The Maid's Quarters

by Holly Bush

  Maeve dropped down into a chair and wiped her eyes on her apron. She clutched Alice’s hands. “Yes. Yes, I would like to spend whatever time he has remaining together as a family. He done wasted all those years on liquor and he knows it, and I put you and Jimmy above what my heart wanted and threw him out all those years ago. But it would make me very happy to live together with him. I love him, you see, through the good and the bad, and now that he’s trying, really trying to be some kind of father to Jimmy, I want to give him the chance. But I’d never, ever do something you were against. You and Jimmy have always come first. You and your brother always will.”

  “I know,” Alice said. “It would be good for Jimmy. Tell Da tonight when he comes by.”

  Maeve squeezed her hands and looked into her eyes. “Why don’t you tell him, love? It would mean the world to him.”

  * * *

  “I wish you would let me talk to her,” Albert said to Mrs. Porterman, running a hand through his hair as he stood at the doorway of the Porterman home.

  “She’s not here, and no, I won’t tell you where she’s gone,” Maeve said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Will you tell her I was here?”

  She nodded. “I do every time.”

  Albert walked away from the door, toward the street and to what he did not know. For weeks, more than a month, he’d been trying to puzzle out what could have brought on this sudden change of heart. Their kiss played over and over in his head like a piano repeating the same song time and again, and woke him in the middle of the night, his body aching for her. For her soft, wide lips, trembling against his, her long-lashed eyes, and the smooth skin of her neck he touched as he held her face. Although she’d been nervous and feeling out of her element, Alice had conversed with his guests as if she’d been born to be by his side. And he had not been mistaken when she had looked at him and smiled, as he’d always been confident in his ability to judge others’ intent and purpose. But he was no longer.

  “Are you the gent coming ’round to see Alice?”

  Albert looked up at a gaunt-faced man carrying a small empty bucket with a red-checkered napkin inside. He looked haggard and tired, but his hair was cut neatly, even for being covered in coal dust. His face and hands were clean, evidently from a recent scrubbing. He looked familiar in an odd way, and Albert realized the brother, the one coughing in the pull cart the day Nyturn turned their house inside out, was a replica, neither boy nor man looking particularly healthy or robust.

  “Yes, I am,” he said. “Alice told me you don’t live here anymore.”

  “I don’t. Her ma threw me out, right and fair, a decade or more ago. But Maeve has been cooking for me since I’ve been ill with the groceries my Alice buys.”

  Albert stuck his hands in his pockets and contemplated the man now staring at him. Perhaps he had some clues to Alice’s heart for him. He was staring at Albert, as if trying to make out his intentions, and even with the man’s frankness about his own weaknesses, he was still fierce looking with all that he said. Perhaps honesty in return was in order.

  “I love her. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense for how I feel. I would have preferred to say those words to her first, but she won’t speak to me and I don’t know why. I can’t sleep at night for dreaming of her, and I spend the day thinking about what she is doing and who she is talking to and why it isn’t me.”

  “Then you should come here every day and tell her. I should have told my Maeve and quit the bottle years ago. I’ll be paying the Grim Reaper for my errors before my time.”

  “What if she’ll never speak to me?”

  “Will that change how you feel? Do you love my girl ’cause there’s something for you in return? Or do you love her because she is the only thing in this world to make sense to you, and will love her till you die, whether you share a life with her or never see her again on this earth?”

  Albert stared at him solemnly. “I will love her forever, and I’m not sure how or why I’m certain of that, only that I am.”

  The man nodded and walked past him to the front door. “Good luck to you then,” he said.

  * * *

  Her ma and da listened to Jimmy read a story from the book Alice had brought him from the Lending Library. Maeve smiled at Gerald, nodding at Jimmy with pride, and he laid his hand over his wife’s where it lay on the kitchen table. They sat there hand in hand listening to the story of Miss Mary and her dog. They both clapped when he was done reading, and so did Alice from where she stood in the doorway.

