Incandescent

by River Savage

  The three words on the tip of my tongue spill out, holding back no reservations.

  “I love you, Nix.”

  “You love me?” he asks, shocked I just admitted to him what he already knew. Love is not words. Love is feeling and love is doing. He just needed the words. Nix’s knowing smirk pushes me to answer what he’s known all along. I nod, affirming what he needs.

  “Words, babe, I need the words.”

  “Yes, Nix, I. Love. You.” I roll my eyes at another thing he has bossed out of me.

  “Woman, don’t sass me right before I’m about to ask you to be my wife.”

  The words don’t register, or the fact that he stands from his chair, takes my hand and pulls me up. He kisses me deeply and passionately before going down on one knee in front of me, in front of everyone. The small box he pulls out of his back pocket frightens me; the platinum diamond ring sparkling in front of me renders me speechless.

  He wouldn’t?

  Nothing registers.

  Nothing breaks through

  Until he speaks.

  “I feel like I need to stitch those words into my heart with a needle and thread, Kadence,” he exhales, his emerald eyes anchoring me to my spot. “Kadence, you set me on fire, woman. You walked into my life all attitude and spunk and I thought I had to have you just once. Then you kneed me in the balls and I fell. I fell hard.” Everyone around us laughs at hearing how he came to fall for me, but my eyes stay firmly on him. “I’ve been everythin’ I want to be in this life, but one thing... your husband. Marry me.”

  The music around us has stopped. Looking around, I notice our friends and family have gathered looking on, waiting for my reply. It’s like I’m stuck on pause, watching a show. My heart is beating out of rhythm as I take in his proposal.

  “I only just told you I loved you, Nix. Don’t you think this is moving too fast?” I try to ask quietly.

  “Babe.”

  “What? It’s true!”

  “Jesus Christ,” he curses under his breath.

  Shit, now I feel bad.

  He looks up at me still down on one knee. “You love me. Why wait? I’m not givin’ you a chance to change your mind.”

  My body is screaming at me to accept, my mind telling my mouth to speak the word ‘yes,' but I don’t know how to process, with everyone waiting.

  “Come on, Kadence. Don’t leave me hangin’ here. The only time I’ve ever gotten down on my knee and you’re makin’ me beg? Do I need to fuck you into a yes again?”

  There it is, his cocky attitude, his Nix-way of getting anything he wants, by pushing me. He doesn’t even care he just used fuck in his marriage proposal in front of both our parents. I’m mortified, but only a little.

  “Yes. Yes, I will marry you,” I laugh, smacking him when he stands from his kneeling position. He takes my mouth in a desperate kiss, his hands cupping my face. Pulling back, he whispers soft kisses over my face, telling me how desperately he loves me. Reaching for my hand, he places the most amazing ring I’ve ever seen down my finger. I admire the platinum gold, cushion cut, halo diamond ring, before he abruptly pulls me behind him as our family and friends cheer on.

  “Where are we going?” I ask panicked, trying to hold him back from our descent out of the club.

  “To get married,” he responds as if he just told me we’re going to the bar.

  “What? Nix, wait,” I yell, confused. Flash backs of our first date come to mind, making me giggle.

  “No waitin’. That shit took longer than I thought. I need that piece of paper sayin’ you're my wife, now!”

  “Nix!”

  “What?” He stops pulling me along,

  “I love you, Nix, but this is crazy.”

  “Nothin’ crazy about it.”

  “Nix, we are not getting married tonight!”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Because, because...” I can’t seem to find the words why this would be a bad idea. Maybe this is crazy and it would be amazing, but I want to be able to celebrate with my family and our friends

  “You want to,” he accuses. “You want nothin’ more than for me to take you to Vegas right now and claim you as my wife.” I can’t help but agree. I do, but I also want the whole thing, the dress, my mom and dad. I want what I deserve, what we both deserve.

  “I do, Nix, but as much as the madness of all that thrills me, I want my mom and dad there, and Z. I need Z there. I want to do it right.” I watch as understanding falls over him, accepting my need for my family to be there.

