by Lylah James
Why did I find it hard to touch her stomach? I couldn’t even bring myself to stare at the bump for too long.
Feeling completely disgusted at my reaction, I blinked away and stared at Ayla’s sleeping face. She looked so peaceful, her face pale and relaxed. My Angel looked like a sleeping beauty.
But her sleep was probably plagued with nightmares.
I would be there to keep them away. I would fight her demons for her. After all, I promised to give her back her wings.
My chest grew tight, and my eyes pricked with unshed tears. For the first time in my life, I felt…weak.
Tears. Stupid fucking tears. I was crying.
“I will wait for your call,” Ivy mumbled before standing up. Lena quickly took her place and adjusted the towel around Ayla. She pulled the comforter over her and stepped away.
I saw Nina looking at Ayla, her face expressionless as always. After a few seconds, she left with Ivy without a word.
Sam came to my side. “Can I stitch you now?”
Without answering, I pushed my injured leg in his direction. My teeth ground together as he removed the bullet and stitched the wound. It was painful and burned like a goddamn bitch, but staring at Ayla’s sleeping face eased the pain.
I was lost in her, ignoring the needle as Sam finished up. After inspecting his work, he pressed a fresh bandage over the wound and stood up.
Sam didn’t say anything when he stepped out of the room. Lena fussed over Ayla, her forehead creased with worry lines.
“How is Maddie?” I asked mindlessly, pushing Ayla’s hair out of her face.
“She’s sleeping,” Lena replied quietly.
I nodded silently. So much happened, and I wondered how we were going to get back from it.
I started to pull the comforter over myself when I saw Viktor come into the room. “Painkiller,” he muttered, handing me the glass and pills he was carrying.
“What did Sam and Ivy say?”
I shrugged, quickly swallowing the pills. “As far as the bruises, she will heal. Ivy wants to do an ultrasound.”
“Alessio, the baby—”
“Not now.” I stopped him. “I don’t want to think about it now. My priority is Ayla.”
When I turned away from him, I heard him sigh. After waiting for a few seconds, he finally left the room and closed the door behind him.
Placing a kiss on Ayla’s forehead, I wrapped an arm around her chest, pulling her back to my front. I ignored the throbbing pain in my leg and closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Angel. For failing you. Disappointing you. If only I had listened. I don’t know how you will forgive me, but I promise that I will never fail you again,” I mumbled in her ear.
“You are my everything, Ayla. I just need you to wake up. We will figure everything else out after that. I promise I won’t leave your side,” I whispered.
She didn’t stir. Not even a twitch.
Her lack of movement felt like knives stabbing at my heart. I was hurting for her.
As the seconds, minutes, and hours ticked by, I slowly lost my resolve. My eyes drooped, and no matter how hard I tried to keep them open, it became almost impossible.
What the fuck.
When my vision blurred and I weakened with weariness, I swore.
My arms tightened around Ayla one more time. As my eyes closed and darkness clouded me, I finally understood.
The fucking asshole. He drugged me. Stupid sleeping pills.
Chapter 3
Sleepily, my eyes blinked open. My vision was blurred, and I tumbled over the edge of consciousness.
My eyes finally adjusted to the glaring sunlight a few seconds later. Ayla was still wrapped in my arms, her body anchored into mine.
My eyes widened when I found my hand over her round stomach. I stayed frozen for a second, too scared to move.
My throat felt suddenly dry, and I swallowed past the lump forming there. I pressed my hand more firmly into the roundness. The towel had fallen away, and I was now skin to skin with her belly.
Her stomach was stretched tight, but the skin was still surprisingly soft.
I stared at the contrast of my hand over her skin. My hand was big and rough, my palm taking about half of the fullness of her stomach. While even bruised, she radiated beauty.
I was still staring at Ayla’s abdomen, and instinctively, I started to rub small circles. When I realized what I was doing, I went to snatch my hand away but stopped dead.
My eyes widened, and my breath left my lungs in a loud whoosh.
What the hell.
There. It happened again.
The first time was so light that I barely felt it. But this time, it was harder.
My hand had moved when I felt it.
Was that…?
I leaned closer, my face only inches away from Ayla’s stomach. I waited and counted the seconds in my head.
When I started to give up, it happened again. And then again. Harder this time. I flinched and pulled away quickly.
“Mommy, can I feel the baby?”
She took my hand and placed it on her round belly. As soon as my palm made contact with her stomach, I felt a hard kick.
“She kicks hard,” I whispered.
“You used to kick harder.”
“I was feeling Princess moving.”
Swallowing hard against the unwelcomed memories, I placed my hand over Ayla’s pregnant belly again.
I felt it again. A kick. Or was it a punch?
It—the baby—was moving, and I was feeling him.
Without thinking, I caressed the spot where the baby just kicked. “You have finally decided to make your presence known,” I whispered.
There was another slight movement, and I stared at Ayla’s stomach in awe. Completely mesmerized.
I had come to a point where I didn’t know how to feel—I didn’t understand what I was feeling.
One moment I hated the idea of the baby, while the next I was mesmerised by his movement.