  “Come on then,” Maeve said to Jimmy. “Mrs. McKinnell’s boys are waiting for you to start playing checkers. I’ll walk over with you and return these four eggs I borrowed from her earlier in the week.”

  The kitchen door closed, and Gerald stood to leave and pulled on his coat. “Good night, Alice.”

  “Wait,” she said. But then she did not know what to say or how to say it, and they stood staring at each other.

  “I met your gent today,” he said.

  “What? Where? What did you say?” Alice asked in a rush.

  “He was standing at the end of the walk when I stopped here from work.”

  “What did you say to him?” she asked again.

  “Not much to repeat other than him saying that he loved you.”

  Alice covered her mouth with both hands, and her eyes filled with tears. “Why would he say that?” she whispered.

  “You should find out. When someone says they love you, you should find out if it’s true and if your heart returns it. It’s not something to take lightly, girl.”

  “What would you know of love?”

  “I know that your ma loved me, and she told me she did and I paid her no mind. I was young and foolish and full of myself. I loved her, too, but was too busy and too proud to tell her. What a fool I was.”

  “And then you walked out the door. Away from all of us.”

  Gerald pulled out a chair to sit. He rubbed his chin and looked up at Alice. “You’re not thinking that had anything to do with you, are you, Alice? I love you and your brother. This was me being wrong. Not you, girl.”

  “What was I supposed to think? I was child. Of course I thought it had something to do with me. I know better now, but then? Of course I blamed myself,” Alice said, her voice becoming louder with each word.

  “Sit down, Alice,” Gerald said quietly. “Please.”

  Alice sat reluctantly. This man was at the beginning of her shame and pain. He was the reason she turned to Phillip Ramsey. He was the reason she couldn’t let herself love Albert. She was not good enough for any man because of him, she thought as her hurt and her frustration grew. She was so very angry!

  “I never meant to hurt you or your brother, although I did. You two are the bright shining lights of my life along with your ma. I’ve done very little right except for having such worthy children, and that credit goes almost entirely to your ma, having raised you on her own while I was out making a fool of myself.”

  Alice stared at her hands. “I never thought I was good enough for you, as you were always making merry and enjoying yourself. I was grim and quiet like Ma,” she explained, and looked up at him. “And then I made merry and enjoyed myself, too, against everything that I knew to be right. Why would anyone want me now?”

  “It don’t matter what you’ve done, and if I had a hand in your misery, I’m sorry. So terribly sorry. But this gent loves you. Don’t punish him or yourself on account of what happened then,” Gerald said. “You’ve made me so proud.”

  Alice sobbed. She could not help herself. Either because her da was staring at her with such love, and pride, and longing, or because she’d said aloud all those burdens, real and imagined. She’d said them and they were out, and she was glad they were not stored up at the top of her throat, choking her, any longer. Perhaps she was worthy. Her da had said so, and the Shelbys had rewarded her, and Albert thought she was the perfect partner, and thought she was beautiful, too. There was risk telling h
im her secret but, in this, her da was right. When someone said they love you, it was not to be taken lightly. She looked up at him.

  “I told Ma that I thought you should move back in here with us,” Alice said. “It is so far for you to go to work and then the bordering house and it will make Ma very happy. She misses you. She’s always missed you.”

  Gerald’s lip trembled, and he grabbed her hands. “Oh, I’ve missed her so much and you and Jimmy, too. I won’t let you down again. I’ll make enough to pay the rent and let your ma stay home and tend to your brother.”

  Alice and Gerald turned when the door opened. Maeve stood just inside.

  “Did you tell him, Alice?”

  She nodded and watched as her ma ran into her da’s arms. They hugged and whispered to each other, and Alice quietly slipped up the steps to retrieve her coat.

