Dr. Who - New Series S1

by The Coming of the Teraphiles # Michael Moorcock

  skin even slightly would cause a massive implosion drawing

  everything into itself and turning it into one vile mess of

  formless flesh. Inside out.'

  'Exactly so, Doctor. In other words, my dear, destroy us

  and you destroy yourselves. Here -' He/they held up his/

  their hand so that his/their sleeves fell back, revealing his/

  their skin with its strange pewter-coloured radiance. 'That's

  what antimatter looks like when it's controlled by the power

  of Law.'

  'Law?' Amy was outraged. 'Law? You think putting on a

  circus ringmaster's uniform and invading a peaceful ship in

  deep space is legal?'

  'I'm referring, Missy, to a higher form of Law. To the

  highest form of Law which counters the kind of Chaos your

  master so enjoys spreading through the cosmos.'

  Amy's red hair might have been on fire as she stepped

  forward. 'What did you call me? What did you call him?

  You little creep! I'm going to rip that silly hat off your head

  a n d - '

  'Hat?' said Frank/Freddie Force, glancing around.

  'No!' This time it was the captain who put his huge body

  between them. 'Miss Amy. It's not - not —' He seemed lost

  for words.

  'Safe?' Frank/Freddie Force chuckled. 'Not at all safe for

  any of us. We're taking considerable risks, you know. We've

  never sailed this near to the Rim.'

  'Why are you so far from home, Frank/Freddie?' the Doctor

  wanted to know. 'Keeping company with the worst pirates.

  Risking our lives and yours. I suppose you had no choice.

  There isn't a ship from your own hemisphere could get you

  here. I didn't expect you ever to want to fly so close to the

  edge of this galaxy.'

  'I enjoy a surprise, don't you? It should be obvious. We

  knew you'd start falling back in around this time. So we came

  as far as sanity allowed us and waited for you. Duty, Doctor

  dear, makes us take unusual risks, n'est-ce pas?'

  The Doctor glared. 'Spare us your hypocrisy, Frank/

  Freddie. What are you hoping to steal from this ship?'

  'Steal? Come along, Doctor. Let's not get on high horses

  here. We'd be wise to keep our tempers, too. This is what

  you could call a tense, even implosive, situation, tee hee. If

  either of us gets too touchy well all be in the treacle, eh?' His

  men exchanged insane grins, enjoying their leader's humour.

  'Golly,' they said. 'Oh Golly! Ha ha ha!'

  Amy thought the scene disturbing in a number of ways,

  not least the conscious theatricality assumed by Force and

  Co. That was more than a bit creepy. Yet it was hard for her to

  see as a serious threat this sinister little man, with his curling

  mustachios and his ringmaster's coat, his bright crimson

  trousers with the sharp blue stripe tucked into gleaming

  black boots with huge spurs jingling on them; but she could

  tell from the Doctor's body language that this was about as

  serious as it got. He had already hinted as much, hoping that

  he would never have to do more than hint. But now they

  faced each other in a stalemate.

  Amy had picked up a little about the antimatter universe

  from the Doctor, and they'd met an old philosophical

  jummybug on Latest Io who had explained to her about

  Law and Chaos; how the universe maintained stability and

  creativity, balancing between Law on the one hand and Chaos

  on the other. But they were not the same thing. Professor

  Ormic, the learned jummybug, had given the impression that

  philosophically he saw their universe not in terms of good

  and evil, but in terms of the fundamentals of the multiverse.

  Law and Chaos - order and creativity - matter and antimatter

  were qualities which became good or evil depending on their

  context.

  In balance, Professor Ormic had told her, these qualities

  kept the multiverse from becoming too rigidly organised or

  too disorganised. Constant regeneration. There had always

  been people of quite disparate origins who dedicated their

  lives to maintaining the status quo, explained the professor.

  In the history of the cosmos the balance tilted sometimes one

  way, sometimes another. The Time Lords had once helped to

  maintain that balance. The professor pointed out that what

  he called the Cosmic Balance was a symbolic construct for

  something enormously complex. He could have told her

  more, but the maths would have been overwhelming. The

  Balance was the way in which the multiverse maintained its

  equilibrium so that neither side tilted too far in one direction

  or another, since these were the two more or less equal forces

  which kept the multiverse from collapsing into nothingness.

  Matter and antimatter were not the same as Law and Chaos,

  of course. Law and Chaos existed in both spheres.

  Amy had become used to some strange experiences in

  the Doctor's company and this was one of the strangest: to

  be standing listening to these two humanoids, one of them

  representing Law, the other Chaos, discussing the weirdest

  philosophical and metaphysical ideas as if they were tangible

  realities.

  There was something hallucinatory about this moment.

