Hard Habit to Break

by Linda Cajio

  “Not yet,” he said as he turned his head and grinned at her. He began to brush popcorn off her, his right hand briskly skimming her body at first, then slowing to long, smooth strokes.

  Liz felt her unvoiced protest die at his movements. She couldn’t move, couldn’t tear her gaze from his handsome bearded face. His hand gently explored her slender legs through her gown. It evoked a shivering response that left her wanting more. Then his hand rose higher, burning a path up her hipbones and waist before it settled on her breast and kneaded the soft flesh. The distinctively colored sensations she’d felt once before were back again, but stronger this time, entrapping her in their brightness. Of their own accord her head dropped back and her eyes closed. In a daze she felt the bed shift as Matt twisted around until his body was hard against hers.

  His mouth suddenly covered her own, his arms wrapping around her in a tight embrace. Lips fused, tongues moved rhythmically. The kiss was white-hot with mutual want and need.

  Caught up in its intensity, Liz moaned in the back of her throat as her hands automatically slid around his shoulders. Her nails sank into the black shirt. She could feel the heat of Matt’s skin, and her own flesh burned in response.

  She gave a helpless cry of protest when he lifted his head for an instant. Then he pressed his face into the base of her slender neck, his lips caressing the sensitive flesh.

  “I thought you came over to watch Errol Flynn,” she whispered, feeling a reluctant duty to remind him of the reason for his visit.

  “Flynn can wait,” he murmured against her skin. “You and I can’t.”

  “I know,” she replied, the last of her resistance crumbling.

  At her acknowledgment Matt felt his blood surge through him. He reached up and began to unbutton her robe, all the while silently cursing his awkward movements. Liz’s hands suddenly touched his, soothing them. His fingers finally unbuttoned the robe and, sitting up, he deftly slipped her out of it. The nightgown swiftly followed.

  “We’re covered in popcorn,” he muttered inanely, gazing at the tiny splendor of woman that she was. “Lord, but you’re beautiful.”

  She chuckled, then her large gray eyes drifted closed as he began to trace patterns across her chest and shoulders. Her wheat-colored hair was fanned out against the pillow, and his fingers couldn’t resist wandering through the silky strands.

  “Your clothes,” she murmured, and slid her palms from his shoulders to his shirtfront.

  He removed her hands, and she sucked in her breath at the speed with which he shed his clothes and tossed them over the side of the bed. He turned back to her, his eyes greener than summer leaves. Even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t have taken her gaze off him. His face exuded passion, his eyes hypnotizing with tenderness. A dense swath of curling dark hairs spread across his chest and arrowed down his belly and below. His thighs were rock hard.

  He was total male, dominating her feminine senses. His primitive masculinity called to something deep inside her that had never been touched before but had long waited for this moment.

  Mindlessly she rose up and pressed her body into his. Wrapping her arms around his back, she rested her cheek against his hot skin and whispered, “Matt, please love me now.”

  With a harsh groan he crushed her down into the bed. He kissed her, his tongue instantly finding and mating with her own. His hands were strong and sure as they stroked her breasts, his fingers coaxing her nipples to exquisite points.

  Liz felt as if she were being turned inside out from the maddening torture. Nothing could be more satisfying and yet unsatisfying than what was happening to her body. His mouth suddenly dropped to her breasts, covering first one then the other with frenzied kisses. He took each aroused nipple between his lips, slowly swirling his tongue around the tight buds. His hand skimmed lower to her restlessly shifting legs, then his fingers caressed her with a gentle roughness that left her gasping.

  His name tumbling from her lips in unconscious litany, she clung to him as her rock against the turbulence building inside her. She wanted to return his caresses, make him feel the overwhelming hunger she was feeling. But she could only hold tight and respond to him.

  With no warning his mouth was on hers again, his hips suddenly forcing their way between her thighs. In the next instant he thrust himself inside her, and she shuddered at the feel of their oneness. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she easily adjusted to his length.

