Did you learn anything new about Jessica? Jessie didn’t like that I talked about how we approach money differently. I wasn’t being critical, nor do I think it’s a big deal. But I do save money, while I think she lives off her salary more.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? I get uncomfortable talking about what could happen in the next forty days. I’m not worried about the unknown, but about us falling into our usual roles, and how we deal with that.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? I was wondering the whole time during therapy, “Wait, why are we doing this?!” As Jocelyn said today, “Emotions know no project boundaries.”
Is there anything that you want to do differently? I was sort of freaking out after therapy. I was texting with one of my best friends, Greg in Chicago, and he told me to just have fun with it. So, I want to make sure I just have fun with it.
Additional comments? I was thinking about some of my buddies who are in a relationship that doesn’t completely stimulate them. So many men and women accept this standard, it’s no wonder that half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we so desperate for companionship that we’ll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? And why don’t we realize this until it’s too late?
DAY THREE: MARCH 22, 2013
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today? Yes.
What did y’all do together? I got us tickets to see Really Really at the Lucille Lortel Theatre in the West Village.
Did anything interesting happen? The play is about a bunch of college students going to parties, getting drunk, having sex, and their complicated interpersonal relationships. The characters are either opportunistic, self-serving, entitled, indulgent, or power-seeking. Tim found it difficult to empathize with any of the characters in the play as there was no “hero” Character. I found the complicated dynamic of these different personalities to be an interesting twist on the usual character development.
The play paints a pretty bleak picture of Americans in “Generation Me.” Maybe slightly ironic in the context of this project . . .
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? After the play, we wandered over to a bar nearby in the West Village for a drink. Tim told me about his last serious relationship with a girl he dated in San Francisco when he worked for Apple. I feel like he broke her heart. Things were getting serious between them when she had to leave for business for a few months. The long distance scared him, and he broke off the relationship when she got back. He seemed to feel bad about it.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? One part of the play stirred up emotions from something that happened in my past. I was slightly shaken up after the play so I told Tim about it to explain why I was acting strangely. I try not to look back too much and get caught up in the past, but sometimes it does unexpectedly creep back up on me.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? It was cute that Tim insisted on being a gentleman and walking me home after the play. I am a sucker for the common dating courtesies.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? Tim seemed slightly annoyed that I missed his text messages before the play. I hate text messaging. My fingers get tired. The misunderstanding and the autocorrect drive me nuts. And what’s with the new “read on xx” timestamp on the iPhone? How much does it suck to see someone read your text and then they don’t write back? When I have a crazy day at work, I often forget to check my cell phone. Actually, sometimes I don’t bring it to the studio at all. I know this drives certain people a little crazy. I guess I should look into an app that downloads texts to the computer.
Additional comments? Not Really.
DAY THREE: MARCH 22, 2013
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today? Indeed I did.
What did y’all do together? Between work functions and personal plans, I haven’t had a night off in over ten days. I just wanted to stay in and watch the Knicks game. However, Jessie and I have something planned on Sunday, so it was probably best to do a date tonight instead of Saturday night. Anyway, we went to the Off-Broadway play Really Really.
Did anything interesting happen? We went out for a drink after the play. Jessie told me some very personal stuff that’s happened in her life. I’m happy she did, and that she trusted me enough to tell me. When someone does that, your natural inclination is to tell them something extremely private back. I didn’t do that, though. I just listened and asked a couple of questions, and let her talk.
Did you learn anything new about Jessica? Before the play, I was texting her. I waited, and waited, and waited.
Apparently she doesn’t check her texts much, which I somehow did not know. How is that possible? I can’t stand it if I have one red alert on my phone. The things you learn about someone that you think you know.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? I love crowds. I don’t think Jessie does. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the play to start, I was looking around everywhere. Then I felt a bit constrained, like I should be giving all my attention to her. Good thing I brought some surprise candies to keep us busy.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? I feel much better than I did yesterday. Tonight was the first time things felt date-y, and I felt okay about it. The intimate talk and the crisp spring air made our walk home feel a bit romantic.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? Well I certainly won’t text her if I need to get a hold of her.
Additional comments? I think Jessie caught me looking at the Knicks score on my phone during the play.
DAY FOUR: MARCH 23, 2013
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today? Yes!
