Shattered Lives Mended Hearts

by Lena Nicole

  Laughing quietly, I say, “It’s okay. I know she’s harmless. So I guess you got to keep the dog?” I ask.

  “Not exactly. We share her. I keep her for a few days before giving her back to Pierce,” she explains to me.

  I feel my face fall. So they’re sharing custody of the dog? Is that a temporary thing until all of this is resolved, or will they do that long after? I guess those are questions for another time as I have a bigger one at the forefront of my mind that needs answering.

  She leads me to the couch and we both take a seat on the couch. She faces me, waiting expectantly to start, since I was the one who wanted to talk. Clearing my throat, I say, “I wanted to talk to you about something… something you might not like me asking you, but I need to know. But first, let me tell you what brought all of this on.”

  “Okay…” she says. She looks slightly nervous.

  “The night we made love again was fantastic, don’t get me wrong. I’d been waiting for a really long time to reconnect with you that way and I was so thankful to have the chance to do so. However, what I didn’t tell you about was the dream I had after we fell asleep.” I recount my dream for her and how her not knowing who the father of the baby was really freaked me out.

  “You see,” I continue, “I wasn’t freaked out because you were pregnant. There was a brief moment where I felt elated. I was upset because you didn’t know who the father was. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but physically I’ve been a little distant from you. We haven’t made love since that night and I just wanted to talk to you about it before you started noticing that something was off with me. As much as I want you naked underneath me, tasting your lips, and feeling you from the inside, the dream really scared me and I can’t get it out of my mind every time I want to be intimate with you. So what I’m getting at here is this: are you sleeping with Pierce too?”

  The entire time I was explaining my dream to her, she looked slightly puzzled with her eyebrows drawn in and her head tilted to the side. But when I finish with my last sentence and ask her that question, her body sits straight up and her eyes go as big as saucers.

  Blinking a few times rapidly, she says, “I’m sorry, but did you really just ask me if I’m sleeping with Pierce?”

  “Yes. I think I’m entitled to know, since we are having sex. Plus, you and I didn’t exactly use protection the last time, and I don’t think it’s smart to put us all at risk if you’re not protecting yourself with him too.” There’s a knot in the pit of my stomach. I really don’t want to know if she’s fucking Pierce, but I can’t shake the feeling from this dream.

  After a long pause, she finally speaks up, “Yes, I’m sleeping with Pierce too.” It comes out as almost a whisper. She looks down at her hands in her lap, like she’s ashamed of her actions.

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “Are you using protection?”

  Without looking up, she says, “I’m on birth control.”

  And there’s the slap to the face. When I found out she was having sex with Pierce the very first time before her memory came back, I flew off the deep end. There were no words to describe the amount of hurt and betrayal I felt at that moment. Surprisingly, none of those emotions are present this time around. I’m not sure why, but the overwhelming thing I feel right now is disappointment. I’m disappointed that she would be so careless and irresponsible like that.

  “Wow, I’m not exactly sure what to say, but we can’t have sex again. Not until all of this is over and you’ve made your decision.”

  Her eyes lift up to mine and they’re filled with tears. It breaks my heart that she’d think I would judge her for it. Of course, the last time we had a conversation about her and Pierce like this, I did practically call her a whore.

  “I understand,” she whispers.

  I rest my hand on her knee. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or cast judgment. I just don’t think it’s the smart thing to do.”

  She nods.

  “Well, I think I’m going to get out of here. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I give her knee a reassuring squeeze to let her know that I don’t look down at her for it. Yes, it stings and I’m not exactly happy about it, but I don’t want her thinking less of herself. She looks up and half smiles at me.

  “Okay,” she replies.

  STILL STEWING over recent events, I called Charlotte to see if she would come over. She’s a really good listener and can dish out some great advice. As I’m waiting for her to arrive, I straighten up, even though the place isn’t really a mess. When there’s a knock on the door, I open it and am greeted by a smiling Charlotte.

  “Hey, C,” she says as she enters my house.

  “Hey, thanks for stopping by,” I say to her. I’d asked if she was busy and could talk. I offered to meet her somewhere, but she said she was already out running errands and could stop by shortly.

  “Not a problem. You wanted to vent, so lay it on me.” She walks over to the couch and has a seat, making herself at home. I sit in the chair next to her.

  With a sigh, I say, “Let’s see, where to start,” I trail off. “Okay, so I might have gone over to Pierce’s and threatened him.”

  “Huh? Why?”

  “I was over at Morgan’s with Jeremy when Addison came over. She was really upset and had been crying because she walked into Pierce’s house to find Samantha there, half-naked in his living room.”

  “Oh, snap. So he’s with Samantha too?” her eyes widen.

  “Well, that’s what it looked like. After helping Addison calm down, I dropped her off and had Jeremy come get me and take me to Pierce’s house. I told him before he proposed that if he hurt her, I’d break his legs. So I went over there to make good on that promise.”

  “Don’t tell me you hit him,” she says in disbelief.

  “No, I didn’t hit him. When he answered the door, the look on his face kind of said it all. He looked devastated. Still, I wasn’t going to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I got in his face about it. He swore it wasn’t what it looked like and that he was trying to talk to Addison to explain.”

