To Love and to Cherish

by Leigh Greenwood

  “When you pulled away, I was sure you felt like Noah.”

  “There’s not a man alive who could see you like Noah did. And I’m going to do everything in my power to prove that to you.”

  It took a while to reach the previous emotional plane a second time, but now that Laurie was certain Jared truly believed she was beautiful, she was an eager and enthusiastic partner. It wasn’t long before she was panting for breath.

  “It may hurt a bit when I enter you, but it will be over quickly, never to happen again. Do you trust me?”

  “I will always trust you.”

  He rose above her and positioned himself at her entrance. He kissed her at the same moment he entered her. The pain was sharp but brief. He continued to kiss her as he moved within her. In moments she was caught up by the fire that was driving him. Rather than lie still, she rose to meet him, fell away, and rose again. She’d found what it was like to be with a man, and it was wonderful. Never again would she believe she was ugly. Never again would she cringe before a man’s gaze. Jared thought she was beautiful. He desired her.

  Finally sure of herself, she abandoned herself to the ecstasy that enveloped her.

  ***

  Laurie couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep ever again. So many conflicting thoughts clamored for attention. How could she justify having slept with a man who wasn’t her husband? That was exactly what her father said he feared when he forced her to marry Noah. She didn’t even have the excuse that they were in love. She didn’t care what her father would think, but she did care what Naomi and Sibyl would think. They were more than cousins. They were her only real friends.

  Despite what some might say, she was not a fallen woman. She was an adult, a woman free to make her own decisions. She’d accepted the attentions of a man she found attractive, a man who found her attractive. She didn’t owe allegiance to anyone but herself. Moreover, she was willing to accept the consequences of her actions. So far the consequences had been far more wonderful than she could have imagined.

  Maybe it was of vain of her to be so concerned about her looks, but Noah had made her feel so ugly it had been difficult for her to leave the house in those horrible dresses. The pitying looks of her cousins and the other women had made it worse. They insisted that she wasn’t ugly, but the fact that most men did avoid looking at her gave undeniable credence to Noah’s allegations.

  She didn’t have to believe that any longer. Jared found her so attractive he couldn’t resist making love to her.

  Her body still hummed with the aftermath of his attentions. He’d gone back to his bedroom a short while ago, but they’d made love again before he left. She hadn’t thought anything could be so marvelous, so transforming as the night spent in Jared’s arms.

  She looked out the window. Although the lower portion of each pane was covered by snow, she could tell the ground was completely covered. But soon the sun would come out, and the snow would start to melt. Even if it was winter, this was a desert.

  She would have to get up in a few minutes to start breakfast. She didn’t know how she was going to face Jared, or how he would feel about facing her. She wasn’t ashamed of what she’d done, but it could be awkward. Outside of finding her beautiful and wanting to make love to her, how did he feel about her? What were her feelings for him?

  Other than feeling strongly attracted to him, she wasn’t sure. She’d spent so many years trying not to feel anything, ignoring feelings she couldn’t crush, it was hard to feel anything but fear and inadequacy. She liked Jared. He’d accepted her as a partner and had been kind to her. He showed concern for her safety as well as her reputation. He appreciated everything she did for him and the men. He’d come to her room tonight because he was worried she wasn’t warm enough. She smiled to herself. She was certainly warm now. The glow she felt might never wear off.

  The gray light of dawn filtered in at the window. The men would be up taking care of the horses and other livestock in preparation for a rough day in the saddle. They would need a big breakfast and plenty of hot coffee to fill their canteens. She threw back the covers and left the bed. The floor was so cold it was like stepping on ice. She hurried to put on her clothes. She wouldn’t be warm until she got the fire going in the kitchen.

  ***

  Laurie had been a virgin.

  The phrase kept drumming in Jared’s head. He’d never deflowered a woman. Not even his first partner had been a virgin. Despite anything he said to himself, a feeling of guilt rode him hard. He hadn’t forced Laurie. She’d been a willing and enthusiastic partner. She hadn’t asked him to go back to his own bed. She’d been content to snuggle in his embrace. So why did he feel so guilty?

