Broken World

by Ford, Lizzy

  “I want to do the right thing.”

  “Even if I can’t talk Gerard out of kicking you out of the house, if not the family? You might lose everything,” he says.

  I swallow hard, but I nod. He’s quiet for another long moment.

  “About this Saturday …” he says. “Molly’s fitting and what happens after.”

  “I’m going to do it,” I tell him.

  “Molly told me. I just want to be sure. These are two huge decisions. There’s no going back from either of them.”

  “I know.”

  “I’ve got to talk to Shea and Molly. We’re going to have to craft a press release for Monday. The world knows you’re pregnant. We’ll say your fight at school triggered a miscarriage,” Chris says. “Which will fix the issue of Jenna Saunders’s legal team calling to press charges for you punching her.”

  I stare at him. I always thought Shea was the mastermind behind fixing issues. I had no idea so many people knew things my father didn’t. I wonder if Shea and Chris helped cover up Molly’s indiscretion, too.

  “I’ll hold off contacting the DA until Monday. I have a feeling he’ll want you in his office two seconds after my call. Make it through the weekend, then we’ll deal with the next issue,” Chris says.

  “Okay.”

  “Once this ball is rolling, it can’t be stopped,” he warns me.

  His words scare me. The idea of months or years at court – of losing my family and destroying Daddy – terrify me.

  “I have to do it,” I tell him. “Is it selfish of me to hurt Daddy like this?”

  “Mia, I think this is the most un-selfish thing you’ve ever done. I’m proud of you,” Chris replies, standing. “I’ve got a lot of work to do. I’ll send Dr. Thompkins home. Don’t be late for your community service. Keep things quiet until Monday. No more fights.”

  I manage a small smile.

  “You gonna be relatively okay?” he asks, studying me.

  “I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “Thank you, Chris.”

  He hesitates, nods, and leaves.

  He’s proud of me. Like Dom. Like Ari will be. I don’t know why that matters so much to me right now. I pray I’m making the right choice. My world is about to change again, and I’m scared of what that means.

  Chapter Seven

  I survive the rest of the week at school. I even make it through cheer practice without killing anyone. Ari doesn’t understand why I’m distant, but I promise her over and over I’ll let her know. I even ignore Benji. Not that he doesn’t try. Just that I’m really not able to take on anything else right now.

  I go to my bridal fitting Saturday morning. As I expected, Molly has chosen classy, but over-the-top gowns. All the bridesmaids will be in long, fitted, off-white silk gowns with fur lining the bodice. It’s not something I’d ever volunteer to wear or force anyone else to wear.

  Irritated at the waste of three hours, I check my phone and find Molly’s instructions waiting for me as promised. I follow her directions and walk through the pedestrian bridge, so no one else sees me, into a building of medical offices and labs. I go to the top floor, to a corner office, and I start to feel like I’m going to some seedy, back alley drug deal. I walk into an office identified only by a number.

  Decorated in dark woods and jewel tones, the inside is as comfortable and pleasant as the location is not. A woman in a suit sits at the reception desk. Her name plate on the desk reads Lisa.

  “Hi, Lisa,” I say nervously. “I’m here about … about … um …”

  “I understand. Your sister called ahead. We’re expecting you.” She smiles. “Come with me.”

  I follow her through a hallway into an office that resembles a miniature study. I sit in front of a desk, instead of on a table.

  “Dr. Agatha will be with you shortly.” Lisa closes the door behind her.

  My anxiety grows. The office is too quiet. I can’t help thinking about the babies in the ward, of how delicate and small they are. Daddy thinks this is murder. But Daddy isn’t always right. If he’d let me take the morning after pill, before …

  I pull out my cell phone. Ari has texted, asking about the fitting. I answer her. I look at my contacts, needing to talk to someone. I pull up Dom’s name and type a note to him. Since talking to Chris, I’ve been wondering about Dom. I don’t want him to be my friend when he finds out I’m coming forward. I want him to be my friend either way.

  If I never come forward, will you hate me?