  Minutes earlier Amy had watched coloured rods of light climb

  along a ray of energy and enter their ship. Now a villain -

  actually two villains - Frank/Freddie Force, had materialised

  before her eyes. She had faced far worse monsters, without a

  doubt, but for some reason she was as scared of this bizarrely

  uniformed little man (or strictly two little men in one body)

  and his gang as she had ever been of anything. Everything

  about Frank/Freddie was wrong: the pink and pewter glaze

  of his skin, constantly squirming and wriggling as it quite

  literally kept the brothers together; the oddly coloured face

  that might have been painted on using clown make-up; the

  bright pantomime tints of that uniform, all clashing in subtle

  ways she could not quite describe; and the way the Antimatter

  Men imitated General Force, even echoing his gestures from

  time to time. Amy felt physically sick when she looked at

  them. She glanced at Captain N'hn and the Doctor to see if

  they too were experiencing the same sensations.

  Certainly there was an expression of intense loathing on

  the centaur's face. Of course he might have looked the same at

  any invader who'd tried to take over his tanker. The Doctor's

  face was an angry mask.

  'What possesses you to continue these assaults on us?'

  He gestured with the bow and arrows still clutched in his

  right hand. 'Why can't you stay in your own sphere of the

  multiverse?' He glared at General Force. 'We have never once

  attempted to invade you or change you, yet you're obsessed

  with invading us. Why?'

  'It is in the nature of Law, Doctor.' Frank/Freddie Force's

  over-bright features split in a grin of challenging mockery. 'We

  are concerned with what you might do some day. What you

  might do. We cannot help ourselves. It is a constant irritant -


  an itch which demands to be scratched. Be Prepared. We are

  driven to make neat as strongly as you, Doctor, are driven to

  put cats among pigeons, throw spanners in works!'

  'Except that I'm not driven to create strife where there is

  peace. I don't feel an irresistible urge to spill the milk or stir

  a pot or whatever else you imply I love to do. I don't travel

  about the universe constantly seeking the moribund and

  trying to quicken pulses. Yet you are apparently maddened

  by the unpredictable, disturbed by everything which isn't

  thoroughly straightened and mapped and catalogued and -

  what?'

  'Controlled is the word you're looking for, Doctor. Without

  the proper controls we can't see ahead - we can't make accurate

  predictions. The Future goes dreadfully, terribly, miserably

  wonky! Can't you see that? You and your "empathy"? Can't

  you sense how horrible that makes us feel? How can I make

  you understand the uncertainties of an intelligent antimatter

  being? Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, Doctor. I gotta do

  one thing till I die. I can't help myself. It's in my anti-DNA. I

  am who I am. I'm General Force for Law. We are the Forces

  for Law. We work in the name of the Law and in the name of

  the Law I demand that you give me—'

  'You'll not take our cargo,' swore Captain N'hn. 'I'll blow

  us all up before I let you.'

  'Absolutely! Don't let the beggars threaten you, captain!'

  Bingo Lockesley spoke from behind Amy. The other

  Gentlemen had turned up and were crowding around the

  door. 'I heard all that rot. We don't like your kind of cop.

  Every system needs its elements of irregularity in order to

  flourish. That's natural.'

  'Who are these comic opera bounders?' demanded Hari

  Agincourt. 'Surely you're not going to take them seriously,

  captain?'

  'Oh, I'm taking them seriously,' said the captain grimly.

  'So am I,' agreed the Doctor. 'So am I.'

  'All we want from this ship, Doctor, is what our instruments

  detected.' Freddie gestured with his ringmaster's whip. 'East

  is West and West is East and the right way we have chosen.

  What we came here to find. Once we have it, well leave you

  in peace, I promise. It's nothing. A trifle. Less than a trifle.

  A mere confection made from silks and satins, buttons and

  bows, rings and things, felt and strings and bits of wire. Not

  worth the life of one of the least of your people. Indeed—'

  'What is it?' The Doctor's voice held a grim, threatening

  note now. 'You are a cynic and a sadist, General Force, for all

  your claims. What is it you want from us?'

  'An item of clothing, that's all. Something one of your

  passengers brought aboard. We've crossed half a universe to

  find it. A lady's hat, no more. The kind of decoration I love

  to affect, as you know.' He doffed his own shako, its plume

  nodding and bobbing. The shivering energy skin, which held

  him together, formed a kind of peak at the top of his head

  before flattening off and squirming just above the surface of

  his well-creamed hair. 'A hat. A milliner's confection.'

  'Gosh!' Bingo, still in the doorway, was momentarily taken

  aback. 'I say!' But, as various sets of eyes focused on him,

  the presence of mind which made him a great Tournament

  Captain came to his aid quickly, and he added. 'Is that why

  you've gone to so much trouble? I have to say it seems a bit

  unlikely, what?' He looked about him a little uncertainly, as

  if half-expecting Mrs Banning-Cannon to emerge from the

  crowd. 'A lady's hat, did you say?'

  'Were you on Peers™ a few days ago?' asked Flapper

  Banning-Cannon from behind Hari. 'Pinching people's

  titfers and chapeaux all over the bally place? If so, I think my

  mother would like a word with you. Stay right there, please.

  I'll fetch her!'

  General Force appeared to grow a little warm. 'Don't you

  play games with me, Missy. I haven't time for games. If you

  know where the hat is, I would advise you to come clean at

  once!'