The way my chest tightened and my heart fluttered told me a different story. I didn’t hate the idea of the baby. I hated the situation.
But the baby came with this situation.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when the baby moved again. Pulling my hand away, I shook my head and looked up.
My heart stuttered, and I swore it stopped for a second.
Beautiful green eyes stared back at me.
I stared back, trying to catch my breath.
For so long, I wanted to look into those eyes. And now I was.
My lips wobbled into a small smile, and I sat up, leaning forward into her. Her eyes were a glimmer color of emerald. They sparkled brighter in the light of the morning sun. Her black hair was splayed across the pillows as she blinked sleepily at me.
So beautiful. She looked like a Goddess. A real Angel.
My Ayla was back.
I couldn’t help but smile as I reached to palm her cheek.
“Ayla,” I croaked, rubbing my thumb over her velvety soft skin.
Her gaze softened the slightest bit, and a sweet smile whispered across her lips.
“Y…you…ha…ve his eyes.”
My eyes widened at her soft croaking voice. Ayla was talking!
But then confusion clouded my mind. “Whose eyes, Angel?”
I waited, but she didn’t speak again. My muscles started to lock in tension.
She stared and then finally whispered, so soft I barely heard her, “A…Al…Alessio.”
What?
“Ayla…what are you talking about? It’s me. Alessio. I am Alessio.”
And then she closed her eyes.
“No. No. No.” I panicked. “Angel, open your eyes. C’mon, show me those pretty green eyes.”
It wasn’t enough. I barely saw them. She had to stay awake. I had to hear her voice. I would beg for it if I had to.
I had no shame. Nothing else mattered.
“Angel,” I said, shaking her shoulders. “Please, s
ay something.”
She didn’t even stir.
How long was she awake? Did I miss it? Was I sleeping the whole time she was awake?
How could I have been so fucking irresponsible?
This time I wouldn’t sleep. There was no way I would close my eyes again.
My heart raced like the wings of a caged bird. I did feel caged, and it was suffocating.
It felt like I was watching everything from the outside. Ayla was far away, and no matter how much I reached for her, she always ended up fading in the darkness.
She always faded away, and I was left empty.
No!
I took her hand in mine and talked. I talked for hours.
I begged for her to wake up. I begged for forgiveness. I begged for her love.
I made promises to cherish and take care of her.
But no matter how much I cajoled, fussed, and pushed, Ayla never moved or stirred.
Chapter 4
It was already the next day. Lena came with food, but I didn’t eat.
I stayed by Ayla’s side, holding her to me, caressing her and hoping she would wake up soon.
My men came and went. Viktor tried to get me to shower, but I refused. Lena said she would take care of Ayla while I rested, but I pushed everyone away.
I talked until my throat was completely dry and hurting. I thought that maybe she would hear my voice and wake up.
Maybe…maybe…so many maybes and I was still hoping.
Even when everything looked so hopeless, I still hoped.
Even when it felt as if I was breaking and being slowly cut from the inside, I still hoped.
Because as long as I had Ayla in my arms, I could hope.
I was her savior once. I would be her savior again.
My chest burned, and I rubbed a hand over my heart in frustration. Feeling, emotions, the heart—they were such a weakness.
I chuckled dryly and leaned my head against the headboard. It was too late now. There was no going back.
I now understood what Lyov and Isaak meant.
Mindlessly, I rubbed a hand over Ayla’s arm. Looking down at her sleeping form, I saw her slowly stirring. Her forehead creased, and her lips twitched.
I sat forward, my heart beating wildly. My hands started to shake, and sweat broke out on my forehead.
“Angel,” I whispered as she roused from her long hours of sleep.
She blinked her eyes open. Sleepily at first, and then finally she was fully awake.
We stared at each other. And just like the very first time my eyes had met hers, my heart stuttered and my stomach tightened in knots.
I could have flipped in joy and screamed from the top of my lungs.
But I only smiled.
I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “My Ayla. My beautiful Angel.” I peppered her face with kisses.
When Ayla didn’t move, my eyebrows furrowed tensely, and I pulled back.
I quickly lost my smile.
Realization finally dawned that she still hadn’t responded to me. “Ayla?” I said, touching her cheek and running a finger along her dried lips.
There was no recognition in her green eyes.
I suddenly felt sick.
She still hadn’t uttered a word. No, she just stared.
I knew she wasn’t seeing me.
She just stared into space without saying anything. I wasn’t even sure if she understood what was happening.
I spent a few minutes trying to bring her back. But it was no use.
“Ayla,” I whispered. “It’s me. Alessio.”
Nothing.
And that was the moment my heart shattered.
She only stared blankly at me. Her face was completely devoid of emotion, her eyes lacking the light that had always been there. They were empty.
I was wrong.
I finally had Ayla in my arms; she was safe. She was with me—but she wasn’t here.
My Angel was gone.
In her place was an empty shell.
Chapter 5
I stared at Ayla, completely frozen. For so long, I wanted her eyes on me, but not like this.
Not empty and lifeless.
She wasn’t seeing me. As if I wasn’t even there.
