DEC. 1965
The first dating show on TV, The Dating Game, airs on ABC.
1960s–1970s
The rise of second-wave feminism and the sexual revolution in the 1960s and 1970s brings an end to the cult of domesticity: More and more women begin to work outside the home. The flood of women into the workforce never stops.
JUNE 28, 1969
Stonewall Riots, start of the gay rights movement.
1993
The euphemism “hooking up” first appears in the New York Times; it can be used to describe anything from kissing to sex.
1998
Titanic released!
1998
Speed dating is invented by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo.
1999
Texts can finally be exchanged between different networks, which increases its usefulness. by 2000, the average number of text messages sent in the U.s. increases to 35 a month per person.
MARCH 5, 2004
OkCupid is launched.
MAY 2007
Tim graduates from the School of Visual Arts in New York City in graphic design.
MAY 2008
Jessie graduates from the Rhode Island School of Design in Providence in graphic design.
OCT. 22, 2008
Tim and Jessie meet via email. Jessie works for Print magazine in New York, and they are featuring Tim’s work in the magazine. She emails him to get some images. To date, they have shared over 5,000 emails.
NOV. 6, 2008
They start an informal conversation on email. Tim finds out Jessie went to RISD, and says, “You seem so lovely and fun—I thought only self-deprecating people went there!”
FEB. 25, 2009
Tim stops by Print to pick up the magazine issue and they meet for the first time in person.
DEC. 7, 2009
Jessie leaves Print magazine to work for Stefan Sagmeister.
2010
Tim leaves COLLINS to work for Apple, Inc. in San Francisco.
March 9, 2010
Tim breaks up with a girlfriend he really cares about, wonders if it was the right decision.
JAN. 4, 2012
Tim moves back to NYC to work for himself.
JAN. 28, 2012
Jessie breaks up with her boyfriend of two and a half years who was living with her.
JUNE 2, 2012
Jessie partners with Stefan to form Sagmeister & Walsh.
DEC. 7, 2012
Tim and Jessie fly to Miami for Art Basel with a group of friends. Jessie’s heart has just been broken by a guy she really liked. Tim is casually seeing three different women and feels bad about it. Together they come up with the idea of dating each other for 40 days.
MARCH 20, 2013
Day 1. The 40 Days experiment begins.
APRIL 28, 2013
Day 40. The experiment ends.
JULY 10, 2013
Jessie and Tim launch the 40 Days of Dating website to the world.
We asked family and friends to tell us how they met. Some have been together for a very long time (Jessie’s parents, Tim’s grandparents), others for less time—we never get tired of hearing these stories.
When I met my husband, Joe, thirty-two years ago, I thought he was everything I didn’t want in a guy. He was a friend of one of my college girlfriends, and one night a group of us, including Joe, had plans to go to the movies. At the appointed time, Joe showed up at my front door alone and said no one else could make it. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to be rude either, so we went out. The night turned out to be wonderful. For the first time in my life I felt completely at ease with myself. Joe made me laugh endlessly. We couldn’t stop seeing each other after that. But every time we were together, I would say to myself, “What are you doing? This is not the type of guy you want to be with!” Six months after that first date, he asked me to marry him. I was the happiest girl on the earth. All these years later, he still makes me laugh. We are best friends, and I know we will always be there for each other. —Sarah Walsh, Jessie’s mom
Hugh and I met while we were in college. I was editor of the yearbook and he was a reporter on the newspaper. Our first date was on April 16, 1957. We went to the Cleveland Indians opening day baseball game. A month later we were engaged, and two months after that we were married. When it’s right, you know it! we will be married fifty-eight years in June 2015. We have four children and eight grandchildren together. Marriage is not always easy but when your interests and goals are the same, it is possible to work through the difficult times . . . that has always been true for us. —Ann Caywood Brown, Tim’s grandmother
Love at first sight? Dana and I had it, but it took a bit of time for us to share that important piece of information with each other. The first time I saw Dana, we were in my first college class. She had freshly dyed purple hair adorned with a set of broken headphones. I was smitten, but I didn’t have the courage to ask her out; I figured my luck with an art chick like her was slim. Six months later, and forty-five days before she graduated, I finally made the move and asked her out. She said, “Yes. What took you so long?” Turns out she had felt the same about me all along. The rest is history. The best things in life are always worth holding out the longest for. —Erik Marinovich
Julia appeared like sunshine in the night at The Park restaurant in New York City eleven years ago. I fell in love instantly. Julia moved to Germany two months later, so we thought it would be no more than a spring fling. But at around that time I had stopped drinking, and I was seeing the world anew. So I visited her in Berlin, and on my last day, we swore that we would stay together. She moved back to New York six months later. We moved in together. She moved out six months later. I moved in with her again a little while later, yet we separated once again. It was a tumultuous affair those first five years. We’ve been together without breakups for several years now, and we’ve learned that facts don’t mean much when it comes to love. What you build and how you care for this gift is all that matters. And of course LOVE—felt and expressed in strange ways sometimes—but love every second of these last eleven wonderful and crazy years. —Esteban Apraez