  The door opens, and I tuck the phone away. Dr. Agatha is an attractive, older woman in jeans and a sweater with her hair in a French twist. She smiles and sits down in the chair beside mine.

  “Mia, is it?” she asks, offering her hand.

  I nod.

  “I’m Dr. Agatha. You’re young.”

  “I know.”

  “Many of our clients are high-profile. Rest assured we will respect your privacy,” she says. “I counsel every woman I see the same way. I need to know that you are prepared for this step, and I require you to return in two weeks for a check-up.”

  “Okay.”

  “Your sister faxed us your last physical. You’re in perfect health physically,” she continues. “What I need to know is, are you mentally prepared for this?”

  “Yes.” The words are hard to say, and my hands are shaking. “My family sent me to a natal ward Monday, and I researched my options. My decision is my own.”

  We talk for over two hours. She’s really easy to talk to, understanding in a way no one in my family is, without the pressure I feel around Dr. Thompkins. She just lets me talk. I cry as I tell her about the rape. She listens patiently and peppers me with questions about my plans for the future, my religious beliefs, my family’s opinion, my health history. I guess I’m expecting her to judge me the way my father does, but she doesn’t. I think she wants to make sure that I’m certain about what I’m doing. The more I talk, the more I realize that I really am, and the more I like her for being genuinely concerned about me. She doesn’t seem to have the two faces that my political family does, and I like that about her.

  Finally, she excuses herself. I ask her where the restroom is and walk down the hall. Repairing my make-up, I look at my black eye and pale features. I’m scared. Always scared. I felt a message come in while I was talking to Dr. Agatha, but I’m afraid to look. I’m afraid Dom will tell me to go to hell. I’m afraid I’ll lose him, before I even start the ball rolling.

  It shouldn’t matter, but it does. I draw a deep breath and pull the phone out to see his response.

  I made the decision to be your friend the night of the police ball.

  I release my breath. So when everything hits the fan, I’ll have Ari, Dom and Chris. I’m not convinced Molly and Joseph will support me, if it means taking politically sensitive positions. I know I’ll lose Daddy, and I have a feeling Mom will never come back from rehab.

  When I return to the office, Dr. Agatha is already there. She smiles at me.

  “Have a seat, Mia.”

  I do, and she sits beside me again. There’s a silver tray with two pills and a glass of water.

  “You will experience heavy bleeding for one to two weeks, if not a little longer. If there is any pain beyond that of your normal period, go immediately to the hospital.”

  She’s told me this twice already. I nod. So far, I haven’t had to sign any forms or provide insurance details or anything. I wonder if Molly arranged everything already. Dr. Agatha falls silent. I stare at the pills. My hands are shaking. This is the first step in a process that’ll probably get me kicked out of the family.

  I take the pills. I guess I expect them to hurt, but they go down like painkillers. I’m in my first trimester. My body will think it’s a simple miscarriage.

  I’m feeling sick about this and scared. Dr. Agatha gives me her card and walks me to the door. I leave the same way I came, through the building, across the pedestrian bridge and out of the building with the bridal boutique. My car
is waiting and with it, the press. As always. I get into the car and go home.

  I haven’t even told Ari what I’m doing. She wants to hang out this weekend, and I tell her I can’t. I know she’s upset, but I have to do as Chris says. Mom says to trust him. I think I do.

  Dr. Agatha is right. My period starts the next day. The flow is heavy, and the sight of blood makes me sob uncontrollably all day long. I try not to think about the babies from the ward. Instead, I focus on the week ahead.

  I skip school Monday, because I’m cramping bad.

  I’m lying in bed when Ari sends me links. I open them to see a press release, probably crafted by Shea.

  Joan of Arc loses baby.

  I curl up in my bed. I can’t read it, but I’m happy I don’t have to keep this secret from Ari anymore.

  I’m so sorry! No wonder you were weird last week! She texts.

  I feel bad for lying to her.

  You want to come over tonight? I ask her.

  Yes!