  “I am crazy for you. Do you feel that?” His hand engulfs mine, moving it over his heart.

  “Yeah, I feel it,” I say, laughing. “I felt it when you asked me to marry you just because I told you that I loved you,” I joke, knowing just how crazy he is.

  “I’ve had that ring in my pocket for the last nine weeks, the day you came home from the hospital."

  “You lie.”

  “Never.”

  “Why? Why would you do that?” I ask confused.

  “‘Cause, Kadence, the moment I realized I couldn’t live without you, I also realized I never wanted anyone to have that feelin’, knowin’ how much Kadence Turner made their lives pure. I bought the ring, so the moment you finally realized you loved me, I could make you mine, on the spot. You have been the one for me since the moment you opened that mouth and gave me attitude, and I’m not ever lettin’ that go.”

  “I love you too, Nix. I love you more than I thought I could love somebody.” The words fall easily off my tongue.

  “Kadence, nobody will ever love you the way I do.”

  He’s right. No one has and no one will. I believe it with all my heart, and all my soul.

  “Come, let's go see our parents. I'm sure your dad might feel the need to have a few words with me.” He pulls me back to our family and friends

  “Did you ask for permission?” I ask, hoping that he did. I know my dad would have like that.

  “Babe.”

  “Don’t babe me.”

  “Babe,” he repeats.

  “What kind of babe is that anyway? Like ‘Babe, I’m Nix Knight. I don’t have to ask for anybody’s permission, or ‘Babe, of course I did,’” I ask, more annoyed that any babe works.

  “Neither, it was a ‘Babe, give me your sexy, smartass lips, kiss your fiancé and let our parents congratulate us.’”

  I don’t argue. It won't get me anywhere, so I do as I’m told, like a good girl; ‘cause there is a time and place to be a bad girl, and the day you get engaged is not one of those days.

  ***

  “Hold on to the headboard and don’t let go.”

  “Nix,” I begin before his hand comes down on my ass again.

  “Don’t argue either, or this ends now.” I crawl up the bed and hold onto the headboard.

  “I’ve been waitin’ nine weeks to sink myself back in here,” he purrs as he runs his finger through my wetness. “I’m not gonna be gentle,” he promises, and the thought alone has me shaking.

  It’s a few hours after my party. After Nix proposed to me, we stayed late celebrating with our family and friends. My mom and dad couldn’t be happier. The boys were excited that they get a bachelor party, and Z, he can’t wait to officially call himself my stepson. Holly was happy but I could tell she was uncomfortable being in back at the clubhouse with Sy not letting her out of his sight.

  “Kadence, are you listenin’ to me?” Nix growls from behind me. I know his face is between my legs as I can feel his hot, breath on my most sensitive flesh.

  “Yes, Nix, I’m listening.”

  “What did I say then?”

  “That it’s not going to be gentle.”

  “After that?” he continues to hum directly into my pussy.

  “Umm.”

  “So you weren’t listenin’?” he pushes, still teasing me.

  “Well, it’s hard to concentrate when I’m on all fours and your face is only inches from my pussy.” My ass gets ano
ther slap in response, this time harder.

  “Pay attention,” he scolds while rubbing my ass to soothe the sting. I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips as his fingers glide through my wetness. His hand comes down again, harder, more forceful. My grip on the headboard tightens. I feel like I could explode just knowing his cock is so close.

  “Tonight, I’m gonna redden this ass until it’s glowin’ and you are not to let go, not for anything. Do you understand me?” I nod, my breath caught as his tongue swipes at my center.

  “Words,” he growls, his lips now touching. “Give me words, Kadence.”

  “Goddamn it, Nix. Just spank me, fuck me, or lick me out. I don’t care. Just do something,” I snap, my patience wearing thin.

  “What’s the matter, Kadence? It’s all fun and games when you tease me, but not when I do the same?” His palm comes down fast this time. I yell, the sound vibrating around the room. Nix’s tongue comes out lashing hard at my clit. I sink back against his face, trying to get more friction. The struggle is real, the buildup so amazing. My hips move in time as his tongue brings me to the crest.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Nix!” I scream out as the orgasm takes me, my insides explode.

