To Love and to Cherish

by Leigh Greenwood

  “I’ll hitch up the buggy. You and the boys have to remember every minute of the chase,” Steve told Jared. “I want to hear all about it at breakfast.”

  “Bloodthirsty brat,” Jared said affectionately. “You be sure to get Laurie safely to the doctor. Now I’d better collect the rifles and go. I don’t want a single cougar left on our range when the Herefords get here.”

  ***

  “I started feeling bad last night,” Laurie told the doctor. “It caught me by surprise. I never get sick.”

  “Everybody feels bad from time to time,” the doctor said, “even healthy young women.”

  “But this came on so sudden.”

  “Describe your symptoms as precisely as you can.”

  Her symptoms weren’t hard to describe—they even didn’t sound very bad, but the doctor’s expression showed shock, grave concern, then a kind of resignation.

  “What is it?” Laurie asked. “Am I going to die?”

  “No. You’re going to have a baby.”

  Laurie was overwhelmed by so many contradictory feelings she couldn’t have said how she felt. Shock. How could this have happened? Why hadn’t she been more careful? Fear. What was everybody going to say? What would Jared say? Embarrassment. How could she hold up her head in public when everyone would know what she’d been doing? What would she say when Norman and her father pointed a finger and said they’d been right about her all along?

  Happiness. She could hardly wait for the baby to be born. She hoped it would be a boy who would grow up to look just like his father. Worry. Where could she go and how soon should she leave? Resolve. She refused to live her life as a scarlet woman, nor would she allow her child to be stigmatized because of its birth.

  “Are you going to say anything?” the doctor asked.

  Laurie gathered her thoughts and pulled her courage around her like a protective shield. She was on her own. What she decided now would determine her future. “What would you like me to say?”

  “That you and Jared are secretly married.”

  Laurie sighed. Did she wish that were true? If so, did she wish it for herself, Jared, or just for the baby? “You know we’re not married.”

  “Then I’d like you to say you’ll be married by the end of the day.”

  She could just imagine the scene if she told Jared he had to marry her before nightfall. He would be shocked, cornered with no way out. “That’s not possible. Jared isn’t in love with me, and I’m not—”

  “Save your breath. If Naomi is convinced you love Jared, that’s good enough for me.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I feel. Jared doesn’t love me, or he wouldn’t have been seeing Martha Simpson. If he marries me, Norman won’t give him his loan.”

  “Would he put a loan ahead of you and his baby?”

  “I don’t know what he would do, but I’m not going to ask him. And you aren’t, either. I don’t want anyone to know about this baby, not even Naomi.”

  “What are you going to do?” The doctor had moved beyond shock and disapproval. He was looking at her with the love and concern of a father for his daughter.

  “I don’t know, but I’m not going to drag a man to the altar against his will. That happened to me, and I would never do that to anyone.”

  “This isn’t the same.”

  “It’s close enough. Now I have to go. Steve is worried I’m going to die, and I’m sure the men are hungry because they won’t eat anything Odell cooks.”

  “But you can’t—”

  “The last time someone told me what I couldn’t do, I ended up married. That’s never going to happen again.”

  “You’ve got to think about your baby.”

  “I am, but I’m also thinking about its mother. I’ll be okay, Dr. Kessling. I know you don’t think so, but I will.”

  Laurie desperately wanted some time alone to absorb the knowledge that her whole life had changed, but she had no idea what to do about it. Steve was waiting for her as she left the doctor’s office, his face a study in youthful concern.

  “I’m okay,” she said when he jumped up and started toward her. “It’s just some nausea which will go away after a while. You need to return the horse and buggy to the livery stable. I’ll meet you at the house.”

  He wanted to ask questions, but she shooed him away and headed home. She found herself inside her house without remembering how she got there. Her head was too full of questions she couldn’t begin to answer.

  Except one. She was in love with Jared.

