by Sophie Stern
Months ago, Wyatt would have gone apeshit on Carter. He would have called him a dumbass, told him he was stupid, asked how he could have been such an idiot. Months ago, Wyatt would have ripped into Carter like the bear he is, but not today. Not anymore. Wyatt is a changed man and I know exactly why.
Does Hope know just how much she’s affected Wyatt’s life?
Not only has she stolen his heart, but she’s improved his relationships with his brothers. While Carter has always had a fairly close relationship with his brothers, it wasn’t always peaceful until Hope came along. Something about her calms them all down. I don’t know exactly how she does it.
While Wyatt would have once called out Carter for something that’s beyond his control, he didn’t do it today. That’s not his style now.
Not anymore.
Now he’s congratulating him.
Now he’s telling him it’s possible.
Now he’s telling him everything’s going to be okay.
Wyatt makes Carter the same promises we made to Colby just hours ago. There’s something amazing about witnessing that. It’s like Carter’s family is coming together to make sure this kid gets the best chance at a bright future. How fantastic is that?
I make my way down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor of the house. Carter and Wyatt share the main house and now, I suppose, Colby will, too. Micah, their youngest brother, has always been the most private of the three, and he lives in one of the new little cabins by himself. It sounds lonely, but he gets plenty of interaction with humans.
At least, I think he does.
Carter and Wyatt probably disagree with me, but that doesn’t matter. I know the truth. Hope Demers has changed their lives.
Now she’s changing Colby’s.
As I walk quietly down the upstairs hall, I follow the sound of her singing. She’s not the world’s greatest singer. Not even close. That doesn’t matter, though. Hope is belting out some random song and I can hear Colby from here.
He’s laughing.
This poor ragamuffin kid is laughing.
Colby seems like the kind of child who could thrive in a good, healthy environment. Isn’t that how most kids are? It kills me that Cherise didn’t let Carter be a part of their lives. I hate the fact that she’s dead, and now I feel guilty for being angry with her. It’s unfair. You aren’t supposed to be angry with people who aren’t alive anymore.
It’s mean.
But I wish I could go back in time and change things for Carter. I wish Cherise would have realized he could be a great dad if she would let him. Obviously, I don’t know all the details. Maybe she didn’t want to share Colby. Maybe she didn’t want to bother Carter. Maybe she just didn’t know how he would react.
I don’t know.
Right now, the only thing I know is that Carter is going to need my help and support if he plans to get through this thing unscathed.
I’m going to be there for him 100 percent of the way. He’s my best friend. I won’t let anything bad happen to him. I won’t let anything hurt him. If he needs me to stay here and babysit Colby, I can. If he wants Colby to come hang out at the shop while he works, he can. If he wants to marry me and sweep me off my feet, that’s fine, too.
I sigh because this kind of thinking always ends with me wishing Carter would notice me and I know it’s useless.
Carter Blair is out of my league.
I head into Hope and Wyatt’s suite and find Colby splashing around in their giant tub. Hope has filled it with bubbles and turned on the spray jets and the kid is giggling up a storm.
“I think most of the water is on the floor at this point,” Hope giggles when she sees me, and I can’t help but smile.
“I’ll start cleaning up,” I tell her. She keeps singing to Colby as she manages to somehow wash his body in spite of his wiggling. When she’s finished, she drains the tub and lets Colby sit in there until all of the water is gone. Then she wraps him in a towel and we lead him down the hall to Carter’s half of the second floor.
Carter’s bedroom is more like a studio apartment. When his parents moved out, he and Wyatt took over the whole place. Carter is going to need to make some changes to his room to make it kid-friendly, but for now, it’s perfect.
“This is your daddy’s room,” I tell Colby. I’m curious to see his reaction, but I don’t expect him to drop his towel, run across the room, leap onto Carter’s bed into a somersault, and promptly start jumping up and down singing Katy Perry’s “Roar.”
I hear a snicker from behind me and I turn to see Carter and Wyatt standing in the doorway.
“Having some trouble putting a little cub to bed, ladies?”
Chapter 6
Carter
Hope and Wyatt retreat to their bedroom. At some point, I’m going to need to go find Micah, but I just don’t want to talk to him right now. Mr. Negative has been such a downer lately that the last thing I want to do is tell him something he’ll look for the bad in.
There’s no way I’m ever going to view Colby as something “bad” that happened to me.
Savannah manages to wrangle him into a brand new pair of pajamas and helps him brush his teeth. I have a lot to learn about being a dad. Who knew getting a kid to brush their teeth would be so hard?
When they emerge from the bathroom, Savannah helps Colby climb into my big bed and she tucks him in on the right side. It’s closest to the bathroom. She hands him Bluey and his new, yet-to-be-named teddy bear.
“Where are you going to sleep, Banana?”
She points to the futon and smiles.
“I’ll crash over there, big guy. You and your dad can have the bed, okay? At some point, you know, we’re going to have to get you your own bed.”
“And my own room,” he adds solemnly.
“There are a couple of guest rooms on this floor,” Savannah looks at me and winks. “Maybe your daddy would let me help you guys paint. I’m a pretty good decorator. What do you think?”
