Carla and I tried to keep in touch but we both acknowledge how difficult it’s going to be. Our one connection is Jake and it’s so hard to see past that whenever we’re in the same room together. She reminds me of him so much and I’m sure she feels the same way about me. The two of us are still struggling through our grief and we respect the fact that we each need to deal with it in our own way.
I don’t ever want to lose touch with her but I know we might not see each other often as we did before. She was a great friend to me and I will always count her as a member of my own family. She was a constant support to me throughout my relationship with Jake and that’s something I won’t ever forget or fail to appreciate.
The same goes with Callum. I was told much later that he tried to see me when I was in hospital, turning up on numerous occasions in case they would let him in.
He’s tried to reach me several times since I’ve been home but I’m still not ready. I don’t know if I ever will be but hope that I can find the strength to face him one day. No matter what happened between us, he was still there for me and although he’s not the love of my life, I still hope we can find closure and be friends.
Someday…
Epilogue
Without realising, six months have passed by since Jake’s death and I’m due to give evidence in the trial. I dread the thought of being in the same courtroom as Jake’s killers and almost have a breakdown when I think about it for too long.
I’m so relieved when I’m informed that the trial won’t go ahead after all. The monsters that murdered Jake changed their minds at the last minute and decided to plead guilty.
They’re due to be sentenced in a few days and have been remanded in custody until then, somehow providing me with the strength to write my second note to my mum…
I hand it to her and smile weakly, taking a seat next to her at the table. We sit in silence, neither one of us brave enough to break it first.
She gets up and puts the kettle on, turning around to face me.
“We’re out of milk.” She says, relying on the first thing that pops into her head.
“I’ll go.” I blurt out, acting on my instincts.
Neither one of us can hardly believe the words that just came out of my mouth. She’s astonished and so am I, trying to understand why I’ve finally decided to speak.
“A-are you sure?” She stammers, trembling uncontrollably.
She’s still in shock but I know I have to do this. I want to venture outside.
It’s time.
“I want to go.” I insist, making my way towards the front door.
“I’ll come with you.” She says, following me across the room.
She’s obviously worried about letting me venture out alone, wanting to protect me like she has done these last few months.
“Please… let me do this.” I whisper, turning around to face her.
“I’m not sure…” She wavers, sounding hesitant.
“Trust me.” I implore her, placing my hand on her arm. “I’ll be back soon.”
She finally acquiesces and lets me go, handing me some money before I leave. I don’t know why I’ve chosen tonight or what’s made me want to go back there…
Except it’s time.
It’s been over a year since I first left my claustrophobic barriers which surrounded my house. Ironically, I left the house that night to go out and buy some milk. She had ran out and was terrified that my father would be angry with her for making a simple mistake. I therefore came up with the idea to sneak out and buy some before he got home.
That was the night I met Jake. It was the first time I had stepped out of my comfort zone and now I feel strong enough to do that again.
Jake and I collided that night and my life changed forever. I have come to accept that he’s now gone but I somehow know he’s still with me. I feel him all around me and that’s the reason I came back here.
I simply followed my instincts and they lead me here…
The place we met.
Jake changed my world when he found me in this very spot, rescuing me when I needed saving and loving me despite everything that happened.
I come to a standstill, struggling to catch my breath as I let all of my grief, sadness, heartache and despair wash over me. For the first time since I lost Jake, I allow myself to feel it. I embrace the pain I’ve been consumed by and miraculously let a small part of it go.
I don’t know what makes me do it but I smile, gazing up at the starlit sky above me. There are several of them up there, twinkling up ahead as though they’re keeping watch.
I don’t know how long I stay there before I decide to head back home, taking a few steps before I decide to turn around.
And that’s when I see him.
It’s a fleeting moment and it’s as quick as lightening but I swear I saw him… his tall silhouette watching me from a distance…
I can’t move. I can’t move an inch as I try and process the inexplicable and calming sensation which encircles me.
I saw him.