  “Nothin’ better than making you scream with my mouth. You taste delicious.” He kisses my ass, the wetness of his lips left behind after each peck.

  “Can I let go of the headboard?” I ask, not even attempting to release it. The asshole will punish me more.

  “No. I’m nowhere near done with you.” I roll my eyes. If he thinks this is punishment, I’ll make sure I tease him more often.

  “Now that you’re gonna be my wife, Kadence, we have a few things we need to sort out.”

  “Like?”

  “Like if you ever put my cock in your mouth, you better hope you finish what you start. Do you understand me?

  “Yes, Dad.”

  “Kadence,” he warns again.

  “What are you going to do, Nix? Spank me?” I smile. Fuck I love teasing this man. Strong fingers come to my hips digging in as he enters me in one forceful movement.

  “Fuck,’ I scream as the intrusion I wasn’t prepared for fills me.

  “Jesus,” he grasps as he draws out and slowly enters me again, this time slowly. “Tell me again,” Nix demands as he leans forward, his front close to my back.

  “I love your cock, Nix.” I hold back the laugh as he growls behind me.

  “No.” He thrusts forward.

  “I love you spanking me?” I try again, holding in the moan.

  “Kadence.” His fingers come to my hair, fisting and pulling it back.

  “I love you,” I pant and his movements become frenzied.

  “Again.”

  “I love you, you bossy annoying asshole. Now shut up and fuck me hard,” I demand, over talking about it. I need Nix and his cock.

  “I swear, woman, I love you enough to know I‘m not spanking you hard enough.” He swats my ass again as he continues pounding into me.

  And he’s right. It wasn’t hard enough; another spanking wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it?

  ***

  “Addison is leaving town,” he says as we lay in bed recovering from our first time of being together in nine weeks.

  “What. Why?” I ask, instantly on alert.

  “Don’t know why. Didn’t ask. But know by the end of the month, she’s out.”

  “Shit,” I sigh, knowing that Z will be heartbroken.

  “It’s okay. He doesn’t need her,” he assures me, reading my thoughts.

  “He does, Nix. He needs his mother,” I argue, even if their relationship is strained.

  “He has you and that’s all he needs.” He gathers me further into him, knowing I’m about to turn to face him. He keeps me tucked in, nowhere to move.

  “Don’t even bother arguing. He loves you. You are all he needs.” His breath is at my ear.

  “I don’t know how to be a mom, Nix.”

  “Well, start knowin’ it. We are havin’ kids as soon as I can get you knocked up.”

  “Ummm, no, Nix.”

  “Umm, yes, Kadence.”

  “Oh, my gosh, you are a pain in my ass,” I huff out, annoyed that I can’t argue with him.

  “No, Kadence, the pain is from my hand comin’ down on it earlier.” He laughs at his stupid joke.

  “Agh,” I continue to pout. The damn man makes me crazy.

  His hand comes to my stomach, his fingers lightly grazing the skin. “Can’t wait to see this belly, so beautiful, so big.” He rolls me back on to my back. “Nothing would make me happier to know that we created a child together, Kadence. I want that. I want that for Z. Don’t deny that for us,” he whispers, and this time I cave. Why does he have to be so sweet?

  “I’ll have to make an appointment with the specialist; the scarring might be an issue,” I tell him. I don’t know how much of an issue, but the skin might not be able to stretch. His finger comes down and traces the scar, his face morphing into anger.

  “I hate they did this. That he did this.” He moves down my body to kiss the ugliness. I hate when he does this, but there is no stopping him. “Gunner’s dead,” he continues, ignoring my discomfort at him kissing me there. “Nothing will make up for what they did and I can’t ever take that back, but know that they won’t ever hurt you again,” he promises. And I know he’s telling me the truth.

