by Sophie Stern
“Come on, Colby,” I say, leading the little guy out of the room. “Let’s get you home.”
Chapter 4
Carter
Savannah, Colby, and I quietly walk out of the police station. We drop Colby’s tattered backpack off in my car, then walk down the road to one of the stores. We need to get him a booster seat for my car before I can take him home. Neither Savannah nor I own one, so we figure buying a brand new one will be simple. Besides, I want my son to be as safe as possible. I want what’s best for him.
When we get inside, Colby clutches Savannah’s hand. He’s still acting like I’m going to hit him, and it’s tearing me up inside. I wonder if he’s just nervous. I wonder if he’s just sad. I sure as hell am.
Not only did the fire completely postpone our plans to turn Blair Ranch into a fun, family-friendly tourist destination, but now I’m learning that my ex-girlfriend had my son.
And she hid it from me.
I can’t believe Cherise didn’t tell me. I can’t believe she didn’t even let me know when she got sick. Even though we haven’t been a couple for years, I thought we had something special. I thought we had been friends, too. Isn’t this something you should tell your friends?
I’m devastated that she’s gone, but it hurts even more that she kept this from me. I can guess why she did, and it has everything to do with my claws and nothing to do with my heart.
Cherise wasn’t a shifter.
She knew I was and it always bothered her. I figured part of the reason she chose an out-of-state graduate school was so she could try to come to terms with the whole boyfriend-is-a-shifter thing, but she didn’t. It didn’t even matter to her.
She was just hiding our baby.
Had she ever planned on telling me? Colby seems to know quite a bit about me. For a son I just learned how, he doesn’t seem to be shocked that he’s got a dad or that I didn’t know about him. I guess that’s one thing I have going for me. At least she didn’t tell him I was a bad guy or a murderer or anything like that.
“The baby stuff is back this way,” Savannah says, bringing me back to reality. She’s walking ahead of me and Colby is gripping her hand. Somehow, I find myself pushing an empty cart and following them.
For the millionth time in my life, I’m grateful for Savannah. She really does make everything all right. Somehow, I manage to move my feet and follow her and Colby to the children’s area of the store where we pick out a booster seat. Savannah walks around and picks up other various items and throws them into the cart. She doesn’t ask my permission and for that, I’m grateful. She knows I have the money to pay for it and I don’t want to deal with her asking me simple questions like, “Is this too expensive?” She’s good with kids and she knows a lot about them. She’ll make sure we get everything Colby needs.
“Come on over here, Colby. Let’s pick out a blanket for you.” She walks him over to a shelf filled with colorful comforters.
“I already have a blanket,” Colby says quietly, but matter-of-factly.
“Is it a special blanket?” Savannah asks.
“Yes.”
“Does your blanket have a name?”
“Bluey.”
“Aw, that’s a good name. What color is your blanket, Colby?”
“Pink.”
At that, Savannah bites back a smile, but she manages to nod.
“That’s a good color, and I like the name. Listen, Colby, sometimes it gets really, really cold here in Colorado. Did you know that?”
He shakes his head.
“Sometimes one blanket isn’t enough! You’ll still sleep with Bluey, but we’ll get you another blanket just in case you get cold, okay? I don’t want those little toes to freeze.” Colby seems appeased and Savannah helps him choose a blanket that has trains on it. She finishes her shopping in the area, grabbing clothes, a toothbrush, children’s toothpaste, and a bunch of other random things.
Then we help Colby pick out some of his favorite snacks. He chooses some sort of fish cracker thing and a box of cereal and Savannah insists on some milk and yogurt, too. We head to the front of the store, check out, and pay.
Then we get outside and realize that my car is still at the police station, and we’re standing outside with a cart full of groceries and stuff.
Savannah starts cracking up and Colby giggles.
“We could push the cart over,” Savannah suggests, but I shake my head.
“I’ll go get the car. You guys stay here.”
