“Fine,” he said, moving over some, and Jennifer led the girls over to the side of the road. Ian saw Lance walking around, checking the Hummer.
He stopped at the front of the Hummer and looked at the hood. “Amigo, you’re not going to believe this, but there’s teeth stuck in the hood.”
“I’ll be there in a second,” Ian said, not turning to glance at the girls’ progress. Watching Lance come around, Ian jumped, seeing the colossal body of Dino come around the front of the Hummer. “You could’ve warned me that you let Dino out. I almost took off.”
Getting down on his knees and looking under the Hummer and trailer, Lance said, “You’re the one that said he might shit in the Hummer.”
“We’re done,” Jennifer said, walking past Ian as Lance walked around the back of the trailer.
Ian walked to the front of the Hummer and immediately saw three teeth embedded in the hood. “I don’t care who you are; that hurt.”
Pulling off his gloves, Ian took care of business as Lance walked around the front of the Hummer. “Making better time than I thought we would.”
“Yeah, we’ll be in Kentucky in a few miles,” Ian said, zipping up. “You already take a wiz?”
“Shit, my mouth is so dry I think it’s about to burst into flames.”
Ian reached out and touched Lance’s chest. “You’re soaking wet, Lance. You need to drink some water.”
Lance didn’t respond but was looking down at the hand Ian had on his chest. “Butt munch, you just wiped your piss and nut sweat on my chest.”
Dropping his hand with a sigh, Ian pulled on his glove. “I don’t piss on my hand; I know how to aim.”
“Let’s go; I want to get to the cabin,” Lance said, turning around. “I’m pissing on you when you go to sleep for wiping your pissy hand on me.”
“Chill out, dweeb. Where’s Dino?”
“He’s in the Hummer. He laid a fucking land mine in the middle of the road. If a car hits it, they will wreck.”
Ian grabbed his door and grinned, looking back at the pile. “Better on the road than in the ride. That load is bigger than a basketball,” he said, closing his door.
Lance adjusted the pillow he used to keep him close to the steering wheel. “I’m surprised Dino didn’t pass out.”
As Ian set his AR between his feet and Lance climbed in, Jennifer shook her head. “Honestly, you’re talking about a pile of shit. Can’t we find another topic?”
“Hey, you should’ve heard Dino groan,” Lance said, grabbing the steering wheel. “I thought a baby elephant was going to come out trumpeting.”
Jennifer shook her head as everyone giggled, and Lance shifted into drive. “Boys talk about some weird stuff.”
“Yeah, like girls don’t,” Ian huffed.
“We don’t talk about dogs taking a shit.”
Taking a breath to pop off, Ian thought better of it and pulled up his map. “Right turn one point one mile,” the GPS said. “The tires may be over a foot wide, but be damned if I’m going across a freshly plowed field,” Lance said as the needle on the speedometer hit forty-five.
“No, there’s a road up here, but we turn off it really fast,” Ian said, studying the map. “It seems for the next few miles, we do that.”
As Lance made the turn, the GPS told him another turn was coming. In less than ten miles, he was on his fourth turn. “This is getting old,” Lance mumbled.
“Left turn two point four miles ahead,” the GPS seemed to mock him.
“You hear that? That bitch is smiling as she shouts turns!”
“Lance,” Ian sighed. “When we get to the cabin, you can kill GPS.”
“About time,” Lance shouted with joy. Ian looked up and saw a form in the road, stumbling along.
“You sure it’s a stinky?”
“It’s in the middle of the road; it’s fair game,” Lance said, lining up the Hummer.
When they were several hundred yards away, the figure turned around, looking toward them. It could barely make out the dark shape moving down the road but heard the Hummer well enough and suddenly started jumping up and down, waving its arms. “It’s not a stinky,” Ian said, bracing for impact.
“It’s not one yet,” Lance corrected. “It’s trying to make me stop, it’s in the middle of the road, and I haven’t hit anyone in a long time.”
Agreeing with all but the last, Ian asked, “Can’t you try not to flatten him?”
Barely moving the steering wheel, making the Hummer move over a few inches, Lance maintained his speed and said, “Okay, I moved over.”
