“No because I’m driving and can’t deal with building a snowman song right now,” Lance said, seeing a cluster of stinkers ahead.
“Hey dude, that looks like a dozen easy,” Ian said, putting his hands on the dash and bracing for impact. “What about the airbags?”
“They’re turned off.” Lance grinned, not taking his foot off the accelerator. “Get out of the road!” he yelled as the bumper hit the first ones, sending them flying. The Hummer gave little shudders as it plowed over the group and bounced over bodies. “I think I’m going to like driving,” Lance said, glancing in the mirror outside his door for just a second then looked straight ahead.
Relaxing his body, Ian looked over at Lance. Lance was bent over the steering wheel, clutching it with both hands in intense concentration. “You can relax and drive,” Ian said, sitting back in his seat.
“The bitch may change directions on me just to make me mad,” Lance said, nodding toward the GPS.
Ian looked at the screen, seeing the back end of a car driving down the road. “She can’t change directions unless we tell her.”
“I don’t trust the sassy bitch.”
They drove over the Cumberland River and had to weave around two wrecks on the bridge, which did nothing to improve Lance’s mood. “Ruff,” Dino huffed a low bark as they passed a group of stinkers trying to get at a house sitting just off the road.
“Dino, enough. I saw them, and they were off the road,” Lance mumbled.
Leaning over, Ian saw the speedometer holding at forty-five and looked down to see Lance holding his foot on the accelerator. Looking back up, Ian saw Lance was sweating, and it felt nice in the Hummer. “You can use the cruise control.”
“Isn’t that what you turned on when you crashed through your garage?” Lance asked, not turning away from the road.
“No,” Ian huffed. “I hit the plus button on the cruise control not knowing it meant speed up. I thought it was for how many feet you wanted the car to pull up.” Jennifer slapped her hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t laugh out loud.
“I’m not going to trust it,” Lance said in a grunt. “It might not give me control back when I want it like on those space movies. They push the computer to take them home, and it takes them to the other side of the universe.”
Ahead, Ian saw a figure walking on the side of the road and from the walk alone could tell it was a stinky. As they got closer, he saw it was missing half an arm. “You still have to steer, Lance,” he said as Lance coasted over to the side of the road. Ian threw his hand up and grabbed the “oh shit” handle as the front bumper hit the stinky in the back, sending him flying.
“You kneel when you see the ‘Mighty Hummer’ coming!” Lance shouted as he eased back on the road. “No, Ian, if I hit cruise, it might take steering away, so I’ll just drive,” Lance said, concentrating very hard on the road.
Ian kept a firm grasp on the handle. “How many of those pills did you take?” He reached up, turning on the air conditioner to high as sweat started beading on his face.
“Only one,” Lance said as Ian reached down, pulling the bottle up from the floor. He shook one out and swallowed it. Shaking another out, he turned to Lance.
“Open your mouth,” Ian said. Unconsciously, Lance obeyed, and Ian tossed it in, and Lance gagged.
“What was that?” he asked, never taking his eyes off the road.
“A ‘go’ pill,” Ian said, closing the bottle.
“Why the hell did you shove it down my throat?”
“You opened your mouth!”
“No I didn’t,” Lance snapped. “It’s stuck; I need some water.”
Jennifer leaned forward, holding a bottle of water beside Lance. Lance just kept both hands on the steering wheel. “Lance, here’s the water.”
“Where?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the road or hands off the steering wheel.
“Beside you,” Jennifer sighed, and Ian took the bottle and took the cap off.
Lance barely glanced over then snapped his head forward. “I don’t see it.”
“Straw,” Ian said, holding his hand back.
“Are you kidding?” Jennifer huffed and dug in the bag of food and got one of the straws the girls used.
“He’s not taking his hands off the steering wheel,” Ian said as she passed the straw up. Ian leaned over. “Open your mouth, and drink from the straw.”
As Lance sucked down the bottle, Ian could see Lance was almost drenched in sweat even with the green glow of the night vision. “Thank you,” Lance said when he finished the bottle.
“Right turn ahead,” the GPS unit said.