“Nah,” she takes my keys from my hand. “It’ll give you guys a good chance to hang out. You’ll take care of Carter for me, right?” She asks Colby, and my mouth drops open. I start to say that it’ll be the other way around, but Colby reaches up, grabs my hand tightly, and nods solemnly.
“Don’t worry, Banana. I’ll make sure he stays safe.” Savannah waves and heads off to get my car. Now it’s just me and Colby. I fish out a little bear from one of the shopping bags and hand it to him. It’s one I grabbed when he wasn’t looking. It’s the type of bear I would have liked when I was his age.
“I got this for you,” I tell Colby, and he wraps it up in a hug.
Then he starts crying.
Shit.
I can’t be the kind of dad who makes his kid cry as soon as the mother figure leaves. What the hell is wrong with me? I should have this whole dad thing under control. Savannah and Colby need me to. They’re counting on me.
“Hey, buddy, what’s wrong?” I ask, worried. “It’s just a doll. If you don’t like it, we can buy something else.”
Colby shakes his head and keeps crying, and I rub his back slowly, trying to quietly comfort him. A family walks out of the store and the mother glares at me, but they keep walking. Perfect. Now the whole damn town is going to know how adept I am at this whole “dad” thing.
Now everyone is going to know what a failure I am.
Colby’s tears are landing on the bear now and my inner bear is threatening to come out. The urge to grab Colby and run into the woods with him, to find a quiet place we can be alone, overwhelms me.
What the fuck?
I’ve never had the urge to run into the woods and hide in a cave. Where the hell is that coming from?
But something about being around Colby makes me want to protect him, need to protect him.
“Come on, buddy,” I say again. “Talk to me.”
Colby looks up at me and frowns, then shakes his head. He looks at the bear and hugs it close to himself, then whispers so quietly I can barely hear him.
“Mommy says bears are dangerous, but I love them. I’ve always wanted a bear, daddy. I’ve always wanted a teddy like you.”
Now I’m crying, too.
Colby knows I’m a shifter and he wants a bear just like me. It’s the sweetest damn thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m suddenly overwhelmed that I’ve missed so much of his life already. He’s only five. He’s only five and there’s so much I’ll never get to experience. I wasn’t there for his first steps. I didn’t go to his first birthday party. I have no idea when Colby started to talk or what he thought when his mom told him about shifters.
Wrapping Colby in my arms, I promise him everything’s going to be okay, that sometime he’ll get to see me as a bear, and that I would never hurt him. I promise him that some bears are nice. I promise him that I’m going to take care of him.
I’m crying in the front of one of my favorite stories in Honeypot, but the worst part is that Savannah is coming toward us with the car. Her tear-streaked face says she’s been overwhelmed with emotions, too.
What a great fucking day.
Chapter 5
Savannah
After a silent car ride, we make it back to the Blair Ranch. None of us feel like talking as we park the car and climb out. Somehow, we manage to figure out how to get Colby out of his booster seat that has ten million buckles and straps without saying a damn word.
Carter is devastated he made his kid cry. Colby is overwhelmed he got his first
teddy bear. And me? I’m just overwhelmed with everything.
Colby looks around and ranch and his mouth forms a tiny “o.” I wonder if he’s ever been out of the city before. He looks at the big house and the tiny cabins and everything in between. There are a couple of barns and outbuildings, there’s a forest, there are open fields. Close to the house sits a little garden and a chicken coop.
While Colby is looking around, a barn cat walks lazily by and begins to rub against his leg. Colby looks to Carter.
“Go ahead, buddy,” Carter breaks his silence and encourages his son. “Pet her.”
Colby squats down and reaches for the cat, who nuzzles against his hand.
“What’s her name?” He asks.
“Buttons.”
“Hi Buttons,” Colby rubs the kitty’s back.
“Have you ever had a pet before, son?”
“I had a goldfish, but it died.” Colby frowns. “That made me sad.”
“You know, it’s okay to be sad when someone we love dies,” I tell Colby. “When my parents died, I was really sad for a long time, too. It’s been years now, and sometimes I’m still sad.”