  ***

  “What are you doing out so late?” Jared asked when he opened the door to find Dr. Kessling coming up the porch steps. The doctor’s expression was so full of anger Jared forgot what he meant to say next. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

  “I need to speak to you privately.”

  “Sure, but if it’s about helping with your new bank, my answer hasn’t changed.”

  After growling, “Save your breath. I don’t want your help or your money,” the doctor stormed past Jared and into the house.

  Stunned and confused, Jared followed him into the study. “Would you like some coffee?” he asked the doctor.

  “I don’t want anything of yours. I just want to say what I have to say and leave before having to look at you makes me so angry I attack you.”

  Completely at a loss Jared asked, “What’s wrong? Did Steve do something? Laurie didn’t say anything about it.”

  “As far as I can tell, Steve is the sweet, innocent boy he appears to be, which is more than enough reason to have him removed from your house.”

  Out of patience and overcome with curiosity, Jared demanded, “Tell me what’s happened to make you so angry at me.”

  The doctor rounded on him. “You have no idea?”

  “No.”

  “If I told you Laurie was expecting a baby, would you still have no idea?”

  A fist to the jaw wouldn’t have sent Jared reeling like the impact of that news. Not only would Laurie’s reputation be shattered beyond redemption, but it had consequences that would reverberate through the life of the child they’d so carelessly created. He wanted to collapse in a chair, reach for a bottle of whiskey, or saddle his horse and ride until he was too exhausted to think. Instead he asked, “When did she know?”

  “She came to me a couple days ago complaining of a weak stomach and wondering if it was caused by something she ate. She was too innocent to realize that is a classic sign of pregnancy.”

  Jared almost asked how the doctor could be sure it wasn’t Noah’s child, but then he remembered Laurie had said Noah had never touched her. That’s why Laurie had longed to feel desired, and Jared had let his lust take advantage of that need. “Did Laurie say—”

  “Laurie didn’t say anything, but I’ve known Laurie all her life. Hell, man, I’m the one who delivered her. She’s not the kind of woman to give herself to a man she didn’t care for greatly. If you had to take advantage of her, couldn’t you at least have been careful?”

  “I’m not going to deny what I did or try to defend myself, but I didn’t take advantage of Laurie. I would never do that. I’m too fond of her. She wanted it as much as I did.”

  The doctor seemed to sag, the fight going out of him. “You’ve got to marry her. There’ll still be a lot of gossip, but it’s the only solution.”

  Jared was caught between two realities. Laurie had said she would never marry, and Norman wouldn’t give him the loan as long as Laurie had anything to do with him. But he wouldn’t let himself think about Norman, the loan, or the future of the ranch. Laurie was more important than all of that. “She told us she’d never marry again. She was insistent, no matter how much anyone argued against it.”

  “Did you argue against it?”

  “Steve and Loomis didn’t give me a chance. They kept after her for days, but she never changed her mind.”

  “Do you love her?”

  Jared didn’t know what to say because he’d never asked h
imself that question. It seemed that part of keeping their relationship secret had been not thinking or talking about it. If they didn’t talk about it, they didn’t have to acknowledge it existed. And if it didn’t exist, there couldn’t be any complications. Only it did exist, and there was a major complication.

  “I don’t know.” He had to be honest. “We’ve never talked about our feelings for each other.”

  “You slept together often enough to create a baby, but you never talked about your feelings?”

  Jared shook his head. Why had he and Laurie believed they shared no feelings beyond their lust for each other? He had thought it was enough for him, and it seemed to be enough for her, but would they have talked about their feelings if their affair hadn’t been secret? That was a stupid question. Women like Laurie didn’t have affairs. Men like him didn’t marry the women they slept with to satisfy their physical needs.

  So what the hell had happened between them? He didn’t know what Laurie felt about him, but she was far more than a means to satisfy a physical need. Had he been so preoccupied with buying Herefords, trying to convince Colby they were brothers, and worrying about the loan that he’d paid no attention to his feelings? He hadn’t always been that stupid.