“Ah ha,” Lance shouted. “You didn’t give me the warnings for the turn ahead, did you, bitch! But you won’t surprise me, whore!”
Ian dropped the empty bottle. “Man, this is going to be a long trip.”
Taking his foot off the accelerator, Lance turned the Hummer onto a small, blacktop road that turned to dirt a mile further. “See, the bitch didn’t even tell me the road was going to turn to dirt!”
“Right turn four point six miles ahead,” the GPS said, and Ian pulled out his map.
“I think you hurt her feelings,” he said, looking at the map. With all the lines a different shade of black in the night vision goggles, Ian found where they were.
“She’s trying to fuck with me,” Lance hissed. “But I’m on to the skanky whore.”
“What’s a skanky whore?” Carrie asked.
“The bitch inside that GPS unit sitting on the dashboard,” Lance snapped. Hearing Carrie take a breath to ask more, Jennifer reached over, covered Carrie’s mouth, and shook her head.
Jennifer leaned over, whispering, “Lance can’t talk and drive.”
Ian looked over at the radio and thought better of it then looked around at the countryside. “Wonder if they are having troubles out here in the country?”
“Why wouldn’t they?” Jennifer asked, taking her hand off Carrie’s mouth.
He waved his hand across the window. “Hello, no people to get sick.”
“The news you pulled up said everywhere,” Jennifer said, looking at a farm house way off the road and thought living in the country might not have been so bad.
“Well, I’m looking at the houses, and I don’t see stinkers running around. Pac Man hasn’t hit one since we got on the dirt road.”
“Right turn ahead,” the GPS announced, and Lance slowed down. “That isn’t a turn; it’s a back track,” he said, looking at the sharp turn.
“Skanky whore,” Carrie sang out.
“You tell her, Carrie!” Lance shouted, taking the turn slow, and Dino looked out Jennifer’s window and let a low growl out.
Turning to her window, Jennifer saw an old woman and young man trotting at them. “Stinkers my side,” she said, looking at the door to make sure it was locked.
“Get your asses in front of me, bitches; I fucking dare ya!” Lance shouted, looking in his side mirror and seeing the trailer slide off the road as he made the turn. Tapping the accelerator, the Hummer lurched forward and gave a jerk as the trailer popped back on the road.
“Was that them hitting us?” Ian asked, getting worried.
“Hell no,” Lance snapped as the two started hitting Jennifer’s and Ian’s windows. “The trailer slid off the road, and I had to pull it back up.”
“Can we go now?” Ian asked, looking at the old woman stinker trying to bite his window.
“Sure,” Lance said, tapping the accelerator. He steered toward the ditch then yanked the wheel the other way. Everyone felt the trailer give two tugs as it ran over the stinkers.
“Are we there yet?” Jennifer said, clutching her chest and feeling her heart racing.
“Hey, I’m driving here,” Lance snapped and pressed the accelerator.
“That was cool how you made the trailer take them out,” Ian chuckled.
Glancing down once a second until the speedometer hit forty-five, Lance leaned back over the steering wheel. “I just f
igured out I can make the trailer swing wider than me on that turn.”
“They never knew what hit them.” Ian grinned, looking down at the map. “I just hope that was the sharpest turn we have.”
“Get the fuck out of my way!” Lance bellowed, making Ian throw the map up and brace for impact. Ahead, he saw two cows standing in the middle of the road.
“Dude, don’t even hit those. They will fuck up our ride, and we are walking!”
“No shit, Sherlock. I remembered my dad hit one in his old Chevy thirty-five hundred, and that cow totaled it. This Hummer only weighs a thousand pounds more,” Lance said, slowing down and eased up, tapping one of the cows with the bumper. “Move it, Bessy, or we eat hamburger!”
“You love this Hummer entirely too much,” Ian mumbled as the cow stopped after the last nudge and looked over her shoulder. She wiggled her ears at the blacked-out Hummer. “That isn’t a wise thing to do, Bessy.”
“WHORE!” Lance screamed and hit the accelerator. With a heave, the Hummer leapt forward, hitting the cow in the ass with a deep thump, shaking the vehicle. The cow stumbled across the road sideways as Lance hit the brake, and the cow fell into the ditch.