I touched her cheek gently, hoping it would bring her attention to me. But instead she moved her eyes away. I watched her look around the room. Her attention stayed on the wall far longer than I liked.
Then her gaze moved around again, taking in every piece. Even though she looked intently around the room, I knew she wasn’t seeing anything.
She was lost in her mind.
Her eyes saw what was there, but her mind didn’t acknowledge it.
I feared this would be an outcome from her captivity.
I knew she would be hurt…maybe even beyond help…but I thought that at least she would recognize me.
Those beautiful green orbs moved back to mine. I remembered clearly the day I first saw those eyes. They were filled with fear back then. But slowly, I had watched them change to something else. There was wonder, amazement, happiness, and finally love.
But now all of that was gone. In its place was nothing…her eyes held nothing.
Looking in them, even I felt empty. I realized that I lived through Ayla. Her happiness had been mine. Her smile and laughter had brought me to life. The look in her eyes, the love in them had brought me compassion and love. They taught me to feel.
Now I was left feeling too much while she closed in herself.
Her gaze bored into mine.
Blue to green.
My heart stammered heavily in my chest as I watched for any change. Any trickle of life. When none of that happened, the realization settled around me like a heavy cloud. We had been thrown back into the pit of darkness.
I was just a stranger to my Angel.
I was suddenly afraid I would push too hard and maybe too fast.
Shaking my head in dread, I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I couldn’t give up. Not now. Not ever. I would fight until I had nothing left to give, until I had made sure she was fully back to me.
I forced myself to smile.
It was a strain, but I smiled—for her.
My finger softly trailed up her cheek, and I moved Ayla’s hair behind her ear. She didn’t move. Her gaze stayed fixated on mine.
If I didn’t know better, I would have said she looked mesmerized by my eyes. Like they were the only thing she could stare at.
I shifted around so our faces were mere inches apart. My lips touched the tip of her nose before I slightly leaned back. “I know you’ll probably not hear me. Or even if you do, you’ll not understand. But I want you to hear my voice. I want you to know that I am here.”
I moved my head to the side. “Angel,” I whispered in her ears. Placing a kiss on her head, I leaned back. “You are so beautiful; you know that?”
When she didn’t respond, I smiled and rubbed her cheeks. They used to be round, but she had lost weight. It wasn’t healthy for her or the baby.
At the thought of the baby, my eyes moved to her stomach. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on the bump.
Deep inside, I wanted to feel him or her again. The urge to feel the baby move, to connect with it in some way, was strong.
As soon as I placed my hand on Ayla’s stomach, the baby shifted around. I couldn’t help but smile. I felt strangely giddy at the thought of the baby moving at my touch.
I rubbed the bump. “You sure are a dancer,” I said to the bump when it moved again. “Or maybe a fighter?” A small laugh bubbled from my chest. It was playing target practice in there.
A hard kick pressed against my palm. “A fighter it is then.”
Another kick. Leaning down until my face was over the bump, I pressed my hand a little firmer. “You need to let Ay—your,” I paused, my throat suddenly closing up, “your mommy rest. She is tired.”
I waited for another kick. When it happened, I shook my head, my heart feeling
a little fuller than before.
I looked up to see Ayla still staring at me. “Are you hungry?” I asked, sitting up. She didn’t answer, not that I was expecting her to.
“You need to eat.” I continued talking even when there was no response from her. “If I tell Lena to bring some food, will you eat?”
I was already reaching for my phone. Quickly calling Lena, I told her to bring a tray of food up for Ayla.
I faced Ayla again. “Lena made your favorite fried noodles. Remember how much you loved them?” I sat down beside her and caressed her hair. “You would fight anyone for the last plate.”
I talked and talked, telling her about Maddie and the things they would do together. I told Ayla how Lena adored her.
I waited for any sign of life in her green eyes, but there was none. She stayed silent. Just observing me.
When Lena finally brought the tray up, I helped Ayla sit.
She stared at the food and then looked up at me again. I brought the fork to her lips, waiting for her to take a bite. But she didn’t. Lena coddled and urged her to eat, but Ayla stayed unmoving.
With my hands shaking, I brought the fork down and pushed the tray away. “She’s not going to eat.”
“But Alessio, she needs to eat. It’s not healthy,” Lena argued.
I felt Ayla shift beside me. She laid down and turned toward me. Ayla stared at me for one final time before closing her eyes.
Her breathing was evened out in a span of seconds, her body going limp as she fell asleep.
My Angel really was broken, her wings clipped cruelly.
“Alessio,” Lena whispered, her voice croaky with tears. I shook my head, keeping my eyes on my sleeping Angel.
Lena took the tray, and I heard her leave, the door closing behind her.
With my heart heavy, I moved closer to Ayla and held her to me.
When she sighed sleepily in my chest, my arms tightened around her waist. Her bump was pressed against my stomach, and I felt the baby shift one last time before it settled down too.
A few minutes later, both mother and baby were sound asleep.
But I stayed awake, my mind refusing to let the sleepiness take place. It was impossible to close my eyes. Every time the darkness surrounded me, all I saw was Ayla trapped in the dungeon. Pregnant, hurt, and alone.