Daughters of the Great Star

by Diana Rivers

  “Remember not to panic. One of them alone cannot hurt you, nor even two or three. You have powers. Remember that. Keep it always in your heart. Wear it like armor. Your own fear is the worst enemy you have, worse than any man. Bluff, be clever, make things up. Only run if you have to and make sure you do that with a clear head. Here, wear this and show it to Tamara. She will trust you instantly.” As she said that, Pell slipped a thong from around her neck. On it hung a pendant in the shape of a triangle inside a circle. It was the same sign I had seen her draw in the dirt that time for Renaise.

  With a quick gesture, Pell dropped the thong over my head and tucked the pendant under my shirt. When I started to question her, she said quickly, “Later, some other day. Now it is time for you to go. Only be sure to show it to her and she will know. And bring it back safely here to me.” There was something strange in her face. When I tried to reach her thoughts, she shook her head. I could feel her blocking me from her mind. She gave me a sudden hard kiss and pushed me roughly out of the shelter.

  There I was, thrust out in broad daylight, being sent off on my first venture. I did not even have the cover and safety of darkness. In spite of that I was feeling confident, almost eager. I was less afraid than might have been expected. This was the result, no doubt, of Pell’s hard lessons and perhaps of my own struggles as well.

  No need to describe here the roads Pell sent me by, only to say that they were narrow tracks more than roads and went mostly through wooded land. A few times I passed between plowed fields and had to cross real roads. Once we had to ford a rushing stream that wet Marshlegs to her belly. It would have filled my boots had I not put my feet up on her neck. I met few on the way. Many of those were furtive and hurried, not eager to engage or challenge anyone. For the most part, I was able to pass easily with a nod and no word spoken.

  Just before dusk, with no worse incident than that stream, I located the settlement of Gaitherill. There, with only two questionings, I found what I thought from the smell of it must be Tamara’s family’s farm. A young woman was leaning on the gate. She was gazing out at the road toward the hills from which I had just ridden. There was a look of such longing in her face. The setting sun glowed in her hair, making a circle of rainbow light about her. In spite of that look, she seemed so full of peace and innocence. It made my heart ache knowing what lay ahead, knowing what message I brought with me. I saw her as I myself had been just a few short days ago, leaning on my family’s yard-gate, with no knowledge yet of fear and all that went with it. How I longed to turn around and go back with the words unspoken. She looked up at me with interest and I could sense her questions in my head.

  “Are you Tamara?” I asked, swinging off my horse at the gate.

  “Of course, who else would I be? My parents only have one daughter.” She spoke in a light, teasing way but I could feel her probing me, probably sensing that I was not what I seemed.

  “I bring you a message from a friend.” Saying this I drew out the pendant from its place of concealment. It flashed suddenly in the slanting light.

  Her eyes widened and she sucked in her breath. Her whole manner changed instantly, all mockery gone. “Is she...has something...?”

  “She is well,” I said quickly. I could see the flash of fear in her eyes. “She has sent me here with a warning, for we are all in danger.”

  “Then you are...oh yes, I see...no wonder...”

  “Is it safe to talk here?”

  “Yes, only the pigs can hear. Tell me your news. I will listen for my family. If I start speaking of pigs, you will know we are no longer safe and are about to be interrupted.”

  While I spoke, she nodded many times. I told her of the edict and the danger to us all. Then I gave her Pell’s instructions of where she was to go and who she was to warn. A look of surprise crossed her face. “Am I not to go back with you?” I shook my head. Tears sprung to her eyes, but she said lightly, “Ah well, I suppose she knows best.”