  “Ha, the ‘it isn’t what it looks like’ excuse? Seriously? I thought he was more creative than that,” she says, shaking her head.

  “The thing is, I believed him. He looked really sincere, and Addison has since talked to him. I guess Samantha showed up unannounced with hardly anything on under her trench coat. He was trying to get her to leave, and that’s when Addison walked in.”

  “Like that’s not cliché. Samantha gets zero points for creativity.” This comment makes me laugh. Leave it to Charlotte to criticize someone’s attempt at seduction. “So, what else?” she asks.

  “Remember that dream I told you about?”

  “The one where you were going to have to go on the Maury show to find out if you were the baby’s daddy or not? Yeah, I remember.”

  “Well, I finally went over to Addison’s and talked to her about it.”

  Her eyebrows rise up her forehead. “Oh, yeah? And how did that go?”

  “I told her about the dream and then asked if she was sleeping with Pierce,” I look down thinking about the conversation we had.

  “And is she?” she questions.

  “Yeah, she is,” I say, glancing back up.

  Charlotte looks stunned by this admission. Maybe she thought Addison would lie about it if she was sleeping with us both. “Okay, and how does that make you feel?”

  “Well, Dr. Phil,” I say, but she cuts off my sarcasm with a swift hit for a nearby pillow that is on my couch. “Okay, no more jokes. I don’t know exactly. I feel like I’m kind of all over the place. When I went to Pierce’s, I almost felt like I was protecting her as a friend, not a lover. Then, when she broke the news to me, I felt more disappointed than hurt.”

  She tilts her head to the side. “Disappointed? That doesn’t seem like a normal reaction to something like that.”

  “I know. I love her, but she’s changed so much. The Addison I knew would nev
er be so careless. Hell, she would’ve never even considered having sex with two different guys at the same time. I guess that’s what disappoints me is that she’s changed so much that at times, it feels like I don’t even know her.” I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees and let my head hang low.

  “Here’s a thought, and don’t get mad if I’m way off track,” she says, holding her hands up. “But what if the only reason you’re pursuing this with her is because it’s something you’ve been wanting for so long that you feel like you have to see it through, even if it’s not what you really want anymore?”

  I quickly lift my head and open my mouth to immediately reject her theory, but close it as I give what she said some thought. Is that the only reason I’m still in this? Because I wished for it for so long that now I feel like I have to try?

  “I’ve honestly never thought about it that way before. The last two years I’ve only thought about her, our future together, and then how to get her back after the accident. It seems a little weird to try to picture it any other way at this point.” I rub my temples to ease the pressure from the headache that’s building from all this thinking.

  Charlotte stands up and rests her hand on my shoulder. “Well, I think that’s something you need to figure out then. If this isn’t what you want, then it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to drag it out for the three of you, you know?”

  I nod and she squeezes my shoulder before saying goodbye and walking out the door. Leaning back in my chair, I stare up at the ceiling. Shit. I didn’t need more things to think about. Is that what this is about now? Me going after something for the pure fact that I’ve convinced myself I still want it? I know I still love her, but is it a more platonic or romantic love?

  Fuck.

  I run my hands through my hair. Looks like I have a lot of shit to sort out.

  COLBY AND I are getting pedicures today. She just got back from her romantic getaway that Damon took her on and I can’t wait to hear all about it. I have a lot weighing on my mind after my talk with Colin, and it will be nice to talk to Colby about it. I’m reading a magazine when I hear the bell jingle on the door. I look up and see Colby walking in. I get up and pull her into a hug.

  “It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.” I say to her as she pulls away.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t called while I was gone, but Damon has been under so much stress and this get away was supposed to be about us. I just wanted to give him my undivided attention,” she says smiling.

  “I totally understand. If you called, I would have probably yelled at you and told you to get back to your boyfriend and enjoy your time alone,” I say waving my hand to brush it off.

  “Have you been waiting long?” she asks.

  “Only a couple of minutes before you got here.” My phone starts to ring and for the fourth time today, it’s a blocked call. I silence it and place it in my purse.

  “God, is it hot in here, or is it just me?” Colby asks fanning her face with her left hand.

  “I’m quite comfort…. Oh my God, Colby! Is that an engagement ring?” I ask excitedly grabbing her hand.

  Colby’s lips stretch across her face. “Yes,” she screeches and we both jump up and down in excitement, like little kids. “I honestly never thought it would happen. Damon has never taken the marriage talk seriously and after everything going on with his parents, I thought for sure it wasn’t in the cards for us.”

  I pull my best friend in for another hug, not being able to contain my excitement for her.

  “Colby, that is amazing news. I’m over the moon for you guys. I can’t believe you were able to wait until you saw me to share the good news.”

  “Thanks. Trust me it was hard. I wanted to call you the next day after it happened, but I decided I would much rather tell you in person.”

  “Well, I want to hear all about it,” I tell her as we head back to our chairs. We always meet at the same spa whenever we get pampered. The place is so zen-like and they serve alcohol. What’s there not to love about that? We both order a glass of champagne and turn on the back massagers on the chair.

