by Lylah James
Opening my eyes again, I shook my head. “Stop thinking about it, Ayla,” I said to myself, facing the mirror. My reflection stared back at me, my face looking just as haggard as I felt.
After freshening up and getting dressed, I walked out to the door but hesitated.
Was he still there? Did he wake up yet?
I didn’t think I had the courage to see him again. If I saw him again, I knew I would forgive him in an instant and beg him to hold me.
Finally, my fingers wrapped around the knob, and I opened the door. I took a deep breath and stepped out.
The room was empty.
Alessio was gone.
My shoulder drooped low as I stared at the chair he had been sleeping in before. I didn’t know if I was sad or relieved. As my eyes stayed glued to the chair, I realized that I was secretly hoping he would still be here.
These feelings were confusing. Frustrating and definitely annoying.
I glared at the chair, my lips twisting ruefully. Shaking my head, I walked out of the room without a final glance.
Maddie was waiting for me in the kitchen, and as soon as I walked inside, she raised an eyebrow in my direction. “I saw Alessio walking out of my room,” she commented, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Yes,” I sighed. “He probably spent the night there. I woke up to see him sleeping in the chair.”
“Did you talk to him?” Lena asked. I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes, and I saw her staring at me expectantly. When I shook my head mutely, her shoulders dropped sadly.
“How long are you going to avoid him? I’m not telling you to forgive him, because he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven so easily after that stupid act, but I think you need to let him explain. Not for his sake, but for your own,” Maddie explained, her expression a little hopeful.
I knew she was right, but I just had to find the courage to confront Alessio now.
***
I had successfully avoided Alessio all morning and at lunch. It pained me to do so, but I had spent most of the day thinking. About him, us, and what had happened.
But every single time, I came to the same conclusion.
I was scared.
I was scared that what he felt for me was a lie. I was scared that he could move on so easily, forgetting me. After all, he had so many women lining up for him.
I was always second…even with Alberto. Even though he claimed that I was his, he was never mine. I had to share him with other women. He would fuck them in front of me, forcing me to watch. And then he would fuck me right after.
Closing my eyes against the painful memories, my fingers tightened around the comforter. Behind my closed lids, all I saw was Sasha coming out of Alessio’s office, holding her ripped panties. It was painful to think that Alessio had touched her so easily.
I lost track of how long I sat there lost in my thoughts, but when I finally looked at the time, it was time to prepare dinner. Getting off the bed, I walked out of my old bedroom.
I was making my way downstairs when my steps faltered at the sight of Alessio coming up. His head was cast down as he stared intently at his phone. My throat was suddenly dry, and my hand clenched the banister.
He continued upstairs, completely oblivious that I was standing in his way. But when he was a few steps below me, he froze, his head slowly coming up to stare at me.
I sucked in a harsh breath at the sight of his beautiful, tired face. His face softened, and he slowly walked up the stairs until he was one step below me. In this position, we were almost the same height.
His blue eyes, filled with pain and longing, raked over my face as he took me in with a sorrowful expression. His eyes spoke volumes.
For the first time, he was letting me see what he was feeling. It was right there in the open, his eyes shining with vulnerability, something I was sure he had never shown anyone before.
But here he was, giving me yet another part of himself.
His hand slowly came up until his finger was tracing a line down my cheek. His touch was gentle, almost feather light.
“Ayla,” he whispered, my name sliding past his lips as if he was whispering a prayer. His thumb brushed over my lips as his eyes stayed on mine.
With Alessio so close, I was lost in his captivating, pain-filled eyes. My body was instinctively drawn to him before I could think.
“Alessio,” I breathed, moving just a little closer. At the sound of my voice, he cupped my cheek, holding my face gently.
But then the connection was broken. The spell that had bound us together in that moment vanished in thin air, leaving us both stunned and completely dejected.
“Boss.”
I felt Alessio’s warm touch disappear from my face as he pulled away and turned toward the voice that had called him. Phoenix looked between us and then fixated his eyes on Alessio.
Quickly looking down, I released the breath that I hadn’t even realized I was holding. Phoenix was saying something, but I tuned him out.
Feeling disappointed that my moment with Alessio was interrupted, I avoided eye contact with him and Phoenix and continued my way down.
I felt Alessio’s eyes on me the whole time, his stares burning holes in my back. My body was strung tight with tension, and I rubbed my sweaty hands over my dress, trying hard to control my breathing and racing heart.
Stepping into the kitchen, I sent Maddie a quick smile, acting as if everything was fine when I was feeling anything but fine.
I couldn’t keep doing this any longer. It was only hurting me. But in the process, it was hurting Alessio too. And the thought of him being hurt felt like a knife stabbing in my chest.
He was a confident man. Arrogant and so sure of himself, but the Alessio standing on those stairs, he was a completely different man.
For both our sakes, I willed myself to be strong.
A hand on my arm snapped me out of my thoughts. Maddie stared at me, an eyebrow raised in question.