  I smile at her response. It’s afternoon already. I spent the day lying around and force myself out of bed to clean up. When I get out of the shower, another link from Ari is waiting for me.

  Rape victim dies.

  I lean against the counter in my bathroom. I tell myself I’m doing the right thing and then I go to my closet. I’m there when Ari gets to my house. She enters my room and tracks me down in my closet. I know what she’s thinking without looking at her. She sits down beside me.

  “Everyone’s talking about you today,” she starts. “They all send their condolences.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I couldn’t.”

  Her eyes narrow. She knows me well enough to know when something is up. Before she can pin me down about this, I tell her my other secret.

  “I’m turning in Connor.”

  Her eyes widen. “Because of the link I sent you today?”

  “No. I made the decision last week.”

  “Omigod! What did your daddy say? What did Chris say?”

  “Chris is helping me.”

  “Wait, what?”

  I laugh at her stunned expression. “I told him I need to do the right thing.”

  A smile spreads across her face.

  “I got subpoenaed. Chris was fighting it, but he’s not now. He’ll tell Daddy he can’t.”

  “Oh, god, Mia, I’m so proud of you!” Ari threw her arms around me.

  “Ari, it’ll be awful.”

  “Maybe, but Mia, no one else will get hurt.”

  After my group sessions, I’m nowhere near as optimistic as she is. I can’t bear to tell her, though. So I hug her back.

  “You’re doing the right thing, Mia!”

  “I hope so, Ari.”

  “Did you tell Dom?”

  I roll my eyes. “Dom or Benji? You want me to hook up with both?”

  “Dom’s hawtter.”

  “No, I didn’t tell him. He’ll find out whenever I get summoned.”

  “I’m so, so proud of you. I’ve been praying you would do this, Mia.”

  “Why?” I ask, pulling away.

  “Mia, when I saw you for the first time after …” Ari’s eyes mist over. “You’re a sister to me. I wanted to kill Robert. When Dom called me that day, I had a feeling about him. He said he’d do anything to catch who did this to you. He said he’d protect you. I believed him then, and I believe him now.”

  I hug her.

  “I know your Daddy will turn you out and I know how scared you are. But this is the right thing to do.”

  “I could’ve saved her, Ari,” I whisper.

  “No, Mia, don’t think that way. You couldn’t have done anything. You’re lucky you survived. You’re meant to take them down, so they can’t hurt anyone else again and so those they have hurt get justice. That’s what you’re meant to do.”

  “I love you, Ari.”

  “I love you, too, Mia. I’ll stand by you no matter what.”

  She starts crying, and so do I. We’re still crying in my closet when Chris pushes the door open. I wipe my eyes and look up at him.

  “The DA is losing no time. You’re going in tomorrow, after school. Your Daddy is on his way back from his trip abroad. I suggest you give the DA everything he needs as quickly as possible, before your father tells me to make this go away.”

  His words terrify me. I nod. He says nothing else and walks away.

  “You’re right. He is helping you,” Ari says, pulling away. She hands me her phone. “I saved the pic you sent me from that night. You can give my phone to them for evidence or whatever.”

  I take it and put it in my purse.

  Ari spends the night at my house, and I’m grateful to her. I can’t sleep, but knowing she’s there makes me feel less alone. I may lose my father, but I’ll never lose Ari, and beneath all my fear and guilt, I feel a little proud of myself for being the person she believes me to be.

  I can barely sit still through school the following day. Ari and I talk at lunch, but I can’t focus on anything. Tons of people stop to tell me they’re sorry about the baby. It makes me tenser. Even Benji’s infectious smile does nothing for me. As soon as the final bell rings, I bolt to the locker room to change out of my uniform and into jeans and a sweater. I part ways with Ari at the front of the school and climb into the car.

  Chris’s team is supposed to be waiting for me at the courthouse. The drive is like a death march; I can’t remember ever sitting in the backseat so long. It takes an eternity to get across town.