The other cow trotted off the road, bellowing a moo. “What did you say to me, cocksucker?!” Lance yelled, turning the steering wheel toward the ditch and stomping the accelerator, driving toward the running cow.
“Lance!” Ian screamed, and Lance hit the brake. Ian looked down the ditch. “I think the cow said sorry for her buddy and ran away because you are so awesome,” he panted, feeling lightheaded from his heart vibrating in his chest.
“Oh shit,” Lance said, turning the steering wheel and guiding the Hummer down the dirt road. “My bad!” Lance shouted toward the running cows.
“Just a thought, but how about anything that gets off the road we don’t chase down?” Ian offered, putting a hand on his chest and feeling his heart fluttering.
“Bullshit,” Lance snapped. “They know I won’t go in the ditch, they will all stay there.”
“Brother, you were the one who said we didn’t need to hit a lot of stuff.”
Leaning up over the steering wheel with a grunt, Lance huffed, “Fine.”
Carrie looked up at Jennifer with her night vision. “I peed,” she whispered.
“I did too,” Jennifer said, still staring wide-eyed ahead, seriously thinking about turning her night vision off. If Lance was going to drive down a cliff, she really didn’t want to see it coming.
Chapter 12
March 14
They were east of Lafayette when Jennifer looked at the GPS. “The GPS says we have traveled sixty miles, but Lafayette isn’t that far from Lebanon; it’s only like thirty-something miles.”
“You can’t trust the skanky whore, Jennifer. Haven’t you learned anything?” Lance shouted, bent over the steering wheel.
“Sorry,” she whispered as Ian turned around.
“We have to take these back roads, and they don’t head in straight lines like the main roads do,” he said quietly.
“The whore likes fucking with us!” Lance shouted, making Ian aware he didn’t say it quiet enough.
Turning back around in his seat, Ian glanced over at Lance. “She’s given us warning on all our turns lately.”
“Just because the whore knows I’ll use a tampon on her ass!” Lance yelled, and Jennifer coughed, slapping a hand over her mouth and shooting snot out her nose.
Leaning over and glancing back, Ian saw Jennifer digging in a bag. “You found out what they are used for?” he whispered over to Lance.
“No, but it’s bad. You see the way that Frank guy took off running this morning after I threatened to use a tampon? It must be painful and degrading for a man to just make him run into a group of stinkers. I mean, he let them chew him up instead of facing a tampon,” Lance said quietly.
Thinking about it, Ian nodded in agreement. “The string isn’t that big; what the hell do you do with it? If women use it, tampons can’t be that bad.”
“Dude, remember in health class when we watched that child birth?” Lance asked, and Ian gave a shudder.
“Not funny, bro. I wanted to erase that from my mind. That’s not the image I want to remember for the honey hole. My God, think of the stitches they have to use to make it like it was,” Ian hissed.
“That’s my point; if women look at that as nothing, shit if I want to know what the fuck they do with a tampon. I’ll run my punk ass off like Frank did if someone comes at me with one,” Lance said and wiped sweat off his face.
Nodding in agreement, Ian watched the sweat drip off Lance’s face. “Why are you sweating? It’s freaking cold as hell in here.”
“Amigo, this driving shit is hard work. I have to hold my foot at just the right spot to stay at forty-five and have to worry about skanky bee-atch,” Lance said, tilting his head toward the GPS, but his eyes never left the road.
Turning to ask for a bottle of water, Ian found Jennifer with a hand over her mouth, having convulsions. “You laughing?” he snapped, and she shook her head, but Ian knew better. “Well, stop it. Lance is driving good now.”
“When haven’t I driven good tonight?” Lance snapped, and Ian refused to answer.
“I need a water bottle for Lance,” Ian said, holding out his hand.
With tears in her eyes, Jennifer bit her bottom lip and dug out a bottle then passed it up. Grabbing the straw off the dashboard, Ian held out the bottle, shoving the straw in Lance’s mouth. Ian’s eyes got wide as he watched the bottle drain faster with the straw than he could if he’d turned it upside down.