Swallowing nervously, I looked down at my feet and looked back up again, finally speaking my thought.
“I need your help.”
Chapter 14
My legs bounced up and down almost frantically. In their nervous movement, a random rhythm was found. It matched the beating of my pounding and wildly racing heart.
If the bouncing of my knees were not enough to show my anxiety, then my hands showed it clearly. My trembling hands rested on my lap, my fingers clenching tight, and then unclenching around the fabric of my dress.
It wasn’t a surprise that I was slowly going crazy with tension.
After all, I was sitting at the piano, waiting for Alessio to make his appearance.
It had been two nights since I last played the piano. The last two nights, it was Alessio hoping that I would come to the piano room and play for him. And now, it was me waiting for him.
Was he going to come? Or was he angry at me? Was he going to make me wait, like I did to him?
With each passing second, I was growing more alarmed at the thought that Alessio wasn’t going to come.
What was he doing right now?
Did he receive my note?
The flower?
Did he smile while reading it? Was he happy about them?
Or did he ignore them?
My lips turned down in a frown at the thought of him refusing my gifts. But then I shook my head. “Stop it, Ayla,” I muttered.
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I heard a sound at the door, and my head snapped toward it.
There he was. Alessio.
He was standing tall, his hands resting on the door as he struggled with his breathing. It appeared as if he had run all the way here. There were beads of sweat dotting his forehead, a few strands of hair clinging on his skin as his eyes fixated on mine. His breathing was almost frantic, his eyes presenting a wild look as he walked further inside.
I saw him swallow nervously several times, his throat bobbing up and down with the movement. Alessio walked to his
sofa chair, which was directly in front of the piano.
Taking a seat in his usual spot, he extended his legs forward in the exact same position he would take every single night while I played the piano.
We didn’t say anything. There was only silence.
But the silence between us was enough. It was always enough. We only needed each other’s presence, our eyes on each other. Words were never needed to express what we were feeling.
So I kept my eyes on him, and he did the same.
Blue to green.
Taking another deep breath, I tried to relax my tense shoulders, and I placed my trembling hands on the piano keys. My touch was light, barely even touching. My fingers softly moved over the keys, and my mouth curved up in a small smile.
I missed this.
Not just the piano, but this moment between just Alessio and I.
I missed him. His presence, his smile, his twinkling bluish steel-colored eyes. I missed everything about us.
So I played.
While we never took our eyes off each other, I played to him like I did every night. I played for us.
The music flowed, cocooning us in its warmth. A sweet, gentle melody. Something I had learned while I was trying to escape the darkness that Alberto would always throw me in.
It always brought me peace, but in this moment, I wasn’t doing it for me.
I was doing it for Alessio, hoping it would bring him peace and ease the pain I had caused him.
I didn’t have much to give him, so I gave him the only thing I had. The only thing I knew I had. Something I had treasured close to me for years.
After playing the song once, I played it a second time. My eyes caught Alessio’s shoulders dropping as he started to relax in his sofa chair. A breathy sigh escaped past his lips, and the pained expression on his face slowly started to fade away, until he was staring at me with soft eyes.
I melted into his stares, my heart accelerating as I took him in.
As the song came to an end for a second time, I paused, my fingers laid gently over the keys as I breathed. Alessio stayed still, and he waited for my next move.
Slowly pushing the bench away, I stood up and walked around the piano until I was standing in front of it, facing Alessio. There was nothing between us. I just had to walk a few steps and I would be in his arms.
And that was exactly what I did.
One second I was standing away from Alessio and the next, I was right in front of him, standing between his spread legs. My knees touched his sofa chair as I looked down at him.
My eyes moved over his hard, muscled chest and then down the length of his arms until they landed on his right hand.
He was still holding the flower I had given him.
A single white peony.
His fingers were wrapped around the stem like he never wanted to let go. But even then, his hold looked almost gentle, as if he was scared to ruin the delicate flower.
I choked back a sob as my eyes moved to his other hand.
He was holding the note I had sent him before coming to the piano room. I knew what it said. I had stared at it for hours before finally having the courage to send it to him.
Please come to the piano room. I want to play for you.
That was what it said. Simple words, yet it meant a lot to both of us.
Glancing away from his hands, I looked into his eyes again. Without giving it another thought, I sat down on his lap, settling myself sideways and leaning against his chest.
I felt Alessio’s shocked breath, and then his arms were around me, so quick that it took me by surprise. He crushed me to him and buried his face in my neck.
My name was barely a whisper against his lips, but I heard it. I felt it. Placing my head on his shoulder, I wrapped an arm around his waist.
We were both silent for a few moments. Alessio kept his face buried in my neck, and I felt him place a soft kiss there before tightening his arms around me.
“Ayla,” he started, but I squeezed his waist, stopping him.
“Just let me talk, okay? I need to say something,” I replied.
“Okay,” he readily agreed. “Whatever you want, Ayla.”