“Yes! New room, new room!”
She laughs, then turns to me.
“Hey, can I borrow some pajamas?”
What?
She motions to her body and I let my eyes rake over her delicate curves far longer than I should. Savannah has always been beautiful. Even when we were teens, she was gorgeous, but time has been kind to her. Now, she’s more filled out. Her hips are wider and her breasts fuller. It’s hard to stop myself from imagining what it would be like to slide my tongue over her nipples.
What it would be like to bite them.
“Um, hello? Earth to Carter?” She’s waving her hand at me, and I look up, realizing I completely lost myself there for a minute.
“Hope probably has something you can wear,” I say, but she just laughs.
“Whatever. I’m wearing your pants. I like the way you smell.” Then she yanks open my top dresser drawer before I can stop her. She doesn’t need to know what I keep in there.
Yeah, maybe it’s time to childproof and ladyproof my room.
I cringe, waiting for Savannah to say something or make a snide joke, but she simply grabs a pair of pajama pants and an undershirt and heads into the bathroom. I hear the lock of the door and I sniff the air for just a second.
It doesn’t smell like disgust.
No, I’m smelling desire.
Arousal.
Excitement.
What the hell?
Savannah just saw my bottle of lube and a pile of condoms and her response is to feel aroused? Maybe I don’t know her nearly as well as I thought I did.
Our relationship has always been very innocent and normal. We’ve always been buddies. She’s been there for me through my breakups and I’ve been there for hers, but Savannah has never really seemed very serious about the men she’s dated, and she’s never really rebounded from any of them. She takes her time coping with things, but then she moves on.
I like that about her.
A few minutes pass, and Colby starts jumping on t
he bed again. I tuck him back in and when Savannah finally emerges, she climbs right up in the bed with him. I barely even get a chance to think about the fact that she’s wearing my pajama pants and my shirt without a bra on beneath the thin fabric.
Fuck me silly.
She pulls up a story on her phone and starts to read to Carter. Story books. There’s something we didn’t buy. Story books. As Savannah reads to my son, I can’t help but feeling that life is really turning out to be okay.
And best of all?
Savannah is finally in my bed.
I’ve been dreaming about having her there for years, but I never thought it would be like this. Seeing her with her arms wrapped around my cub makes me feel incredible. My heart has never felt so full and for a moment, I imagine what it would be like to wake up with her every day, to be able to share every moment with her.
She deserves better than me. I know that, of course. Savannah is perfect. There’s still a part of me that wants, her though. I realize I’m no good for her. She deserves to marry a doctor or a lawyer or a rich banker dude. She doesn’t need to be stuck with someone like me. I’m just a rancher.
I’m nobody.
After a few minutes, I hear a little snore, and Colby is asleep. Then I realize that Savannah isn’t reading anymore, and she’s asleep, too. I make sure they’re both warm, leave the bathroom light on with the door ajar, and make myself a spot on the futon.
Then I think better of that and curl up on the bed behind Colby. All three of us are sleeping in my bed like we’re a real family. Tonight, I can pretend. Just for tonight.
Tomorrow morning, I’m going to have to face reality, talking to lawyers, and dealing with social workers, but tonight?
Tonight I have everything I’ve ever wanted.
Tonight is perfect.
***
Things are perfect for about two hours before Colby wakes up crying and promptly wets the bed.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I hear Savannah whisper, but Colby is shaking.
“Did you have a bad dream, buddy?” I ask, gently rubbing his back.
“Daddy!” He jumps into my arms and hugs me, wet clothes and all.
“It’s all going to be okay, Colby. Let’s get you cleaned up, though, okay?”
After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Colby is as good as new. When we emerge from the bathroom, Savannah has already changed the bedding and has hauled the dirty sheets to the laundry room.
“Thank you,” I mouth to her, and she smiles.
We get back into the bed and Savannah starts to tuck Colby in.
“Aren’t you going to sleep with us?”
“No, I think I’ll crash on the futon, honey. You and daddy sleep in the bed, okay? You’ll have more space.”
“But I need you, Banana!” Colby tears up and for a moment, I’m worried Savannah is going to insist on the couch for propriety’s sake, or something, but she doesn’t. She just nods and gets back in the bed, wraps her arms around Colby, and kisses his forehead.
Colby falls right to sleep but I can tell Savannah is still awake.
“I’m worried I’m not going to be a good dad,” I whisper into the darkness. It’s Savannah. I can tell her anything. She won’t judge me. She won’t be scared. Savannah has always been the one person who could handle my drama, my stress, my frustrations, and my fears.
“It’s normal to be afraid, Carter.” I like that she doesn’t lie to me and promise I’m going to be the world’s greatest dad. “Eve people who have nine months to prepare worry about that. You aren’t alone.”
“What if I make a mistake?”
What if I ruin Colby’s life more than it’s already been ruined?
“You’ll probably make a lot of mistakes, but that’s just part of being a parent. You don’t have to be perfect, Carter. My parents were awesome, but they made plenty of mistakes. Didn’t yours?”
“Yeah, but that’s different.”