I know I did and no one in this world will convince me otherwise. One glimpse of Jake awakened something deep inside of me and I inhale deeply, understanding that this is the first moment I’ve felt alive.
I smile to myself before I walk away, realising the final thing I told Jake was true.
We made it.
We made it in the end and we proved our love was unbreakable. I’m so thankful I got to tell Jake that before he died and now understand what he meant when he asked me that question.
I don’t know what my future holds but what I do know is that I’ll always have Jake. His love will last a lifetime and he made sure it was eternal. I’ll never have to go searching for it because he is still with me…
Always & forever.
Jake
It kills me to watch her walk away, knowing I can’t reach out and touch her.
I can only watch her from a distance now.
That’s what I have to keep on telling myself, over and over again until I start to believe it.
I watch her leave, trying to be grateful for the part of her life I got to share during the short time we were together.
It sounds strange but I decided against being angry a long time ago, choosing to appreciate the time we had rather than the time we’ll both miss out on.
Watching Bethany lose sight of the incredible girl she used to be and fall apart without me has been torture. It was excruciating to stand by and watch her call out for me these last few months when all I wanted to do was hold her. Some nights she would scream out my name, incapable of seeing that I was right there beside her.
Those nights were the hardest.
The fact that she was unable to see me before is the reason I thought it would be like that again. I was astonished when I realised that she had actually noticed me standing there… even if it was just for a split second.
She still saw me.
It brought her peace and that was my intention. My girl is slowly starting to heal and that’s why I know it’s time for me to go. I couldn’t leave her before now, not in the horrendous state she was in throughout her grief. I knew I had to stay with her, remaining by her side until she found the courage to exist on her own.
Her recovery will take time but she’s unbelievably strong and I have no doubts when it comes to her living a full and magnificent life.
Bethany changed my world. She made me a better man and even though we’re going to have to spend our lives apart… I’ll never forget the miraculous transformation she made in my life.
I watch her walk away, choosing to remain close by until I lose sight of her. The fact that she saw me is proof that it’s time for me to move on. She’s already made her choice about moving forward and that’s exactly what I want for her.
She will take me with her wherever she goes and that’s how I know our love will last a lifetime. I’ll continue to watch over her and make sure she’s ok, needing her to live a full and c
omplete life which she’s always deserved.
I once made a solemn vow to love Bethany for the rest of her life and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I will love her until the end of time…
Forever & always.
Thank you
Wow, I cannot believe I have just completed this book!! I don’t know where to start or how to thank you for sticking with me until the very end. Thank you so much for reading, thank you so much for trusting me to tell you this story and thank you for taking a chance on when it comes to my writing. Jake and Bethany will always be special to me and so will their story. ‘Always & Forever’ was the first book I ever wrote and in a lot of ways, my most challenging. I started writing three years ago and it all stemmed from one crazy idea I had one night to write my own book.
It was one of the most difficult periods of my life because I felt entirely alone when it came to this dream. I felt my end goal was unobtainable and a part of me truly believes I still don’t appreciate the fact that I have now published several books! It really is a dream come true and I need to count my blessings when it comes to this opportunity and the fact that there are people who live on the other side of the world reading one of my books!
The ending of ‘Forever & Always’ is controversial (as are all my other endings) but I just knew this was the right ending for Jake & Bethany. The ideas I’ve played around with have merely been distractions, failing to compare to the unforgettable ending I always wanted.
I am relieved I have now drawn a line under these characters because I can now move forward with my other projects. However, a part of me is sad that I must say goodbye to them. As I previously mentioned, they were the first characters I created and their story was the first one I ever told…
Please remember you can contact me at [email protected] and I promise to reply to each and every one of your emails. I can’t wait to hear back from you and find out what you think! You can follow me on Goodreads where I will continue to keep you all updated when it comes to my other projects and please remember that your reviews matter! They mean so much to me and they really do make all the difference.
I could thank you so many times and it would never be enough… Lauren x
Forever & Always (Always & Forever Book 2) Page 13