“Thanks, needed that,” Lance said, smacking his lips. Dropping the bottle on the floor, Ian reached over to pat Lance and felt he was soaked in sweat. He moved his hand to Lance’s chest rig and found even it was damp.
“Jesus, bro, you’re drenched.”
“I just told you this shit is hard. It’s not like X-Box,” Lance said then grinned. “I do wish we had one of those Twisted Metal rides. I could just hit the machine guns on some shit.”
Ian reached down, turning all the vents he could to Lance. “Want me to crack a window?”
“Fuck that,” Lance said, barely shaking his head. “I have night vision, but it’s still spooky out there. I see a motherfucker with a chainsaw and hockey mask, we see just how fast this Hummer will go. I don’t give a shit what’s in the way.”
“Bro, we talked about this shit. That’s why they all die in those movies; they panic.”
“Amigo, dead bitches are walking. I see a motherfucker wearing a hockey mask, we break the sound barrier,” Lance said then got a mischievous grin. “Well, if this is like a horror movie, we get to see naked women running around.”
“Not funny, dude,” Ian grunted, making a disgusted face. “I saw Ms. Stevens walking around naked as a stinker while you were asleep.”
“And you didn’t wake me up?” Lance snapped as Ian just shook his head.
“It wasn’t pretty.”
Lance groaned. “They tear her up?”
“No. She only had a bite on her leg near her ankle.”
Lifting his foot up some, Lance glanced over as the Hummer slowed. “So her skin would’ve been waxy white, but man, she had mega gazongas!”
“Trust me; they didn’t look right without her tight shirt on,” Ian said with remorse. “They almost touched her waist.”
Lance cringed. “Aw man, that’s just gross!” he cried out then turned back, leaning over the steering wheel and pressing the accelerator.
“You didn’t see it, amigo, and for that, be thankful. That wasn’t the sight I want in my mind for knockers,” Ian groaned.
In the back laughing quietly, Jennifer leaned over Dino, burying her face in his fur. “Oh man, I always wondered what boys talked about,” she whispered, wiping her face on Dino. Sitting back up, she panted, trying to catch her breath. A part of her wanted to join the conversation, but she was scared they would remember she was there.
“Merge left,” the GPS said, and Ian looked at the screen and saw the road they were on merge with another. “See, the bitch is fucking with us,” Lance said. “I can’t merge with that pasture.”
“Don’t, dude,” Ian said, straining to look ahead. “Holy shit, we are going to merge with another dirt road.”
Lance saw the road they were on slowly pull beside another and become one. “Fine, the whore got that one.”
“First programmed rest stop,” the GPS said, and even Lance looked at it; he did take his foot off the accelerator though.
“She’s trying to trick us,” Lance said, turning back to the road and pressing the accelerator.
Looking down at the map, Ian said, “Uncle Doug programmed rest stops. There’s nothing really around here.”
Slowing down, Lance looked around, and they had flat, freshly plowed fields on both sides of the road. He could see to the limit of the night vision goggles. “Okay, we’ll take a break,” he moaned, slowing down and looking at the GPS. He saw they had traveled over a hundred miles. “Don’t fucking think we stop every hundred miles,” he snapped, pointing at the GPS.
“We need the break, bro,” Ian said, and everyone moaned in agreement.
“Hey,” Lance snapped as the Hummer stopped. “Don’t get attitude; I will turn this motherfucker around and head back to Uncle Doug’s, and we will start this shit over again.”
They all just looked at him in shock. “Dude, you really want Dino to take a dump in the Hummer?” Ian asked, nodding toward the massive head between the seats.
Nodding, Lance looked around. “Good point, but don’t think this is something we do every hundred miles.” Leaving the Hummer running, Lance cracked his window and sniffed the air then opened the door and got out.
Ian jumped out and opened the back door, helping the little ones out. “Don’t get more than ten feet from me,” he said as Jennifer got out.
Even though she could see for over a mile, she had to agree it was spooky out there. “Ian, move over to the middle of the road so we can pee,” she said, grabbing the girls’ hands.
“You’re with them,” he said, scanning the area.
“Ian!” she snapped harshly. “I’m not asking you to hold our hand; just stay close.”
Forsaken World (Book 1): Innocence Lost Page 17