  “So tell me, how did he propose?” I ask dying to know the details.

  Colby is beaming as she begins to tell me about her proposal.

  “Well, like I said, it was so unexpected. He rented a cottage in the middle of nowhere. There was a huge lake that it sat next to, and a nice long dock that went out into the lake. The cottage was surrounded by all different kinds of beautiful flowers. We spent our days out swimming in the lake and our nights inside by the fireplace, making love. We only went to town if we needed something from the store. Two days before we were supposed to leave, he was acting very strangely. I could tell he was stressed, but I just figured it was because we were returning home soon, back to all the drama. Anyway, he said he was going to make dinner and that I should take a nice, long, relaxing bath and he would let me know when it’s done. So I did as he said. If you saw the size of this tub, you wouldn’t think twice about getting in there. When he called out that dinner was ready, I got out and got dressed. I walked out into the living room and all the lights were off. He had the fireplace going and a couple of candles surrounding our dinner. He smiled at me, handing me some flowers he handpicked from around the cottage and sat me next to him. We ate dinner and once we were done, he had a little chocolate cake for us to share. He handed me a glass of champagne, and in the glass I saw something sparkling. When I looked back at him, he was on one knee, getting ready to propose.”

  I smile at my best friend and am so happy things are coming together for her. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s her. I grab Colby’s hand, we both let out a squeal, and do a happy dance in our chairs, causing the other customers to stare. I don’t care though, let them stare, my best friend is getting married and if she wants to scream it from the rooftops, no one can stop her. We both reign in our excitement and quiet down for the rest of the people. “So tell me, what did I miss while I was away?” she asks.

  I fill her in on all the Morgan and Jeremy drama first. I know it’s not right, but we get such a good laugh at the two of them. I tell her about how my power was cut and the cops think it’s some random kids messing around.

  “And the dating two guys? How’s that going?” she asks, knowing I’m avoiding that topic.

  “Colin came over the other day. He said he had some things on his mind that he wanted to discuss.” I look over at Colby, who is listening intently and she nods her head, waiting for me to continue.

  “After we spent that one night together, he had a dream. Long story short, he dreamt I was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was.”

  “Damn, that’s a pretty crazy dream. I bet it must have really fucked with his head,” Colby says.

  “I guess you could say it did. He asked me if I was sleeping with Pierce too. I was a little taken aback by his question, but I understood why he was asking. I was stupid and not thinking in the heat of the moment and we didn’t use a condom. I told Colin I was still on my birth control but he was upset with me and said it was careless. With the way he was looking at me, I could tell what he was going to say next.” I adjust myself in my seat and start picking at my shirt. “He said he doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore until I make my decision. I won’t lie. It hurt a little, but I don’t blame him. I’m already asking so much of him, I don’t need him to feel uncomfortable in the process.”

  “I don’t really know what to say to that. I want to be the supportive best friend and say he’s crazy, but he does have a valid point. I mean, have you even considered the consequences if you got pregnant?” Colby asks before taking a sip of her champagne.

  I shake my head no and drink the rest of mine.

  Thinking back on when Colin and I were discussing his concerns, I may have left out how heartbroken I felt at the moment. I wanted to see if that connection was still there. It may have felt different, but there was still something there. At least I thought there was. I feel
like Colin is pulling away from me, guarding himself more and more as the days go by. When he pointed out that what I was doing was irresponsible, it hurt. I felt like he was looking down on me and I could see the disappointment in his eyes when I answered his question. I’m not going to let that stop me from talking to him, though. We have come so far and I won’t give up trying with him.

  Colby and I finish up our pedicures and my stomach is growling. We both laugh at my stomach roaring for some attention. I look at my watch and see it’s almost twelve.

  “I think I’m going to grab some lunch, care to join?” I ask Colby.

  “I’m meeting my mom for some planning, or else I would. Those invites aren’t going to pick themselves. Rain check?” she asks.

  “Definitely.” I give Colby a hug and kiss her on the cheek.

  I stop at the pizza place next door and get two calzones to go. I get in my car and head to Pierce’s office to surprise him with lunch. Once I get there, I am greeted by Vanessa, who looks genuinely happy to see me.

  “Addison, what a nice surprise. It’s so good to see you,” she says coming around from her desk to give me a hug.

  “You too, Vanessa. I hope things are good?” I ask.

  “Everything’s great. Is he expecting you?” she asks looking at her appointment book.

  “No, I was hoping to surprise him with some lunch. If he’s busy, I can just leave it with you.”

  “He has nothing on his schedule until one. He is all yours,” she says returning to her desk.

  I knock on Pierce’s door and hear him shout come in. I enter his office and he looks up and a grin spreads across his face.

  “Hey, Beautiful, what a nice surprise,” he says before getting up from his chair.

  “I was in the area and figured I would surprise you. I brought lunch,” I say, handing him our food. He places it on his desk and grabs me by my waist, pressing me up against his chest. His lips crash into mine as he delivers me a kiss filled with hunger. Pulling away, he places a quick kiss on my lips, grabbing our lunch from his desk.