  “Liz, Liz,” he murmured, his lips almost biting kisses into her throat. “I’ve never felt something was so right as now.”

  “Nothing ever was,” she said in a breathless whisper.

  And it was right, she thought as they began to move together. Her hips matched each movement of his with a perfection so rare that she wondered helplessly at it. He had always seemed to know exactly where to touch her and how. But now … now the touch was more than physical. It left no part of her hidden, and she felt the emotional bonds tighten around her heart as surely as she felt the commitment in her body that only a woman can give to a man.

  As if sensing her final surrender to him, Matt curved his hands around her buttocks and pulled her impossibly close against him. He drove into her repeatedly, taking her higher than she’d ever gone before. Bright lights exploded in her mind, and she convulsed in his arms as an unparalleled pleasure flooded her veins.

  Thrusting once more, Matt called out her name. He held her tightly for endless minutes, his own pleasure prolonged and intense.

  Finally Liz drifted back down to earth and became aware of his body lying heavily on hers. His head was nestled into her shoulder, his arms still tight around her. Their damp skin seemed almost welded together, and she smiled at the thought. Nothing would separate them now. She wouldn’t fight him any longer; there’d been nothing to fight except her own silliness. All along Matt had voiced the truth of her feelings.

  Well, almost all of them. She was in love with him. Everything fell into place now that she’d finally acknowledged it. It explained all the ups and downs she’d been going through, all the perverse craziness he so easily evoked in her. And, of course, he loved her. That was the only logical explanation for his constant pursuit of her.

  Savoring the knowledge, she lovingly stroked the steely muscles of his back. She’d tell him how much she loved him in a moment, she decided, and then he’d tell her he felt the same. Naturally they would have to work out how their relationship would progress from this point on, but she wasn’t worried. Matt had an imagination that would put Walter Mitty to shame.

  But right now she wanted only to hold him, caress him, and take pleasure in knowing she loved and was loved in return.

  “I’m probably smashing popcorn into your back,” he muttered as he released her and rolled onto his side.

  She managed a watery chuckle, her emotions cresting inside her. She turned toward him and curled an arm around his neck.

  “I don’t care.” She kissed his chest. “I never felt anything like that before, Matt.”

  He reached up with a finger and raised her chin. Bending his head, he gave her a tender kiss. “Neither have I, sweetheart. It was perfect.”

  She sighed. How she loved him!

  But before she could open her mouth, he swiveled around and leaned over the edge of her bed. Sitting up, he began pulling on his briefs.

  Incredulous, she sat up and stared at him as he slipped on his jeans. Finally she found her voice. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m getting dressed,” Matt replied, shrugging into his shirt.

  Nine

  “You’re … you’re getting dressed?” Liz repeated in astonishment as Matt quickly buttoned his shirt.

  “Socks and everything,” he said cheerfully over his shoulder while holding up one of his black socks and waving it at her. Then he bent to put on the sock.

  At the sight of his back turned toward her, Liz felt a wild fury burst inside. Without thought she curled her hand into a fist and whacked him between the shoulder
blades.

  “Hey!” he yelped, leaping off the bed. He whipped around to face her. “What the hell was that for?”

  “That was for getting dressed!” she shouted, scrambling off the mattress. “How dare you make love to me and get dressed afterward!”

  He gazed at her for a moment before patiently saying, “I don’t think you’d be very happy if I walked buck naked out of your house. Of course, I could be wrong about all this—”

  “Why are you going at all?” she demanded, placing her fists on her hips. She silently vowed to kill him after she got the answer. She wanted only to hear it first, just to see how outlandish it would be.

  “I’m going for you,” he told her, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “If I don’t go now, I know I’ll never get out of that bed again. And I’ll never let you out of it either. Think about it, Liz, and think about what you really want.”

  Her anger drained at his unexpected words, and she unconsciously slumped as her arms dropped to her sides. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. Her job at the bank was important to her, and she didn’t want to risk losing it. She didn’t want to let Joe down after he’d recommended her to replace him. She had the good will of the townspeople, and she didn’t want to lose that either.

