“Do you hate it?” Hadley asks, her hand on her hip, her eyebrows drawn together in worry.
“No,” I turn around in the office, not able to believe what the fuck I’m looking at. “I can’t believe this is mine. You did everything you said you were going to, and it’s spacious as fuck.”
“Yeah!” She grins. “All I did was give you more storage in ways that are hidden from the naked eye.”
I see what she’s saying. A couch she put against the back wall is actually a futon with large throw pillows and hidden underneath it are boxes of files. There’s a few other clever hacks she’s found on the internet, but the piece I love most is the desk. It’s painted the matte black she promised it would be, and she’s replaced the hardware with chrome pieces. It’s badass, if a desk can be badass. Everything about it screams me. The bonus is finding out she knows me so well. She didn’t even have to ask me anything, she did this on her own.
“So you really like it?”
“I love it! I feel like you should let me pay you, babe. This was a lot of work.”
“The before and after pictures will get me more jobs than you know. Plus we’ve kind of been living here rent free,” she shrugs.
“While you’re still paying on an apartment you aren’t even at.”
The implication hangs in the air.
“We’ll talk about it soon, Trick,” she tells me, grasping me around the waist. “I agree it needs to be discussed, but we’ve only been here a few weeks. Let’s get through the first of the year, if we’re still good with one another through the holidays, then I think we have something to talk about.”
Mentally I calculate. We’re a week from Thanksgiving, which means we’re about four from Christmas. I can wait a month for an answer. I’ve waited twenty-nine years to find this woman, a month isn’t going to kill me. “I can wait, I just don’t want you wasting your money, when you could be putting it towards your business. But I’m not going to pressure you, so when you’re ready to talk, let me know.”
Leaning in, she presses her forehead against my chest. “You’re too good to me, Trick. It makes my head spin because I never thought I’d meet someone like you. Hell, when they asked me if I was okay with you spending time with Riley, it was because I told them I wasn’t interested in a man. Look what happened.”
I laugh, tilting my head down so that I can rest my forehead on top of hers, kissing her hair softly. “I wasn’t looking for it either. I told them to please put me with someone who wouldn’t throw themselves at me, because I couldn’t take it anymore. Neither one of us meant for it, but we can’t help what happened. Maybe it was meant to be and we’ll be together forever, maybe we won’t. We have to enjoy what we have while we have it.”
She nods, circling her arms around my waist, holding on tight. Seems like neither one us likes to think about not being together anymore. “I agree, I don’t want to borrow trouble where there isn’t any.”
“Both of us have had enough trouble to last us a lifetime,” I blow out a deep breath, realizing how true the words are.
“We still have an hour and a half before I have to go get Riley. What do you want to do?” She asks.
Normally I have a one-track mind when it comes to this woman. I want her in my arms, in my bed, naked, wanting me. Today though, I feel like we need to change it up slightly. I want her to know I appreciate her company. “Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?”
Startled, she slips out of my arms, gazing up at me with wide eyes. “No,” she shakes her head, a look of wonder on her face. “Can’t say I ever have. I never knew anyone who had one until I met you.”
For some reason that makes my chest puff out like I’m ten feet tall and completely bullet proof. “What do you say we take the bike out for a spin? It’s a little cold, but I’ll give you some clothes to wear. I’ll have you back in time to go get Sprite.”
I can see her weighing the pros and cons in her head. Her eyes flash from me to where my bike sits, and then back to me for at least a good two minutes. This has to be completely her decision; I don’t want to influence it in any way, which is hard for me. I love feeling the wind through my hair, love the roar in my ears, and the vibration between my thighs. The first time I straddled a bike, I knew I’d always have one in my life. It’s hard for me to remember not everyone has been in the same situation, they don’t appreciate the steel horse the same way I do.
“We’ll be safe?”
“I would never knowingly put you in a dangerous situation. It’s just like a car, there’s always a chance someone else on the road is a dumbass. I’m experienced, I’ve been riding a bike since I was eighteen, I can handle almost anything thrown at me. With you on the back, I’ll be extra careful.”
She thinks about the decision again. I find myself holding my breath, I want this experience with her. Only one other woman has ridden bitch, and that’s because we were friends and she needed a ride home. It’ll mean a lot to me if I can get Hadley behind me. I try not to let her see how important the decision is to me.
“I trust you with everything, so it’d be stupid for me not to trust you with this. Sure, I’ll go for a ride with you.”
Day. Fucking. Made.
There’s never been a feeling like the one I’m experiencing right now. Hadley sits behind me, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist as we take the road outside of the shop, leading to the bridge. I know all the routes around the shop by heart, along with their times. As soon as she told me how much time we had before she had to pick up Riley, I knew the route we’d take. It’s straight over the bridge and then back around the river walk, before heading back onto the bridge and coming back to this side of the city. If I drive in the farthest lanes, she’ll be able to see the amazing views as we cross over the water.