  Though I could not safely draw her a map, she seemed familiar enough with the places that I mentioned. When I finished she said quietly, “So it has finally come to this. Pell warned us, but few would listen. Most thought her crazy. She wanted me to come away with her, but my grandmother was ill and dying and then my mother had a new baby. She had woman troubles from the birth and needed my help at home. Tell me, please, how is Pellandria? Is she thinner? Is she wearing herself out? I wonder if she thinks of me still, the little pig-girl she left behind.” She reached out her hand. “Can I touch it?” I held the pendant out to her. When she put her fingers on it, there were tears in her eyes. “Tell her I love her still,” she said in a whisper so soft I was not even sure, if she had spoken aloud.

  “Was she from your village?”

  “From the next settlement.” Suddenly she withdrew her hand and straightened quickly. “I think my father is coming. We have been talking of pigs. You have not enough money for one of ours.”

  A big, burly man came around the corner of the barn. I could see him flush with anger when he spotted me. “Well, boy, what are you doing here hanging on my gate?” Then he turned on his daughter. “And you, are your chores all done? Have you nothing better to do than gossip with strangers?” Though he spoke to her gruffly, there was also a touch of wariness in his manner.

  Unperturbed, she turned to smile at him. “The chores are all done, Father. This young man is here because he thought to buy a pig from us, but he finds he has too little money.”

  He looked me up and down, full of suspicion for all the wrong reasons. “So why are you still here, then? Go home. You have no more business at my door. Come back with enough money or do not come back at all.” I did not think his belligerent manner would sell many pigs, but at that moment I suppose he was more worried for his daughter’s virtue. He was so far off the mark it was tempting to laugh in his face—not that I would have been that foolhardy. Just then I saw his wife slip up in back of him. With a strange, pleading look she peered at me from behind the safety of his wide shoulder, but whether she was begging me not to take her only daughter away from her or begging me to take her quickly, I would never know, for at that moment her husband sensed her presence. He whirled around and shouted at her in a way he had plainly not dared to do with his daughter, “Go inside, you fool! What business can you possibly have with this stranger?” She scurried away with that anguished and unreadable look still on her face.

  Tamara, not at all intimidated, put a hand on her father’s arm. “Father, calm yourself. There is no cause for anger here. This young man merely came to buy a pig, but cannot afford one of ours. Surely his thin purse is more cause for his grief than yours.”

  At that he coughed and muttered and grumbled, kicking his heel in the dirt. I said quickly, remembering to keep my voice low, “I had no wish to cause trouble here, Goodman, and beg pardon if I have. My wife and I are just starting our little farm. I had heard from everyone that your pigs were the best, but I see I cannot afford one yet. I hope by next year we can manage. Can you tell me where else to try?”

  He scowled at me intently, as if trying to decide something before he finally answered, “Try old Ranthair down by the edge of the bog. He has plenty of pigs for sale, though for myself I would not touch them. And go in the morning, boy, instead of sneaking around at night. Morning is when honest folk buy pigs.”

  I touched my cap and bobbed my head. “Yes, sir, thank you, sir. I will do as you say.” He growled something unintelligible at me, turned, and stomped back to the barn. I wondered what he would think of me and my story the next day when he found his daughter gone.

  As soon as he was out of sight, Tamara leaned toward me and said softly, “Thank you for risking your life to come here and bring me warning. The Goddess go with you and keep you safe.” After glancing behind her, she touched my hand lightly with hers.

  “And with you, too,” I said. “Now please go quickly. They may come on you at any moment.”

  “At least I am warned,” she answe
red. She seemed in no hurry to leave her gate. As I rode off, I looked back several times to see her standing there with the darkness of night closing about her. She raised her hand to me. When I was almost out of hearing, her father shouted after me, “Where are you from, boy?”