  But she wanted Matt to stay.

  Confused and feeling defeated, she sat on the edge of the bed. Almost absently she picked up her robe and slipped it on. Staring down at her toes she muttered, “I wish you’d stop leaving all these major decisions up to me.”

  “It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it,” he said. Sitting next to her, he curved an arm around her shoulders. “Besides, if I acted like ‘macho man,’ you’d have all the fun of blaming me for tonight and tomorrow morning. Now I can blame you for being a contrary female.”

  “Stinker,” she murmured affectionately, leaning against his chest.

  She couldn’t love him any more than she did at that moment, Liz thought. Obviously it hadn’t been easy for him to leave her bed, but he had done it out of concern for her reputation. He was willing to sacrifice his male pride to her, to let her decide each step of their relationship. She had outside responsibilities and obligations, and he was bowing to them. A woman never had a more caring lover and friend than she had in Matt.

  But she wouldn’t tell him she loved him just yet, she decided, smiling a tiny smile. He’d have to say the words first—all liberated males were secure enough to say “I love you” before a woman did.

  And she was entitled to a little revenge for his being such a damned liberated and noble male.

  As Liz snuggled closer and wound her arms around his waist, Matt closed his mind against the sudden urge to take her again. It really had been too soon for them to make love, and yet he sensed how much Liz had opened up to him emotionally. But he knew he’d ruin everything at this point if he rushed her.

  He’d never been more serious about anything when he’d said he’d never let her out of the bed. She was heaven wrapped up in a tiny package of passionate dynamite and feminine softness. And he loved finding that dynamite and softness behind the prim, all-business exterior she normally projected. He loved her lightning temper. He loved her gray eyes, and the way they mirrored her moods.

  Matt cursed silently. He never should have come over, but he hadn’t been able to resist her cryptic invitation. And he’d been an idiot to think he could keep the night innocent by bringing popcorn and beer. Still, nothing had seemed more innocent than popcorn, beer, and a late night pirate movie. Nothing had been less innocent than the sight of Liz dressed in a clinging nightgown. At first he’d managed to keep himself in check, but then she had spilled the popcorn.…

  Instantly he tried to suppress the memories of their lovemaking, but they swirled in his brain in sensual Technicolor. Last night he’d foolishly thought he’d been ready for sainthood for not making love to her. But now he knew better. He groaned silently. Oh, brother, did he know better! Liz was right; being noble stunk.

  “I have to go,” he finally said, forcing his arms to drop away from her.

  She didn’t move. “Wait until the movie’s over.”

  He involuntarily glanced over at the TV screen and groaned aloud. Captain Blood was kissing his woman into submission. The last thing he needed to see was a macho man doing things his way. To Matt’s relief, a commercial broke in on the sizzling moment. He wished someone had cut in with a commercial when Liz had spilled the popcorn all over them. Then he would have been saved this agony.

  It was sheer torture to feel her body pressed against his and to know only thin cotton kept his hands from her silkiness. And worse, he remembered all too well how she had melded perfectly to his own burning flesh during their lovemaking.

  “I have to go,” he stated, jumping to his feet. Liz tumbled to the floor. Immediately contrite, he helped her to stand. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

  “When you gotta go, you gotta go,” she replied as she pushed her hair back from her face.

  There was a sudden awkward silence, and he wasn’t sure how to fill it. Should he ask about the next step in their relationship? Or should he just wait for her to say something? Machismo occasionally had its good points, he decided.

  When Liz still wouldn’t meet his eyes, he realized she had no idea what to say either. He pulled her to him and repeated, “I’m going for you. You do know that, don’t you?”

  She chuckled against his chest. “I could always carry you out with the trash tomorrow morning.”

  Head and shoulders above her and seventy pounds heavier, Matt burst into laughter at the thought of her trying to carry him out in a box. When his laughter finally subsided, he patted her back and said, “Leave the hernias to me.”

