by Kelsey King
He silently listens to me talk, but I make sure to lean forward, to make sure this point hits home. “You don’t need to do everything alone. You know that old saying, ‘it takes a village’? You’re just one person. You’ve done so well by them this far, but you need help just as much as they do.”
Parker keeps staring at me. I know I should probably get up and offer to pack my bags and call Penelope for a ride, but I sit, looking back at him, waiting for him to talk.
“Well,” Parker finally says, after a long pause. He hesitates again like he’s considering saying something. “Is that what you really think?”
I’m surprised, but I try not to let it show. “Yeah, it is. Kids need an education and parents need help. That’s why my job exists at all.”
Parker’s still staring at me. He picks up his coffee and sips at it, glancing out the window. I wish, more than anything, at that moment to have the ability to read his thoughts. But I don’t, and he almost never speaks his mind, so I’ll probably never know what he’s thinking.
“Please,” I say, into the silence. “After everything I’ve seen this week—I want to help the kids. I want to make a difference in their life. I know you don’t want my help, but I think we’d both be better off if you had it.”
Parker glances at me. “You really think so?”
“I do,” I say. I don’t know why he hasn’t kicked me out on my ass yet, but I’m going to push my boundaries until he does. “I really do. Please, give me a chance.”
Parker glares at me, then looks away again. “I’ve given you a chance.”
I feel all my muscles sag at once. He definitely doesn’t sound happy about having given me a chance, but I push him anyways. “And?”
Parker’s brow furrows, confused. “And what?”
“And hasn’t that been for the best?” I ask. Parker keeps looking out the window.
“Yeah,” he says, after a painfully long moment of silence. “Things have been better since you got here. Smoother, I guess.”
I relax after hearing him admit that because something in his tone is reassuring. “Well, I guess I should go pack my bags then,” I say, calling his bluff. “I’ll have Penelope come pick me up so the kids don’t get upset.”
I stand, and before I’m able to walk away, he speaks up. “Don’t go. I think you should stay.”
I just barely stop myself from exclaiming with delight as I turn around and make eye contact with him.
“Permanently. Penelope called today. She said she can help you move your stuff up here if you want.”
I look at him with a sudden realization. “Wait, so you didn’t really want me to leave?”
Parker looks busted and doesn’t say a word.
“And you made me fight for myself,” I say, almost laughing. I sit back down in front of him and take a sip of my coffee to keep it in. “You’re just playing games with me, aren’t you?”
“No,” he says, defensively. “I just wanted to make sure you cared enough to want to stay.”
It’s a sobering thought, and laughter leaves me. I just barely stop myself from reaching out and taking his hand. “I do want to stay. Though it’s only been a week, your kids mean the world to me and I care about you too.”
I’m only a little surprised to find that I mean it, but I do. Parker and his kids have barged into my heart, and I care immensely for all of them. It happens when I work with a family for a while, but this connection feels even stronger. I’m glad—so, so glad—that Parker wants me to stay. If he hadn’t, I would’ve been heartbroken.
“Well,” Parker says, clearing his throat. “Penelope said she’d bring up more clothes for you and whatever else you needed.”
I’m struck by how much he’s already thought about all this. “Well, I’ll have to sublet my apartment so I can afford the rent.”
“Penelope said she’d take care of helping you sublet it. That way you don’t have to worry about going into town and showing it until you find the right tenant.”
Now, I’m shocked. “You really do want me to stay. And you were really confident I’d say yes.”
A flicker of a smile crosses his lips, but he covers it with his coffee mug. “Don’t make me regret it.”
“I won’t,” I say, and we share this almost-smile for a second. “I should go back and clean it first. I was only there a couple weeks so it won’t take me that long.” He nods in understanding, and I take the opportunity to push my boundaries again for a moment. “Maybe the kids can come into town with me tomorrow.”
Parker chokes on his sip of coffee and coughs. “What?”