  “The village of Tremuiri by the Orenth River,” I shouted back at him, making it up on the spot. Let him chew on that one for a while. The scene of Tamara at the gate had been so peaceful and pastoral and the whole trip, in fact, so uneventful as to make me almost forget the cause of fear till my small path was about to cross a larger road. Just as we were ready to step onto the road, Marshlegs jerked back. With a snort and a toss of her head she danced sideways for a few steps under the trees, so that I had to duck to save my head. Then she stood tense and alert. Sure enough, in a few moments I heard the sound of horses. Though I could hardly see them, it seemed like a large group of men, moving fast and with purpose. I stayed well hidden among the trees. Most of those men must have been speaking Shokarn, which, of course, I could not understand. But suddenly, quite close to me, I heard one of them say in Kourmairi, “By the Gods, I hope we find a place for the night soon. I am sore all over from this ride. At this fool pace we will be in Thar’s Crossing by tomorrow noon or before. If it is market day, we can put up these edicts in the market square and send them on with farm-folk to other towns. Maybe, in that way, we can save ourselves some hard riding.”

  Someone else answered out of the dark, “I will be glad when this is done and we can go back to the city. I find no pleasure in these country roads at night.” They were soon past me, and whatever else they said was lost in the night. I rode hard for home after that, going as fast as I was able to in the dark, but twice more I almost crossed paths with troops of guards and once I heard what sounded like a large troop in the distance. It seemed as if the Zarn had his whole army on the move that night.

  Chapter Six

  When I burst in on Pell, full of my news for her, she was sitting brooding by the fire. She looked up at me accusingly. “Already it has begun. We have been lovers only this once, yet here I sit up worrying for your safety.” She spoke as if it was somehow all my fault.

  “You might have done that anyhow,” I said indignantly. “After all, this is the first mission you have sent me out on. You could have worried for me a little, even if we had not shared our bodies.”

  “Ah well, perhaps you are right. Now tell me everything. Did you find Tamara and warn her? Is she well? Did you show her the pendant?”

  Handing the pendant back to Pell, I told her everything as it had happened, everything of Tamara and her father and the mock pig sale. Then I gave her a report on the large number of guards who had passed me on the way back. On this last she questioned me closely, though of course, there was not much to tell. Then she asked again in a worried tone about Tamara. “Did she understand the danger? Will she leave at once? Did you have much trouble with her father?” She had slipped the pendant back in place. I noticed that she kept her hand pressed over it. There was a slight tremor in her voice, though she tried to cover it. She could not, however, still the waves of feeling that poured out from her.

  “Pell, if she matters so much to you, why were you not the one...?”

  “Enough,” she said sharply, holding up her hand. “Believe me, Tazzi, we cannot afford to care too much. They will break us with it in the end, break us in little pieces, or use our love to bend us to their will. That is just what my hardness is designed to guard me from. You see what happened to you because of Kara.” At that moment it was Pell herself I could have cried for, though of course I knew better than to show it.

  After a moment’s silence, she stood up slowly. She seemed awkward and uneasy, looking down at the ground while she spoke. “What would you think of sharing a bed for the night? It has been so long since I have slept in a woman’s arms, I have almost forgotten how to ask.”

  I was exhausted and thought we would fall instantly to sleep. Instead, we both tossed about with sleep evading us until I said, “Well, Pell, tell me your story, since you promised it to me and I have already told you mine.”

  She mumbled something unintelligible that I thought was a refusal, but then shifted so that her arm was around me with my head on her shoulder. She began slowly, thinking it out as she went. “Mine is not a pretty story, not a pretty family tale, just the opposite. I myself never sought to gain my father’s affections as you did. Quite the contrary, I always tried to keep clear of him. In addition to being angry like your father, mine had a craving for young female flesh. He had been able to use my sister at his will and thought to do the same with me.

  “My powers came on me early, very early, earlier than most I know of. Let me tell you, Tazzi, you may sometimes think them a curse; for me they were a blessing and a saving—the only thing that kept me free of him, out of his hands. My father and I had our own small, bitter war going, almost from the time I was three. It was then he discovered he could not do his will on my body as he had done with my sister, Jeranthia. Young and unformed as I was, the more he found he could not touch me in that way the more he wanted to do so. Though my mother hungered for some touch and my older sister, already broken, would have offered her body to save mine, still he became obsessed with me and what was denied him. All he wanted was what he could not have.