Ian almost sighed upon seeing the man run toward the ditch. “He will never know how lucky he was,” Ian mumbled.
Letting out a long sigh, Lance frowned as he kept his eyes and concentration on the road. “See, I didn’t chase him in the ditch.”
Looking at the GPS then his map, Ian said, “Very good,” then looked up. “We’re in Kentucky.” The girls gave out a cheer as Lance stayed hovering over the steering wheel. “Water,” Ian said, reaching back, and felt a bottle of water placed in his hands. He grabbed the straw and shoved the bottle in front of Lance. “Drink it,” Ian said with no emotion. When the bottle was empty, he tossed it to the floor as they rode in silence.
“Why is the sky so bright to the north?” Lance asked without looking away from the road.
Turning, Ian saw Lance was right. He lifted up his goggles, blinking. There was more than enough light to drive by without the goggles, but with them, it was much easier. “It looks…orange.”
“Left turn two point six miles then proceed one point four miles, and turn right,” the GPS announced.
Nodding, Lance growled, “Yeah, trying to confuse me now, aren’t you, cock knocker.” Turning north, Lance had to turn down the intensity of his goggles again. “Is there a football stadium up there?”
Ian looked down at his map. “No, it’s Tompkinsville, and it isn’t that big for that much light,” he said, flipping his goggles up again and sniffing the air. “Ah man, smell that?”
“That is a big ass house fire,” Lance said, sniffing.
“How could you two know what a house fire smells like?”
“Merit badge,” they said, and Ian turned around.
“We had to ride along with the fire department and got to smell several house fires.”
“Shit, all I ever remember was selling cookies and going on like one camping trip in Girl Scouts,” Jennifer huffed.
“Don’t knock the cookies, babe,” Lance snapped. “Those damn Samoas should be illegal.”
Lance slowed as the GPS reminded him to turn again, and Ian lowered his goggles and mumbled. “At least this is the closest we get to that fire.”
“Left turn one point two miles ahead,” the GPS said, and Lance took his foot off the accelerator.
“That looks like a big road,” he said as the Hummer slowed to an idling crawl.
Grabbing his map, Ian looked at the area, running his finger along the road ahead. “We are only on it for a mile or so; then, we are back on small roads.”
Wham sounded at Lance’s window, and he didn’t even jump as he slowly turned and looked at a young, female stinker. Lance didn’t jump, but everyone else damn sure did. “Why in the hell would a woman put hoop earrings through her nipples?” he said, shaking his head as the stinker beat his window.
Suddenly interested, Ian leaned over. “What?”
“God damn it, get us out of here!” Jennifer shouted as Dino growled at the stinker.
“Maybe they are like door knockers,” Lance offered, looking at the stinker. “You know, like you walk up and use the hoop like a knocker to see her knockers.”
“Lance!” Jennifer screamed, seeing more stinkers running up behind the female beating on the Hummer.
Lance stomped on the accelerator, throwing everyone back in their seats. “I was just looking and trying to figure out why!”
“Left turn ahead,” the GPS announced calmly. Normally, Lance
slowed considerably when he turned. Not this time. The Hummer pulled off the small road, fishtailing over the large, paved road as the others grabbed anything, hanging on for dear life.
Hearing thumps, they looked forward to see Lance weaving back and forth on the road, hitting stinkers coming at them. The problem was Lance wasn’t trying to avoid them; he was steering into them. Jennifer watched one go sailing over the Hummer and looked up through the sunroof as the female stinker wearing a Taco Bell uniform sailed over.
“Right turn,” the GPS announced, and they looked at the stinkers trotting down the road at them. Ian looked at the small road on the right.
“When you turn on it, Lance, you’re going to make another right turn immediately!” Ian shouted, watching stinkers go flying. “Lance, I mean like twenty yards after you turn, you have to turn right again!”
“Geesh, I heard you.” Lance grinned, bouncing over an old man stinker. “Oh, fat stinker!” Lance shouted as a huge woman waddled onto the road in front of them. In shock, they watched Lance weave around her. “I refuse to run over a fat, naked woman,” he said, slowing to twenty and taking the turn.