  Did he feel he was supposed to protect her, that because she was his partner and was working in his home, he should have protected her from men like himself? It hadn’t been her choice to spend the night at the ranch. Had he taken advantage of the snowstorm to do what he’d been dreaming of doing since the first time she came to his ranch? Could any man have resisted making love to such a beautiful and desirable woman once he knew she was willing? Had he done anything to make it difficult for her to send him away?

  He might find the answers soon, but he wouldn’t find them now. He could make better use of his time by getting this load of firewood to the kitchen.

  He’d risen before dawn and dressed in a room lit by a single candle. Snow had drifted up to three feet against the door that led from the kitchen to the bunkhouse. It was nearly a foot deep in the wind-swept area in between. He was glad the woodshed was against the side of the house. Even at that, he’d had to shovel through a deep snowdrift before he could get to the wood. Loaded with all he could carry, he headed for the kitchen. He intended to get the stove going before Laurie got up. He had dumped his armload into the wood box and was knocking the snow from his boots when Laurie entered the kitchen.

  For a moment they froze, each staring at the other. Laurie was the first to speak.

  “Thanks for bringing the extra wood. That will give it time to dry before I need to use it.” She picked up the ash bucket and began to remove the ashes from the stove.

  “I can do that,” Jared volunteered.

  Laurie didn’t look up from her work. “It’ll be enough if you empty the bucket for me.”

  “You’ll need more wood.”

  “No need to get it now.”

  “All of us will be in the saddle most of the day. I don’t want you to run out before we get back.”

  “The sun will come out and warm things up. It never stays cold here, even in the winter.”

  “I don’t know what usually happens, but that sky looks like the bottom of a lead pan, and the snow is so powdery it blows around like sawdust.”

  Laurie finished emptying the ashes and handed him the bucket. “It has to melt. I have to go home tonight.”

  “I’ll check the trails when we’re out today, but it looks too deep.”

  “I have to go back to town.”

  Jared was about to go back outside, but he turned back to Laurie. “Are you afraid to stay here?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “I mean after last night. Are you afraid of me?” There, he’d said it. Now neither of them could avoid talking about it.

  Laurie turned from where she’d been opening a drawer to get the matches. “I’ve never been afraid of you, not even after last night. I have to go home because everyone will be worried about me. I know Norman will think the worst, but so will some of the others.”

  “So it’s just your reputation? You would feel comfortable staying here if it weren’t for that?”

  Laurie’s gaze met his and held. “I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done, but I don’t want to make staying here a habit. It wouldn’t be good for me, and it wouldn’t be good for the men. It would cause needless speculation.”

  What she said made sense, but it irritated Jared. Didn’t she think he could control himself? She was a beautiful, de
sirable woman, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t stay away from her. Then again, maybe she was right. After last night, it would be even more difficult to corral his need for her. “I’ll check the trails, but right now it looks pretty bad.”

  The kitchen door opened, and Steve dashed in and slammed it behind him. “It’s colder than hell out there.”

  “Hell’s supposed to be hot,” Jared said.

  “Whatever. Hurry up with that fire,” Steve said to Laurie. He was more interested in getting warm than arguing over a theoretical point.

  “Didn’t you have a fire in the bunkhouse?” Jared asked.

  “Of course we do, but every water trough is frozen solid. The boys have to melt snow so they can water the horses.”

  “The fire’s going,” Laurie said, “but it’ll take a while before the water’s hot enough for coffee.”

  “Have you finished with the livestock?” Jared asked Steve.

  “No.”

  “Then why aren’t you helping them?”

  “Clay sent me in to ask when breakfast would be ready. He said his Cajun blood was about to freeze in his veins. He wants enough pepper in his eggs to cause steam to come out of his ears.”

  “He better hope the eggs haven’t frozen,” Laurie said. “Or the water and the rest of the food in the larder. Otherwise, he won’t get anything but coffee until tonight.”

