Something’s wrong.
“Something isn’t right.” I tell him, refusing to tear my eyes away from the houses nearby. “I know that doesn’t make much sense and that’s why it’s troubling me.”
“You’re safe.” Jake assures me, resting his hands on top of my shoulders. “You don’t have to be afraid of anything.”
“Doesn’t she?”
An unknown voice challenges Jake, causing us both to whirl around in search of its owner.
I inhale sharply, recognising those cruel eyes and that evil smirk. They belong to the man who tried to force himself on me all those months ago. The same man Jake attacked and the one he’s been searching for ever since.
“You.” Jake snarls, taking one step closer towards him.
The gleam in his eyes is murderous. He’s been hunting down this madman for months and now he’s finally caught up with him. I reach out, grabbing hold of Jake’s arm with both of my hands.
“Jake, think about this.” I beg him, needing to get him as far away from here as possible.
“I heard you were looking for me so thought I would come and find you instead.”
My eyes widen, astonished that this stranger would actually dare to come looking for Jake after he almost killed him.
“Why would you do that?” I ask him, refusing to let go of Jake.
“Because I’m not alone this time.”
Several men appear out of nowhere, emerging from the shadows. They surround the three of us and wait, forming a formidable circle around us. I actually recognise one of them as Jake’s opponent from the fight which Carla and I went to. He’s wearing the same murderous expression that he did the night Jake beat him and it soon becomes obvious that he’s out for revenge.
They all are.
“Bethany, get out of here.” Jake commands me, shoving me behind him. “Run.”
There’s a wall behind me and Jake is in front, shielding me from their monstrous eyes and evil intentions.
“I’m not leaving you.” I whimper, trembling uncontrollably.
There’s no way I would leave Jake like this, determined to stand by him no matter what happens. Even if it means putting myself in danger, I can’t just abandon him.
“I can handle this. Now go.”
He’s practically begging, pleading with me to do as he asks so he can protect me. He’s more than willing to sacrifice himself just to know I’m safe.
“Not without you!” I cry, desperately trying to drag him away.
He keeps his eyes focused on the men in front of him, using his hands to disentangle my fingers and the vice-like hold I have on him. He wants me to escape but that means I have to leave without him…
“Neither one of you are leaving.” The ringleader of our terror announces. “This time you’re going to watch. You’re going to watch me fuck her right before I kill you.”
“You’ll have to kill me first.” Jake growls, trembling with rage and absolute hatred for the animal stood before him.
“That can easily be arranged.” Our perpetrator smiles, his gaze roaming up and down my body like I’m his newly captured prey.
“No!” I scream, trying to place myself between him and Jake in an attempt to protect him.
“Stay behind me.” Jake orders, speaking with so much aggression. “Don’t you dare move an inch.”
“Oh my God.”
I repeat the same sentence over and over again until my words all blur into one. I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience and I’m almost convince that I’ll wake up any second, realising this is one horrible nightmare.
“Everything is going to be ok.” Jake whispers, making sure his voice is low.
He wants to keep our exchange private and speaks softly. He remains still, fearsome and foreboding as he awaits their next move.
“I…I can’t.” I murmur, struggling to breathe as I start to crumble.
“Shh, it’s ok. It’s all going to be ok. I’m here. I’m right here with you.”
I’m cowering behind his back but his hand reaches out, taking hold of my own so he can comfort me as best he can.
The attack they make upon us happens so fast. There must be ten of them and they all strike at once. I wait for one of them to drag me away from Jake but it doesn’t happen. He takes the brunt of it all, refusing to defend himself so he can stay standing right in front of me, blocking every single one of their blows.
It goes on and on as each of them try to reach me, punching and kicking Jake until he crumbles just like I did. I cling onto him, willing him to fight back but he no longer has the strength… slumping forward until one of them starts panicking.
There’s voices everywhere as a few of them claim to have heard sirens. I pray to God for him to help us or to send someone who can save us from this torment.
And then it happens…
They begin to disperse and run off in different directions. I breathe a huge sigh of relief and when I hear nothing but silence, crawl out from behind Jake.
“Jake, they’re gone.” I whisper, still shaking uncontrollably.
He says nothing, hitting the ground as soon as I let go of him. I scream his name and fall to my knees, cradling his head in my hands as I beg him to respond to me. My gaze suddenly drops down when I realise he’s clutching his stomach.
Blood.
There’s so much blood everywhere, oozing out from him and all over his fingers. It looks like a knife wound and my entire body starts to convulse with absolute shock and horror.
“Don’t leave me.” He mutters, peeking through his half-closed eyelids. “Please.”
I inhale sharply, amazed that he actually spoke to me. I cling onto the idea that this means he’s going to be ok and stroke his hair back from his forehead.
“I’m not going anywhere, ok? I’m right here. I’m with you always.”
“And forever?” He whispers, smiling weakly as his face starts to turn white, being drained of all its colour.
“And forever.” I promise him, searching my pockets as I scramble for my phone.