What did y’all do together? Tim was finishing a mural in the morning. He needed to pick up groceries on his way home and suggested that we meet at Whole Foods. I had a long day gallery hopping in Chelsea and plenty of work to do after. I thought we could meet at Westside Market, which is on the bottom floor of my building. You can often find me there late at night in sweatpants and slippers making one of my most important decisions of the day: which after-dinner chocolate to buy. He really wanted to go to Whole Foods, since it’s his favorite market. We couldn’t agree, so we did a coin toss to determine which one. I chose heads, and I won. Laziness prevails!
Did anything interesting happen? Tim introduced me to Duvel beer while we were shopping, and I love it! I like to have a drink when I work on the weekends—it makes everything feel a little more relaxed.
This reminds me of when I first started talking to Tim four years ago. I was working full-time at Print magazine, and we were featuring Tim in an article. After emailing back and forth with him to get content for his story, we started talking over Gchat. My Sunday ritual at the time was to drink a mimosa while doing freelance work. Tim also happened to be doing freelance work and drinking one Sunday, and we bonded about being “worka-alco-holics.” He asked me if I wanted to get a drink at Grey Dog, but the timing never worked out. I couldn’t tell at the time if he was asking me out on a date, or if it was work related. I wonder if he remembers.
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? Yes, I found out that Tim is ridiculously picky about the food he buys. He was intent on locating a certain type of almond milk and organic orange juice. He was fretting that they didn’t sell his usual brands. He’s quirkier than I thought, but I like that.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? There is no way I would have gotten together with Tim today if it wasn’t for this project. There was just too much on the schedule. But we made it work, and it was fun!
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? I’m feeling good. I enjoyed seeing him, even just briefly.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? I thrive on being busy—sometimes it seems the more I do, the more I can do. I want to keep doing more, but should be careful how far I go.
Additional co
mments? Tim also loves cheese puffs and corn muffins.
DAY FOUR: MARCH 23, 2013
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today? Yup!
What did y’all do together? I was working on location all day drawing a mural. I wanted to go food shopping on the way home that evening, so I asked Jessie if she’d join me. I asked her to meet me at the Union Square Whole Foods, but she wanted me to go to the grocery store that’s below her apartment building. So we flipped a coin for it over the phone (I had a witness with me). She won.
Did anything interesting happen? I don’t usually get groceries with someone else. She made fun of me for being so picky about my organic orange juice and my almond milk. She also made fun of me for eating too much cereal. I’m from Ohio—what do you want from me? I like my grains. We all have weird food shopping habits, we all have secret single behavior.
Did you learn anything new about Jessica? I noticed she had some powder on her face. I wonder if that was still on from her day, or if she put that on for me?
Did you learn anything new about yourself? I realized that I haven’t had the urge to see or talk to any other girls yet. It feels nice.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? I feel good about it. However, I’m starting to realize how difficult/annoying it is to find time to see her EVERY DAY. We both have a million things going on, and it’s another thing to put on the schedule.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? Not today.
Additional comments? Right before we started the project, Jessie went on a date with some guy. Apparently, he’s been emailing her with a countdown everyday. Hilarious. 38 days left, 37 days left, 36 days left . . .
DAY FIVE: MARCH 24, 2013
Jessica Walsh
Did you see Timothy today? Yes, we spent most of the day together.
What did y’all do together? Relationship art therapy. We made illustrations and wrote out memories based on past relationships or people we’ve dated while eating ginger cookies and egg pastries.
Did anything interesting happen? Getting your exes out of your head is surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? Yes, I learned that he’s been on dates with over sixty-five girls. What a man whore.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? I’ve been on dates with twelve different people in my life. I’ve kissed eleven guys and one girl. I’ve had two serious long-term relationships. I’ve had three semi-serious relationships. I’ve slept with eight guys. I’ve lived with two boyfriends. I’ve never had a one-night stand. I’ve been in love twice. I’ve been on more dates this past year than the rest of my life combined.
More about my past relationships, flings, and mistakes:
She was my first kiss and my first relationship. I dated her while I attended an all-girls boarding school when I was thirteen. My parents found out and they were very upset. They’ve always been open-minded and supportive, but they said that I was too young to know if I was a lesbian. They were right.
He was a close friend’s older brother. We dated in high school for a year. Something unfortunate happened the first night we were together. We both tried to put it behind us, but it eventually broke us apart.
My college sweetheart. We fell madly in love almost instantly and didn’t spend one night apart for six months straight. We lived together for two years. I’ve kept every handwritten letter I’ve ever received, so I read through his old love notes to me today. It made me realize he was too good to me and had made my happiness a priority over his own. We separated after college and have since stayed good friends.
