by Anna Antonia
There were too many missing pieces. We’d stay broken.
Rage, nearly too quick to be detected, raced across Risa’s blank face. It would seem a mistake to dig into our wounds, but the pain would only intensify if we allowed it to fester. It had to come out now.
Risa let out a low chuckle. “You’re the same as you ever were. You still make me pay in kind.”
“It’s not my intention to pay you back for anything, my love.”
“It may not be your intention, but the result is still the same. I go out with Steve because he was nice to me. You throw your sexual past with Gretchen in my face. You meet my one date and raise it by a million. Good job there, Damian.”
“I wasn’t throwing it in your face. I was answering your question. That’s all.”
It was, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to hurt Risa for being honest. But I couldn’t deny how much it angered me just thinking about her being with Steve Holland in any context outside of work.
“Yes, by letting me know she wanted domination. Specifically, your domination. Considering I intimately know what that’s like, I now have the pleasure of a million horrible things floating in my brain. Thank you, Damian. Really.”
I’d clearly miscalculated. “You asked me a question. I tried to show my commitment to being as honest as I can by answering it.”
“About Gretchen. Not about the real truth why we’re here in Romania.”
“You know why.”
“I know the technical reason why we’re here, but you haven’t come close to giving me the truth.” Risa crossed her legs. “Is that how you view all women, Damian? Something to be dominated and taken in hand?”
I spread mine, palms up. “We are who we are.”
“Why are you like that?”
“Why are you?”
Risa swallowed, eyes suddenly shiny. “Because it brought me closer to you.”
“And New York?”
“I suffered for you so that you would know me.”
I kept my breathing slow and steady. Inside, my mind rammed against its cage. I didn’t like thinking about New York. I despised the memories of how I let her down time and time again.
“You hoped to appeal to the sadist in me.”
“Yes.” She lifted her chin up again as if defying me to fault her. “Pain is pain. I assumed you wouldn’t be able to help yourself.”
The answer, cutting as it was, didn’t quite fit.
“No, Risa. That’s not why.”
She looked away. Her mouth trembled. To hold back tears or curses?
“Do you remember how it was between us there? Do you remember how much I sacrificed for you? How much I bent for you?”
“Every moment.”
“Then you know why. I did it so that when you finally did remember me you’d know how much I loved you.”
Risa broke my heart. She truly did.
“I do know how much you love me. I always did, my love. Even now. Especially now.”
She didn’t say anything. She simply sat there looking at the floor.
“You ask why I went out with Steve, but what you’re really asking is how could I look at another man after being with you? I suffered that same question every second of every day, Damian. Worse. I had to watch you be with Gretchen. I had to arrange little gifts and excursions. For her.”
Risa looked up, eyes hard and deadened.
“After that experience, anyone would be a welcome relief from you.”
Somehow, I managed to keep breathing. Even though it felt like Risa took a butcher knife and plunged it into my chest, slashing over and over again.
I had no words. I didn’t give her any.
Risa stared at me. Then she shook her head, got up, and walked out of the room. I watched her, needing to call Risa back but not having the breath.
The agony was too great. All I could do was slump back in my chair and suffer it.
Just like Risa had to for all those weeks.
59
RISA
I stalked out, feeling like I was going to explode if I didn’t keep walking.
Rage, sorrow, and disappointment swirled madly inside me. I wanted Damian to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, he looked at me with an impassive expression. As if nothing I said made the slightest impression upon him.
“Asshole!” I hissed through clenched teeth. “Unfeeling jerk!”
How could I be in love with someone like him? Damian would never understand what New York did to me. All he could focus on was the little ego hit he took when I went on one lousy date.
If I was back in Denver I’d go on a hundred dates with Steve. And not just him. I’d pick up any guy that caught my fancy. I’d know exactly how to do it too.
In fact, I might just do that yet.
Stomping down the stairs, I went down the main corridor, cut through the morning room, and went out the glass doors onto the patio. I stalked past the pool and jogged down the stone steps into the manicured garden.
Blindly, I stormed past the budding roses and went deep into the vineyards. I kept walking, feeling winded but still kept going.
However, the further away I went the worse I felt.
I didn’t really want to leave Damian. I just wanted him to understand how much he hurt me. No, it wasn’t just that.
I needed Damian to fix it.
I needed him to really understand my pain.
I needed him to quit adding to it by lying.
I didn’t want to be the only one protected. He just couldn’t seem to understand I’d changed through our time in New York. Not just because he hurt me, but because I’d spent all those months protecting him.
I couldn’t fix this particular switch.
Coming to an abrupt halt, I clenched my fists and dropped down in a crouch. Nothing could fix this. Damian couldn’t fix this. He couldn’t undo the past and apparently, he didn’t seem to think there was really an issue.
That was what enraged me the most.
All he could focus on was my date with Steve and how much of a doormat I became.
