care of them—they’re valuable. Maggie said they won’t go with our condo furnishings.

  Maggie and I both send you our love.

  Your friends,

  Maggie and Asa

  Lex blew his nose lustily. Damn, he was really going to miss Asa. He was upset now, nostalgic, and when he was like this he knew he shouldn’t be around people.

  He drove like a robot over familiar terrain until he was at the bridge, at which point he headed over to Tijuana, parked his truck, and got out and walked to the base of the mountains. He stopped at the little house he’d lived in with his family, felt his heart thud in his chest. It looked the same—there seemed to be just as many children, just as many chickens, dogs, and cats. It looked neat and clean, just the way his mother had kept the house. So long ago. So many memories. What the hell was he doing here? And why now? He hadn’t been up the mountain in twenty years. Maybe he should go back. He didn’t belong here. This was another time, another place. He turned to follow his own advice and return to his truck, but something seemed to pull at him, something strange that he couldn’t explain. He turned again and headed up the grassy slope that led to the padre’s retreat that he was sure was now empty.

  He remembered another time when his legs had been skinny and his feet had been bare, a time when he’d made this climb with a girl in a soft white dress.

  As Lex made his way up, he thought about all the women he’d been with over the years. He couldn’t remember their names now. There should have been one that stood out more than the others, but there wasn’t. Only Aggie, his first love. His only love.

  Valentine’s Day.

  He continued his climb. Maybe when he reached the fern bower he’d take a nap and dream about a brown-eyed, brown-haired girl who promised to love, honor, and obey until death drove them apart. Then he could climb back down the mountain and get on with his life. He’d be able to put this maudlin day behind him and face the reality of his world.

  “Now that was an experience! I thought my heart was going to leap right out of my chest! Did you really feel like you could take on anything? That truck was massive. Massive isn’t even the right word. Humongous. Gigantic. It was absolutely awesome,” Ariel said. “I loved it! I have to call Kenneth and tell him he was right. I came down on him so hard. Oh, my, what’s this? Dolly, look at these flowers. I bet they’re from Max. He’s the only person I know who will spring for more than twenty bucks on flowers. Miniature orchids! Ooohhh, let’s see what the card says. Max is so romantic and this is Valentine’s Day. You’re not going to believe this, Dolly,” Ariel said, handing the card over.

  As Dolly reached for the card she noticed Ariel’s hand go to her face. “Stop that!”

  “Habit.”

  “Get a new one. Chew your nails, suck your thumb, twirl your hair the way you did when you were little. Don’t touch your face. He’s a romantic. Baby orchids. That cost him. This is nice, Ariel. He apologized and invited you to dinner. You’re going, aren’t you? This might turn into something. The girls said he’s handsome as sin. Say something, Ariel.”

  “Look at me, Dolly. He’s just being polite. Obviously he needs Able Body Trucking. It’s a package deal. I’m sure he’s a very nice man, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be interested in me. No one is going to be interested in me. I’ve accepted that and I can live with it. I’ll call him and thank him for the flowers. Don’t worry, I’ll be nice. See if Bernice has his home phone number. I’ll do it right now and you can listen.”

  Ariel mouthed the words, “He’s not home—his answering machine is picking up.”

  This is Lex Sanders. Please leave a message. If this is an emergency, call 425-9698. Thanks for calling.

  “Mr. Sanders, this is Ariel Hart. Thank you for the lovely flowers. They’ve been my favorite since childhood. It was very nice of you to send them. I would love to have dinner with you soon, but not right now. My schedule is so full I’m like an accident waiting to happen. Again, thank you for the beautiful flowers.”

  “That was nice, Ariel, until you got to that accident part. Oh, well, he’ll call again and invite you. If he does, say yes. The world won’t come to an end. He might turn out to be a good friend like Ken and Max. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Ariel, it’s that you can never have enough friends. Next time, okay?”

  “Sure. Next time.”