“They told me just the other day that they really wanted to get out of the house for a little bit,” I tell him. It’s true, they did, and children need a change of scenery every once in a while, at least. “Penelope and I can take them into town. Give you a little break, maybe?”
Parker stares at me, but we both jump at the sudden burst of noise as both Evie and Jackson come sprinting from the hallway into the kitchen, talking over each other.
“Yes, we want to do that, please,” Evie is exclaiming, as Jackson just repeats, “Please, please, please!”
I’m already laughing as Jackson scrambles into my lap and Evie takes the seat next to Parker. “Were you listening the whole time?”
“Yeah!” Jackson says, happy as a clam.
“We’re your bosses,” Evie reminds me. “We’re supposed to listen.”
“I’m not sure you know exactly what bosses do,” I tell her. Jackson takes a moment to hug me tightly, and I’m so taken aback that it takes me a moment to hug him back.
“I’m happy you’re staying,” he says, and I squeeze him a little tighter before letting him go.
“Me too,” I say truthfully. I look up at Parker, who’s smiling like he doesn’t know he’s being watched.
“Alright,” Parker says, wiping the smile off his face as soon as his children look at him. “You can go into town with Kacee and Auntie Penelope tomorrow. But not for long. Two hours, at most.”
“Thank you, Daddy!” Evie exclaims. Jackson nods his head.
“Yeah, thanks, Daddy,” he says, and Parker kisses Evie’s head. All at once, it clicks for me. Parker’s not as aggressive as he pretends he is or as he wants to be. He’s just scared and protective of his kids.
The realization that he’s nervous and scared for his children makes everything slide into place, like a puzzle I didn’t have all the pieces to. The understanding of this makes me feel even better about choosing to stay. Maybe I can get that side of him he’s trying to hide from everyone to come out more. Perhaps he’ll even feel comfortable enough to let his guard down every once in awhile.
He’s a good dad, and that makes me him even more damn attractive to me. I love the way his face lights up when he sees the kids first thing in the morning, the way he rough houses with them, the sweet way he kisses their heads. He’s had to be their mother and father and most days it feels like he’s hanging on by an emotional thread, one I’d like to cut and be the one to watch him finally open his heart.
Within a second a hot flush covers my skin, so I take another sip of coffee holding Jackson tight with my other hand, so he doesn’t fall off. When I look back up, Parker is looking at me, almost like he’s curious about what I’m thinking about. I hope my blush isn’t giving me away, but I’m sure he’s noticed it all week by now. He looks away once we make eye contact, but I know he was watching me.
“You two should both be in bed,” Parker says, and they scramble down and sprint toward their rooms without needing to be told again. Parker does his almost-smile again. “Kids.”
“You said it,” I reply, and take a moment to enjoy the camaraderie before he remembers he wants to hate me. It’s the best moment I’ve had since I arrived.
5
Parker
The next morning, Kacee gets up at the same time as me. I wasn’t expecting her to—the only person I ever expect to see before seven in the morning is Ev
ie—but when I make it to the kitchen, she was already sitting at the breakfast nook, reading a book and sipping a glass of orange juice. She jumps when she hears me, clutching her hand over her heart. She looks beautiful in the soft light of the sunrise that’s peaking through the window. I’ve never seen her look so damn beautiful, but I try to shake it off.
“Good morning,” I say to her, passing through the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, which I then notice she’s already done. Apparently, our talk from last night gave her the permission she needed to make herself at home.
“Morning,” she replies.
I open the fridge and take out a carton of eggs and a package of sausage links.
“Can I do anything to help?” she asks softly.
I’m ready to say no, but I’m trying to give her a chance and not scare her away.
“Sure,” I finally say. I turn, and she’s already standing, stretching her arms over her head, and cracking her fingers. When she’s done, I hand her the carton of eggs. “You can scramble these.”
She seems happy to have been given a task. I should be including her more often, but thinking something and doing it are two entirely different animals. I do enjoy having her around, but it’s too easy to compare her to Rebecca sometimes. Just last night, she told me off just how Rebecca used to do. I’ve always needed that, but since Rebecca died, I haven’t had it. It just makes it all the easier to let Kacee fill that spot, even though that’s my biggest fear.