  Steve panicked. “Don’t make me go back out there and tell them that. Odell is as bad as Clay.”

  Laurie went into the pantry. Jared could hear her rustling around inside.

  “What’s she doing?” Steve asked.

  “We’ll find out when she comes out,” Jared told him.

  Laurie emerged with a basket of eggs. “The water froze.” She turned to Jared. “I’ll set the bucket on the stove. The ice will soon melt, but first see if you can chip out enough ice to start a pot of coffee. I wrapped the eggs up last night before I went to bed. Let’s hope that was enough to keep them from freezing.”

  Steve watched eagerly as Laurie cracked an egg. It was so thick Laurie had to scrape it out of the shell with a spoon, but it wasn’t frozen. Jared was more interested in the coffee. He took a hammer and pick and attacked the ice. It was slow going, but by the time he managed to chip out enough to melt for coffee, the stove was hot. He put the bucket on the back of the stove so the rest of the ice would melt. Some of the food in the larder had frozen and some was shot through with ice crystals, but Laurie had scraped out and thawed out enough for a decent breakfast by the time the men had finished their chores and entered the kitchen.

  Clay cast an accusing glance at Jared. “You told me it never snowed in Arizona. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known I was going to freeze to death in my own bed.”

  “I didn’t tell you it never snowed,” Jared said to Clay. “The colonel trying to recruit troops for the fort said nobody had heard of it snowing here.”

  “It hasn’t snowed like this since I’ve been here,” Laurie told him.

  Clay backed up to the stove, shivering and rubbing his hands together even though he was bundled up in a fur-lined hat and sheepskin coat. “If I don’t show up at supper, it’ll be because my frozen carcass is somewhere out there being chewed on by wolves.”

  Nick and Loomis made fun of him, but Odell and Steve sidled up to the stove as well.

  “If you don’t leave room for Laurie to cook, you won’t get any breakfast,” Jared said. “Sit down at the table and wait.”

  He was in a bad mood, and he couldn’t explain why. He ought to be relieved Laurie wasn’t upset over last night. He ought to be thrilled to have found such a beautiful woman who liked him well enough to sleep with him, maybe enough to do it again. The men liked her. She worked hard and was an excellent cook. In addition, she’d provided the money to buy the Herefords he needed to make the ranch successful. He’d even found a man he was certain was one of his lost brothers. Everything was looking up for him. Why was he so irritable?

  “Coffee’s ready,” Laurie announced.

  Five cups were immediately thrust in her direction. Laurie gave the men a saucy smile. “I’ve got to serve the boss first. Don’t want to lose my job.”

  “No man in his right mind would fire you,” Loomis said.

  “Not if he’d tasted your cooking,” Steve added.

  Jared accepted his coffee and watched irritably as Laurie poured coffee for the other men. He wanted to punch Loomis. The man treated Laurie like a porcelain doll, not like a real flesh-and-blood woman. Couldn’t he tell she had enough life in her for a dozen women? She wasn’t the kind of woman to be put on a shelf and admired. She had a lust for life that should cause any red-blooded male long to take her to bed and stay there until he was too exhausted to get up.

  Watching his nephew stare at Laurie with his tongue hanging out amused and exasperated Jared. He could remember his own first crush, but it was on a girl his own age, not a woman who’d been married and widowed. What did Steve think was going to happen?

  Jared told himself to stop acting like a fool. Steve wasn’t an idiot. He knew nothing would ever come of his crush on Laurie. Being infatuated with an older woman was the sort of thing young boys did. She was safe. He could admire her, dream about her, and lust after her without worrying anything would be required of him. He wasn’t like Jared.

  “Breakfast is ready,” Laurie informed everyone.

