Incandescent

by River Savage

  Until Jesse pulled me firmly out.

  Being in therapy, listening to Jesse’s stories of what he lived through over in the war, made me realize how lucky I was. I had survived my burns. I could move on. Listening and learning about other people’s stories left me heartbroken for them. While my injuries were extensive, and rehab and recovery was taking everything out of me, they by no means impaired me from living my everyday life. My self-loathing was for nothing. I survived, and the pretty-boy firefighter was the one to help me understand that. By showing me what he survived, what he endured and how he dealt with it, I was able to find the old Kadence and learn to accept what happened. Without Jesse, who knows where I would be. Having him come back into my life, by association feels right. He’s like a big brother I never had.

  “Just leave it alone, Jesse, okay? It was nothing,” I tell him, my tone leaving no room to argue.

  “If you say so, sweetheart,” he smirks, shaking his head.

  “So how long you been a part of the MC?” I ask, curious to know. I would never have guessed Jesse was part of the MC.

  “I patched in when I came back from my last tour.” He smiles. The man never stops smiling, always so happy.

  “And you like it?” I ask, wondering what he gets out of being in a club like the Knights Rebels. I know Nix talked about brotherhood, but I wonder if Jesse feels the same way.

  “It’s the closest thing to a family I’ve had in a long time. Nix saved me from a dark place, Kadence. I would do anything for that man.”

  Of course he did. Another tick in the Nix-is-amazing column, and I remember what an idiot I am. A redhead walks over, whispers into Jesse’s ear, and plants her skinny ass on his lap.

  Are you serious?

  Rolling my eyes, I stand from the table not interested in watching Jesse pick up, and I’m over speaking about Nix. I’ve thought about him enough over the last six days, and I’m trying my best to leave it at what it was. I make my way through the crowd to the dance floor, leaving Jesse behind. He calls out, but I don’t turn back. The last thing I want to do is show him how much I’m struggling with my argument with Nix.

  Bodies push into me as the tempo of the music slowly rises. Holly is dancing with a new guy, his hands roaming her body as she sways in time with the song. I move to her, ready to dance and forget about the shit week I’ve had. The alcohol running through my veins help me let go, my inhibitions a little relaxed.

  My body moves to the beat of the music. Swaying my hips, I let the song wash over me. My arms take on a life of their own. Embracing the beat, I feel it resonate in my soul.

  When was the last time I danced freely?

  Hands come around me, settling on my waist. I freeze up for a second before forcing myself not to be tense. I push up against the person at my back, moving my body further into him. His hard chest is plastered to my back. The song changes, taking the tempo slower. The guy behind me grinds his hips into my ass, and I push back, molding my back to his front.

  “Wanna get your fuckin’ hands off my woman?” Nix’s voice crackles with anger behind me. The body behind moves away, the heat I was feeling now gone as a new presence moves in. Damn, I didn’t even see the guy’s face. I go to turn, ready to tell the asshole I’m not his woman, but his tattooed arms come around my front, pinning me to his chest.

  “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t take you over my fuckin’ knee right now?” His breath comes to my ear. My body is instantly turned on by his dirty words.

  “Nix—” I begin, but he cuts me off.

  “Don’t, Kadence. It’s bad enough that you’re in my arms wearin’ this dress with those sexy fuckin’ heels after not havin’ you for five fuckin’ days, but that you let that guy touch you, touch what’s mine?” The gravelly sound of his voice sends a thrill down my spine. The breath of his voice brings goose bumps to my skin. For a moment, I forget I don’t like him anymore, forget that he has ignored me all week, and just enjoy that he called me his woman.

  “You didn’t call,” I accuse him, trying to get out of his embrace, but he holds me steady, pulling me closer. God, even to my own ears I sound whiney. You didn’t call? Jesus, Kadence, grow a pair would you.

  “I was waiting,” he replies as an explanation. “Thought I would give you some space. Though seeing your reaction to seeing me, I’m thinkin’ that was the wrong move.”

  I’m pissed my body feels more alive than it has all week; my heart finally has that extra beat in it, my stomach full of butterflies that he’s here, touching me. My body begins moving to the music and my mind is unable to tell it to stop. I grind my backside into his hard length as his hands loosen their hold to move down to rest on my hips. Our bodies are swaying in a sensual rhythm.

  “Babe, you gotta stop rubbin’ that sweet ass up against me,” he gripes, spinning me around to face him. My arms go up around his neck, and his smell invades my senses, the mixture of leather and his cologne pull me right back to our last night together.

  Shit, all that hard work ruined by one sniff.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask his chest. I can’t bring myself to look up at him.

  “I fucked up, Kadence,” he admits, bringing his hand to my chin and lifting my face to look at him. His forehead creased in concern as he waits for me to respond.

  “Nix, I was a bitch. Seeing Zane again... I don’t know, seeing him again brought up all these memories,” I immediately apologize, feeling like a brat. During the week, Holly and I did some digging and found out not only was Nix right about Zane, but also he was telling the truth about his mom. I felt like a real bitch.