For several months before I met Nicole Jacek, I had been compiling a list of attributes and values of the kind of person I wanted to be with in a relationship on a chalkboard in my house in Los Angeles. At the time, I was on the board of the Art Directors Club (as was Nicole), and at one of their board meetings in New York, I finally got to meet Nicole. I was so nervous I made a silly comment about wishing I had hair like hers. At a lunch the next day, I was disappointed to find out she was straight, and more than a little annoyed that she had thought I was a “soccer mom.” But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. When we met for our first dinner out in LA, I quickly realized that the characteristics on my “relationship” list were embodied in the person sitting right across from me. After only four hours we decided to get married, and two months later we did it! —Noreen Morioka
Before we embarked on our experiment, we created a set of rules and parameters that would force us to engage with each other. These six rules also helped us face our fears and insecurities around relationships. What follows is the foundation for our entire time together.
We will see each other every day for forty days.
We will go on at least three dates a week.
We will see a couples therapist once a week.
We will go on one weekend trip together.
We will fill out the daily questionnaire and document everything.
We will not see, date, hook up, or have sex with anyone else.
Experiment Dates: March 20–April 28, 2013
Blog Launch: July 10, 2013
It wasn’t until a couple of weeks after the forty days had ended, when we finally compared a couple of our journal entries, that we realized we had enough interesting material to make a website. After some back and forth, designing and planning, we finally launched the website on July 10 with the first day and rolled them out one day at a time until we finishe
d with Day Forty. The text that appeared on the blog is from our journals. Except for the first few entries, neither of us read what the other had written until the night before we posted it live for everyone to see.
DAY ONE: MARCH 20, 2013
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today? Yes.
What did y’all do together? We had our first date at the Fat Radish on the Lower East Side. They have the best roasted carrots, and my favorite tequila jalapeño drink.
Did anything interesting happen? Before the date, Tim had a messenger deliver a cute note: “Me + You x 40. Ready?”
Truthfully, I am quite nervous. However, I know that when an opportunity scares me, I must go for it. I don’t like having fears. No matter what the outcome, it will certainly be an interesting experience. Hopefully we can have some fun along the way, too.
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? We discussed Tim’s relationship patterns, and how he’s in a constant cycle between three women. There is always one girl he’s really excited about that he’s trying to go out with, a second girl he’s been seeing for a few weeks and is getting tired of, and a third girl he’s been seeing a while and is getting ready to break up with.
He told me that when his mother got pregnant, his father made her choose between keeping the child or staying with him. It seems to me his dating style could result from this. He breaks off relationships before they get too serious to avoid the risk of abandonment. He’s built up this reputation for himself as “the player,” But I see past the façade. He’s been a great friend, and I know he’s a very kind person. We all have our issues and cope with life differently. Sometimes I think the “normal” People are just people you don’t know well enough yet.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? We talked about relationships with parents, and how many girls have “daddy issues.” I don’t have dad issues. I heart my dad!
My parents married at a young age and have a successful marriage. I wonder if that is part of the reason I am always trying to find the right person and why I feel like such a failure when a relationship doesn’t work out.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? I think I have some sort of guard up preventing myself from seeing Tim as anything more than a very close friend. As his relationship patterns are the opposite of mine, a part of me fears that if we were to really date, one of us might wind up getting hurt. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We also have a tight group of friends, and I think we are both afraid to compromise that.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? In my work and other aspects of life, I am uncomfortable with comfortable. But when it comes to relationships, I do seek secure relationships that are clearly defined. I know I should relax and open myself up to vulnerability, so I can learn to enjoy dating more in the future.
Additional comments? Tim insisted on being a gentleman and paying for dinner, which was very sweet of him, but I want to get the next one.
DAY ONE: MARCH 20, 2013
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today? Yep.
What did y’all do together? We both teach Wednesday nights, so we went out to dinner after class to the Fat Radish. Jessie brought me a little care package of stuff to jokingly get me through the next forty days. (And she remembered that I like Clif Bars!)