I thought I heard a Goddamn ambulance or a police car right before they scattered. Where the hell are they?! Why is no one here? Why aren’t they helping us?!
“Hi, I-I need an ambulance!” I yell, clutching my phone to my ear. “My boyfriend has been stabbed… Please! He’s bleeding heavily and there’s blood everywhere… it’s his stomach. My God, please come! Come now!”
My tears are relentless, as are my lamenting sobs and bewailing cries for help.
“I-I’m scared.” Jake chokes, searching my eyes for answers.
He’s so helpless and terrified, silently pleading for me to save him… just like he’s saved me so many times before now.
“Shh, it’s ok.” I soothe him, mirroring the promise he made me earlier. “There’s no need be scared, ok? I’m here and the ambulance is coming. Look at me, Jake.”
I shake him gently, desperately trying to make sure he stays conscious and alert.
“I’m frightened…” He whispers, reaching for my hand. “Please don’t leave me.”
“Sweetheart, I won’t leave you.” I assure him, sounding firm. “Never again will I leave your side.”
“I don’t want to die.” He whimpers, squeezing my hand gently.
I understand that his grasp is so weak because he’s losing so much blood. The man I love is slipping through my fingers and I don’t know how to help him. I long to change places with him and would gladly give my life or his if it was possible.
“You’re not dying.” I lie, making sure my voice is steady. “I won’t let that happen. You think I’m going to let you go anywhere without me?”
“Bethany, I…” He trails off, closing his eyes before he slips in and out of consciousness.
“Don’t speak.” I console him, trying my best to comfort him. “The ambulance is coming, you’re going to the hospital and they’ll fix you all up.”
“Y-you promise?” He stammers, refusing
to let go of my hand.
“I promise.”
“I don’t want to leave you.” He croaks, a lone tear escaping from the corner of his eye.
“Look at me, Jake.” I demand, tilting his face towards me. “You saved me. You rescued me all those months ago and now I’m going to save you.”
He doesn’t respond for several seconds, gasping for oxygen and wheezing as his breathing becomes shallow and laboured.
“I love you.” He rasps, panting heavily.
“I love you too but you’re not going anywhere.” I vow, enveloping him in my arms as I rock him gently.
“We did it.” He murmurs, closing his eyes once more.
“Did what?” I ask, desperately to keep him awake.
“We made it, didn’t we?”
I’m not a hundred percent sure what he means but agree with him whole-heartedly, nodding my head as I place a single kiss on his forehead.
“Yes, we made it.” I reply solemnly, pledging this to the man who changed my world forever.
The sirens are somewhere in the distance… announcing their arrival. Blue flashing lights highlight Jake’s magnificent features as well as the peaceful expression on his face. The paramedics try to prise me away from him but I still hold on, refusing to be separated from my soul mate as well as well as my saviour.
They try to tell me that he’s gone but I know he hasn’t. I know they’re wrong and that they’ve made a mistake because my own heart is still beating. How can Jake’s have stopped when mine lives on? It’s just not possible and that’s what I keep on trying to tell them.
He hasn’t gone and he hasn’t left me. Jake wouldn’t do that… not until my own heart stops beating.
Chapter Thirteen
They stopped trying to make me talk after three weeks, realising I wouldn’t allow them to break down my wall of silence. They stopped trying to force feed me and relied upon a drip they stuck right into my arm.
They pumped me with drugs, medication they said would help me and sent four different psychiatrists to come and see me. They tried to coax me out of the oblivious trance I was in, promising me I would feel better if I opened up to someone about my grief.
I saw their lips moving but I couldn’t hear them. Nothing made sense anymore and the world they tried to convince me I was still a part of ceased to exist. I was almost certain that I had been the one who had died and truly believed I was trapped in this bizarre existence which I came to know as purgatory.
I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I didn’t drink and I didn’t communicate with anyone, almost forgetting that I was a living, breathing person.
Because I wasn’t.
I was in agony and it consumed me, eating away at my lungs until I couldn’t even breathe. It devoured my heart until it shrivelled up and stopped beating… just like Jake’s.
The nurses later informed me that I would wake up screaming, crying out his name as I begged Jake to come and get me. They told me they found me with a bunch of pills, seconds away from swallowing them and that’s when they decided to put me on suicide watch.
They locked me away and I was glad they did, wallowing in my own sadness until I no longer existed. Praying to the God I had called out to that night to give Jake back to me.
He didn’t.
I couldn’t attend his funeral, knowing that I didn’t have the strength to put one foot in front of the other. I was still trapped inside my comatose and senseless state of mind, having abandoned the most primitive human instinct that we have...
The one which ensures we survive.
Police officers tried to talk to me, demanding answers. A stern detective came and put the pressure on, threatening me with the law if I didn’t reveal what had happened.
I couldn’t.
It turns out they didn’t need me in the end, having found the knife which was used to kill Jake in a garden nearby. The DNA they found was enough to convict and they came to inform me they had found the people who had murdered Jake.