  “I get it, babe. I do. I was an ass, and I shouldn’t have said what I did,” he counter-apologizes. We both stand, watching each other. I didn’t see my night ending up like this, and now that he’s here in my arms, I don’t even know why I was ever so angry. Okay, I still remember what he said, but knowing what I know of Nix, it was a natural reaction to anger, like me slapping him. His eyes sparkle with mischief like he’s thinking something dirty and I can’t help the smile I give him. He leans down, and I come to my toes, his lips to mine. The roughness of his tongue pushes through like the last time he was on my lips, but this time, I don’t fight it.

  So much for me holding my own.

  I grant him access, his taste covering my tongue, our mouths connecting for forgiveness. Being in his presence again sets me on fire. The slow burn I’ve been feeling immediately ignites by one kiss. He pulls back, ending the hot but brief kiss. Running his eyes down the length of my body, he grabs my hand and pulls me off the dance floor. Taking long strides, he drags me behind, walking straight past Jesse, who still has the redhead on his lap, her breasts pressed up to his chest. He catches my eye and just shrugs. Traitor.

  I scowl over at him letting him know I know that he is the one that ratted me out. He just laughs and gives me a wink. Nix pulls me around the corner and pushes me against the wall.

  “Fuck, Kadence, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it all the way back home. I need to fuck you so bad.” His knee comes between my knees, spreading my legs further apart. The dirtiness of his words washes over me, and I’ve never felt more alive.

  “On one hand, I wanna hike that barely-there sexy-as-fuck dress up and bury myself balls deep in you right now against this wall for every asshole to see that you’re fuckin’ mine.” His fingers slide slowly up my leg, coming to the hem of the dress. “But, on the other hand, I wanna take you home, fuckin’ make you wait for being a tease wearin’ this outfit in public.” I look down at the black dress I’m wearing. It’s nothing too sexy, but the way Nix keeps looking at me, you'd think I was naked.

  “Take me home and fuck me,” I tell him. The dampness in my panties becomes uncomfortable after each word he grunts out. Anticipation builds, and all thoughts of my shitty week have left. His harsh words about Zane and the fire replaced by the dirty words he now speaks.

  All that anger directed at him the last five days is now forgotten
, because I know whatever he has planned will be something to be excited about.

  Chapter Twenty

  Nix

  Pulling up into my drive and helping Kadence off my bike takes all the self-control I possess. I’m working hard at reining it in. The overpowering need to take her right here on my bike is almost too much. Seeing her move her ass up against some asshole snapped something in me. I really fucked up on this one. I didn’t want to ignore her all week but after what went down, I just wasn't sure she was ready to hear what I had to say about Zane Edwards.

  Gunner has been fuckin’ us all around, even starting in on Mayhem Territory now. T and his boys have yet to detain him or any of his crew. I know he’s waiting now, and I have a bad feeling that shit hasn’t even begun. T’s called in their neighboring chapters while we all prepare for shit to go down. Gunner’s using Zane’s relationship with Kadence to go up against the Knights Rebels. We’ve been busy keeping everyone at bay, and trying to get a lock down on him while making sure I always had eyes on Kadence. I didn’t trust that Edwards would leave her alone, and even if she was pissed at me, and I at her, I couldn’t leave her open to a threat by Edwards.

  I messed up with how I reacted to Kadence and Zane. She apparently is still working through some of that shit, but I still stand behind what I think. Zane Edwards is dangerous. The asshole got himself into some messed up shit before he got into bed with Gunner. Owing the MC money, and then trying to get himself out of it, he went from one shitty situation to another. Do I agree with T and his boys threatening her? Setting her house on fire? Fuck no, but the Mayhems are one percenters; that shit wouldn’t bother them. They’ve done a hell of a lot worse and gotten away with it. Fuck, I’ve done worse. With her being the only connection to him, that threat had to go to someone. Once they realized he didn’t give a fuck what happened to her, they let her be. Now that Kadence is with me, none of that will fall back on her. I protect what’s mine and no one fucks with what’s mine.

  Kadence pulls me out of my thoughts as her hand comes down and squeezes my throbbing cock.

  “You going to fuck me on your front lawn or are you going to take me up to your bed?” Her smooth voice is challenging, but her lips, soft against my neck, are inviting. Jesus, I nearly take her right here but I’m sure the neighbors don’t want to see that show. Picking her up, I walk her to the front door. We’ve got five days to make up for and I’m not about to waste any time.

  ***

  “Wow.” Her breath comes out shallow and fast above me, her bright smile infectious, lighting up the room. “I might have to instigate another argument if that’s how we make up,” she laughs, rolling off me.

  “Fuck no. A week without your sweet pussy is not worth it,” I admit. Her smile deepens at my admission. Not seeing her, touching her, or even talking to her was bad enough.

  “I’m sorry, Nix. I wish you didn't have to see that.” She shakes her head, reliving our messed up Sunday afternoon. “You were right; my anger should be at him. I knew that he left me there, left me without a backwards glance, but I guess I was holding on to the hope that something else happened. Maybe he didn’t want to leave me.” I lean down and kiss her swollen lips.