  As she disentangled herself from his embrace, he heard her mutter, “You’re no fun.” Louder, she said, “Thanks for protecting me from my ‘secret admirer,’ Matt. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  A dry chuckle escaped him as he shook his head. “You probably would have spilled popcorn all over the poor guy and then made mad passionate love with him.”

  He couldn’t help grinning when he saw a scarlet blush spread across her cheeks and down her throat. Her eyes narrowed, and he instantly wiped all humor from his face. No sense having a bottle of beer dumped on him this time, he thought in wry amusement.

  She gave him a saccharine smile. “You can tell him what he missed.”

  As she turned and led the way out of the bedroom, Matt gave a last resigned look at the disheveled bed before picking up his shoes and following her.

  “He already knows,” he muttered to her back.

  Liz needed a cigarette.

  Joe flipped over the last computer printout of the bank’s monthly receipts, and pushed the folder to the side of her desk. “I see you’re completely on line now with the mainframe computer at the central office. I’m sorry it took so long.”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t expect my branch to be computer-connected to Central for a while yet. After all, we’re pretty small and out of the way.”

  “This is my fastest-growing branch, and you should have had first priority,” Joe replied forcefully. “And you have the responsibility of handling the accounts for the Milk Maid Processing plant. Sometimes I think Central sits on its collective brains.” He leaned forward in his chair. “Liz, there are some things being said by a few peabrains that I think you ought to know.”

  She tensed, her mind reeling with dreaded speculation. Her most acceptable thought was that Joe was going to fire her. Her worst was that somebody twenty feet tall had peeked through her bedroom window the night before and was now calling everyone in the western hemisphere to announce what he’d seen. If ever there was a time for a cigarette …

  “Yes?” she finally croaked out, and immediately cleared her throat. It didn’t help, and she felt the parched scratchiness all the way down to her stomach.

  “When I suggested you to replace me after I retire, the bank directors we
re pretty enthusiastic about it.” Joe made a face. “But yesterday Ford Carson made a comment about your age hampering you with the other managers, in spite of your accomplishments with this bank.”

  “Oh … ah … well, don’t worry about it, Joe,” she stammered, feeling a great weight beginning to lift off her. It wouldn’t be Joe’s fault or hers if the directors decided not to give her the job because of her age. That was just discrimination, and, under the circumstances, she had no urge to fight it. “With my low seniority at the bank, I really am a dark horse candidate—”

  “That has nothing to do with it!” he interrupted, waving a dismissing hand at her words. “You are the best person for the job, and those idiots know it.”

  “Joe, Joe,” she said with a desperate laugh. “As Mr. Carson pointed out, I’m young and, frankly, I’ve been a little worried about whether I’m too inexperienced for the job. In another couple of years, maybe then …”

  In spite of Joe’s angry gaze she managed a smile. She kept smiling when he didn’t answer her at first.

  “You’ve never realized just how good you are at your job, have you, Liz?” he finally asked, and without waiting for an answer continued. “This branch is the most efficient and the most profitable of the six that I oversee. And, I believe the credit can go to you.

  She shrugged again, not knowing what to say. She’d never felt so confused. Somehow her priorities were changing, and while she wasn’t sure what order they’d finally take, she did know they would never be the same again.

  Matt had done this to her. He’d broken into her quiet, dull life just as easily as he’d strolled into her bedroom with his damn popcorn and beer. He stirred her body, stirred her emotions, made her fall in love with him despite all her resistance. She would have liked to claim that her response to him was only physical, a simple, long-denied need to be a woman in the most fundamental way. But it wasn’t. The game had been played out, and she had fallen in love.

  Out of all the confusion, though, one thought was uppermost in her brain. Last night Matt had never once said he loved her. He’d said everything but that. She tried to dismiss his omission—after all, there’d been no time, there had been other things to discuss—but she found she couldn’t. “I love you” was such a short phrase. Three small words …