“She needs to run her fat ass after us and lose that weight,” Lance said, taking the second turn.
“Right turn now,” the GPS said when Lance was a hundred yards down the road.
“Yeah, ass monkey, you would’ve fucked us on that one,” Lance chuckled, hitting a male stinker that trotted out with his chest cavity open. “I think the fat bitch got him,” Lance said as the stinker disappeared under the front driver’s wheel, making the Hummer bounce.
Everyone was panting hard and staring straight ahead as they left the mass of stinkers behind. As one, they all turned to look at Lance crouched over the steering wheel. “Good driving, amigo,” Ian said, letting go of the “oh shit” handle.
“Thanks,” Lance smiled. “I think I’m getting the hang of this.”
Gently clearing her throat, Jennifer mumbled, “Ahem, Lance. Yes, that was very good driving, but could you try to miss more than just the fat ones?”
“This is an H1 Alpha Hummer, 6.6 liter turbo, bulletproof Hummer with a kickass off-road package,” he said proudly. “I haven’t even begun to run over stinkers.”
Giving up, Jennifer sat back and looked out at the dark houses they passed as Lance drove down the road. The fields stretching for miles fell away to small fields beside the road and trees sprouting up as hills started to rise around them.
“The Cumberland River is ahead,” Ian said, looking at his map.
“Ian, you better not tell me we are crossing the same river we crossed shortly after leaving the subdivision. That is wrong on so many levels I don’t even know where to start,” Lance said.
“Well, excuse the hell out of me, but yes, we do cross the same fucking river we did at the start of this trip, and then we move up into the forest. I don’t think you’ll be able to keep going forty-five.”
“What! It has taken me this long to train my leg and foot just how much pressure to use to keep us at forty-five, and now, I have to slow down?!”
Ian threw the map down. “Are we there yet?”
Chapter 13
It took Ian a few minutes to cool off as Lance drove on. “That was excellent navigation skills, bro,” Lance said as they moved along the small valley. “If you wouldn’t have been on the map, I would’ve missed the turn, and we would’ve had to turn around, and I haven’t done that yet.”
Feeling better after the apology, Ian picked up the map. “We will be coming close to Albany and several other towns south of Lake Cumberland.”
“The fucking river has a lake named after it?”
“Yeah, I’m tempted to get you to stop so I can take a dump in the damn thing,” Ian grinned.
Letting out a huge sigh, Lance asked, “How big are these towns?”
“It’s not the size; all of them are small. They are just close together with a bunch of big roads we have to cross,” Ian said, looking at the map.
“Any of those turns followed by another turn that GPS whore forgets to tell us about beforehand?”
Ian studied the map hard. “Not that—”
“Shit!” Lance screamed as they came around a curve, and he slammed on the brakes, throwing everyone except him forward. Climbing out of the floorboard, Ian was about to unleash until he looked ahead a few car lengths and saw a semi-truck on its side, blocking the road.
Getting back in his seat, Ian pushed Dino’s head, making him back up between the seats. “Good reflexes,” Ian said and looked over at Lance. With his hands gripping the steering wheel in a death grip, Lance was panting wide-eyed at the wreck. “We didn’t crash; you did good.”
“Can I have some water?” Lance said in a quiet voice. Jennifer dug down until she found the water and passed it to Ian. Everyone was shocked when Lance let go of the steering wheel, ripped the top off the bottle, and sucked it down in two huge gulps.
“I think we can go around on this side,” Ian said, looking at the side of the road. There wasn’t a real drop off or a ditch.
“Company,” Lance said, throwing the bottle down at Ian’s feet. Ian turned to see three stinkers trotting at them. All of them were male, and two were wearing police uniforms. “Shit, cops,” Lance said, taking his foot off the brake and grabbing the steering wheel. “Let me do the talking.”
He pushed the accelerator, hitting all three as he drove off the road, and everyone heard them rolling under the Hummer. Ian looked in his mirror and saw the trailer bounce, and the three bodies rolled out behind it. “They don’t teach that in Drivers Ed.”