  “I didn’t want you to learn that lesson, babe, not that way anyway.” I kiss her lips again, not getting enough of the softness of them.

  “I know, Nix, but I realize now I was holding on to something that wasn’t there.”

  I nod, glad that she can finally see that. “The Mayhems, they run a lot differently to us,” I begin, wanting this to be out there between us.

  “It’s okay, Nix,” she interrupts me before I can even begin.

  “No, Kadence, this situation is fucked and I need you to understand that I would never be okay with what they did to you, but you also have to know our relationship with that club is based on keeping the town safe. Both clubs have done things to hurt each other, but we’ve come to a point where it’s not worth it. I can’t just go in and seek revenge for what they did.”

  “I’m not asking you to do that, Nix.”

  “I know that, but I need to lay it out for you, okay?”

  “Does your club do those sorts of things now?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper, unsure of my answer.

  “I’m not gonna lie. We sometimes have to do things that you’re not gonna like; that’s just the way it is. We do our best to keep out of that shit, but if we have to, we will go above the law.” She nods, not saying anything.

  “You still with me here?” I ask, hoping this isn’t a deal breaker.

  “I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay if you break the law, but I think I can deal,” she admits, turning to me, and pulling the sheet up with her to cover herself. I stop her, pulling it off.

  “Nix,” she argues, pulling it back up again.

  “Don’t hide away from me.” I reach down, throwing the sheet off her again. I don’t like it when she shies away from me. Sometimes she can just let go, forget about the scars, while other times, she’ll hold herself back. I want her to feel confident and comfortable in my bed.

  “I don’t want you to look at it,” she confesses. Her voice wavers and her hands cover the marred skin. I reach down and run my finger along the scar.

  “Kadence, don’t ever be ashamed in front of me. You’re fuckin’ beautiful. This scar here," I move my finger along the rigid surface, "simply means you’re stronger than that asshole.”

  My finger moves to the piercing that Sy gave her. It looks almost healed and so damn sexy; the soft glow of the bedside table lamp hits the golden bar. I play with the barbell, and watch as her belly contracts.

  “Will you tell me what happened?”

  She rolls onto her back, a breath escaping her in frustration at me asking. “It’s really not that exciting," she assures me, but I doubt that. Something like this is huge.

  “Try me,” I push.

  "I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Zane and I had been fighting that night, but I didn’t think anything of it until I woke up to a noise.” Her head turns to the side, looking directly at me. “I went looking for him, thinking he was still up. I didn’t think it could be anyone else. It was the smoke that hit me first. The smell was almost chocking me.” She takes a deep breath still looking at me. The silence in the room is eerie: me waiting patiently for her to speak and her trying to gather strength to continue. “When I made it down the hall, I couldn't even comprehend that half of my house was burning in front of me. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do or where Zane was. It all just happened so quickly; there was an explosion, and when I tried to get out, the door was stuck and the smoke was too thick.” She stops for a moment, letting the details wash over me. Reaching down, I entwine my fingers with hers. She seems so detached, like she is reading from a script, but I know reliving it wouldn't be easy.

  “I woke in the hospital the next day after having the first surgery. The police told me the fire was started with two Molotov cocktails through the windows. Zane was nowhere to be found and I was severely burnt to ten percent of my body.”

  Fuck me.

  “They told me my skin was too damaged; that it wouldn’t be able to regenerate on its own, so the first surgery I went through was to protect the most damaged parts before they could graft it.” She shows me the smoothest part of the burn. The pale skin is taut, not red and raised like the rest. You think that would be the least burnt area.

  “Fuck, Kadence,” I say, trying to get my head around it.

  “Yeah it was a lot to take in. The second surgery was a grafting; they took skin from my backside and I really wasn’t prepared for the pain of that.” A shudder runs through her as she relives the pain.

  “After three weeks, fluid built up underneath the donor skin, preventing it from attaching to the wound. It failed, so they had to re-graft more skin. That time they grafted from inside my thigh. I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed,” she says, pointing to the slightly different patch o
f skin. Leaning forward I scan the area. I must admit I haven’t noticed it. My eyes have always been on the prize between her thighs. I had seen the faint area on her ass, but she never acted like it bothered her, so I never commented.

  “I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after that one. I wasn’t healthy enough to be able to go home. I gave up, mentally and physically. Looking back, I can see the weakness, but laying in the hospital, I didn’t see it as survival, only how much I had lost.”

  “You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” I interrupt, not sure if she understands the honesty of my words. She shakes her head in disagreement, a blaze of indignation burning furiously in her eyes.

  “I was so worked up over losing my home and Zane, angry that it was all taken away from me. I didn’t want to think about how lucky I was or how strong I was. People around me in that burn unit were dying, fighting for their lives, and I was complaining about this small section of my body. I was selfish and had no idea about being strong until I met Jesse.”

  She turns her body to mine, lifting her leg over mine. “That's how I met Jesse. He was the one to show me what it truly meant to survive. I was feeling sorry for myself and he helped pull me from the darkness,” she admits and it all comes together why Jesse is so protective of her. Even though I hate Jesse had that with her, I know she needed him at that time in her life.