“Be sure and look out, it’s beautiful,” I tell her as we stop at a red light. “Relax,” I grip her hand in mine. “We’re gonna take it slow and I won’t let anything happen to you. Enjoy the freedom.”
As we get our green light and head over the bridge, she lifts her mouth to my ear, making sure I can hear her over the rush of the wind. “I’ve never been this free before.”
Neither have I. Gripping her hand in mine, I squeeze it to let her know I understand the emotions flowing through her body. I understand the excitement and the bit of adrenaline that rushes as soon as you realize you are free. It’s like flying without a safety net. I wish I could see all this through her eyes, experience it for the first time with her. If I look back on my life, that will probably be my one regret. I didn’t wait until I had someone like Hadley to experience the most amazing parts of life with.
I tell her as much when we stop at the light coming off the bridge.
She grips my waist tighter. “I need you to show me. We need to be the couple who takes each other by the hand and life by the tail, but I’m gonna need you to save me from myself. If I’m allowed to, I’ll talk myself out of it every time.
It surprises me to hear her talk about herself like this. All this time I’ve thought of her as a woman who’s brave and gives a middle finger to anything that makes her scared. “You’re the bravest person I know.”
Her voice is warm against my ear. “Only because you make me that way.”
I shiver because those words are the most powerful I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ll take them with me, hold them close until the day I die, and dare some motherfucker to snatch them from me. I can’t even speak, so I take off, back across the bridge.
When we get back and I have a minute to reflect, I know this will go down as one of the top three experiences of my life.
32
Hadley
Happiness has a way of sneaking up on us. I don’t realize how much I’ve been smiling, how I laugh more easily, I say yes without even thinking of no, because negativity is a thing of my past.
Someone I work with told me today that I look younger than I have in years. I look like I’m enjoying life, and whatever’s been
holding me back for the last little bit, she hopes it’s gone, because I act like a completely different person.
She’s right. I didn’t realize how much I was holding in to keep myself together. Now that I have someone share in my thoughts, my hopes, my fears, my desires, and my dreams, it’s made things easier. There’s no longer a burden I feel I carry on my own.
The happiness almost bursts from me as I hear my cell phone ring, and I see Trick’s name. “Hey!” I answer with a smile, because he’s the major positive force, he’s the one putting forth all the good things. He’s made me change for the better. I’ve almost stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. Almost.
“Hadley, where are you?” His voice is serious. There’s no teasing lilt to it, no use of the word babe when he addresses me. Suddenly I’m nervous. My hand grips the phone, trying to keep the shaking down to a minimum. I’m not sure why I’m shaking, but he’s scaring me.
“I just left work, I’m about to go pick Riley up from school.” He should know this. We’ve lived with him for weeks. He knows our routine like the back of his hand.
“I think you better come here first.” He’s matter-of-fact about it, his voice strangled as he speaks over the line.
“Is something wrong with Riley? Did they call you from school? I added you to the list to pick her up,” I’m rambling and I know it, but I’m trying to get a straight answer from him.
“Can Mrs. Oliver pick her up?”
Is something wrong with him? “Trick are you hurt?” I’m panicking as I merge into traffic and switch directions, instead of heading towards Riley’s school, I head towards Trick’s shop.
“No, but I don’t think Riley needs to be here. Call Mrs. Oliver, have her pick Riley up, and get here as soon as you can. When you get here, we’ll deal with this together.”
“What is this Trick? What are you not telling me?” It’s official, I’m freaking the fuck out. Before I get to his shop, I’m probably going to have a nervous breakdown.
“I don’t want to get into it over the phone. Just get her as quickly as you can without killing yourself or anyone else.”
His words don’t exactly evoke a calming feeling. What the hell is going on? We were great yesterday, we’ve been great. I don’t understand what this coldness and the lack of answers is from him. “Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Let me call Mrs. Oliver, and then I want some fucking answers.”
“You’ll get them.”
He hangs up, and I’m left with my mouth hanging open. This can’t be the same guy who’s been so sweet to me, the one who loves my daughter, who has a cat he changed the name of just to make her happy. He’s obviously a pod person. I quickly call Mrs. Oliver, telling her I’ll be by to get Riley as soon as I can. First I have to see what the hell is going on with the man I was making plans with. They weren’t firm plans, but damnit, they were mine.
When I get to the shop, there’s a car parked out in front I’ve never seen before. Immediately a feeling of dread sweeps over my body. I’m not sure who it is, or what they want, but it scares me. It’s like one of those omens – where someone walks over your grave and you can feel it in the goosebumps on the back of your neck. That’s the exact feeling that courses through my body.
I do a shitty job of parking, throwing up a prayer that someone doesn’t hit me, before bailing out of the driver side door and all but running into the shop. I’m mad as hell when I enter, and I get even madder when I see Trick standing, his arms crossed, eyeing a man in a suit.
“What the hell is going on?”
The man in the suit takes a look at me, does a once over, before turning to face me. “Are you Hadley Westin?”