I met him through my high school best friend. We became very close when I moved to New York City. He’s a very smart and talented designer with a laugh that’s as embarrassing as mine. We separated on good terms and he is now dating the high school best friend.
We were coworkers. He dated my close friend who was living abroad at the time, but they broke up while she was gone. We were at a work party a few weeks later when he kissed me. I liked him, but I didn’t want to compromise my friendship with my girlfriend, so nothing more happened.
A Swiss-Croatian film director. He kept asking me out over email after we featured him in a design magazine I worked for. One day I stumbled across an interview he did with the BBC, and I fell in love with him before we even met. It was those intense dark eyes and his cerebral mind. We moved in together only a few months after we started seeing each other. Our relationship was passionate and deeply emotional. A few years later I found out that he had been lying to me, and it broke us apart.
He is a very kind and outgoing Cuban photographer who loves the nightlife. He taught me to live a little more, to smile more often, and to dance. We ended the relationship four months in, but have stayed good friends.
A tall and handsome Persian architect who I fell for way too quickly. We’d exchange long romantic letters almost daily. We’d stay up late making music playlists for each other. He called me “Honey Bunny,” and I called him “Darling.” He broke it off quite suddenly, and I was devastated. There is nothing more painful than being rejected by someone you adore.
He was a tall guy from Rhode Island who had an unusually thick beard. He designed quirky furniture and liked to drink whiskey on the rocks. We went on a few dates and spent New Year’s Eve together. I have not heard from him since.
A handsome ER doctor who loves to surf and take photographs. He told me that he was accepted to a residency program at a hospital in Australia and would be leaving in six months. At the time I didn’t want to risk getting close and possibly hurt.
We had long late-night chats before we even met. We’d throw around crazy ideas for personal projects we could do together. On paper he seemed to have it all. He was a gorgeous underwear model, an architect, and a furniture designer. He was kind, smart, and owned the cutest dog. But when we met in person, our personalities didn’t click. I became very shy, and he talked too much to compensate.
A good-looking math genius and professional poker player. The first night we met he took me to the Soho House, and he asked me to be his date for the opening night of a big tournament in Las Vegas. I’m a sucker for crazy, spontaneous proposals. We boarded the plane a few days later.
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? Good, we had a really nice day. I used to collaborate creatively with my college boyfriend quite often, and this is something I missed in my last few relationships. It reminds me of the Charles and Ray Eames philosophy: Life is work is life is work is life. I am so grateful my work is my play and my hobby. The whole “life and work balance” concept always seemed so overrated.
Is there anything that you want to do differently? We’ve taken the term “personal project” to a new level. I like that. I want to do more projects that test this boundary.
Additional comments? While all these romantic relationships have come and gone over the years, the relationship with my work is constant and never fails me. I was talking to my mom about this. She told me that as a child, I was always at my happiest when I was creating things. She dug up this old essay I wrote in school and mailed it to me.
DAY FIVE: MARCH 24, 2013
Timothy Goodman
Did you see Jessica today? You know it.
What did y’all do together? We met in the morning. The plan was to spend the day illustrating our dating history.
Did anything interesting happen? While we’re both familiar with each other’s dating history, I have never dissected it quite like this. Jessie made me write out every girl I’ve gone on a “date” with, and there’s something liberating about airing my dirty laundry.
Did you learn anything new about Jessica? We work really well together. We’ve already been working to gether for the last month—discussing and strategizing a lot of things surrounding this project—and I realize that I am NOT sick of working with her yet.
Did you learn anything new about yourself? Going t
hrough my dating history was a bit daunting. Jessie thinks I’ve gone out with a lot of girls, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I have friends, both guys and girls, who have gone out with way more people than this. The bulk of my history has been in the last six years since I graduated college.
Some moments in history:
She was half-Vietnamese and half-French. She had a large Buddhist scripture on her back, sort of like Angelina Jolie’s tattoo. She started calling me “baby” on the second date. That’s when I knew it was over.
I was traveling to Vegas for work, and so was she. She sat behind me on the plane. We had a fun couple of days.
She was a Lower East Side girl, a Renaissance woman, always on the hustle, full of great energy. I was really into her until she told me she talked to aliens. Seriously.
I really liked her. She wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend. I was disappointed that she ended it so soon.
She was stunning: Northern European, tall, stylish, full lips, educated, and charismatic. She also partied way too much, and she was completely broke. I was done after a month.
40 Days of Dating: An Experiment Page 4