  “Laurie told me not to tell you,” the doctor told Jared, “but I felt I had to. Norman will make her life so miserable she won’t be able to live in Cactus Creek once this gets out.”

  “She won’t have to. I’ll ask her to marry me.”

  The doctor didn’t look relieved. “How is that going to work? She says she doesn’t love you, and you don’t know what you feel for her.”

  “I don’t know, but we’ll work something out.”

  The doctor turned to leave. “She’ll know I told you, so don’t try to keep it a secret.” He sighed. “I appreciate your desire to make things right. I just wish you were a man of greater integrity. After Noah, Laurie deserves better.”

  The doctor’s comment angered Jared, but he was in no position to defend himself. Laurie was a young widow coming out of a bad marriage. Everyone would believe he’d taken advantage of her at a weak moment—but wasn’t that exactly what he’d done? It didn’t matter that she was as strongly attracted to him as he was to her. It should have been his responsibility to preserve her reputation, to protect her from men like himself. He deserved the doctor’s scorn.

  “I’ve told her to stay home if she doesn’t feel better,” the doctor said as he was leaving.

  “I ought to see her tonight. I’ll follow you into town.”

  The doctor grunted—whether in approval or disgust Jared was unable to tell—and took his leave.

  Jared’s instinct was to grab a drink and take a few moments to absorb the news and try to assess the changes it would inevitably cause in his life, but he knew that was cowardice. He would have more than enough time during the ride into town to do that. It was more important that he see Laurie right now. He turned away from the door only to come face to face with Loomis. The man was so consumed by rage he was shaking.

  “You bastard!” he shouted. “You yellow-bellied, coyote-livered son of a bitch!”

  Stunned by this uncharacteristic outburst from his friend, Jared asked, “What’s wrong with you? What are you talking about?”

  Instead of offering an explanation, Loomis threw himself at Jared, both fists flailing at the bigger man.

  Jared avoided Loomis’s initial attack, but the man didn’t give up. “Stop it!” Jared shouted. “Why are you attacking me? I haven’t done anything to you.”

  Jared’s protests just drove Loomis to greater fury. Jared tried to keep from fighting back with his fists, but it quickly became clear that was the only way he would be able to stop Loomis. The brief struggle left both men bloody, but the outcome was inevitable.

  “What caused you to go loco?” Jared asked when he had Loomis down on the floor. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “She was a sweet, innocent girl, and you took advantage of her.”

  Loomis was so choked up Jared could hardly understand him. The only girl Jared could bring to mind was Martha. “I’ve only had dinner with her twice. I haven’t even kissed her.” He’d tried, but he couldn’t make himself do it. It made him think of Laurie, and that made him feel like a traitor.

  “I’m not talking about that gal you’re seeing on the sly. I’m talking about Laurie.”

  Jared’s blood ran cold. How did he know about Laurie? Did the other men know, too? “What are you talking about?”

  “I heard what the doctor told you. You got her pregnant while you were messing around with another woman. I won’t work for a man like that. I’m quitting right now. You can give me my money when you have it, but I’m riding out tonight.”

  Jared could think of nothing to say to defend himself, but he didn’t want to lose a friend of so many years. “I’m going to marry her. That will make it right.”

  Loomis struggled to break Jared’s hold. “Nothing can make what you did right. You’re disgusting.”

  Jared wasn’t proud of himself, but he thought “disgusting” was a bit strong. “I’m going to let you up, but I don’t want to fight you anymore.”

  “Don’t worry,” Loomis sneered. “You’re not worth it.”

  The words stung, but any response Jared might have made was cut off by the entrance of Nick and Clay.

  “What the hell is going on?” Nick asked.

  “Nothing.” Loomis got to his feet and straightened his clothes. “I fell down and Jared was helping me up.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Clay said. “You’re both bloody. You’ve been fighting.”