“Your mom is dead, too?” Colby asks in surprise.
I nod, feeling Carter’s eyes on me. I never talk about my parents. Ever. Their death isn’t something I care to relive, but Colby needs me more than I need my privacy right now.
“It was a long time ago, but I still miss her. You know, it’s okay to miss people we love when they pass, Colby. Did you know that?”
“I know,” he nods. “I think my mommy is in heaven now.”
“I think so, too.”
“I’m glad Buttons isn’t dead.” Colby pets her again and Buttons lets out a long, loud purr. Yeah, that cat is cranky and fussy and definitely well alive. If my guess is correct, she’ll be around for a long time, too.
After awhile, Buttons runs off to catch mice or play in the fields, and Colby stands back up.
“Buttons is a good cat,” he says with conviction, and I see Carter bite back a chuckle.
We head into the kitchen with our bags and drop everything on the table. Carter lifts Colby up to the counter and places him there. He hugs the bear tightly. As I look at him, I can’t help but think how underfed and scared he looks. Colby is scrawny. Just going off what he’s said, I don’t think Cherise neglected him, but I’m guessing the last few months of her life were pretty rough on little Colby.
From what the social worker said to Carter, Colby would go to drop-in daycare centers or one of Cherise’s neighbors would watch him while she was in the hospital. He was cared for, but if I had to guess, I’d say not very well, and it pains my heart. This kid needs some good meals and a lot of hugs.
Luckily, he’s got an entire family of bears who are going to adore him.
I’m already making plans to start baking for him when we hear screaming from upstairs. Colby’s body instantly tenses, but Carter pats his leg.
“Don’t worry. That’s just my brother Wyatt and his fiancé, Hope. Did your mom tell you I had brothers?”
Colby shakes his head, still staring at the ceiling. What the hell are Wyatt and Hope doing? The house is shaking. Is Wyatt jumping up and down? What the heck? Seriously? I exchange questioning glances with Carter, but we don’t have to wait long because Wyatt comes bounding into the kitchen with Hope on his heels.
“I’m going to be a dad!” Wyatt says loudly, then catches sight of me and Colby. I realize I must be a mess. My mascara is streaked from crying, my eyes are puffy and swollen, and my clothes are totally disheveled.
Carter and Colby look just as bad.
Hope’s mouth drops open as she takes us in, and before I can open my mouth to say anything, Carter speaks.
“So am I,” he tells his brother. “So am I.”
Wyatt raises an eyebrow as he stares at the pile of bags, the tattered backpack, and the newest house guests.
“What’s up, Carter?” He says casually. Obviously, Wyatt doesn’t want to rock the boat. Wyatt’s the one I consider to be the most serious. Out of all three Blair brothers, he’s the one who is always grounded and sure of himself.
When Hope Demers rolled into town three months ago, she knocked him on his ass with her love.
And her tits.
She’s got great tits.
I don’t consider myself to be bisexual, but it’s hard not to notice a girl as gorgeous as Hope hanging around. The fact that she’s the sweetest human ever to grace Honeypot with her presence makes her my dream friend. Seriously. I don’t often wish I was someone else, but if I was going to be someone else, it would be Hope. I know logically that she isn’t perfect, but I think she’s damn near perfect, and Wyatt is lucky to have her.
“Congratulations, Hope,” I murmur, and she gives me a sweet, knowing smile.
“Thanks Savannah.” She pats her belly. “I can hardly believe it.”
“Any guesses on what you’re having?” I raise an eyebrow, knowing it’s much too early to tell, but she grins.
“A big fat surprise. I don’t want to find out.”
“Hey!” Wyatt protests from across the room. “I want to know as soon as we can.”
“My due date will come soon enough,” she sticks her tongue out at him. “Besides, don’t you want to hear the doctor announce it to us when the baby comes out?”
Unlike some guys, Wyatt doesn’t turn green at the idea of being there when the baby is born. He’s seen plenty of animals give birth on the ranch. To any of the Blair brothers, birth is a natural thing, which just makes me even sadder that Cherise didn’t give Carter the chance to be there when she had Colby.