“Why is it different?”
It’s different because this is my kid and I’m not half the man my father is. It’s different because I don’t have a wife supporting me. It’s different because I’ve been pushed head first into parenthood and I feel like I’m going to drown.
I don’t answer Savannah, but she reaches across Colby and touches my arm. Then she rubs it softly up and down.
“You know I’m always here for you Carter.”
“I know.”
“Go to sleep now, Carter.”
As if her words hold some sort of magic, I yawn and close my eyes. Soon I’m drifting off to sleep, but the only thing I see is her.
All night I dream of her, and when I wake up, she’s still in bed, still has her arms wrapped around Colby, still looks as perfect as ever.
And I’m hit with the thought that I want to marry Savannah Bertrand.
I wonder if she’d have me.
Chapter 7
Carter
Savannah leaves before breakfast so she can go home to shower and change before work. I offer to drive her, but she shakes her head.
“Hope is heading into town to pick up a few things, so I’ll hitch a ride.”
She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek, then heads out the door.
“I like her, daddy,” Colby says.
“Me too, little guy.”
We head into the kitchen where Micah is sitting at the counter discussing the day’s schedule with Alex, one of our employees. Alex has been around forever. We don’t always see eye-to-eye, but he’s a hard worker. I think Alex has been going through something, but he’s not ready to talk about it, and I’m not going to push him.
He’ll talk when he’s ready.
“Good morning, guys,” I say, entering the room.
“Uh, hey?” Alex says, looking from me to Colby and back again. “What’s up, Carter?”
Micah, always the intuitive one, doesn’t speak at first. He looks Colby up and down, then looks at me. I wait for the question. I wait for him to say, “Who is this kid?” I wait for him to ask how I could be such an idiot. I wait for anything, but Micah doesn’t talk to me.
Instead, my little brother slides off his stool and gets down on one knee in front of Colby. Then he holds out his hand to my son.
“Hey, buddy. I’m Micah. What’s your name?”
Colby looks up at me.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. He’s had to meet a lot of new people in the last couple of days. It’s a wonder Colby is holding everything together as well as he is.
He turns back to Micah and holds his hand out, too.
“Colby Blair,” he says, and shakes my brother’s hand.
“Blair, huh?” Micah says. He looks up at me for a moment. His eyes hold questions, but no judgment. Why did I think my brothers wouldn’t understand? Why did I even worry what they would think? “Guess that makes me Uncle Micah, huh?”
Colby looks a little confused.
“Do you know what an uncle is, Colby?”
Colby shakes his head.
“An uncle is your daddy’s brother.”
“Carter is my daddy.”
Alex drops his coffee mug and I hear the glass shatter, but none of us turn to look at him.
“Then that makes me your Uncle Micah, and I think you’ve already met Uncle Wyatt, is that right?”
Colby nods solemnly.
“Hope gave me a bath last night. She sang me songs.”
“I bet that was pretty fun, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, she’s a good singer.”
That draws a smile from Micah, but to his credit, he doesn’t snicker.
“You have no idea, buddy. Hey, I’ve got some cereal here. Do you want some?”
Colby looks at me once more, and when I nod, he goes with Micah to the cupboard to get a bowl. Micah pours Colby a bowl of cereal and adds milk. When he’s finished, Colby announces that he doesn’t like milk in his cereal, but Micah takes it in stride and simply makes him a fresh bowl.
“So what
’s the story, man?” Alex pulls me aside, whispering loudly.
“The story is you better replace my fucking mug, asshole,” I growl at him and point at the pieces of the mug in the trash can.
I hear a little gasp and I turn to see Colby’s jaw open.
“Daddy, you aren’t supposed to say bad words.”
Alex and Micah both start laughing and I blush. What the hell? Of course I’m going to have to start watching my language, especially around the little guy.
“Sorry, buddy,” I say, but Micah just rubs Colby’s mop of hair.
“Don’t worry, kiddo. We all make mistakes sometimes.”
He gets Colby set up with his breakfast, then walks past me to the hallway, motioning for me to come with him.
Alex stays in the kitchen, which is just as well. I don’t want to deal with him right now, anyway.
We get to the hallway and Micah turns to me and raises an eyebrow.
“I found out yesterday that my ex-girlfriend was pregnant when we broke up,” I blurt out.
“I can see that.”
“She died.”
“And you get sole custody?”
“Yeah, probably. Most likely. Apparently, she had an ironclad will and my name is on the birth certificate. I still have to go before a judge, but it shouldn’t take long.”
“When do you go in?”
“Two weeks,” I say.
“How are you doing?”
“What?”
“It’s a lot to take in all at once,” Micah says calmly. “Are you doing okay? Do you need anything?”
Once again, I’m caught off guard by the genuine emotion and caring in my brother’s voice. He and Wyatt have both been completely supportive throughout this entire thing. What the hell would I do without them?
“I’m okay,” I say, but Micah sees right through my bullshit.
“Come on,” he says. “I’m your brother, Carter. Try again. You think I don’t see through that smile you always have plastered on your face? You don’t have to hold it together around me,” he says quietly.