Did anything interesting happen? When we set the date for this project, I didn’t realize it was actually the first day of spring. I feel like it’s some sort of omen for us. Anyway, dinner tonight was pretty normal, not unlike other times we’ve hung out and had dinner.
Did you learn anything new about Jessica? We talked about our families more than we ever did before. I didn’t know that her parents grew up poor. It was refreshing to hear this since I didn’t grow up with a lot of money, either.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? Earlier in the day I sent a little note to Jessie by messenger. I wanted to honor our project together with something lighthearted.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? The new Justin Timberlake album came out yesterday and it’s totally got me in the mood... but really, Jessie and I should share a “JT” Logo with him. Anyway, I feel like there was definitely a moment last night when we both said to ourselves, “Damn, are we actually doing this?!”
Is there anything that you want to do differently? No, not yet. I did insist that I pay for dinner since it was technically our first “date.”
Additional comments? I went out with a girl last night, as sort of a ‘swan song’ for my single-hood. Well, she and I ended up talking about the Forty Days of Dating project the entire time. Not exactly what I was anticipating. She was very excited. She thinks Jessie and I are going to fall in love. She texted me later that night:
DAY TWO: MARCH 21, 2013
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today? Yes, briefly.
What did y’all do together? We went to our first couples therapy session together. I go to therapy on my own, and have always enjoyed it. Life passes by so quickly, and I like having an hour a week to reflect in an attempt to learn and grow from it all.
Did anything interesting happen? The psychologist brought up many topics we wouldn’t have talked about on our own. She asked us straight away if Tim and I were attracted to each other. This is something we’ve never discussed, although we have been flirtatious with each other in the past. After some awkward glances, we both admitted that we do find each other attractive.
She then asked why we’ve never tried dating in the four years we’ve known each other. Tim immediately rattled out numerous reasons:
1. He’s not at a place in his life where he wants to settle down.
2. He loves the freedom of the single life.
3. He doesn’t like how I spend money.
4. He sees it as a weakness that I love love.
5. He’s afraid of his commitment issues and doesn’t want to hurt me since he respects me.
6. He doesn’t want to risk our friendship.
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? I didn’t realize that my spending bothered Tim! I know I don’t have as much savings as he does, but I’ve always supported myself financially, and I don’t mind spending on great experiences.
I don’t place value on the size of someone’s bank account or material possessions. I’ve been in relationships with guys both rich and poor, and a guy’s wealth does not interest me. I learned early on that money does not make me happy. There are actually statistics that show that salary increase only makes people happier until basic needs of food and water are met. After this is met (around $50,000 to $70,000 per year for a family), an increase in salary does not positively increase a person’s happiness.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? Tim seems extremely overwhelmed by the idea of having to see me every day for this project. He almost had a panic attack when I sent him a list of date ideas for the next week! I do love to plan things and have a schedule. However, I also greatly enjoy spontaneity. So I’ll plan for more spontaneity.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? So far so good.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? In therapy we talked about how I am extremely picky about who I date. However, when I do decide I really like someone, I am quick to jump into a relationship in order to test it out and see how it goes. I become extremely invested in people and things that I care about, which can cause me to fall for someone quickly. Tim thinks I should be more cautious...
Additional comments? Tim is right, I do love love. I’ve wondered where the feelings actually come from, so I did some reading about it tonight. Apparently, the feeling of falling in love is wired in us to help the survival of our species. While sexual desire exists to make sure we pop out babies, the feeling of love exists to promote bonding and pairing between mates to increase the survival rate of the children.
Love is not a matter of the heart, it’s all in our brai
n. Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love. The chemicals increase energy, increase focus, and help make us feel fucking awesome all the time. In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine.
DAY TWO: MARCH 21, 2013
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today? Yes.
What did y’all do together? We went to our first therapy session together. I think it was a bit soon for this, but our therapist, Jocelyn, wanted to have a consultation first.
Did anything interesting happen? Jocelyn hit us with a TON of questions that I’m not sure either of us were prepared to talk about with her so quickly:
1. Why are you doing this project?
2. What is the goal of this project?
3. Why don’t you just really date each other?
4. Do you want to date each other?
5. Are you ready to be hurt?
6. What happens if you screw up your friendship?
And on and on and on! I almost had a panic attack. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard. I think it was helpful. I spent five years seeing a therapist, so this isn’t strange to me. Jessie is currently in therapy, so it’s all good with her too. However, this couples thing doesn’t feel natural or easy.
40 Days of Dating: An Experiment Page 3