He would have been a natural.
“Why don’t we get this little guy a nice bubble bath?” Hope says kindly. She turns to Colby. “Do you like baths, kiddo?”
He nods.
“Come on, then,” she helps him down from the counter and leads him from the room. Colby turns to me.
“Banana? Are you coming?”
“I’ll be there in just a second, honey. I’m just going to talk to Wyatt for a minute.”
Colby eyes Wyatt suspiciously for a brief moment, but finally takes Hope’s hand and follows her from the room. I know Hope is going to take great care of Colby and I don’t mind leaving them while we fill in Wyatt on what’s been happening.
Part of me is reeling from the fact that Hope and Wyatt are going to have a baby of their own. There’s a part of me that feels incredibly happy for them, but there’s another part that feels a little jealous. I shouldn’t, but I do.
Mostly I wonder if it will ever be my turn.
Oh, I’ve had my share of boyfriends. It’s just that I’ve never been in any relationship that lasted longer than a few months. I’ve never been in any relationship where things got serious. I’ve never been in a relationship where anyone wanted to marry me or have babies with me.
I’ve never even been in a relationship where I had sex.
That’s something even Carter doesn’t know.
Why would I ever tell him that?
For some strange reason, I’ve never felt that connection people always talk about when they want to do that. I’ve never met anyone who was so passionate about me, who made me feel so on fire, that I had to immediately fuck them.
For a shifter, that’s weird.
It’s beyond weird.
But that’s me: strange.
My sister has never had the same issue as me. Selena and I share the same looks, but that’s about all we share. She’s bold and outgoing and I’m…well, I’m boring, I suppose.
“What’s going on?” Wyatt says to Carter. His voice is low and deep. It’s not quite a whisper, but it’s obvious he doesn’t want Colby to overhear and freak out.
Carter sighs and slumps into a chair. Immediately, without thinking about it, I move behind him and star massaging his shoulders. If Wyatt is surprised, he doesn’t show it. He looks at me for a brief second before turning back to Carter. I try to
pour all of my energy into rubbing some of the tension out of Carter’s body. He’s always so busy looking after other people and that caring has started to take its toll on him. His shoulders are knotted and tight. I don’t know how he even moves his arms.
“Come on, brother. You can tell me anything.”
“Remember Cherise?”
Wyatt scoffs, and I can tell that he definitely, very much, absolutely remembers her. We all do. While Carter might have loved her, the truth was he was a hot mess after she broke up with him. Maybe that was the problem. Carter wanted so badly to make things work that instead of making them work, he made them worse, at least for himself.
He obsessed over Cherise. He called her all the time. She finally changed her number and when that happened, he was a broken man. Carter went through a definitive “man slut” phase where he slept with just about every woman in Honeypot.
Not me, though.
Never me.
“Yeah, I remember her. I remember how she tore you up, Carter. I remember how she crushed your soul.”
“She was pregnant,” he says. “And that’s my son in there,” he jerks his head toward the door Hope and Colby disappeared through. In the distance, we can hear them laughing, and I’m grateful for Hope. She’s going to be an amazing mom. I might feel jealous, but I know that Hope is going to be wonderful. She’s a naturally giving person. Although she came to Honeypot to escape a bad relationship, she didn’t let it hold her back. She’s still pushing through, pushing forward. No matter what life throws at her, she seems to do just fine.
Hope is a strong woman: stronger than me.
“Well, fuck me silly,” Wyatt shakes his head. “Who would have thought? My little brother’s a dad. Congrats, Carter.”
Then, to my surprise, and probably to Carter’s, too, Wyatt stands and wraps his arms around his younger brother. The two of them hold their embrace for a few minutes, and I sneak out of the room to give them some time to themselves.
I’ve known the Blair brothers for many years, but I’ve never seen them act like that before. That’s so not their style. I move quietly, quickly down the hallway as I think about the scene I just witnessed.