  Chapter Six

  Albert sat in his library alone, in the near dark, not reading, not studying financials, unable to concentrate more than a few minutes at a time. He was thinking about his life going forward, and it had not occurred to him prior to this that his life would be spent alone. He’d always envisioned himself as a married man, with children, and festive holidays, and bittersweet partings as sons and daughters grew up and left the nest. But he needed to revise the dreams, perhaps forget about them all together and make peace with the reality of his life.

  “Mr. Donahue,” Higgins said softly. “Mr. Donahue?”

  “I’m here, Higgins. No. I do not want the other lamps lit.”

  “Then you are unavailable for guests, sir?”

  Gloria and Stephen had stopped by more than once, asking why he hadn’t attended this party or that luncheon. What was wrong? they asked. Nothing that he cared to discuss with anyone, even his brother, who’d been concerned enough to make his way across town to Albert’s house, going so far as to ask the staff what was the matter with their employer.

  “That is correct, Higgins. I’m not hungry either.”

  “Yes, sir. I will tell Miss Porterman that you are not at home.”

  Albert leaned his head back on to the pillow cushioning it and closed his eyes. And then he sat straight up. “Higgins!” he shouted. “Higgins!”

  Albert jumped to his feet, ran a hand through his hair, and tripped over a footstool in the dark room. He flung the door open and shaded his eyes at the bright lights in the hallway. He hurried to the entrance, tucking in his shirt as he went, in time to see Higgins close the door.

  “Wait!” he said.

  “Sir?”

  “Did you say Miss Porterman?”

  “Yes, sir. She has just left.”

  Albert opened the door. “Miss Porterman?” he said to the retreating figure. “Alice?”

  “Mr. Higgins said you were not at home,” she said, turning. “I’ll come again another time.”

  “Please, no,” he said, and went down the steps to her. “Please come back inside. I didn’t realize it was you calling. You are always welcome, Alice.” Albert followed her up the steps. “Would you like something to eat? I have not eaten yet. Is there something I can do for you? Is your family alright?”

  She nodded. “Yes, Albert. Everyone is fine. I’d like to speak to you privately, if you have a moment.”

  “Certainly.” He led her to his office, to the same two chairs they had sat in on the day they met. Someone, thankfully, had lit the lamps and stirred the fire. “May I get you something to drink?”

  Alice shook her head. “No. Please sit down.”

  Albert waited for many minutes as Alice stared at her hands folded neatly in her lap. She finally looked up at him, white-lipped and trembling. “My da told me that you said you love me. Is that true?”

  Albert nodded. “Yes. It is true.”

  “I am not worthy of your love, Albert. I care about you very much and can’t stand the thought of disappointing you, but it is best you know this now, so that you can move on with your life. So we both can.”

  Albert knelt in front of her and clasped her hands. “What is there to know that could stop me from loving you? I don’t believe anything you say will stop me.”

  Alice looked at him directly, with dread and resolve. “I lay with a man. I am not a virgin.”

  “I am not a virgin either. Do you care about me less?”

  She shook her head. “No. I do not. But it is different for men and women. You need a wife, a partner, who is unblemished and who is able to help you in business. I am not she.”

  Albert stood up on his knees and touched her face with both hands. “I am in love with you. The past is the past. It is over and out of our control. The only thing we can plan on and plan for is our future, whatever amount of time we are given on this earth. I want to spend it with you. I want to have babies with you who will grow into fine young girls and boys. I want my grandfather and brother to know you and love you like I do. I want you to be mistress of this house and help me plan our future. I want to help your brother and your mother and father, and make them as comfortable and happy as I can achieve, because I know they mean the world to you. I want to make you happy, Alice. Will you give me a chance? Please say yes.”

  Tears streamed down Alice’s face, and she smiled a tremulous smile. “We have not known each other long enough, not for very long at all, but I feel you are the only person on this earth that I will ever love. I love you so dearly, Albert.”

  “Marry me, Alice. Say it now. Say yes.”