Lance kept steady pressure on the accelerator as he came around the end of the semi and saw two cop cars crushed under the cab. “Those cops are stupid as hell putting a road block next to a sharp curve,” Lance said, guiding the Hummer back to the road.
Slowly, the Hummer sped back up to forty-five, and Lance returned to his perch over the steering wheel. “I peed my pants,” Allie announced.
“If I would’ve had to pee, I would’ve too, Allie,” Lance admitted.
Reaching down, Jennifer pulled out sandwiches and passed them to Allie and Carrie. “Ian, want a sandwich?”
“Hell yeah,” Ian cried out, putting the map down.
“Lance?”
“No, not really hungry,” he said as the GPS told him to turn ahead.
Jennifer passed Ian a tinfoil package, and he ripped it open, shoving a quarter of the sandwich in his mouth. “Jesus, Ian, slow down,” Jennifer laughed, handing him a bottle of water. Taking it, Ian shoved another chunk of sandwich in his mouth.
After making sure the girls were eating, Jennifer looked back at Lance perched over the steering wheel. Thinking his face looked awful shiny in the green cast of night vision, Jennifer lifted her googles. From the dim light of the GPS and clock on the dashboard, she could see sweat raining off of Lance’s face and from under his helmet.
Grabbing another bottle of water, she tapped Ian on the shoulder with it. Stuffing the last chunk of sandwich in his mouth, Ian looked over his shoulder. Motioning to Lance with the bottle of water, Jennifer handed it over. “Lance, you need a break?” she asked as Ian shoved a straw in the bottle and put it in front of Lance’s face.
“No, I’m doing good,” he said and felt the straw touch his lips. With wide eyes, Jennifer watched the bottle drain without pause. The intensity of concentration on Lance’s face was beyond anything she had seen before. With a piercing gaze at the road and systematic glances at the instrument panel every few seconds, it looked like Lance was going to get the meaning of life from them any second.
Throwing the bottle to the floor, Ian picked his map back up. “We will be leaving the forest soon,” he said, draining his water bottle. Lance acknowledged with just a lift of his chin as he drove down the dirt road. Laying the map in his lap, Ian scanned around them. “We’re almost half way.”
“Thank God,” Jennifer said, giving Dino a sandwich that he gulped down
in one bite then took the trash from Allie and Carrie. “Will the rest of the trip be as bad as up ahead?”
“No, once we get past Coopersville, we are back in the sticks,” Ian said as the GPS notified them of a turn. “After that, the next area Uncle Doug has marked as a potential problem was near Interstate 75.”
As Jennifer put the trash in a bag, she noticed Carrie and Allie snuggling up together, closing their eyes. “Should’ve fed them sooner,” she mumbled, lowering her goggles back down.
“Shit,” Ian said, making Jennifer snap her head toward him to see where the “shit” he was talking about was. Seeing he was looking straight ahead, Jennifer glanced and saw in the distance a group of people walking down the road, but they were spread out across it in a straight line. It looked like they were walking away from them, but she couldn’t be sure.
“I don’t think they’re stinkers,” she said, feeling her heart rate increase. “They don’t walk in lines like that.”
Lifting one hand off the steering wheel, Lance shook it like he was trying to get a cramp out. “No, they’re people, and they’re blocking the road off as they walk.”
“What are we going to do?” she asked, looking at her AR leaning against the door.
“Oh, I’m going through,” Lance said. He finished shaking his hand out and grabbed the steering wheel. “They can move or get run over; that is the only option they have.”
“I see some kids though,” Jennifer said, seeing several smaller shapes walking as the group became more distinct. “It looks like sixteen people.”
“Eighteen. They have people ahead walking on the shoulder,” Ian said, stuffing the map beside his seat. “The shoulder looks like it only drops down a foot or so and is level to the tree line on my side, and I can’t tell on yours what it does before reaching that fence running along that field.”
“I don’t care what the shoulder does; I’m going down the fucking road,” Lance snapped as they stared at the group ahead. When they were half a mile away, they knew the group heard them as they all stopped and turned toward them.
Forsaken World (Book 1): Innocence Lost Page 18