None of it was fair.
I had every right to move on with my life. Beyond that, I did what I believed was right in regards to Damian. I stood by his side, loyal to a fucking fault. He should’ve been praising me instead of throwing my sacrifice aside.
Lecturing me on how I should’ve never debased myself for him—where did he get off? Didn’t he realize how much that wrecked me?
Laying my head on my crossed arms, I drew in shallow, watery breaths.
Was I wrong in holding New York against him? Damian couldn’t help forgetting me. It wasn’t his fault how he came back. It wasn’t his fault he remembered Gretchen and not me.
Logically, I got it. Damian could no more help how his mind reacted than I could help being upset about it.
But this wasn’t about logic. It was about Damian thinking we could just pick up right where we left off. Because he didn’t think New York had anything to do with us. It was just easier to blame it on that Damian.
That Damian hurt me.
That Damian rejected me.
That Damian tossed me out like garbage.
I couldn’t blame him, right? I was being unreasonable by holding onto that because this Damian would never do such a thing.
Maybe, but how did I know that? How could I trust he wouldn’t do it again?
Especially when all he did was lie to me.
That was what this all boiled down to. I still didn’t trust Damian not to abandon me with a lie on his lips. But unlike before, everything I feared actually did come true.
There was no forever with us. It was as broken as the words he never uttered.
And until Damian understood I didn’t see how we were going to move past this together.
“What’s a beautiful woman like you doing crying here all alone? That’s simply criminal in my book.”
I whipped my head up. A stranger dressed in black stood just feet away. His stillness and posture pr
oved something terrible.
I’d just committed a very stupid, dangerous act.
60
DAMIAN
I finally got up after what felt like hours.
Looking outside, I saw the sky had darkened into late afternoon. I wondered if Risa was hungry. Surely she’d accept a meal from me now?
She would. She’s angry. Not spiteful.
The time alone had done me well. It cleared my head of my pettiness and taught me how much Risa suffered for me.
I couldn’t take the thought of her turning away from me. She’d had to watch it happen. Which proved she truly was the stronger one and always had been.
I couldn’t undo the past. All that was left to me was to prove her fears false. If that meant listening to her curse me out until she couldn’t breathe, then so be it. I’d do whatever it took to prove how sorry I was.
I was the one who messed this up. Not her.
It didn’t matter how upset Risa got with me. I wasn’t going anywhere. I loved her and I’d never stop proving to her how much I did.
Opening up Risa’s bedroom door, I called her name softly. She wasn’t there. I checked my room. Nothing.
She was probably downstairs in one of the drawing rooms or maybe even the library. Quickly, I checked each place. Risa wasn’t to be found.
Where was my girl?
I raked a hand through my hair and paced. She was angry with me, but Risa wouldn’t deliberately ignore me. She needed my attention too much to forgo it.
That wasn’t misplaced vanity on my part. It was the simple truth. One I knew because I felt the same.
I forced myself to center my chaotic thoughts.
Pulling out my phone, I checked the security system. It was clean. No exit. No entrance. Logically, Risa had to be in the house.
My instinct said otherwise.
I entered the sunroom facing the gardens. I couldn’t explain why I reached for the glass door. It opened easily. My phone didn’t register the event as it should’ve.
Which meant Risa could’ve walked out of here and I wouldn’t have known it.
A cold sweat broke out across my back. She didn’t know she needed to stay inside because I stupidly didn’t want to make her feel like a prisoner.
Risa would pay the price for my folly.
I crushed the impulse to run out of the house and shout her name.
Instead, I went to one of the many safes placed strategically throughout the villa. I added two more guns to the one I had strapped to my ankle.
Then I went up to the monitor room and pulled up the footage. It didn’t take long to see Risa had stormed out of the house not even a full hour before.
I watched her small figure cut a swath across the garden and go deep into the vineyard before disappearing.
Slamming my palms against the console, I turned around and shot out of the room. I left the house and caught up to where Risa was last seen in no time at all.
Nothing.
I searched the vineyards, praying to see the top of her small head barely breaking over the weathered vines. I didn’t care if she called me ten different kinds of an asshole. I just wanted her back. Desperate, I abruptly yelled Risa’s name, ears straining to hear anything beyond my echoes.
Nothing.
Panic ate through my control. I bellowed her name over and over again. I knew I should’ve implanted her with a tracker, no, two. Maybe ten. I was going to do it as soon as I found her. Which had to be soon because Risa had to be here.
She just had to be.
I could lose my fortune, good name, and life. The one thing I couldn’t lose was Risa Kelly.
My legs ate up the distance as I searched for her. She wasn’t here. Dear God what was I going to do?
Then I found it.
A lock of her hair. Tied up in a fucking red bow.
Risa’s abductor could’ve shot her in the head and left her body here for me to find, but he didn’t. He left this token instead.