  “Yes, Albert. I will marry you.”

  Epilogue

  Two Years Later

  Albert dismissed his wife’s maid and set about helping Alice undress. It had been a sad day, and a long one at the end of many long days. Her da had died and had been laid to rest that morning. Albert unlaced her shoes and pulled off her stockings. He helped her out of her voluminous black skirts and corset and into her favorite emerald green dressing gown and robe. He unwound her auburn hair, pulling the pins from the tight bun it was in, and brushed it as she sat at her mirrored table.

  Albert ordered small sandwiches, fruit and cheese, and wine to be delivered to their bedroom and then undressed himself from his formal attire to silk pants and a robe. She sat across from him on their bed and picked at grapes and ate some cheese. He was ravenous and ate all that she did not want.

  “I am fine, Albert, truly. It is not as though I didn’t anticipate this. We’ve known for weeks that he was at the end.”

  “I know. But it is still a shock, don’t you think?”

  “It is, but I am glad he has passed,” she said, and looked up at him with her large brown eyes, expressive and loving. “He is no longer suffering, you see. There is no suffering in heaven.”

  “No, there is not,” Albert agreed, and snatched the last of the cheese from the tray. “Did you check in on Isabella?”

  “She is sleeping soundly, as is Mrs. Erskine in the next room, although I don’t know how anyone, even a one-year-old like Isabella, could sleep through our housekeeper’s snores. She rattles the pictures above the bed each time she draws breath.”

  Albert laughed. “I have asked Miss Denby to take over with Isabella for Mrs. Erskine in the morning so that you may sleep. Do not fuss at me, Alice. It is done and you need your rest.”

  Alice stared at her husband. He felt they needed a nursemaid for Isabella and Alice did not, preferring to mother her directly, just as her ma had done. They had had one of their rare arguments over the subject. But she did admit that their lives were busy with Albert’s business and her charitable work, and especially in the last six months as she’d helped her ma care for her da and for Jimmy. But she was exhausted, and her husband, much attuned to her needs and wishes as he was, was not going to give in on this matter. He loves me, she thought.

  “You are too good to me,” she said.

  “There is no such thing as being ‘too good’ to the ones you love,” he said, smiling.

  Alice smiled back and marveled that this handsome, kind man had found her, and falle
n in love with her. I do not deserve him, she thought briefly, but she shook her head at her own thoughts. She did deserve him and all the accompanying happiness their marriage brought, including those magical times when they touched in the dark of night. She moved the tray from the bed and crawled across to him. She kissed him openmouthed.

  Albert held her face in his hands and touched his nose to hers. “You are tired and need your rest.”

  “I need you.”

  “It was a very emotional day. I thought that you . . .”

  “I need you. You are my affirmation that life goes on and that love does triumph. Make love to me.”

  Albert pulled her down beside him and kissed her passionately, sliding his tongue into her mouth and pulling her tight against him. He combed his fingers through her hair and ran one down her neck to the thin strap of her gown, inching it down ever so slowly. Alice tilted back her head, exposing her neck, letting him kiss his way to her breasts. She could feel him, hard and thick, through the satin of her gown, against the soft center of her belly. She wriggled her hips to his, eliciting a groan and and the tug of his mouth on her nipple.

  Albert rolled her onto her back. He looked all over her face, finally stopping on her eyes. “You are so very beautiful. So perfect. Have I told you that before?”

  “You have, love,” she said, and smiled up at him. “But I never tire of hearing it.”

  Albert kissed her again and ran his hand down the length of her side, stopping at the top of her thigh, leaving feather touches where she wanted him the most.

  Alice pulled on his arm, now frantic for him. “Please, Albert. Please. I wish to feel you inside of me.”

  Albert rolled onto her and entered her in one motion. He loomed over her, moving slowly within her, his elbows resting on either side of her, leaving his hands free to touch her face and gently draw circles around her mouth and eyes.