I still couldn’t hear them.
This went on and on and on until one day… I heard a voice I could actually understand…
My mum’s.
She burst through the doors and cradled me in her arms, stroking back my hair as she soothed me with kind words. Something inside of me cracked and for the first time since Jake’s death… I cried.
It was a single tear but it was still a response. The nurses were amazed and they all took it as a positive sign. They assured my mum that my grief was still frozen, locked away deep inside of me. They promised her it just needed to find its own way out.
Carla came to see me, sobbing uncontrollably as she grabbed hold of my hand but I still couldn’t hear her. She was mourning her brother but she was still alive, unlike myself who was certain my soul had remained with Jake’s.
It was two months before they let me out of there, making my mum promise that she would not leave me alone under any circumstances. I stepped out of the hospital doors, breathing in fresh air for the first time in eight weeks.
My mum took me back to our apartment… the one I shared with Jake. I threw up the second I set foot through the front door. My mum was horrified, convinced she had made a mistake by bringing me back and tried to get me to leave.
I clung to the door, refusing to let go. I needed to feel close to him again and buried myself underneath our duvet, inhaling Jake’s scent which still lingered on the pillows. Taking one of his shirts, I slipped it on over my head.
I didn’t take that shirt off for a month.
My mum fed me, bathed me, dressed me and tried everything she could to bring me back.
Nothing worked.
I was still having nightmares, managing to sleep just a couple of hours each day. I was aware that I kept waking up in the middle of the night, screaming out his name when the excruciating heartache became too much for me to handle.
My mum slept beside me during those first few weeks, trying to comfort me when I had one of my night terrors. She would hold me until I went back to sleep, soothing me like I was a small child again.
It had been three months since Jake’s death and one month since I was brought home from the hospital. There was still no signs of a recovery and my mum was making herself ill from so much stress and worry. The hospital recommended me for counselling but I wouldn’t leave the apartment and still hadn’t spoken a single word to anyone.
Everything changed when I woke up crying one night, wailing into my pillow as I cried out for Jake. My mum was right beside me as usual but she suddenly said something which somehow managed to quieten my screams, easing just a fraction of my agonising torment…
“Tell me about him.”
I froze, taking a moment to absorb her words before I surprised us both. I returned her embrace and clung onto her for dear life, refusing to let go. It’s as though I finally realised that I still had someone left.
Someone to hold onto.
My world had shattered and I had lost Jake. My universe had turned grey… devoid of the joy I had once felt when we were together.
I knew I had to answer my mum’s question. I wanted to tell her about him and that’s exactly what I did.
It’s been a year.
A year since Jake came crashing into my life and a year since he turned my world upside down, shattering the walls I had once built around myself to keep safe.
Jake changed everything for me. He changed the way I saw the world and he altered the expectations I now have from it. He tore me apart and then put me back together again, determined to fix what had always been broken before I even met him.
So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know where to start or how I should end this and that’s why I’m not going to plan it. I’m just going to tell you and let you come to your own conclusions about everything which took place.
I’m going to be completely honest because that’s the only way the truth will be heard. It might even set me free…
&
nbsp; If you’re prepared to listen and willing to be patient with me then I need you to keep on reading. No matter how difficult this gets or how much heartache is involved, I need to tell someone about it. I need someone else to know about what happened and if I’m being completely truthful, I just need someone to talk to.
Please don’t say I didn’t warn you… you’re the one who is choosing to read this. You’re the only one I’m prepared to trust with this.
This is my story…
It took me two months to write but the point is I wrote it, handing the first letter to my mum over breakfast one morning.
Her eyes were tearful as she took it from me, breathing a huge sigh of relief.
It was the first time I had made communication with anyone in months.
It did take me another month to write the following note, repeating the same action as I did before by handing it to her over breakfast.
I still don’t speak to her about Jake, choosing to tell our story through the letters that I write. She hasn’t forced me to open up about her about him and I do the same when it comes to asking questions about the breakdown of her marriage. We respect one another’s privacy now that we’ve found a mutual understanding which works for us both.
I honestly don’t know if my deranged father will ever come looking for her, seeking revenge on me for everything that’s happened. What I do know is we’ll be ready for him. He kept my mum from me throughout my entire childhood, making sure we remained strangers.
I will not let him do that to us again.
My mum understood what I wanted, soon recognising my need to be quiet and reflective, still mourning the other half of my own self. I’m grateful she respects my wishes when it comes to the way I want to heal and know she will remain patient and forbearing.
We soon established our own routine, reacquainting ourselves as mother and daughter. She eventually opened up to me about my father and what had happened between them, revealing that she had somehow found the courage to leave him.
I could scarcely believe her when she told me, amazed and astonished that she actually found the strength to walk away from her controller. She told me how she couldn’t forgive him for the way he had tried to destroy my relationship with Jake or the affair he had been having behind her back. She told how she had raced to the hospital as soon as she found out about his death and found out where I was staying by making contact with Carla.
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