Kacee hums to herself while she makes the omelets, and Evie doesn’t seem upset when she comes out of her bedroom to find that Kacee’s here, too. She gives her a hug and climbs into her chair to yawn her way through some milk before Jackson joins us. Penelope shows up for breakfast, and she seems delighted, though she knew Kacee wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m just glad to hear it is all,” Penelope says when Kacee calls her out on it. Kacee makes eye contact with me and rolls her eyes. I forgot what it was like to have a friend that wasn’t a relative.
“All your stuff’s in the truck,” Penelope tells Kacee once we’re done eating. I dry the dishes as Kacee washes them, the two of us move like a well-oiled machine. Kacee was right last night during her rant. I do need the help, and it feels good to have it, even if I never admitted it. Penelope’s watching us carefully as we stand inches apart, so I try to appear innocent even though I’m not actually doing anything wrong.
“I can bring it all in so you have room for the kids,” I say over my shoulder.
“Daddy said we can come with you!” Jackson tells Penelope, excited to go. Kacee pats him on the shoulder, and he turns and looks at her. “He said we have two whole hours!”
“Two hours is a long time,” Penelope cheers, clapping her hands together. “Finish up and get dressed, we have some shopping to do! And maybe ice cream!”
The mention of that causes Evie and Jackson to squeal with joy. Before I know it, they’re rocketing to their rooms to get dressed. While they get ready, I grab the three large suitcases Penelope packed for Kacee and bring them to her room before my kids haul Penelope and Kacee out the door.
While they’re gone, I catch up with work details to distract myself. Keeping busy distracts me enough that almost no time passes before Evie and Jackson are back home. I wasn’t nervous that the kids were gone and the thought makes me realize how much I trust them with Kacee. When she walks in with her shopping bags, she smiles at me, and I smile back. It feels for the first time in years that everything is going to be okay.
Once Penelope leaves, I cook dinner, and the rest of the night goes by quietly as Kacee unpacks the rest of her things. I almost want to ask her if she needs help but decide against it to give her some space.
Kacee and I effortlessly fall into a routine. She wakes up when I do if she’s not up before me. She even has a pot of coffee brewed when she does, and we drink it together while we make pad around the kitchen, making breakfast. I’ve been noticing the side-glances and tension, and even the hint of blush that hits her cheeks when I say something. It’s a long shot, and probably one I shouldn’t take, but maybe she’s just as attracted to me as I am to her.
It’s hard to not think about it. Especially when she’s in my house around the clock, strutting around in shorts and tank tops and dresses. She’s naturally beautiful, I’ve thought that since I first laid eyes on her, but with her being the kid’s nanny, it seems inappropriate.
One early morning as we’re drinking coffee and watching the sunrise, Kacee points out the window toward the hill beyond the lake. I used to go up there after I moved the kids up here, just to gain some perspective and think for a while. It’s quiet and secluded, and I don’t get to visit it enough.
“I want to hike it one day.” She doesn’t take her eyes off it.
“We should,” I tell her, without thinking. “When the weather’s nice and we have some free time.”
She’s unusually quiet. I peel my eyes from the hill and look at her. She’s smiling at me, and I hope she doesn’t get the wrong idea.
“With the kids,” I hurry and add.
She hides her smile behind her coffee mug, and I try to force myself not to feel embarrassed. Blushing is her game, not mine. I’m six-foot-four and built like a brick house. I don’t blush.
It’s not even just me who enjoys Kacee’s company. Evie and Jackson clearly adore her too. Once the kids wake, we make breakfast and eat before I head to my office for a few hours. Afterward, I work outside usually, but I sneak glances of them through the windows when no one thinks I’m watching. They play games and do their studies throughout the days. Kacee reads them stories by the fireplace, which I’ve been keeping well stocked since it’s been getting colder. They play dress-up, and Kacee cheers them on even though they look horrendous.