  “I suggest Burger King on our way to-firearms class and let’s do Chinese after martial arts.”

  “Sounds good to me. Whatever makes life easier,” Ariel said. “You know what, Dolly? Life is good. I feel great! We did the right thing coming here. I can’t tell you how excited I am. It’s not something I can put into words—it’s a feeling that something wonderful is going to happen. I feel at peace here—I can’t explain that feeling, either. Promise you won’t laugh if I tell you something?”

  “I promise.”

  “I feel . . . feel like there’s some invisible hand guiding me here. That hand . . . is comforting, making me feel safe, a presence. I never felt anything like this before. I’m afraid I might get spooked and ruin everything. I like to understand things. This move . . . this business . . . Ken finding it at just the right time . . . that hand . . . forget it, I’m just imagining things. Think about it—why would God send me here?”

  “I guess you’re the only one who can answer that question. He did send you—the rest is up to you. Maybe you’re supposed to do something meaningful while you’re here. You know, make a difference, maybe right old wrongs, that kind of thing. I seem to remember a conversation we had once where we both agreed that everything in life is preordained.” This last was said so slyly, Ariel jerked around to stare at her friend’s guileless expression.

  The rest of the day passed in a blur of activity. More than once Ariel had an eerie feeling that someone, somewhere, was thinking about her. More than once she looked over her shoulder, but there was no one around who seemed to be paying attention to her.

  “I’m exhausted. I really enjoyed that Chinese dinner.”

  “No mess to clean,” Dolly said tiredly. “I’m for bed. I’m surprised we lasted this long. Actually, I could have fallen asleep at nine o’clock.”

  “Are you kidding? I was ready at seven-thirty. See you in the morning.” She hugged her best friend in the whole world, the way she did every night. “Thanks for coming here with me. I’ve been thinking, Dolly, if we get this business to the point where we can run it successfully, I’m going to make you a partner. We’ll hire a housekeeper. You shouldn’t be doing all this anymore.”

  “It’s all I know, Ariel. Not for nothing you won’t. If that time comes, I’ll buy in with whatever savings I have. I won’t
allow you just to give it to me.”

  “We’ll talk about it when the time comes. ’Night, Dolly.”

  “Sleep tight, Ariel.”

  As Ariel prepared for bed, her thoughts drifted back to the past, to a happier time. She’d give anything to be young again and in love. She had so many longings and desires that had never been fulfilled. You should have tried harder to find Felix, she scolded herself. It’s entirely possible that that lawyer took your money and lied to you. Maybe you really were married. Maybe that attorney was wrong when he said Felix tricked you. He was a priest—he wore a white collar. Priests don’t lie. Then why wasn’t the marriage recorded? Why couldn’t Mr. Anthony find any records? “I don’t know,” Ariel whispered to her reflection in the mirror. She continued to massage cocoa butter up and around the scars on her face. Disgusted with her reflection, she tossed the medicated stick into the sink.

  She sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, the wish list in her lap. She flipped the pages to her last entry. She wrote haltingly. I wish I knew what was happening to me. I wish I knew what it was that brought me here. I know it wasn’t just the business. I wish . . . I wish I could find Felix. I wish . . . so many things. I wish I knew if he was happy . . . I wish I knew if he was married with children . . . I wish I was beautiful again. I wish he would think about me. Maybe that’s why I feel the way I do . . . Maybe all my wishing is making Felix think about me. Maybe he’s close by. I wish . . . Oh, God, I wish . . . for happiness. For myself and for Felix. I wish . . .

  With tears dripping down her cheeks, Ariel shoved the wish list under her pillow. “Tomorrow I’ll set the wheels in motion. I’ll try to find Felix. I want to know if he’s happy. I won’t invade his life or try to rekindle anything. Perhaps I can make his life better—I certainly have the money to do that. If he’s doing all right, maybe I can help his family out in some way. Anonymously, of course. Thirty-five years isn’t so long. I’m here. I was meant to come here. Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that.