I hate the fact I still have his last name. I would change it if it weren’t for Riley. I don’t want people to think she’s my step-daughter, but God I hate the fucking name. “Yes, can I help you?”
He reaches into the jacket pocket of his suit, extracting some papers, handing them to me. I automatically put my hand out, because that’s what I’ve been trained to do when someone hands you something.
“You’ve been served,” he informs me, before turning on his heel and walking away.
“Pompous ass motherfucker,” Trick growls as he watches the other man walk away. “He’s been here for almost two hours waiting on you to get here. I couldn’t let you bring Sprite into this.”
My hands are shaking as I listen to him. I understand what he’s saying, but in some ways it’s not completely computing. “Did…did he tell you what this is about?” I can’t bring myself to flip up the cover sheet, to see what the papers tell me.
“He wouldn’t tell me because we’re not married. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? We spoon every night, but he didn’t like that answer.”
My heartbeat slows down a little, regulating some as I listen to Trick talk. He’s always a calming force, but even he’s pissed off about whatever these papers may be. “I’m scared to look,” I finally tell him, my voice small and hoarse.
There’s only one person I know who’s rich enough to have me served by a process server, and I don’t even want to think about the implications. My bottom lip trembles as I look up at Trick. “I have a bad feeling about this.”
“Babe,” he sighs, grabbing my hand, pulling me into the office and over to the couch. He sits down, grasping my waist as he tugs me onto his lap. “We’ll open them together, but you have to at least see what it is. I have a feeling it’s about Riley.”
“I do too,” I admit, but admitting it out loud doesn’t make it any better. It doesn’t take away my anxiety, nor does it make the papers I’m holding go away.
“C’mon, whatever this is, we’ll face it together.”
My heart melts because I know he’s telling the truth, but at what point is it too much? I ask myself that question once a week. When will we get to be too much for him to deal with? So far, he doesn’t seem to be tiring of us. Fingers shaking, I lift up the top page. My eyes scan the copy and my worst fears come true in the blink of an eye.
“What does it say?” he asks as he hears my gasp. His voice comes from far away. There’s a part of me that wants to ignore the papers, wants to run and pretend like this never happened.
“Riley’s dad is going for joint custody and trying to take primary away from me.”
I can’t quite believe I’ve said the words, because never in my life did I think he would ask for it. He’s seen Riley maybe twice since we’ve been divorced, never expressed an interest in wanting to get to know her, and then out of the blue – this? I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to react, and I sure as hell don’t know how I’m going to hold all this together.
“What the fuck is this?” He grabs the papers out of my hands, scanning over it himself. “Son of a fucking bitch, they’re using my record against you?”
I hadn’t even gotten that far into the paperwork. What better way to try and steal his daughter back by pointing out the ex-con who’s been more of a father to her than her real one will ever be? “Doesn’t surprise me, he’s dirty when it comes to getting what he wants. I have an attorney from when we got divorced. I’ll call and get an appointment in a few minutes. I just have to let the shock wear off.”
“I’m gonna be here, in whatever capacity you need me, for as long as you want me,” he says, hugging me tightly to him.
My fingers cling to his forearms, digging into his skin, denting them with the force of my grip. I hold on tightly to the one thing that centers and grounds me in the crazy world we live in. I let a few tears leak from my eyes, a few thoughts come to the surface that I probably shouldn’t, and then I become ferocious in my anger. This man has already taken too much from me. I’ll be damned if I give up anything else to him.
“Good, I’ll need you by my side to fight him. He doesn’t fight fair and he’s a real asshole. He’s not going to make me give up anything more than I’ve already given up. He wants a fight; I’ll give him a fucking fight. Meek Hadley is gone. He’
s about to meet the new me, the one you helped me discover.”
“What’s the first thing we need to do?” He’s all-in, I can tell by the way his dark eyes fire up for me. This man will do anything to protect me, to protect my daughter. That’s what I’ve wanted for so long, and now I have it, it’s not getting snatched from me. Not if I can help it. I’ll fight until my dying day to keep not only her safe, but our happiness intact.
“I’m going to need to see my lawyer,” I untangle myself from him, already scrolling through the contacts on my phone. She’s well aware of my situation, and back when I was divorcing took me on pro-bono. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have gotten out with what I did - his attorneys are the best money can buy.
“Sally? This is Hadley. I need your help.”
Trick
I listen as Hadley explains what’s happened to the woman on the other end of the phone. As I hear her words, feel the tension in her body, and see the emotions across her face, I get angrier. I wonder how in a time where I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I’m also more scared than I’ve ever been. The emotions switched in the blink of an eye to polar opposites.
There’s a gnawing in my gut that’s forcing me to look at myself and realize a few major truths. Hadley would be better off without me; she could fight this easier if I weren’t in her corner. I have to give her the out she needs if she wants it, even though I told her I’d be here no matter what. I don’t want to be the reason she loses her child. There’s no way I could live with myself or face Riley’s sweet face if I were the cause of such pain.
Trick Page 20