  There was a clattering of feet as the men settled onto the benches on either side of the table. Loomis carried two bowls to the table for Laurie, then waited until she was seated before taking his own seat. Jared could tell Laurie really liked that. The smile she gave Loomis could have melted a twenty-foot snowdrift, and that really irritated Jared. He should have been the one to carry the bowls to the table and wait for her to be seated. Only he hadn’t thought of it because none of the men he’d been around growing up had treated their wives like that. If they were all like his own mother, he wasn’t surprised.

  “I hope you got more of this coffee, ma’am,” Nick said. “I’ve already finished my cup.”

  “Get it yourself,” Jared barked. “The pot’s on the stove.”

  Nick stood up. “I was planning to. I just wanted an excuse for Laurie to look my way and smile the way she smiled at Loomis.”

  Laurie turned to Nick and favored him with a smile that made Jared’s temperature shoot up at least ten degrees. “I don’t need an excuse to smile at a charming young man like you,” Laurie told him. She swung her gaze to encompass the whole room. “Or any one of you.”

  “Don’t waste your time on Odell,” Nick advised. “He’s still angry that he has to work like the rest of us rather than stay here cooking things we can neither recognize nor take a chance on eating.”

  “I don’t like it when it’s cold,” Odell said, “but I like her cooking better than mine.”

  “We all do,” Loomis said.

  “Stop trying to embarrass me.” Laurie got up and went to the stove. “The ice in the bucket has melted. I’ll make enough coffee to fill your canteens.”

  Fortunately for Jared’s rising temper, the men concentrated on eating while Laurie boiled water for more coffee.

  “What do we have to do today?” Nick asked Jared.

  “You can tell the man knows nothing about cows,” Loomis said. “Where in Europe did you say you were born?”

  “Sicily,” Nick answered. “We had lots of cows but no snow.”

  “We have to check on as much of the herd as we can,” Jared told him. “Longhorns are pretty self-sufficient, but they can be buried in drifts or bunched in a canyon to get out of the wind. We’ll have to break ice so they can find water. Be on the lookout for wolves and cougars. Right now the snow slows them down more than the cows. If it crusts over hard enough for them to walk on it without breaking through, the herd will be at their mercy.”

  “I’ll need more than one canteen of coffee,” Nick told Laurie.

  “I’ll keep a pot going all day.”


  “Don’t let me see you showing up here every hour,” Jared snapped.

  “You aren’t riding with us?” Loomis asked.

  “Of course I am. Those are my cows.”

  “Mine, too,” Steve reminded him.

  Jared ignored Steve. “Why did you think I wouldn’t be riding with you?”

  “From what you said to Nick, it sounded like you planned to be here all day.”

  “Well, I don’t. Now all of you eat up and get in the saddle. Those cows have had all night to get themselves caught in a drift. And don’t forget to take your axes with you.”

  “Supper will be early tonight,” Laurie said. “I expect most of the snow will melt today, but I want to start for home well before dark. The trail is bound to be messy.”

  “I’m not sure the snow is going to melt,” Jared said. “We’ll have to wait and see.”

  Laurie stilled, then looked directly at him. “I have to go back. Under no circumstances can I spend a second night here.”

  Her statement was so unequivocal, her look so determined, that the men turned toward Jared with questioning looks. Could they be thinking he’d made some unwelcome advance? Did Laurie’s resolve to return to town regardless of the weather mean she was afraid he’d demand a repeat of last night?

  “I’m related to half the people in Cactus Corner,” Laurie explained, “but that won’t stop them from speculating on the reasons why I would stay here rather than return home. None of you has to live in Cactus Corner. I do, and I don’t want everyone gossiping behind my back.”

  “We’ll make sure you get back even if it takes all of us,” Loomis assured her.

  Jared made a mental note to break Loomis’s neck as soon as he got the opportunity. “We don’t have to make any decisions now, but we do have to get into the saddle. I want as many of the cows as you can find headed toward the river. The snow is likely to melt there first so they will be able to find something to eat. I doubt the river will freeze so they’ll have water without us having to climb through canyons to find pools covered with ice.” He stood. “We ride out as soon as you fill your canteens.”