  “I know, Nix, and I don’t hold that anger anymore.” I look down at him. “It’s over. Zane is dead. Gunner is dead. T and his boys helped save me, and you still have the truce.” I tell him everything he already knows. “Let’s be happy,” I say, for once at peace with my life.

  “I am happy, and I’ll never stop making sure you’re happy, baby,” he tells me, and I know he will. He’s Nix Knight: the man does what he says he’s going to do.

  Epilogue

  Nix

  I roll up on my bike feeling a nervous energy stir through me.

  “You ready for this?” Beau asks beside me. The fucker looks ridiculous in his nut-hugging slacks, wearing his cut and riding his bike.

  “How the fuck we end up here?” I ask, laughing as the rest of the boys pull up next to us. The whole crew’s wearing suits, their cuts replacing the jacket.

  “You’re the fucker who fell in love, asshole,” Sy grumbles beside me.

  “Yeah, well, the suit wasn’t my fuckin’ idea,” I tell them, but they just shake their head knowing I’d do anything for her.

  “You right, boss man?” Jesse asks, watching me quietly.

  “Yep. Wanted this fucking months ago,” I tell them, knowing it’s true. I didn’t care how I got here or how long it took me, I wanted this day.

  “You might have wanted this day, but you look like you’re about to puke,” Beau laughs beside me.

  He’s right. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I’m Nix Knight. I don’t get nervous. But fuck. I am. Today is one of the most important days of my life. Today, I make Kadence my wife.

  Kadence

  “Keep still or I won’t be able to get it right.” Holly swats my hand away, while still holding the curling iron close to my scalp.

  “Don’t burn me, Holly,” I complain.

  “I won’t if you stop moving,” she argues back.

  “I can’t help it. I'm nervous. I feel like I could spend the day on the toilet.” Her insane laughter fills the room, and the sound heals a little of the pain I hold for her in losing her child. It’s been four months since that night, and even though the same funny, crazy Holly is standing in front of me, doing my hair for my wedding day, I feel like she’s still missing a little piece. I’ve searched and searched for that small piece, but no matter how far I travel, how deep I dig, I can’t find it. I’ve come to realize it’s not something I can give her. It’s something she can only find herself. It’s just coming to terms with that.

  A knock at the door has me jumping in my chair.

  “Keep it together, Kadence.” Holly laughs at
how nervous I am. My dad walks in looking handsome in his suit. He wasn’t impressed when mom and I picked it out for him, but I could see behind his eyes that he would be secretly proud to wear it for his daughter's wedding day.

  “You’re late,” he croaks, quickly turning away from me.

  “Are you crying, Mr. Turner?” Holly calls out.

  I smile at her jab, but I feel slightly sorry for my dad. I've never seen him cry. “Are you okay, Dad?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got something in my eye,” he explains as Holly snorts behind me.

  “We are almost ready, Daddy,” I tell him, using the name I know that he loves to hear.

  “Done,” Holly declares, moving away from me. I stand from the chair and walk to look into the full-length mirror. Shit. I draw in a breath. The floor-length ivory gown sits snug against my body, a small band of crystals cinching my waist in. The sweetheart neckline is covered in a sheen of beaded lace, cut off in a capped sleeve. My dark hair is woven up into a low updo, leaving soft curls falling around my face. The ivory-netted headpiece that Holly just secured in covers half my face, the crisscross pattern sitting two inches over my left eye.

  “I love it, Holly.” I turn to look at her and catch the last look of pain cross her face. “Are you okay?” I ask, walking to her.

  “I’m okay, Kadence.” She wipes the lone tear away. “You look breathtaking.” She pulls me in for a short hug and then steps back smiling at me. I know she’s happy for me.

  “I love you, Holly.”

  “I love you, too. Okay, let me just grab your bouquet and mine, and let's get this shindig started.” She leaves through the connecting door, giving Dad and me some privacy.

  “Are you okay, Daddy?” I look over at him, still trying to keep his tears at bay.

  “Fuck no! My baby girl’s getting married, and by God, you’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.” He walks up to me, engulfing me in his strong embrace.