To taunt me that he had all the power and I had none.
I didn’t have to look about me to know I was being watched.
I picked up the lock, touching it to my lips, before I carefully put it in my pocket.
The gesture put me at a strategic disadvantage. I didn’t care. The end result was a given regardless of what I did from this point on.
It was just as my father’s last words to me proved.
War wasn’t just coming. It was already here.
I spun on my heel. The villa should’ve been safe. No one even knew of its existence. At least that was what Grigor believed when he told me the deed was mine the last time I saw him.
I didn’t acknowledge the steadily growing terror. Dwelling on my emotions wouldn’t help Risa now. I had to be ruthless for her.
I checked my watch as soon as I crossed the threshold. Risa had been gone now for an hour and two minutes. The message would come by nightfall. A short enough time to get the point across, but long enough to torment.
Shoving my fear aside, I went over the tapes again. I searched all cameras, looking for any hint at when my enemies got through.
There was nothing amiss.
At the very least, the alarms should’ve gone off. They didn’t which meant someone disabled my system.
This bolt hole was no more.
Only one person could’ve had access to root through all the byzantine paperwork to trace this place back to my father. Someone Grigor Konstantinov had once trusted with my life and his.
Picking up my phone, I punched the screen to life. “Pull your men to the estate. Elaine has resurfaced.”
61
RISA
How could I have been so stupid?
So, so stupid.
I thought I knew what being out of control meant. I was wrong.
Damian was right about everything. He tried to protect me and I couldn’t see it because all I could see was my hurt. Not his.
I made him the villain to my martyr and now it was too late for both of us.
Damian…
62
DAMIAN
It was dark. Risa had been gone now for eight hours. I was wrong about nightfall.
There was no message.
“Our men are moving through the area, sir.”
“And?” I snapped, no longer able to keep my emotions in check. “Have you pinpointed a location yet?”
“No.”
I shut my eyes while leaning against the desk. My legs locked in place so I wouldn’t hit the ground. Nausea churned. I was about to tear right through my body and dissolve into nothingness.
“How close are you to finding a location?”
“We’ve already cleared everything within a two-hour radius. We’re now systematically going through house by house. We’ve jammed all local electronic communication. Phones, internet, television. Everything is a dead zone.”
I understood the point. The person or people who had Risa would need to keep contact with their employers and team members, which meant having by-pass access to a satellite. No civilian Romanian would have that.
Any live spot would act as a beacon.
“What’s the radius now?”
“We’ve cleared 3 and are half-way through 4.”
Risa wasn’t within three hours of me. Where was she?
“Keep me updated.”
“Sir.”
I flung the phone onto the desk. Bending down, I tunneled my fingers through my hair. This couldn’t have happened, but it did.
I lost Risa.
I fucking let her slip through my fingers.
Again.
This is what you get for thinking you can control everything. There are some things beyond your control.
No. Fucking not true!
Pushing off the desk, I tore out of the office and up the stairs. I may have lost temporary control of the situation, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t regain it. I had to because otherwise…
You’ll end up like your father.
The bedroom door slammed against the wall. I stalked over to the bed, instantly remembering the last time Risa lay there with me. I picked up her pillow and held it against my face, breathing in deeply. Risa’s scent washed over me.
Instantly, I calmed.
I panicked just as quickly.
Demons attacked my imagination. What if Risa was being abused right at this moment? What if it had already happened?
My heart galloped and I couldn’t get a proper breath.
What if Risa was calling my name, right now, while being torn apart?
What if she was already gone?
I flung the pillow back on the bed. Blunt nails bit into my palm as my mouth dropped open. A roar pulsed through me. I yelled until I had no breath left. Unsatisfied, I turned around and drove my fist against the wall.
Again. And again until the skin over my knuckles split.
Risa was somewhere out there, far from me. She was alone, scared, and there was absolutely nothing I could fucking do to help her. Everything I had done, everything she had suffered for me, and we still ended up here.
Would things have been different if I had simply told her the entire truth? What if I had listened to Risa and made her my equal in all the ways that mattered to her?
How could it have changed anything?
What if it did though?
If I’d been honest with Risa then we wouldn’t have quarreled. If we hadn’t quarreled I wouldn’t have brought up Steve and Risa wouldn’t have stormed out.
No, but she might have despised you on sight after knowing about your dirty blood.
I’d never been ashamed of my Konstantinov lineage until Risa. Just the thought of her learning my dark origins...
But what if all of this could’ve been avoided simply by telling the truth?
I still didn’t know the right answer.
I understood what Risa wanted from me, even if I didn’t agree. I didn’t keep the truth from her because she mattered little. I kept it away because she mattered that much.
Risa was a gorgeous creature of the light. She wasn’t meant to be Persephone to my Hades. She belonged in the sun, free as the flowers in a field. If only I hadn’t been so goddamned selfish in taking her away from her world.