  “He would bluster and threaten and rage around the house, but in truth there was little he could to. Though his hands itched for it, he could not even strike at me with his switch as he did with all else on the farm—the animals, the hired hands, his other children, even his wife. The few times he tried taught him that quick enough. This galled him, I think, almost as much as the other. My brothers...it was a shame about my brothers. They hated my father, all four of them, as much as I did. They should have been my friends and my allies. Instead, I think they hated me just as much for escaping the switch that fell all too often on their backs. It added to their anger that they could not touch me either.

  “With my mother and my older sister I found some loving in that house, but their helpless terror tormented my childhood. Sometimes I even found myself being angry at them for it, wondering why my mother stayed. Foolishness, of course, or arrogance on my part. It is very hard, almost impossible for a woman to gather up her children and leave her man. How is she to make a living for her family on her own in any way but on her back? Even that is chancey. My mother had no skills and no way of gaining any. Besides, my father would, no doubt, have marked her as he was later to mark me. Moreover, her family and her village would have driven her back to him. If she had refused, she might well have lost her children. I suppose I must have known all that. Still, her helplessness galled me at times, as if she herself were at fault for it.

  “I think the only thing that made my presence bearable in my father’s eyes was my usefulness on the farm. My brothers were little help. Their anger and resentment made them lazy and careless, grudging at their tasks, shirking all that was not forced on them. I, on the other hand, worked hard and well, in spite of my youth. I grew quickly skilled at whatever I set my hands to, the powers no doubt helping to lend me strength. As I could keep away from him out in the fields or with the creatures, I took pleasure in the work, even some pride in it. Sometimes he loaned me out to work for the neighbors, pocketing some coins in this way. For me that was even better, as it gave me the peace of his absence.

  “All this, at best, was only an uneasy truce. The friction between us came to a head one day when I was about eleven. Finding us alone in the house, something I was usually wary enough to avoid, he began shouting at me, insisting that he had father’s rights. He said that as long as he fed and clothed me, I was his to use as he pleased, that I owed him that as my duty and should stop trying to avoid him. I think he was drunk that day as well as randy. That made him even more insistent than usual.

  “For my part, I felt almost as much anger for having let myself be cornered by him in that way as I felt at the words themselves. Someth
ing turned in me. Something rose up in my heart. If I stayed, I saw years of the same ahead for me. ‘In that case,’ I shouted back without another thought, ‘I will clothe and feed myself, for surely I am able to do so. I have been earning my keep here for years, better than all four of your worthless sons put together. Only for my mother’s sake have I stayed in this house.’

  “That was too much for my father. His rage or his drunkenness made him forget his caution. He gave a roar and tried to strike at me with all his might. Instead, by no effort of mine, he was blown out the door of his own house as by a great fist of wind.

  “After that there was no way we could live together. I knew I had to leave, if not for myself, or because of my father, then at least for my mother’s sake, for our war was tearing her apart. The more she tried to shelter me from his wrath, the more she herself was made to suffer by him.

  “It was time. I had no regrets. I thought with my reputation for hard work I would have an easy time of finding hire on neighboring farms. But when I left, my father rode out far and wide, spreading the word around that he had thrown me out of his house because I was a thief and a liar and lazy besides. He even said that the horse I rode was stolen from him. Not so! Torvir was mine, given to me by my mother’s brother. But who would take a child’s word against a man’s? Because of all this I was shunned. I found no work, not even on those farms where I had worked before and they knew my worth. They may not have believed my father—after all, they knew better from their own experience—but they were not willing to cross him for my sake. I suppose he hoped hunger would drive me back into his hands again, more compliant this time. I would rather have died. Only once did I sneak back to my mother for food, but seeing the look of terror on her face and the way her hands shook when she filled my pack, I swore I would never do that again.