Lessons are done every day, and I can already see the positive differences in Evie and Jackson. Evie’s consuming book after book while Jackson’s finally able to read the comic books Kacee gave him. The two of them are actually starting to learn math too, and it’s incredible to see them both grow and develop.
Because I’m dehydrated, I go inside to get a glass of water and lean in the open entryway between the kitchen and the living room and watch them. Kacee continues reading with Evie and Jackson curled up in her lap. Both of them quietly listen with little smiles on their faces, which is so contagious I find myself smiling too. I can’t help but think how happy I am she’s here, but the feeling is abruptly overwhelmed by sadness and guilt.
I’ve been keeping Evie and Jackson from having these experiences because their mother isn’t here to do it with them. They should have both sides, even though I know they love me more than anything. They haven’t had anyone else. They haven’t had a female figure in their life, until now. Kacee’s the closest thing they have to a mother because Penelope never wanted to step out of the role of the “fun aunt.” They never had a woman there to discipline them and teach them and love them, all at the same time, until Kacee.
Though I’m lost in my head, Kacee notices me at the same time, glancing up and smiling at me. I don’t know how to finish my thoughts, and I’m saved when Evie and Jackson notice Kacee has stopped reading and is staring at me.
“Come listen to the chapter, Daddy!” Evie calls to me. Jackson pats the spot beside him, and I figure work can wait. I take the place Jackson’s offered and listen to Kacee read, trying to forget about any other thoughts or feelings and focus on the happiness I feel being with my kids.
Once the chapter is finished, I add in a few comments and make my way back outside. I feel Kacee’s eyes boring into the back of me. There’s too much tension and too many unspoken words.
I spend the rest of the afternoon and evening thinking about Kacee. I try talking myself out of it, but no matter what, she filters her way back into my mind.
Considering I’ve been working all day, as soon as I walk in, I tear off my shirt and head toward the shower. By the time I get out, Kacee has dinner made. As soon as she
sees me, she fixes me a plate. When I glance at her, I realize she’s fixed her hair, put on a different outfit, and is even wearing makeup. I swallow hard noticing how she’s dressed up for me, which makes me nervous as hell. Our conversations stay short, and I have a feeling she’s just as nervous as I am.
After we eat and the dishes are clean, the kids take their baths, and we each read them a story of their choices. Once they’ve finally fallen asleep, we meet back in the living room. I sit on the couch, watching the flames lick the brick of the fireplace I built and she smiles as she hands me a glass of wine. Though she’s been here for over a month, I can barely remember a time before her.
“Who’d you leave behind in the city?” I ask as the question comes into my mind. I can’t help but feel bad for the people who now have to exist without her, because of me.
“Nobody really,” she answers, curling up beside me on the couch. I reach behind her to pick up the blanket and drape it over her. She tends to get cold a lot faster than I do. I find myself noticing her habits more and more each day.
“Thanks,” she says, snuggling into it.
I offer her a welcoming smile as she takes another sip of her wine.
“When I lived in the city, I didn’t get out much. I mainly just focused on work,” she explains. “You knew that, though. I only had a couple of friends I stayed in touch with. We can still text, so it’s not too bad. I was a homebody, so nothing’s really changed. Penelope’s my best friend, and has been for a few years, so that’s not changed very much either.” She looks down at her half-full glass. “My parents are there too.”
She doesn’t talk about her family very much, if at all. If anyone understands this, I do. I make sure not to pry, but I think she wants to talk about it, so I sit and wait for her to continue.
“They’ve been married for a long time and don’t get along. They used to fight all the time, but eventually, they just drifted apart.” She’s staring into the flames of the fire, but after a moment she looks up and meets my eyes. “They told me they won’t split up for my benefit, and that there’s no point to divorce at their age. But just being around them…I don’t know. It makes me wonder what the point is of getting married just to be that miserable.” She glances away.