  'It's not your bally hat!' cried Hari protectively. 'And if

  you continue offering these young ladies threats, I'll have to

  ask you to place the matter with me! We don't take kindly to

  hat thieves in these parts.'

  He stood with his hands on his hips ready to face the

  Hounds of Hell, the Armies of the Night, the Gadarene Swine

  and any other bunch of barmy bozos who thought they could

  threaten the love of his life. 'You're a bounder, that's what

  you are!'

  'A dashed bounder,' echoed his friend. (There is no tighter

  bond than that of the recently rebonded.)

  'All for one and one for all,' said Flapper firmly. 'I'm so glad

  you two are chums again.' She turned to face the minuscule

  general. 'So was it you?'

  'Was it me what?'

  'Was it you who pinched my poor, distraught mother's

  favourite headgear?'

  Frank/Freddie Force scowled.

  'Well? Was it?' Flapper demanded

  'I don't know what you're talking about. What I'm asking

  is, you must admit, not exactly stripping this ship to the bone.

  I'm asking you to deliver to myself and my men, so that we

  can all continue about our business, one hat, label of Diana of

  Loondoon. It's easily recognised. Pink ribbons. A large bow.

  About fifty feathers. Clouds of yellowish lace...' He waved a

  gauntleted hand. 'You know the sort of thing.'

  'Not so fast, young buffoon, whoever you are!' came the

  booming tones of Flapper's formidable dam. 'If indeed it was

  you who had the nerve, the temerity to steal my hat when

  we were staying at Lockesley Hall, I shall ensure that you are

  charged with the crime and punished to the fullest extent of

  the Law!'

  'Oh, this is nonsense!' swore General Force. 'I represent

  Law, madam and that hat is - is...'

  'What? Evidence in a case? That's absolutely correct, my

  good lunatic A case of theft, not to mention damage to a

  work of art, gross negligence in the question of leaving the

  said work of art to be left out in all weathers, which led to

  further damage and—'

  'Madam! Be silent!' Frank/Freddie Force squeaked. 'If you

  possess the hat I demand that you—'

  'Demand, is it? Be silent is it?' By the sheer power of her personality Enola Banning-Cannon forced herself to the

  front rank where she stood glaring over the military man,

  made utterly fearless by her firm knowledge of her own

  righteousness. 'You sneak into a respectable woman's private

  apartments, rummage through her wardrobe, purloin an

  expensive item of clothing, are unable to escape with your

  spoils, abandon them to the elements and then chase off into

  space, sneaking around until you find a second opportunity

  and then descend to make threats - coarse threats - to her

  friends and loved ones in an attempt to lay hands on her hat

  for the second time in a fortnight - whereupon you—'

  'Madam!' Beneath the wriggling protective armour, Fran
k/

  Freddie Force's skin glowed an unprepossessing peach,

  clashing with his coat and causing his companions to stare at

  him in alarm. 'I DID NOT STEAL YOUR HAT!!!'

  'Raise your voice to me now, would you, you nasty little

  upstart?' trumpeted the mighty matriarch. 'And what's more

  you utter the grossest of lies. I am stunned into silence at such

  disgusting, ungentlemanly behaviour. When I left home to

  begin this tour, I never anticipated for a moment that I would

  encounter someone who rushes around the universe stealing

  the personal clothing of poor, fragile females who rely only

  on male chivalry for protection!'

  The Doctor seemed rather shamefacedly to withdraw

  from this exchange, thoughtfully fingering his bow tie with

  one hand and his borrowed bow and arrows with the other.

  'Where is the hat? If you would save yourselves and your

  ship, you will give me that hat.' Frank/Freddie Force took a

  step towards Mrs Banning-Cannon but was intercepted by

  Hari Agincourt.

  'You jolly well shan't have anything on this ship if you

  clearly no gentleman.'

  This piqued the general. For any biologist wondering if

  it was possible to flush over a blush, Frank/Freddie Force

  demonstrated indisputably that it could be done. And he

  growled a response.

  'Clearly,' agreed Amy, her eyes widening as General Force

  rounded on her.

  Which brought Bingo Lockesley to the fore. 'Don't you

  dare threaten this - this - angel!'

  Force began to unbutton the holster on his belt.

  'Careful now!' The centaur saw Force's intention. 'Hell -

  qah!' He stepped aside, tail swirling, his face suffused with

  horror as the Doctor coolly fitted a practice arrow to his bow

  and, drawing back the string, let fly at a particular point on

  Frank/Freddie Force's left buttock.

  The arrow reached its target and stuck there, quivering.

  The 'skin' had not been pierced, but the blunt arrow had

  found the subcutaneous so-called umbilical. A sudden silence

  fell. The Antimatter Men stared at their wounded leader who

  very carefully turned, disbelievingly, one hand around the

  shaft of the arrow.

  Nothing happened.

  Frank/Freddie Force drew a tight, shaky breath and looked

  behind him. 'Golly! Oh, golly! Oh, golly, golly, golly!'

  He gulped.

  Then he began very slowly to walk towards the nearest

  outer bulkhead. 'Very well, Doctor. Very well.' His tone was