  The car drops me off, and I check my phone to see that I’m early. My gaze goes to the police station beside the courthouse. I’ve got fifteen minutes, possibly more, because Chris knows I’m never early or on time. I don’t like standing on the steps waiting, because there are paparazzi and reports trailing me still. I feel exposed and alone.

  I walk into the station, through the metal detector, and look around. For a moment, I look around, lost, until the two officers manning the information desk stop talking to each other and stare at me.

  Clearing my throat, I approach them. “I’m looking for Dom.”

  “Dom have a last name?” the woman asks.

  I pull the card out of my pocket. I’ve never bothered reading his full name. Dominic Adriani. It’s a pretty name.

  “Adriani,” I say out loud.

  “Wait here. I’ll page him.”

  I step away from the desk. A minute later, I hear Dom’s name over the speaker system. I tap my foot nervously. Part of me is hoping he’s not there. I’m embarrassed by the latest press reports about my miscarriage, and I’m not sure what to say to him. I don’t even know if I can tell him what I’m planning to do today. But it’s important that I see him before I do it, because I want to know if he’s truthful about being friends, no matter what I decide to do about reporting Robert.

  I check the time and realize I’ll probably be late. The only good thing about being late: Chris might scowl, but at least everyone will be there, so I won’t feel alone.

  “Hey.”

  I turn at Dom’s quiet greeting. He gazes at me curiously and offers a small smile. He motions to the side, out of sight of the glass running along the front of the building, where paparazzi have already started to gather. I silently blame Fabio, who is standing outside the front door to the station. They can spot him a mile away.

  “Adriani sounds like a mob boss,” I say.

  “This coming from a woman with four names?”

  Somehow, he always puts me at ease. Today, I need it.

  “I, um, I wanted to say thank you,” I say slowly. “For not turning your back on me.”

  “You were right,” he replies. “Mia, I never wanted to use you. I wanted to help you, but as Gianna would say, I forgot the tree for the forest.”

  “No, Dom. You were right. I had the power to help …” my voice breaks. I flush, look down and clear my throat. “I didn’t. But I came to tell you,
I’m meeting with the DA today.”

  He’s quiet.

  “I asked Chris not to drown your people in paper. I told him I have to do this. I owe it to Tanya. I owe it to the other girls.” I meet his gaze again. “I owe it to you.”

  “I knew you would do it.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “I can still walk away,” I tell him, crossing my arms. “I’ve done stupider things to prove idiots more arrogant than you wrong.”

  “That reminds me. We need to make a new deal. I broke ours.”

  I raise an eyebrow at him in a way that would make Molly proud.

  “I’ll be straight with you, if you drop that defensive shit with me.” His slow smile is infectious and his direct gaze makes me warm inside.

  I don’t want to smile. I won’t smile. “Prove you mean it,” I challenge him. “You broke our last deal.”

  “Fair enough,” he agrees. “For the record, you won’t walk away, you don’t owe me anything, and you’re welcome.”

  “Goodbye, Dom.” I turn away and start towards the doors then remember one of the real reasons I wanted to come. I hesitate then face him again. He’s still there, waiting. “Will you …”

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t know what I’m going to ask,” I say, perplexed.

  He winks and walks away, back into the hallway leading to the office areas.

  Irritated, I leave. Camera flashes go off the minute I step outside, and I glare at Fabio. If he wasn’t so conspicuous, I could sneak around more. My phone vibrates. I glance at it as I start towards the courthouse, expecting Chris to tell me I’m late or something.

  Glad you saw the light.

  If Dom’s text makes me curse him under my breath, his next makes me curse out loud.

  The DA told me you volunteered to come in. He asked me to come today.

  Somehow, he does know what I wanted to ask him, if he’d be there with me while I dive headfirst off a cliff. It’s freaky how he seems to read my mind sometimes. I don’t even think Ari can do that.

  Chris and two members of his team are waiting for me at the top of the steps to the courthouse. He’s got his game face on and looks me over, probably not approving of my jeans and t-shirt. But I want to be as comfortable as possible today.