  “I said I fell down,” Loomis snarled. “I guess I hit Jared on the way down.”

  Clay turned to Jared. “Are you going to tell us what happened?”

  “I think Loomis made it plain enough. I have to go into town. I expect I’ll be late coming back.”

  “What’s up?” Nick asked.

  “I’ll let you know when I get back.” Jared gestured to Loomis. “Makes sure he gets cleaned up. It was a nasty fall.”

  He didn’t need to see their skepticism to know they didn’t believe a word of what Loomis had said, but he had more important things to do. He could deal with them later. He just had to make sure he didn’t ruin any more lives.

  ***

  Laurie knew the doctor had broken his promise the moment she opened the door and saw Jared on her porch. Without a word, she opened the door for him.

  “Let me send Steve over to see Ben. Then we can talk.”

  With the sensitivity young people often displayed when the safety of their world was threatened, Steve sensed something important was up. Laurie had to promise to fill him in later before he would agree to leave.

  “You can’t tell him,” Jared protested.

  “Everyone will know before long. Without Steve, I wouldn’t be working at the ranch. He deserves to be among the first to know. I’ll fix coffee. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Laurie didn’t want any coffee, but she needed time to gather her thoughts. She knew what she wanted to do—what she had to do—but seeing Jared so unexpectedly had shaken her resolve. He had to be here to ask her to marry him. To everyone else, that would seem the perfect solution, but it wasn’t enough for her.

  She hadn’t endured one loveless marriage to step into another. And it didn’t matter that she was in love with Jared. She knew he liked her, but that wasn’t enough, especially when he’d been paying court to Martha Simpson. This wasn’t the time to start going over her options, none of which she liked. She’d have plenty of time to do that in the coming days.

  The coffee seemed to have gotten ready in half the usual time. She had to face Jared long before she was ready. She decided to let him speak first.

  “The doctor came to see me tonight. Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?”

  “Why should I? We’re not married.”

  “I’m its father.”

  “How
can you know that?” That was hard to say. It made her seem like something she wasn’t.

  “Because I know you. You would never have slept with me if you hadn’t been vulnerable and I hadn’t been thoughtless enough to take advantage.”

  Laurie sat up, her spine ramrod straight. “I may have been vulnerable, but you didn’t take advantage of me. It was my choice. Whatever may have been your desire, you would never have forced yourself on me. As a matter of fact, I believe I persuaded you the last two times.”

  “That doesn’t change anything.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to have a baby, but it changes everything else. This baby is my responsibility, not yours.”

  “It is our responsibility. I want to marry you.”

  “Are you saying you’re in love with me?” Laurie threw the question at him without warning, knowing it would catch him off guard. Despite knowing he wouldn’t, she had hoped he would say yes. His hesitation was all the answer she needed. “Don’t bother to say anything. I knew the answer before I asked the question. I asked it because I wanted you to stumble, mumble, pause, or look like you were choking on the words. You’re a good man, Jared Smith, an honest man. I would never want to make you lie.”

  “I like you very much,” Jared hurried to assure her. “I think we would get along very well together.”

  “There are several reasons why I’m not going to accept your offer,” Laurie said. “First, you don’t love me. I was married to a man I didn’t love, and I know how miserable it made me. I would never do that to another person. You would come to resent me, probably dislike me, and that wouldn’t be good for the baby. Then there’s the loan. I know you can make more money for yourself and the men if you borrow from Norman rather than giving me half of the ranch. I was thinking only of myself when I proposed the loan. I realize now you only accepted because you thought you had no choice. Norman has said he won’t give you the loan if I continue to work for you. You can’t imagine he would change his mind if I married you.”

  “I don’t care about Norman or the loan.”

  “You say that now because you’re upset, but you don’t mean it. I felt a coolness these last weeks. I also know you’ve been seeing Martha Simpson. She’s a beautiful young woman who would make you a marvelous wife.”