Moving my head from his shoulder, it forced him to shift away from my neck too. I sat up straight on his lap, our faces a few inches apart. My hands came up to cup his cheeks, my fingers rubbing gently over the slight stubble.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Alessio’s eyes widened, and he quickly shook his head. “No. Don’t—” But his flowing words were stopped by my finger pressed over his lips.
“No, listen to me, Alessio. Please, just let me get this out, okay?”
He sighed and gave me a sharp nod, his fingers digging into my hips. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I was angry and hurt, and I wanted you to hurt. I’m still angry and hurt from what you did, but I can’t hurt you. It torments me to think that you were in pain because of me.”
Alessio made a strangling sound. He brought his hand up his face and placed it over mine. I looked at his stunning face, my heart thumping at how beautiful he was, even when he looked so tired and forlorn.
“I get why you did it,” I continued. “I get why you thought I was the spy. It makes sense, so I don’t blame for you not trusting me before. These last two days, I kept thinking if it were possible that whatever we had was a lie. I was and still am scared.”
Rubbing my fingers over his lips and then tracing his nose, my fingers continued their way up under his eyes. “I can forgive you for that.”
I paused and then swallowed hard before uttering the next words. “But I don’t think I can forgive you so easily for what happened with Sasha.”
Alessio opened his mouth, but I shushed him again. “Even if you didn’t have sex with her, you still touched her.” I choked on the last words.
The thought of Alessio touching another woman was gut-wrenching. I might have been lying too. I was keeping a big secret from Alessio, I was just as guilty, but I couldn’t accept the fact that Alessio had touched another woman.
“The thought of you touching another woman—the thought of you being with someone else so easily, it’s painful, Alessio. I don’t think I’ll get over that soon. I might forgive you for the rest, but it’ll take me time to forgive you for touching Sasha.”
“Ayla,” he whispered brokenly, his eyes filled with guilt. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know the whole story. The only thing I know is that you touched her. I have my reasons why I don’t want you to explain,” I murmured, my fingers brushed over his eyebrows, my whole body tingling like it always did when I was touching him.
“Because if you explain now, I will doubt you and your intentions. My judgments will be clouded by my anger and hurt. And I don’t want to ever doubt you.”
I cupped his jaw again, and he leaned into my palm, nuzzling into my touch. I felt my heart crack and then slowly piece together at the show of affection.
Leaning forward, I placed a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose. I felt Alessio sighing almost contentedly.
“I have thought about this for so long. You have showed me so many times that you care, Alessio. You helped me, stood by me, and made me strong. You never gave up on me and never left me in the darkness, even when I was so stupidly stubborn. When I think about everything we’ve been through and everything you have done for me, I think I can forgive you. I will eventually forgive you.”
“And that’s all I need. I just need your forgiveness, Ayla.” The words were spoken low and almost fiercely.
Giving him a tentative smile, I continued. “When it’s time for you to explain, I want to be ready to believe you. And for that I just need some time to get over this anger and stupid hurt that’s filling my heart right now.”
“How much time? How long do you need, Ayla?” he asked, his eyes wide with caution, layers of desperation clouding his expression.
“Just a few days. That’s all I’m asking.”
After
those words were spoken, we fell silent. I leaned my forehead against his, and we breathed. My hands went to the back of his neck, my nails softly dragging up and down the skin, just the way I knew he loved. He slowly started to relax, his tensed muscles loosening under my touch.
“Being away from you hurts, Ayla. It’s painful.”
My eyes snapped open at his words, and I quickly blinked away my unshed tears. “I’m sorry.”
“But I don’t want you to be sorry,” he interrupted quickly. “You have every right to be angry and hurt. I fucked up bad. This mess we are in right now is my fault. So I understand. If I saw another man touching you, I would probably kill him without a second thought.”
At his words, I remembered the scene that took place yesterday, when Viktor had kissed me. Alessio had snapped and went ballistic at the sight of Viktor touching me.
“So I don’t blame you, Ayla,” he said. “I’ll give you however much time you want. Just please don’t take too long. I don’t think I can wait for a long time.”
Alessio paused before confessing softly, his next words taking my breath away. “I need you.”
I need you too, I wanted to say.
“Okay,” I agreed before placing my head on his shoulder again. Alessio wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.
“Where will you sleep?” he suddenly broke the silence that we were both basking in.
“In my room. I don’t think I can sleep in our room without touching you. I can’t bear having any kind of distance between us,” I replied dejectedly, hating the thought of sleeping without him.
“I don’t think I can sleep in our room without you, either,” he confessed, his fingers tracing random patterns on the length of my bare arms.
Pushing my head up, I looked at Alessio, my gaze searching his in question. “Our room will stay empty until you are ready for me to explain. When you are ready, we’ll meet in our bedroom,” he explained, his bluish eyes holding me captive.
That sounded perfect. “Okay,” I agreed again. Alessio sent me a small smile and quickly gave me a peck on the lips.